QI/ep2

IM A BELL:{dressed as Kuro, from Katamari Damacy} Hello, and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter! ...Wait, wrong show. This is QI, the quiz show where the answers are more interesting than the questions, but the questions are completely impossible. You win points for being interesting, whether or not you have the right answer, and you lose points for having the obvious answer, which is signified when s-Actually, I'll just show you. Ahem. Chaos.

{klaxons sound. Viewscreens flash the words "ALAN DAVIES"}

IM A BELL: Now, tonight, we will be covering video games, old and new. To help us make sense of it all, we have four panelists, all with different bittages. Today, we've got...

{cut to Sephiroth, who's dressed as Link from Legend of Zelda.}

IM A BELL: Sephiroth...

{cut to Strong Intelligent, who's dressed as James Sunderland}

IM A BELL: Strong Intelligent...

{cut to Raiku, who's dressed as Sly Cooper}

IM A BELL: Raiku...

{cut to Chaos, who's dressed as <insert video game character here, chaos!>}

IM A BELL: And, our very own arcade machine, Chaos! {under breath} He can only play Pong. {normal} Now, each contestant has come along with their own little chiptunes. Sephiroth goes...

{Sephiroth presses his buzzer. The first few seconds of Tetris Type A plays.}

IM A BELL: SI goes...

{SI presses his buzzer. "It's-a me, Mario!" is heard.}

IM A BELL: Raiku goes...

{Raiku presses his buzzer. The start-up sound for the PS one is heard.}

IM A BELL: Chaos goes...

{Chaos presses his buzzer. "HEY! LISTEN!" is heard.}

IM A BELL: And I've gone in everyone's drinks. Now, does anyone have anything to say before we begin?

SEPHIROTH: I AM THE WALRUS. GOO GOO G'JOOB.

{Chwoka points to Sephiroth}

CHWOKA: Ladies, this man is single. Wink wink.

IM A BELL: ...Get back in the audience, Chwoka.

CHWOKA: {condescending} Okay, Prince Biggie Smalls.

{Chwoka gets back in the audience}

IM A BELL: Anyways, onto the first question. What was the first video game?

COW: {from audience} Cathr-

IM A BELL: SHUT UP!

STRONG INTELLIGENT: An independent Pong. Then Atari ripped the dude off. Atari suck anyway. 64 bit my arse!

SEPHIROTH: Really? Are you sure.. I thought that it would be some old machine with little flashing lights. I'm not sure.

IM A BELL: Hmm... You're half right, SI. Pong is not the first video game, and there was a Table Tennis-like video game created before Pong.

{Viewscreens change to this image}

IM A BELL: It was called Tennis for Two, and it was developed in 1958, 14 years before Pong was invented. It was played on an oscilloscope, a device which reads and graphs voltage signals. There were many more games in between Tennis for Two and Pong. However, Tennis for Two was not the first video game. 11 years earlier, a game called the Cathode Ray Tube Amusement Device was created. It basically simulated firing missiles at things. But the missile was really a line. So, you're pretty much right, Sephiroth. Ten points. Yes, Pong is not the first video game. The first was developed 25 years earlier.

SEPHIROTH: I was right.. Cool.

SI: I atleast deserve three quarter points. I said an independent Pong, what Tf2 was.

IM A BELL: I was gonna give you 5 points, actually.

COW: {from audience} I deserve 100,000,000 not-points for saying the begining of the right answer!

IM A BELL: NO YOU DIDN'T! I HEARD AN R BEFORE I STOPPED YOU! THERE'S NO R IN CATHODE!

SEPHIROTH: Can we carry on?

IM A BELL: Sure. Hmm... In Katamari Damacy, what is the King of All Cosmos' speech quirk?

SEPHIROTH: It depends what you mean... It's either talking in the Royal We, or the fact that his voice sounds like a bloody record scratch. oh god i am going to get buzzed for this aren't i

IM A BELL: Yes.

{klaxons sound. Viewscreens flash the words "ROYAL WE"}

IM A BELL: It is not the Royal We. If you had said that he uses the Royal We outside of Japan, you'd be correct. Inside Japan, however, the King's speech is shown in Katakana, an alphabet used to show words from other languages.

SEPHIROTH: Damn it!!!! .....Next question.

RAIKU: Go.

IM A BELL: Uhh... {flips through cards} I seem to have lost it.

RAIKU: Skip that question then.

IM A BELL: No, wait, here it is! What was the first Nintendo game?

SI: Some trading card game. M'unno. If specifically vidya, Donkey Kong.

SEPHIROTH: I thought Nintendo had games before Donkey Kong.. I remember reading something about some arcade rail shooter they made once.. My memory is too hazy.

IM A BELL: You're correct, SI! In 1889, one Fusajiro Yamauchi founded Nintendo Koppai. It made handmade cards for a game called Hanafuda, which translates to "Flower Card".

RAIKU: Next question.

SEPHIROTH: Wait no.. not yet! Flower Card? That's an odd name for them! Did they have pictures of flowers of them then?

IM A BELL: Uhh, yes. You see, there are 12 suits, each corresponding to a different month, and a different kind of flower. In each suit there are four cards.

SEPHIROTH: You've aroused my interest. Tell me more. Didn't they later have cards with Disney characters, or am I just hallucinating?