Samiyaza Paranormal Investigation Agency/2

SUMMARY: something something OH FUCK A BAKENEKO

Transcript

{Raiku is cutting coupons while Raggon is trying to get Raggonix to cut his hair}

RAGGONIX: I NO WANNA.

RAGGON: Raggon, you're almost 23 fucking years old. You need to cut your hair.

RAGGONIX: NO!

{Raggonix locks himself in the bathroom, as Raggon sighs.}

RAGGON: Kids, what are you going to do with them?

RAIKU: Did you seriously just fucking say that to me?

{As Raggon is about to reply, the phone rings. Raggon grabs it.}

RAGGON: Hello? Yes, this is SPIA, may I help you? No, we don't do jobs like th- how much? HOW MUCH? Come by any time!

{Raggon hangs up.}

RAIKU: Raggon, what did you d-

RAGGON: They just offered us 20 grand to 'train' their cat.

RAIKU: Sold, those suckers. We'll just uh..teach it to roll over or something.

{The doorbell to the warehouse rings. Raggon goes out, and comes back a minute later with a white cat.}

RAIKU: Fuck, was hoping it was a witch's cat or something. It's white, so it's obviously normal.

RAGGON: Obviously.

{Raggon sets it down and it morphs into a teenaged naked boy. Both of them immediately cover their eyes.}

RAIKU: I'M NOT GOING TO JAIL, MAN, I'M NOT A PEDO.

RAGGON: IS THAT ALL YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT? THIS FUCKING CAT JUST TURNED INTO A PERSON.

RAIKU: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE IT'S A CHILD.

BAKENEKO: 'sup.

RAGGON: WHAT THE F- I MEAN WHAT THE HECK IS THAT THING

RAIKU: OBVIOUSLY IT'S A BAKENEKO.

RAGGON: HOW CAN YOU TELL

RAIKU: IT JUST CHANGED FROM A CAT TO A PERSON WHAT DO YOU THI-

{The bakeneko taps his feet.}

BAKENEKO: Ahem, are you going to pay attention to me? My parents aren't paying you for nothing.

RAIKU: Ah, shit.

RAGGON: Should we just. return him?

RAIKU: Fuck no, we need the money.

{Hours later, the entire house is on fire.}

RAIKU: I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD RETURN HIM

{Raggon is covered in armor as ghostly fireballs fly at them}

RAGGON: NO YOU DIDN'T! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

RAIKU: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HE HAD AN EXTREME HATRED OF YARN, HE'S A FUCKING CAT.

RAGGON: DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT'S FUCKING COVER

{Suddenly, Raggonix bursts out of the bathroom, electricity surging around him. Bakeneko walks up to him.}

BAKENEKO: Who the hell do you think you are?

RAGGONIX: Fuck you.

{Raggonix punches him with an electric charge, knocking him into the wall, killing him.}

RAIKU: Guess we're not getting our money now..

RAGGON: RAGGONIX JUST KILLED A CHIL-

RAIKU: IT'S A FUCKING BAKENEKO I DON'T GIVE A DAMN RAGGON.

RAGGONIX: Does this mean I don't have to cut my hair?

RAGGON: NO.

{Raggonix runs off, crying. Raggon chases after him, while Raiku disposes of the body.}

RAIKU: Ew, bakeneko corpse smells terrible.

Fin.