Noidipus Noidipus

Chapter One: The Noid is Born

{Open: a house in Thebes. A woman is holding a baby boy in her arms, as a man looks over her shoulder.}

DINOSHAUR: Awww, honey... it's beautiful!

NACHOMAN: Yeah, I know! What shall we name it?

DINOSHAUR: ... It?

NACHOMAN: I'm sorry, I don't get the difference between boys and girls. ;_;

DINOSHAUR: Let's just call it... The Noid!

NACHOMAN: Yes, that sounds right!

DINOSHAUR: The Noid... a fitting name for a little baby!

{Cut: a gypsy's tent. Dinoshaur, NachoMan, and The Noid are in there, talking to a gypsy.}

DINOSHAUR: Gypsy fair, tell us... what will become of our son?

NACHOMAN: He's a boy? Huh.

BROOKSIE: Ahh, your boy... let me see him.

{NachoMan hands Brooksie the boy.}

BROOKSIE: ... I see... I see... {gasp} Ohhh, oh heavens... I see something bad...

DINOSHAUR: Wh- what?

BROOKSIE: This child... he shall lay with his mother... and kill his father!

DINOSHAUR: Oh, God... oh GOD!

NACHOMAN: Oh, what do we do, what do we do?

BROOKSIE: Well, look, this could be interpreted another way-

NACHOMAN: No, give me that!

{NachoMan snatches The Noid from Brooksie.}

NACHOMAN: We're abandoning him!

DINOSHAUR: ... It looks like, uh... we have no other choice.

BROOKSIE: Hey, I might be wrong! I might be-

DINOSHAUR: Let's go to the nearest field. We need to drop this thing off.

NACHOMAN: Yes... let's.

{Dinoshaur and NachoMan leave the tent, The Noid in hand.}

BROOKSIE: ... This could be bullsh**, really!

{Cut: a field. Dinoshaur lays a basket on the ground. Inside, swaddled in cloth, is The Noid.}

DINOSHAUR: Don't worry, Noid... when you grow up, you'll be with somebody who cares... and who won't die. When you kill him.

NACHOMAN: And maybe it won't look bad if you sleep with your new mother.

DINOSHAUR: I hope I never get to see that.

NACHOMAN: Same here.

{Dinoshaur and NachoMan walk away.}

DINOSHAUR: ... You think anybody's gonna pick him up?

NACHOMAN: Doubt it.