Sarette Emails/0

Sarette Email #0

Sarette makes a computer in order to check emails.

Cast (in order of appearance): Sarette Sprinter

Places: Sarette's Spare Room

Release Date: August 17, 2008

Running Time: 2:26

Page Title: The zerost one!

Transcript

{Sarette is sitting at The Vacant Desk.}

SARETTE: Well, it's time to check the email.

{Sarette looks around.}

SARETTE: Hey, where are the words and the screen? There's supposed to be one! Hmm...maybe I should consider actually getting a computer.

{Sarette gets up.}

SARETTE: Hey, but why buy one when I could make one? Let's gooooo!

{Sarette dashes off. Cut to Sarette raising a cardboard box.}

SARETTE: Case!

{Cut to Sarette raising an old, broken TV.}

SARETTE: Monitor!

{Cut to Sarette struggling to raise a typewriter.}

SARETTE: Ugh...keyboard!

{Cut to Sarette hammering nails into a board. She raises said board.}

SARETTE: Motherboard!

{Cut to Sarette raising the assembled "computer".}

SARETTE: And put it all together and we've got my new computer!

{Cut to Sarette's Spare Room. Sarette walks in, struggling to carry her new "computer".}

SARETTE: Okay, now I'm going to gently set it down on the desk...

{Sarette drops the "computer" on The Vacant Desk. The Vacant Desk splits in the middle and collapses.}

SARETTE: Maybe I should have made a lighter computer.

{Cut to Sarette standing next to a running treadmill with the "computer" on it. The "computer" falls off three times, each time with Sarette putting it back on and becoming increasingly angry.}

SARETTE: {furious} Run already!

{Once again, it falls off.}

SARETTE: Hey, I have an idea! Maybe I should use tooooooooools!

{Cut to shots of Sarette using the following things on the "computer": a screwdriver, a hacksaw, a mallet, a razor, and gray paint. Cut to a Frankenstine-esque lab. Sarette is in the lab wearing a mad scientest's clothes. The "computer" is raised on a pedestal to a stormy sky. Lightning strikes it, and it boots up.}

SARETTE: It's alive! It's aliiiive! I shall call it...Compustine!

{Fade to a black screen with white text saying "and then the rest of the night happened." Fade to Sarette sitting at The Previously Vacant Desk, with Compustine now on it. Compustine boots up, with 'Helscome to Compustine! Version 0.quack' on the screen.}

SARETTE: {types 'run mymail.exe'} Woo, can't wait to see how many emails I get! I hope Compu doesn't crash.

{The screen reads '1 new email'.}

SARETTE: Well...at least there's one. Let's open it up.

subject: Thank you!

Dear customer,
Thank you for buying our prouduct!
We hope you are interested in our other products!
Sincerely,

The MyStuff Team

SARETTE: {typing} Hi, The! Are you interested in my products? I have, uh, burritos! With my signature! They're neat! Only five dollars each! {stops typing} Okay, that one is over. Now to wait for the next!

{Fade to a black screen with white text reading 'and then twenty hours happened.' Fade to the same scene as before twenty hours later, with Sarette sleeping, snoring and drooling on the Compustine. The Compustine beeps loudly, waking Sarette up.}

SARETTE: Augh! What was that?

{The screen reads 'Alarm Function. Alarm defaultly set to 7:00.'}

SARETTE: Wha... {looks at clock} It's three in the morning!

{The screen writes under the previous message, 'alaska standard time.'}

SARETTE: Oh well...did I at least get any emails while I was asleep?

{The screen writes under the previous message, 'No.'}

SARETTE: {types 'run advice.exe'} How can I get more people to mail me?

{The screen clears and reads 'Why don't you get something to advertise your email address?'}

SARETTE: I have an idea! A printer! It'll print out a self-advertisement to the public every time I answer an email. Yeah! It's so cheesy that people just might buy it! But how do I get one?

{The screen clears and reads 'Why don't you make one, like you made me?'}

SARETTE: Yeah! Now I get to use the same joke over again! Oh boy!

{Sarette dashes off. Cut to Sarette raising a cardboard box, cut to resemble a printer case.}

SARETTE: Case!

{Cut to Sarette raising a metal bar impaling a small cardboard box.}

SARETTE: Spool!

{Cut to Sarette raising a notebook reading 'MAeTH NoTEBOOK - SAREThTE'}

SARETTE: Paper!

{Cut to Sarette raising the assembled "printer".}

SARETTE: And put it all together and you have a printer! And a fine one, at that!

{Cut to Sarette at The Previously Vacant Table.}

SARETTE: And now we are ready to see the emails pour in!

{After waiting for three seconds, Sarette looks up.}

SARETTE: {whispering} Psst, Notes! That's your cue!

{The Notepaper comes down, reading 'Click here to email Sarette'. Five seconds afterward, fade to a black screen with white text reading 'and then the end happened.'}

Fun Facts

• The Notepaper is still clickable after the "and then the end happened" screen appears.