Mystery Fanstuff Theater 3000/Pokemon: Strong Bad Version/2

Synopsis

Strong Bad encounters different Pokemon on his way to Viridian City via Route 1.

NACHOMAN: Like the villain he is, he senselessly slaughters them all.

He then realizes the Parcel is far more useful than he estimates, and stays the night at his "house" at Pallet Town.

SKUB: I guess a sex dungeon counts as a house.

Transcript

{Cut: Strong Bad in Route 1 just a tad north of Pallet Town. A traveler appears.}

STRONG BAD: Hmm, a map might come in handy when I'm not just going to a town and back. Route 1 is a huge grassland. Does nobody mow it?

SKUB: A GODDAMN SAVANNAH

TRAVELER 1: Nope. The Pokemon would get angry and kill travelers if anyone mowed it.

NACHOMAN: Actually, in generation 1 you could use cut in patches of grass and cut it away-- I'm not making myself look very good am I
SKUB: Oh NachoMan /me pinches your cheeks

STRONG BAD: They're capable of killing people? These guys sound like nuclear weapons!

BLUEBRY: w-what?

TRAVELER 1: Uh, whatever. The Godzilla Era was twenty-to-thirty years ago.

SKUB: Welcome to Obama's Kanto, folks

STRONG BAD: Killjoy.

{Strong Bad walks north. He encounters a Rattatta.}

NACHOMAN: "You know, if I bothered to make sure these characters' names were spelled right, what kind of person would that make me"?

RATTATTA: Ah, these varmints are at it again! Where's mah shotgun?

SKUB: But th

STRONG BAD: A Rattatta turned into a stereotype. There's no way I'm getting one of these. Trogdor, Scratch this annoyance, please.

{Charmander pops out of the Pokeball}

CHARMANDER: I will NOT say my own name!

BLUEBRY: ...did anyone ask you to?

But I will slay that Rattatta for you, sir!

{Charmander uses Scratch on Rattatta. Rattatta faints.}

SKUB: Wouldn't call that slaying but what do I know?

CHARMANDER: You know I gain experience from defeating enemies, right?

STRONG BAD: Why yes I do.

BLUEBRY: "right here on page 36 of the manual, section C, subsection 3.4"

I also know that you can't learn Metal Claw anymore.

STRONG SAD: {offscreen} Actually, I've taken the liberty of merging the Generation 3 and Generation 4 movepools because otherwise Charmander would be at an unfair advantage to the first Kanto Gym.

NACHOMAN: Remember that other email where Strong Sad was an experienced hacker?
SKUB: Was that the same episode where he was a Bulbapedia admin?

STRONG BAD: Shut up, Lump of Dump! I could've figured that out for myself.

STRONG SAD: {offscreen} Whatever...

{Strong Bad and Charmander walk north still. Another traveler comes their way.}

STRONG BAD: Hey there, other traveler.

TRAVELER 2: Hey, we're giving out free samples of this.

NACHOMAN: "If ya want another hit it'll cost ya"
SKUB: Puff puff pass, charmander nigga

{Strong Bad gets a Potion}

STRONG BAD: Cool, a Potion for on the go!

TRAVELER 2: Head on out to the Pokemart just ahead. You can get more Potions from there.

SKUB: Just knock on the wall and say the password and Anton's gonna let you in, do not look Anton in the eye

STRONG BAD: Sweet!

{Strong Bad and Charmander enter Viridian City.}

SKUB: ON MY WAY, TO VIRIDIAN CITYYYYYYYYY

STRONG BAD: Okay, then. It appears that this Parcel's delivery is now ten times simpler.

BLUEBRY: because it used to be so complex

At least there's a Pokemon centre nearby...

SKUB: After your Pokemon didn't even get hurt.

{Strong Bad and Charmander enter the Pokemart in Viridian City.}

BUBS: {offscreen} Hey, Strong Bad!

{Pan: Bubs as the clerk on the counter.}

STRONG BAD: Bubs?

BLUEBRY: how zany!!!!!

{Strong Bad and Charmander walk towards Bubs.}

STRONG BAD: I can't make two words of this Parcel.

NACHOMAN: "Real PC". There.
SKUB: Placer

Can you help me out with it?

{Strong Bad gives the Parcel to Bubs.}

BUBS: Ah; he ensures that I give you Potions and Pokeballs.

SKUB: Bubs' Engrish class at the Learning Annex was a huge success.

STRONG BAD: Oh yeah. I forgot I'll need Pokeballs to help catch friends for Trogdor.

SKUB: All my best friends are in boxes.

{Charmander waves at Bubs.}

BUBS: Hi there, Trogdor. Hopefully the Rock-type Gym in Pewter City won't be too much trouble for you. Or the Water-type Gym in Cerulean right afterwards.

NACHOMAN: Oh come on! Homestar's Tragic Day had better characterization than this!
SKUB: "Cwap cwap cwap cwap CWAP MARZIPAAAAAAAANNNN!!"

STRONG BAD: {irritated} I get it, I picked a Hard Difficulty!

NACHOMAN: yeah why ya gotta be breakin' my balls over it?
SKUB: my
SKUB:
SKUB:
SKUB: pokeballs

BUBS: Well, if you wanted it easy,

BLUEBRY: yeah i want it easy B)

then-

STRONG BAD: Yeah, yeah. I should've picked Bulbasaur if I wanted easy mode. But I didn't. So shut up!

BUBS: That's no way to treat your transporting clerk. I have portals to every Pokemart in the Kanto region so far!

STRONG BAD: Oh you'll definitely use 'em all, won't you?

BUBS: Yes I will.

BLUEBRY: this feels so forced

STRONG BAD: Well, that's at least one familiar face... anyway, I better get going.

NACHOMAN: So, nobody's going to explain why Bubs is here? No? Ooookay.

{Bubs gives Strong Bad a set of items.}

BUBS: Take these back to the good ol' Professor. Aside from the Potions and Pokeballs, which I gave to you already, I'm not at liberty to disclose what the rest do.

SKUB: "Hydrochloric acid and a hacksaw? Boy, science sure is neat."

STRONG BAD: No problem. To get back I might as well use ledges as shortcuts.

SKUB: The broken ankles are worth it.

{Strong Bad and Charmander walk back to Pallet Town through Route 1's ledges, which act as shortcuts. After pausing to check their distance to Professor Oak's lab, they go on towards the lab. They then turn in all the items to Professor Oak except for the Potions and Pokeballs. Seymour is also present, looking reluctant to wait.}

SKUB: I know you might be introducing it to other people but Jesus, Pokemon isn't this boring.

PROFESSOR OAK: Oh cool. You got the stuff!

NACHOMAN: "Aw shit, you bought fuckin' parsley from 'im? Shiiit I knew I shouldnta sent some fukin luchador motherfuka on my drug run"

SEYMOUR: Is this about the PokeDexes? If so, about time!

PROFESSOR OAK: Yes, both of you get one.

{Both Strong Bad and Seymour get Pokedexes.}

BLUEBRY: SO MUCH ACTION {drives a stolen mercedes into the sun INTO THE FUCKING SUN}

STRONG BAD: Okay, so if I remember correctly, the PokeDex will help me identify Pokemon I meet in between towns?

PROFESSOR OAK: Why, yes, that's exactly what it does!

NACHOMAN: Congratulations, you've passed Kindergarten!

STRONG BAD: Hopefully my PokeDex does not come equipped with a horrible voice.

PROFESSOR OAK: It does not.

NACHOMAN: "Unless you count the screams of the hundreds of dead children who died here hundreds of years ago as horrible".

The Dexes are set to English, too.

SKUB: NO JAPANESE? YOU SON OF A BITCH,

SEYMOUR: I guess I better get going. In order to be the best trainer in the world, I'll have to get started. Smell ya later, Strong Bad!

{Seymour

SKUB: has a seizure

walks offscreen}

SEYMOUR: {offscreen} Hmph, I'll have to go get a map, and make sure my sister doesn't give one to Strong Bad.

STRONG BAD: Seymour has a sister? I am so visiting Seymour's house.

SKUB: You down with Other People's Pokemon? Yeah you know me.

{Strong Bad then glances at the Pokeball containing Bulbasaur.}

STRONG BAD: I'll steal that overnight. That guy looks like he'll be lonely the rest of the game otherwise. Yeah. I'll steal it, but later.

{Strong Bad walks out of the lab. He then heads for Seymour's house.}

STRONG BAD: Map time!

{Strong Bad walks towards a table.

SKUB: Professor Oak's outdoor furniture sale was a success.

He sees Seymour's sister, Daisy.}

DAISY: Hi. You must be Strong Bad, right?

STRONG BAD: Why, yes. I am the Strong Bad.

DAISY: I have a spare map. Seymour walked off with one.

STRONG BAD: Okay, you're my new best friend!

SKUB: aw, rollin' papers? bitch you're just a goddamn gift from baby jesus christ himself, shit

{Strong Bad gives Daisy a hug.}

NACHOMAN: "It was then that Strong Bad learned the true meaning of love. He was free from his Flash-animated prison"

HOMESTAR: {offscreen} That Stwong Bad suwe undewstands the ladies. I wish I did.

SKUB: "Maybe when I'm done pwaying the gay away!"

{Daisy gives Strong Bad a map.}

DAISY: Thanks for stopping by. I guess I'll see you later?

STRONG BAD: Yeah. Meet me at Pewter City in a week's time.

BLUEBRY: "Motel 8 just off 75 and Forest. Room 5. Here's the key."

Hopefully there will be a hamburger joint. My treat?

DAISY: Aww, thanks Strong Bad!

NACHOMAN: Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Strong Bad supposed to fail at being a ladies man? Like, isn't that what makes him funny? Maybe I'm wrong, please tell me if I'm wrong on that.
SKUB: Solution: Daisy is a man.

STRONG BAD: No problem. It looks like you could leave this place and adventure, too.

DAISY: Thanks, but I'm only, what, twelve?

BLUEBRY: AWWWWW YEUUH

{Strong Bad gulps.}

NACHOMAN: Hey c'mon Strong Bad. Considering the police are only concerned with Pokemon crimes, I doubt a little pedophilia would get you in trouble with the law.
SKUB: You could grope her and as long as you weren't stealing her Pidgey you'd be fine. Also she's like 20 but I don't know why I know this.

STRONG BAD: Uhm... nevermind on the leaving Pallet Town for adventuring then. Still good for a Checkers at Pewter City? You've got a car, and I've got a week's pace ahead.

DAISY: Sure.

{Strong Bad leaves Seymour's house. A few hours later, Strong Bad is dressed up as a bank robber and near Professor Oak's lab. He then somersaults through a glass window, dodging lasers while reaching the Pokeball containing Bulbasaur.}

STRONG BAD: Eureka! Now Bulbasaur won't be so lonely! And I get two starters as opposed to one!

SKUB: Pff, I had a friend that gave me all of them. B)

{Strong Bad runs off. He notices the gateway of lasers surrounding him from all eight sides.}

STRONG BAD: Uh-oh.

{An alarm goes off. Several scientists show up, as do police officers.}

OFFICER: Drop the Pokeball and put your hands up!

NACHOMAN: See what I mean? Nobody in this world cares about child-rape!

STRONG BAD: No! I can't stand to see Bulbasaur lonely and depressed just because of the stupid pick-only-one-starter rule!

OFFICER: We will not hesitate to burninate you to ashes, Mr. Bad. Cooperate or die. Those are your two choices.

STRONG BAD: Go ahead. see if I care. Okay, Charmander and Bulbasaur. Let's see what you're made of!

OFFICER: As I am the chief of police, my Arcanines will ensure your demise.

SKUB: It's a good thing Arcanine sucks.

{Charmander and Squirtle encounter two Arcanines, seemingly ready to confront them. However, Professor Oak runs by.}

PROFESSOR OAK: Stop! This was all a test of Strong Bad's character. The alarm was false!

OFFICER: Huh?

PROFESSOR OAK: I didn't mean to put the alarm on. Something else must've triggered it! Strong Bad's okay to take Bulbasaur and Charmander with him if he wants! Damn it, you police are so incompetent and corrupt that I have to hire trainers to confront Team Rocket!

SKUB: You're a loose cannon, Pikachu!

STRONG BAD: Thanks, Professor Oak.

PROFESSOR OAK: Get going. If the police want to sick their Arcanines on an innocent, they might as well take me.

STRONG BAD: You know, I don't think they plan on killing you.

NACHOMAN: "They can't kill a dead man, Strong Bad." {Oak pulls the pin on the grenade}

PROFESSOR OAK: Strong Bad, the police have been in cahoots with Team Rocket. Do you have any mental understanding of what "organized crime" is?

BLUEBRY: "organized crime" has nothing to do with police cooperation

I'm an obstacle to their world domination plans!

STRONG BAD: Oh. Well, I guess I better head to somewhere remotely sanctuary-ish. Bulbasaur should be named "Sanctuary", actually, since I happen to grant it that.

BLUEBRY: or a good american name like buster which is what i will now grant it

PROFESSOR OAK: Stop talking and head for Viridian Forest. The forest is so thick that it will take days for anyone to find you.

{Strong Bad darts out of the lab, and heads north to Viridian City. He then looks for signs as to where Viridian Forest his. Apparently he goes north through Route 2, all the way up to a building. Then, he sneaks his way through to the other side upon seeing different police with walkie talkies. Upon being at the entrance of Viridian Forest, Strong Bad breathes a sign of relief.}

SKUB: After two years, he has found the OASIS

STRONG BAD: Ah, at least.

NACHOMAN: At least it's almost over.

I made it to Viridian Forest. Now I ought to find someplace to rest. Hopefully there's a cabin nearby or something.

{Strong Bad starts continuing his walk. End chapter}

SKUB: I don't know about you but this doesn't look canon!