Skully B. Hates You/2

Overview

Skully B. does not like Cartoon Network shows that much.

Part 1: The New Teams for Now!

SKULLB: I'll admit it, hate is a strong word. I'll try going easier this time.

{Cut to the dock}

CHRIS: Last time on Total Drama Island...

{flashback to scenes from the previous episode}

CHRIS: The campers were faced with the EXTREME trio of challenges. Bruce dove onto a sofa bed,

SKULLB: OH YEAH TO THE MAXX

while Ryan plummeted into the ground. Lucas had determined some serious skill on the moose rodeo,

SKULLB: Only in Canada.

but I wouldn't say the same for his brother, whose plan to cause Tom to lose the challenge involved careening into a tree. Luckily he came out alive, but unluckily, Tex was the one voted off of Total Drama Island, but not without some time with Ashley and his brother.

SKULLB: Ashley's a man? Come to think of it, who is Ashley?

{Cut back to Chris}

CHRIS: Looks like the two teams are getting better, but they're close for comfort. Why? Find out tonight on TOTAL...DRAMA...ISLAND!

SKULLB: Pausing... for... tension!

{Cue the opening}

{Cut to the Campground. Lucas and Elyssa are outside of the cabin}

LUCAS: Well, he's gone...

SKULLB: "Luckily the restraining order was filed on time!"

ELYSSA: Aw, don't worry. This'll give you a chance to avenge him.

SKULLB: Wait, who died?

Fight to the end! Keep the Aura name strong!

SKULLB: YU-GI-OH IS ABOUT FRIENDSHIP

LUCAS: Thanks.

CHRIS: Campers! To the Mess Hall!

{Cut to the Mess Hall}

CHRIS: Campers! Today is your last day as teams.

SKULLB: "After today, you will not be teams! I know, it's such a radical change!"

Well...as the Killer Bass and the Screaming Gophers anyway.

SKULLB: I'm not sure what a "screaming gopher" is, but it sounds unnecessarily dirty.

Instead, Tom and Lucas will be re-choosing their teams.

LUCAS: Okay! I want-

CHRIS: Woah there, man. Not yet. You will be choosing...out of a hat!

LUCAS: Oh...okay...

TOM: {pulls a name out} Bruce.

SKULLB: Who is Bruce, for that matter? I recognize everyone but these Bruce and Ashley gentlemen.

LUCAS: Hm. {pulls a name out} Foxx.

SKULLB: Foks-ks.

TOM: Dammit! {pulls a name out} Ryan.

LUCAS: Argh! {pulls a name out} Yes. Elyssa.

SKULLB: They seem really angry that they're calling names.

TOM: {pulls a name out} Ashley.

LUCAS: {pulls a name out and smirks} Jess.

SKULLB: Wipe that smirk off your face, you... creature?

TOM: What?! Dammit! {pulls a name out} Fenri.

LUCAS: Well, that leaves me with Kale then.

SKULLB: Kale is a healthy and interesting alternative to lettuce. Try it in your next salad!

CHRIS: Okay! That means Lucas, Foxx, Elyssa, Jess, and Kale are Team Aura for today, and Tom, Bruce, Ryan, Fenri, and Ashley are Team Pyro. Congratulations, captains, you just picked your bunkmates!

SKULLB: Wow! It's almost like we saw the previous actions and you're recapping it only seconds after!

TOM: You mean Jess and I won't be in the same cabin? Aw, come on!

JESS: Don't worry, Tom. We got the rest of the campground to spend time at.

TOM: Hm...well, you're right. So what's the challenge anyway? And where the hell is breakfast?

SKULLB: Breakfast is the most important meal of the day! No wonder he cussed about it!

CHRIS: Oh don't worry. You'll be getting food soon. Hehehe...Well, Team Pyro will go to the Gopher Cabin, while Team Aura will relocate to the Bass Cabin. Okay, get moving!

{Outhouse Cam: Tom}

TOM: Spending the rest of my time here without Jess could be tough, but hey. I get to know the others more.

SKULLB: So nothing's wrong with sitting in an outhouse and talking about your feelings. You're just mad about not being able to sleep with your girlfriend.

{Cut to Team Pyro's cabin}

BRUCE: Well, I guess Kale's not gonna be my top bunk buddy anymore...

SKULLB: "I'm gonna miss those leafy greens!"

RYAN: Well, good thing me and Fenri are still together.

ASHLEY: If it'll make you feel better, Bruce, I'll take Kale's place.

SKULLB: "Nobody can replace kale! Nothing will ever taste the same without it..."

BRUCE: That'd be fine.

{Team Aura's cabin}

LUCAS: Okay, team. We have to be prepared for what Chris throws at us.

SKULLB: "Last time, I heard he tossed a plastic cooler."

So...well...get ready.

{Outhouse Cam: Jess}

JESS: This'll be fun with new people! Lucas seems like such a nice guy!

{Cut back}

KALE: Hey, Lucas. Got any snacks or something?

LUCAS: No...why?

KALE: I'm just hungry.

SKULLB: Why don't you... photosynthesize? That seems like a good idea.

FOXX: Probably because we didn't have breakfast.

SKULLB: I eat breakfast for breakfast. What now?

KALE: That's true... {stomach growls} Uurrgg...I'm seriously going to die if we don't get food.

SKULLB: You have starches stored in your roots, man! Use them.

CHRIS: {through intercom} Campers! It's lunch time! {snickers}

SKULLB: LUNCH IS HILARIOUS

{Cut to the Mess Hall. Chris and Chef are chuckling to themselves}

ASHLEY: What's so funny, Chris?!

CHRIS: Nothing...

{The campers sit down on their respective side of the table}

CHRIS: Welcome to your challenge, campers! The good thing about this one is that nobody will get voted off! The winning team will spend the next few nights on a luxury cruise boat! The losing team stays here. Anyway, it's time for your challenge...the Brunch of Disgustingness!

SKULLB: Brunch? Who eats brunch?

ASHLEY: The...what?!

CHRIS: Why don't we give you a sample? Chef, bring on the first dish!

{Chef brings out a plate of what looks like large beans}

CHRIS: And now, your appetizer. Have some "meatballs." {chuckles}

SKULLB: Testicles look nothing like beans.

BRUCE: Well, it can't be that bad... {eats one} Wait...these are meatballs?

SKULLB: SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT it's testicles.

CHRIS: Not...exactly. It was tough to get these...

SKULLB: Not many people willingly give you their own testicles on a platter.

why don't I break the truth to you?

{Chris whispers something in Bruce's ear}

BRUCE: WHAT?! {starts to wretch and spit out his food} I'm eating...

SKULLB: I'M EATING?!?!?!

CHRIS: Yup. Must be hard for you guys to do this...

TOM: Come on guys, the other team is almost done...

FENRI: Well...I guess it can't taste that bad... {eats a "meatball"}

RYAN: Ick...that came from a bull's...

SKULLB: SCROTUM

{leans over to the other side and pukes} Ew...I can see last night's dinner now...

ASHLEY: Come on, team! We have to finish these!

{Cut to Team Aura's side}

JESS: What's the matter? It's only meatballs.

TOM: But there's less emphasis on the "meat" part.

SKULLB: TESTES

RYAN: Okay guys...if we want to win there's only one way out. They've got two left to eat, and we have a lot more. Well...bottom's up...

TOM: No! Ryan you won't survive! You have a weak stomach!

SKULLB: DUODENUM

RYAN: Might as well go out with a bang... {downs the whole plate of "meatballs"} Oog...I feel really sick...

{Outhouse Cam: Ryan}

RYAN: {puking in the toilet} Oh...Oh man I can't believe I ate that...I mean seriously! What man would eat... {turns around and pukes some more}

SKULLB: I love the smell of fresh emesis in the morning. Wait, no I don't. YOU TRICKED ME TRICKY DICK

{Cut back to the Mess Hall, Ryan walks in, sick}

CHRIS: Nice one, Ryan. You got Team Pyro a point. On to the next dish! PIZZA!

SKULLB: Ohhh, I bet there's something wacky in store!

KALE: Aw, yeah! I love pizza!

SKULLB: I thought you loved, uh... minerals and water.

CHRIS: So you can eat pizza with live anchovies, jellyfish, and live grasshoppers, right?

KALE: W-w-what?

{Outhouse Cam: Kale}

KALE: Okay, I can eat anchovies on pizza, but they have to be dead first.

SKULLB: "Jellyfish and grasshoppers? Yeah, sure, they're fine. But not anchovies."

{Cut back}

JESS: Don't worry, Kale. Here...I'll eat one first.

{Jess takes a slice and eats it. She nearly pukes, but she keeps it down}

BRUCE: I know this won't be good...

TOM: Bruce, don't worry. We've got Fenri. He's got a strong stomach. He'll survive.

FENRI: Yeah! It can't be that bad, can it?

{Fenri eats the slice hesitantly}

FENRI: See? {gag} Not bad at all.

SKULLB: IS FUNNY BECAUSE IT NOT GOOD TO EAT EH-HEH-HEH-HEH-HEEEEEH

BRUCE: {gulp} Here goes...

{Bruce eats the slice}

BRUCE: Ick...

SKULLB: The robot nearly throws up and all he says is "ick"?

well, let's hope I can keep this down.

CHRIS: I see you two are enjoying your meals...

ASHLEY: Just shut up and let us eat!

{All of a sudden the grasshopper on Ashley's pizza jumps into her hair}

ASHLEY: Aaah! AAAH! GET IT OUT! {starts running}

SKULLB: BUG SWALLOW

RYAN: {chasing after Ashley} Hold still, dammit!

SKULLB: That's what she said!

TOM: ASHLEY! EAT THE SLICE BEFORE WE-

{A belch is heard}

FOXX: {offscreen} Done.

TOM: ...lose.

CHRIS: And that's one more point for Lucas' crew!

{Everyone on Team Aura cheers}

TOM: {sigh} Bring on the next dish.

Skully B.'s Rap Break

Skully B. is cool
TDI is not
Replacing the lot
With the characters you've got
Is not that cool
Don't do drugs and stay in school
But also don't write fan fiction of a show
That we all know
We saw it once already, Freddy
Mercury sang for Queen
Of the hive of honeybees
Get shorty

Part 2: More Gross Dishes?!

CHRIS: Your next dish, is... {puts on a Luigi hat and fake moustache} Lotsa spaghetti!

SKULLB: ohhhhhhh god no

{Chris puts a tray down on the table. It's full of worms covered in snail slime}

SKULLB: What's covered in slime -- the worms or the platter? I AM BEING ANAL ABOUT SEMANTICS

LUCAS: I can tell you right now that is not spaghetti.

SKULLB: Bullcrap! I know what I ordered!

CHRIS: Good observation, Lucas. It's actually earthworms covered in snail slime. Dig in.

SKULLB: WE KNOW WHAT IT IS WE JUST SAW ITTTTTTTTT

ELYSSA: Okay, I can eat escargot, but that means I eat the snail. Not the slime.

CHRIS: Well, too bad! Hehe...

ELYSSA: Urg... {takes a bite, gags, and pukes all over Jess' dish}

JESS: Elyssa! What gives?!

ELYSSA: Sorry...

CHRIS: Ohoho. Bad luck for you. Now you have to not only eat the spaghetti, but also what Elyssa regurgitated.

SKULLB: What's wrong with eating puke? Birds do it all the time.

JESS: I...I can't do this. Sorry, I don't eat puke.

CHRIS: Well, you have to decide before the other 5 finish their dishes.

LUCAS: Jess...I understand...but think. You'll never have to do this EVER again.

SKULLB: "Never star in a fan fiction? I'M IN!"

TOM: It's just worms. What's so bad about it?

RYAN: I ate worms as a kid!

SKULLB: NOBODY LOVES ME EVERYBODY HATES ME I'M GONNA GO EAT SPAGHETTI

FENRI: Eeech. Well, this can't be too bad.

{Fenri and Ryan finish their dishes}

RYAN: That was...actually good. I can has more?

SKULLB: I can has awful meme?

{Ryan snags Ashley's dish and downs it}

ASHLEY: Hey!

TOM: Hmm...Bruce. Give Ryan your dish.

{Ryan takes Bruce's dish and downs it}

SKULLB: Don't make fun of Ryan, he has JEW.

RYAN: Mmmmm.

BRUCE: Eeeew.

SKULLB: You intolerant prick.

TOM: And now for the finale. {Tom begins to hesitantly eat his dish} Ah, screw it.

{Tom presses his foot on Ryan's foot.

SKULLB: Oh-ho, playing footsie, are we?

Ryan's mouth opens up like a garbage disposal, and Tom dumps the food in}

LUCAS: Come on! That's cheating!

CHRIS: Hey, they did finish their dishes.

LUCAS: But...BUT...

CHRIS: On to the next course!

MORE LATER

SKULLB: Huh. In hindsight, I probably should have chosen a finished episode. Oh, well! Anyhow, let me give you some pointers, Ry-Fox. First thing's first, stick to your own characters. After all, I've no idea who this Bruce or Kale person is. Second, I'd like to see you tackle the whole reality show thing... uh, not at all. Reality shows are so played out, man! Third, try to assume people can understand things without them being told. Like with the worms scene. Lastly, STAY THE CRAPS AWAY FROM MEMES. Memes are like cinnamon--sprinkled around, they're funny enough, but when you douse the stuff in it, it becomes unreadable. Anyhow, that's all the pointers I got.

{SkullB gets up.}

SKULLB: See? I can be nice.