Mystery Fanstuff Theater 3000/Records of Bell/20

ATTENTION: CHARACTERS THAT AREN'T ON THE SHOW CANNOT BE BROADCAST, UNLESS THEY DISAPPEAR RIGHT AFTER.

BLUEBRY: Oh this is new.

{open to Bell at a desk}

CHWOKA: We don't even get the common courtesy of a Synopsis at the top there.

IM A BELL: Dammit. Can't think of anything for an episode. ...Isn't it strange that this is real life,

CHWOKA: no it isn't

and being filmed,

CHWOKA: no it isn't

yet I act like it's scripted? {glances at camera} Ah, well. i'll just let the fans write their own.

BLUEBRY: There aren't any.

{cue poor rendition of the theme song. cut to a badly made set that looks like Bling's living room}

IM A BELL: I AM SO SEXY!!!

BLUEBRY: ...

{Malleo walks in}

SKULLB: Wh-what

MALLEO: FIRE FLOWER.

BLUEBRY: I-I don't think I can stand reading this. I mean at least Bell had some dignity.

IM A BELL: Oh gosh its MALLEO! I LOVE YOU MALLEO!

TRACY: Dad, I hate your addiction to

SKULLB: cocaine!

Malleo! Get over it! Just pay attention to WEEGEE!!!!

CHWOKA: oh my god the fans are EVEN WORSE how is this possible
SKULLB:

{Weegee walks in}

TRACY: Oh gosh its WEEGEE! I LOVE YOU WEEGEE!

IM A BELL: Back at ya!

CHWOKA: NOBODY EVEN SAID ANYTHING TO YOU AAARGH

{The scene freezes. The real Bell rises from the bottom of the screen}

IM A BELL: Ah, hell. I'm helping with this. {sinks offscreen}

CHWOKA: did he drown TELL ME HE DROWNED

{the scene unfreezes. Kirby, but with a pixelated face, rides in on a warp start

CHWOKA: warp stop

painted to look like he american flag}

BLUEBRY: are country
SKULLB: I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO HE FLAG

KIRBY: Hi-

IM A BELL: I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE AMERICAN, 4KIDSIAN NAME OF HOSHI NO KIRBY! {pulls a bat from hammerspace, knocks Kirby through the window}

CHWOKA: Are all their fans writers of Green Grass and High Tides forever?
SKULLB: Are all their writers 'sperging losers?

KIRBY: In Americaaaaaaaa...

SKULLB: IN SOVIET POP STAR POWER SWALLOWS YOU!!!!!!!

TRACY: Just go kick Bling or something, foo.

IM A BELL: Okay! {kicks Bling. Sneezes. Kicks Bling again.} 2 BECAUSE YOU MADE ME SNEEZE!

CHWOKA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

{Sarah comes in and kills Weegee and Malleo.}

SARAH: NAG NAG NAG

CHWOKA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

TRACY: INNUENDO INNUENDO INNUENDO

CHWOKA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

IM A BELL: HENTAI HENTAI HENTAI

BLUEBRY: Same old same old.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

MATURE BLING: ME MYSELF AND I

CHWOKA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

CHAOS: DEATH DEATH DEATH

CHWOKA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

SARAH: INEXPLICABLE PERSONALITY CHANGE SEX SEX {lunges at Bell}

CHWOKA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

IM A BELL: EVEN DIRTIER INNUENDO INNUENDO INNUENDO

CHWOKA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

SARAH: WE HAVE SEX DId YOU KNOW THAT

CHWOKA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

IM A BELL: ANIME TRANSFORMATION

CHWOKA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArrrrgh

{Bell turns into a maniacal robot with extremely mismatched parts.}

PETER PAN: HI

CHWOKA: WHERE DID HE COME FROM

IM A BELL: !BIDEO GAMES IDORT!

CHWOKA: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

DON SKULL: Wha... what is this? Bell, what's going on?

SKULLB: Is that... is that something sane?!

IM A BELL: ANIME

CHWOKA: ANIME

DON SKULL: Bell? What's wrong with you?

CHWOKA: GENETICS OF SKULLB

TRACY: BRITISH

CHWOKA: WHY

DON SKULL: ... Oh, God. Bell's letting the fans write an episode.

BLUEBRY: This is-This is better at riffing the show than I could have ever done. Bravo.
{SkullB cries while clapping.}

{Cut: Bell's room, real life. Don Skull steps in.}

CHWOKA: WHY

DON SKULL: Bell? What the hell have you done?

CHWOKA: HOW'D HE GET HERE

IM A BELL: CRAP-BOT, TRANSFORM!

{Bell transforms into a jukebox, that constantly plays The Alhpabet}

CHWOKA: WHAT IS THE ALHPABET

'SARAH: I DROPPED A NON-IMPORTANT FAN CHARACTER NUKE. ANYBODY WHO HASN'T BEEN ON THE SHOW HAS BEEN KILLED.

CHWOKA: WHERE DID SHE COME FROM

{cut back to the real RoB world}

IM A BELL: One, how the hell did you get Sarah to let you in? And two, I have a case of life block, which makes you not be able to do anything original and/or interesting.

BLUEBRY: We know.

Unfortunately, this happened the same day I had a company tour, which is confusing, since this is real life. So, I let the fans create this episode.

CHAOS: Uh... Bad idea much?

CHWOKA: YES VERY MUCH EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SHOW IS A BAD IDEA

DON SKULL: Oh, hell! The Sues are leaking into our world!

BLUEBRY: They already have.

NO~

CHWOKA: TILDES? I HATE YOU!

{Cut back to the carppy one}

CHWOKA: I HATE YOU

IM A BELL: OH HONE-AY LESS GO 3 JAPIN AND HAS A BABY AND TELL NUBODEE ABOWT IT

CHWOKA: I HATE YOU

SARAH: I'M SEEING SOMEONE WHO RIDES A MOTORCYCLE

BLUEBRY: ahahahaha that actually kind of made me laugh

IM A BELL: OMG WHAT!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!1!??1!/!1!?1!!

CHWOKA: I HATE YOU

SARAH: YEAH RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW

DOCTOR OCTAPUS: Greetings, I am Doctor Octapus. You may remember me from Spiderman 2, in which I kidnapped Mary Jane to lure Spierman into my lair, where I proceeded to beat the living snot out of him. I'm commonly used for Cameos on this show. That's all I have to say for now. Ta-ta!

CHWOKA: I HATE YOU

GILLIGAN: {Crashes through ceiling} .....WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?

CHWOKA: AHTHGHETGDAFGUG

{cut back}

{Chwoka starts sobbing}

IM A BELL: ...Okay, now you raise even more questions! I mean, only Sarah and I are supposed to be in this house!

CHWOKA: make it stop

This house likely can't even be broadcast on daytime television! I'm surprised the camera crew is able to not show what's in this room alone! ...Anyways, it seems to have resolved itself. Nobody's editing anything.

{Cut back}

CHAOS: Bell I give u million dollar rays for beeting up sum wresslir.

I MA BELL: i can do it i can do it NINE times

{Bell starts shifting very slowly toward the nearest wall.}

DON SKULL: hai bell lewk owt 4 that wall.

BADSTAR: {Appears} Hai guis! I havent been in an epidysodey! LOL FIRST APPEARANCE

I MA BELL: get OUT of MY way badtars

{Badstar explodes.}

TRAAAAAACY: I CAN TOUCH MY TOES ONE TWO FIVE

BLUEBRY: wh-what was that

{Tracy makes a reverse explosion sound.}

{cut back}

IM A BELL: ...Oh God.

DON SKULL:{sounds suspiciously like Strong Sad} Well, you better DO something about it before it gets WORSE! {becomes a badly-drawn character card}

IM A BELL: NOOOOOOOO-

{cut back. From this point, the characters are voiced by Speakonia(the Clock Crew voice thing)}

I A MA BEL: hello tracy my good man would you like to go get a sandwich

TRACKY: i am afraid not father i have genital warts

BLUEBRY: it has to be from a toilet seat or something

I A MA BEL: why did you not tell me about this???

DOK SNULL: quickly i need the papers

I A MA BEL: yes here are the papers

SRRRAH: well take back the white house

{A picture of a cymbal monkey is superimposed upon the screen.}

{cut back. Bell looks shocked.}

IM A BELL: ... This... this was a bad idea.

BLUEBRY: It's your idea.

{cut back again}

KAMGIRO: i want pie

CON: me too

WYCOO: i want ice cream

WAGON: i want spaghetti

WAGONEKS: i want both

{cuts back for the final time}

IM A BELL: ... Yep. A bad idea. Why don't... {sighs} why don't we just stop now?

BLUEBRY: STOP THE SHOW?

{the credits roll}

SKULLB: Now I know who to beat with a brick when we're done!