Strong Man Emails/two

Strong Man discusses his brief duty in Texas.

CHARACTERS: Strong Man,

PLACES: A Desk

Transcript

{Open to a wasteland. The Desk is sitting in the middle of it. It's night time. Strong Man walks in}

STRONG MAN: (Brilliant - Sir's asleep. I saved up my three pence salary to buy a semi-caffineted beverage to stay up for this! He doesn't even know it's passed my my bed-time!)

{The Sneak peeps out from behind the Computo}

THE SNEAK: {Nose waggles}

STRONG MAN: (Your argument is? It's perfectly normal for a thirty-six year old to be forced to put to bed by a brutal dictator every six 'o clock. Anyway...)

{Strong Man sits down at the Computo. The Sneak perches on his shoulder}

STRONG MAN: {Clicking on the e-mail icon} (I wonder what the ladies and gentlemen from the future are up to today?)

To the Strong Man!
Do you care for the rodéo?
If so, have you ever tamed the wild bull?

Yours, Knuckles Skubsbury

STRONG MAN: {Typing} (Why thank you for your letter Knuckles! Well, yes, I've done those things. In fact, I remember the three months I did it. T'was seven years ago, a while after I met Sir.)

{Fade to a desert with a cactus in it, with accompanying harp noises. Strong Man walks in, with perfectly normal legs. He has a goatee and a mullet hairstyle.}

STRONG MAN: {Voice over} (It was actually one of the many, many reasons I need to take anti-depresseion pills today!)

{Sir walks in, with a budding moustache}

SIR: {Slightly mockingly} Looking forward to your new assignment?

STRONG MAN: {Perfectly intelligible. He speaks with an eager, child like voice} Oh boy I am! You said I was going bullfighting!

SIR: You are!

STRONG MAN: Hooray! There wont be any oddities, will there?

{Cut back to the Computo}

STRONG MAN: (Guess what, there was a oddity. Y'see, what Sir didn't tell me, was that I WAS the bull)

{Cut to a bull-fighting arena. Strong man's standing there, wearing a thin bull costume. He's facing a generic bull-fighter. Sir is in the background.}

BULL-FIGHTER: Torro!

STRONG MAN: What do I do?

SIR: CHARGE AT HIM!

STRONG MAN: Okay!

{Strong Man runs at him, but the Bull-fighter gets out the way, so Strong Man crashes into the wall. The Wilhelm scream resonates in the background. Cut back to the Computo}

STRONG MAN: (Because of that mishap, it was decided I needed improvements to my body. My vocal cords to be precise.)

{Cut to a shady operating room. Strong Man's strapped to a table, a pendulum hanging from it}

ODD VOICE: It's time to play a game.

STRONG MAN: Oh, boy, what's it called?

{Sir steps out from a shadow, revealing himself}

SIR: {With Odd Voice's voice} Excuse me. {Clears throat. His voice is back to normal} Sorry about that, I just had one of those saliva bubbles stuck in the back of my gullet! Anyway, the game you shall be playing is guess which vital organ I accidentally puncture. Whilst not caring!

STRONG MAN: Gee whiz, that sounds fun! Actually it doesn't. It sounds painful, especially considering this pendulum that seems to be ominously lowering towards me.

SIR: What?

{Sir looks up}

SIR: What's this doing here? Anyway, this is beside the point. The point being the point of this extremely sharp knife I am now going to use to gut you with!

{Sir retrieves a very sharp (but shiny) knife. Strong Man screams. Cut back to Strong Man at the desk}

STRONG MAN: (And that's why I roar. But my time in Texas wasn't the only place I've been in. There's the time I was in Canada...}

{Cut to Strong Man (with a thick, bushy beard and several stitches near where his chest is) Standing in the snow, with several maple trees around him. He's shivering.}

STRONG MAN: (S-s-sir? C-c-can I h-h-have some m-m-m-m-m-m-m-more clothes?)

{Sir arrives, wearing an entire bear skin on him}

SIR: You have that manly beard to warm you!

STRONG MAN: (Beard? This is just my new pet, The Sneak!)

{The Sneak eyes open and his nose and tail spring out of Strong Man's beard. He falls to the floor}

SIR: Another rodent! Allow me to take him to the lab!

{Sir picks up The Sneak by the tail and walks off with him}

STRONG MAN: (Great, no company. I hate this job! I hate my life! I'm talking like one of those things from Metropolis, which isn't too fun! I wish I had a friend!)

{The camera pans to the left, revealing an overweight man in lumberjack get-up.}

LUMBERJACK: What are you talkin' aboot?

STRONG MAN: (I have no company.)

LUMBERJACK: All alone, eh? There's a remedy for that. Need a hug?

STRONG MAN: (Yes please.)

{The Lumberjack tilts back, his arms outstretched, but rather than hugging Strong Man, he punches him with both arms, sending him crashing to the floor.}

LUMBERJACK: Hoo! Hah! MUHAHAHAHA!

{Cut back to The Desk}

STRONG MAN: (I've also been to Great Britain. All three and a half countries there, too. First it was England...A)

{Cut to a dark room, with a window spewing bright light out of it. Strong Man is notably absent, but Sir is sitting in a chair, holding a bottle of "Vanilla One". He takes a sip}

SIR: Hmm. This is indeed, as the squalors say, the life! Sitting here in a boring old crumpet obsessed country, sipping from a cool glass of beverage. Do you agree, Slave?

{Cut to the outside of the room. By that, I mean, cut to Big Ben. Strong Man is tied to the hour hand of the clock}

STRONG MAN: (Not really. By the way, what does this punishment achieve? I don't suffer from vertigo.)

{Cut back to Sir}

SIR: You'll see come the hour!

{Cut back to Strong Man}

STRONG MAN: (So, three minutes?)

{Cut back to Sir}

SIR: Apparently so!

{cut to a title card, saying "Three minutes later." Cut back to Sir, looking a a notably absent watch}

SIR: Three...two...one..

{Cut back to Strong Man, but now zoomed out. The bells of Big Ben play as he screams. Slowly zoom out. First all of Big Ben, then London, then England, then the UK, then the world, then the galaxy. Strong Man's scream can be heard all the while. Cut back to the desk}

STRONG MAN: (So I was deaf in one ear. Also in that trip, I was made a new stone in Stonehenge, forced to find a Leprechaun and...well, nothing interesting happened in Wales. The last trip I've done recently was to Australia.)

{Cut to Strong Man (wearing a dufflecoat) standing next to Sir (in his swimming get-up) standing next to eachother in a cave.}

STRONG MAN: (Sir, are you sure this isn't...desert...land...I'm fresh out. Just not Australia?)

SIR: It indeed is!

STRONG MAN: (Well where's the kangaroos?)

SIR: Kangaroos don't exist!

STRONG MAN: (Ugh bluh what? WHAT? P-PUMPKIN, PUMKIN, WHAT?!)

SIR: No. Kangaroos are just mice standing very close!

STRONG MAN: (And if you see a Kangaroo standing far away?)

SIR: It's a mouse standing very close, standing far away!

STRONG MAN: (E-Ugh-Aah-Nevermind. Anyway, where's the Koala bears?)

SIR: Koala Bear are a-

{The Cave's roof is torn off by a huge monster-gragon thing. It roars. Strong Man falls to the floor. Cut back to the desk.}

STRONG MAN: {Typing} (So Skubbles, that's it. I've been to...to...what was I talking about again?)

{It's saved.}

EASTER EGGS

• Click "Talking about" to see Strong Man's adventures in Scotland (Powered by the cheat styled!)

Easter egg 1 trascript

{Open to Strong Man imbedded in the ground next to Stonehenge. Sir is next to him}

PBTC SIR: You're only twelve inches tall!

{A Leprechaun hops into frame}

PBTC SIR: Catch him!

PBTC STRONG MAN: {Said, not subtitled} I'm in danger of being crushed!

• Click "Skubbles" to see a bottle of "VAnilla One"

Easter egg two transcript

{Black sfadey screen. Slowly zooming in to a bottle of "Vanilla One"}

ANNOUNCER: Vanilla ones. Plain as a rice cake, unmodded beyond comprehension, Strong Sad.

Fun Facts

• The entire Lumberjack section is a reference to another Punch-out character, the Canadian, Bear Hugger.
• The PBTC easter egg is a reference to a scene in Spinal Tap.
• "P-PUMPKIN, WHAT!?" Is a reference to the (oh god I feel like puking) Nostalgia Critic.
• Incase you're wandering, Vanilla not only refers to something with vanilla flavouring, but a game that hasn't been modded at all, thus being "Plain". Strong Sad is also plain (But awesome).
• I AM ENGLISH SO I CAN MAKE FUN OF MYSELF