(even if you aren't vegan)
Strangetown/1
SUMMARY: Lexington Strange is one cool-ass motherfucker.
Transcript
{THE 1900s, SOME RANDOM YEAR. Prof. Lexington Strange is walking down the street, all jive and stuff, eating fried chicken. A man approaches him on the street.}
ALCHEMIST: Hey little bo- oh wait you're old. Whatever, do you want to buy MAGIC?
STRANGE: Yo gate, I'll buy all that smooth magic jazz, ya hear?
ALCHEMIST: Why the hell are you talking like that? Anyways, just give me all your belongings.
{Instantly, Strange begins to strip down, until the Alchemist tells him to stop and just give him possession. So, he gives him the fried chicken.}
ALCHEMIST: Here's your magic.
{WHITE SMOKE. ALCHEMIST VANISHES.}
STRANGE: I don't feel no different.
{20 YEARS LATER, STRANGE STILL LOOKS YOUNG.}
STRANGE: Woah, that white cracker turned me immortal, black don't crack.
{PRESENT DAAAY}
STRANGE: I'm a bitter old hep cat.
{Two agents barge into Strange's house.}
AGENT 1: Hello, Eustace Baldings, OR SHOULD WE SAY PROF. LEXINGTON STRANGE!
STRANGE: OH SHIT, IT'S THE G-MAN. I AIN'T GOIN' DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT.
AGENT 2: Relax, Strange. We're not here to perform experiments on you, we already have a vampire for that. We need your help.
STRANGE: I'm hep, I'm listenin'.
AGENT 1: We need you to form a team to investigate Strangetown. Just because the plot demands it.
THE PLOT DEMANDS ITTT
STRANGE: I'm game, I'm game, what's in it for me, gates?
AGENT 2: We don't arrest you.
STRANGE: Aight, aight. I shall call it...SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN WHORES
AGENT 2: No.
STRANGE: You' messing with my mojo, k, I call it...A MONKEY'S UNCLE
AGENT 1: No.
STRANGE: Uh... THE JIVE SQUAD, is that good enough for you, hepsters?
AGENT: It'll work. We'll be going now.
{SMOKE BOMB, THEY VANISH.}
STRANGE: Now to assemble a team, yo'.
FIN.