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Pleading The Fifth Noelle

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I don't entirely understand why Lex abandoned Fritz & Lang, when they were the best characters ever devised for Wikihood Prime. So, I decide to take two robots and upgrade them.


{Cut to Noelle, in her apartment. For a few seconds, everything is quiet, until two medium-sized robot butlers crash through her living room window.}

LANG: Good going, Fritz! We were supposed to get Mom a magic carpet!

FRITZ: We needed to ditch it in order to escape the cops!

LANG: So, explain to me how the hell piloting a robot replica of Mr. Bean was, in any way, original or remotely a good idea?

FRITZ: I was supposed to be the distraction, while you got past The Caliphate guards with your superior martial arts!

{Noelle rolls her eyes.}

LANG: At least I completed my task!

{Lang takes out the magic carpet. Noelle blinks.}

FRITZ: Easy for you to say.

{Fritz shakes his head.}

LANG: Can you just admit that we pulled a successful heist, even if you weren't as good in your role as I was in mine?

{Fritz sighs.}

FRITZ: Fine. Are you done?

{Lang looks at an increasingly impatient Noelle.}

NOELLE: Can I ask what's going on now?

LANG: So, Mom-

FRITZ: This human's not going to be familiar with our Mom if we don't refer to her by her Human Name.

{Short pause.}

LANG: So, Stephanie had this whole birthday party she was going to because her boss, Rosenberg-

FRITZ: Did we ever establish if Rosenberg was her boss?

LANG: Stephanie has referred to Jim Rosenberg as "boss."

FRITZ: I always thought her boss was that devilishly handsome Drow, Remolay Rosenberg.

LANG: You mean the Adopted One?

NOELLE: I'm familiar with Remolay Rosenberg. Though, I'm not sure he's anywhere near CEO material for Rosenberg Industries...

{Crickets chirp. Lang whacks Fritz on the head.}

FRITZ: Ow! I didn't exactly mean to play the "Crickets chirp" sound.

LANG: Whoop dee fuckin' doo, Scrappy.

FRITZ: Why do I have to be Scrappy?!

LANG: Would you rather be Scooby Dum? I sure wouldn't want you to be Scooby Dum.

NOELLE: {angrily} Are you done?!

{Noelle exhales deeply. Zoom out to reveal she was working on her laptop.}

NOELLE: I was in the middle of finishing something so that Mayor Meier's speech doesn't result in another assassination attempt.

FRITZ: is now an inappropriate time to ask if you'll have us as Security Guards?

{Noelle strokes her chin.}

NOELLE: Hrm... sure.

{Noelle shrugs.}

NOELLE: Worst-case scenario, you dingbats get blown up.

LANG: You... do realize Stephanie will be mad at you if anything happens to us?

NOELLE: Not my problem.

{Noelle gets up.}

NOELLE: I'm going to bed. Be out of here before I wake up, or I'll dismantle you.

{Noelle walks offscreen, and slams her bedroom door shut.}

FRITZ: ...we crashed into the wrong apartment.

{End episode.}