Thatkidsam.muffin/Senior Citizen Squad Issue 2: The Rising Shadow

Overview

Senior Citizen Squad Issue #2

The four guys get jobs as schoolteachers.

Cast (in order of appearance): Crustyskin, Youngster, Georgia Hick, The Fattest One

Places: Old Folks' Home, Generic High School

Lines: 105

Transcript

NARRARATOR THATKIDSAM: Senior Citizen Squad!! Crustyskin! {Retired but still works, somehow!} Youngster! {Old nicety!} Georgia Hick! {The guy with the accent!} The Fattest One! {The always chubby science guy!}

{The four retired citizens are all sitting in old, antique rocking chairs in the Old Folks' Home.}

GEORGIA HICK: What should we do today, hyuck!

CRUSTYSKIN: Well, I am having a small shortage of dollars and cents.

YOUNGSTER: Shouldn't you be saying "cash" like everyone cool?

CRUSTYSKIN: Well, I do want some more parts for golf cart customization. Let's all get low-paying jobs as teachers!

YOUNGSTER: Don't you all get social security?

THE FATTEST ONE: I got a new hearing aid, everyone!

GEORGIA HICK: Nobody cares, hyuck!

CRUSTYSKIN: TO THE OLD SCHOOL! WE'RE GOING TO DO IT OLD SCHOOL, LIKE THE OLD SCHOOL!

GEORGIA HICK: Let us go!

YOUNGSTER: Let's go!

THE FATTEST ONE: What?

{Cut to Generic High School.}

THE FATTEST ONE: I got a job as a science teacher!!

CRUSTYSKIN: I'm a math teacher!!

YOUNGSTER: I'm going to teach first grade!

GEORGIA HICK: I'm a janitor, hyuck!

ALL FOUR: LET US GET TO OUR CLASSES!!!

{Cut to The Fattest One teaching science. The blackboard behind him says "The Fundamentals of Fat-Destroying Chemicals".}

THE FATTEST ONE: So, you see, that is how the mixture of Ooolongium and Singyum is used in many diets and can simply completely melt fat.

STUDENT: Wouldn't it be good for your health if you simply slipped it into water and fed it to someone?

THE FATTEST ONE: What? {Leans head forward, not noticing that his elbow knocks over the beaker of Oolongium Singyum}

NARRARATOR THATKIDSAM: CHEMICALLY DISTORTED!!

{The beaker spills onto The Fattest One, making him extremely thin. He simply falls over and breaks into tiny pieces. Cut to Youngster.}

YOUNGSTER: That's nice! You get a sticker for correctly spelling "whiz"!

KID: YAY!!! I'm better than you!

{Youngster turns his back and one of the angered kids throws a paper airplane.}

YOUNGSTER: Ooh! {Catches paper airplane} What does this say?

I do indeed love having Youngster as a teacher.
It just warms my heart.

YOUNGSTER:' That's so sweet!

{Youngster begins to heat up and turn red.}

NARRARATOR THATKIDSAM: HEARTWARMINGLY BURNED TO DEATH!

{Cut to math class where Crustyskin is teaching.}

CRUSTYSKIN: And that is why Pi is very, very useless and you should never even eat pie in your entire life. Any questions?

STUDENT: What is the answer to Butts ÷ Pie?

CRUSTYSKIN: I said no pie! And that question is a good question! We'll just do butts... Draw a little Homestar butt right there... Look how stupid it is... And... Dang it, I'm stuck!

{Cut to some elderly readers in real life.}

OLD MAN: My god, he said "butt"!

OLD WOMAN: And that other person said "pants"!

OLD MAN: {Faints}

NARRARATOR THATKIDSAM: Aw, man! I have to cancel this. CANCELLED!

A COMIC CALLED SENIOR CITIZEN SQUAD IS OVER!

Fun Facts

• Oolongium and Singyum are a reference to japanese cartoon where a name in the credits is Oolong Singy.