(even if you aren't vegan)
Mystery Fanstuff Theater 3000/Green Grass and High Tides Forever/5
If you need instructions on how to get through the grass, check out the enclosed
GREEN GRASS AND HIGH TIDES FOREVER
{Cut to Emerl and Gemerl, both wearing bathing suits and holding towels.}
EMERL: BEACHBEACHBEACHBEACHBEACHBEACHBEACHBEAHCHBEACHBEACHBEACHIWANNGOTOTHEBEACH.
GEMERL: Hold your horses! We need to wait for everyone else.
EMERL: Why?
{Dalek comes in.}
DALEK: By the way, I brought some friends.
{R2-D2, and C-P30 come in.}
C-P30: Oh my Oh Dear. Greetings. I am C-P30.
GEMERL: That's fine. Hear from anybody else before you got here?
{Jeran runs in with no armor, a bathing suit, and a towel}
JERAN: BEEEEEEEEAAAAACH TIEEEEM!
GEMERL: Well, nice to see Emerl isn't the only one with enthusiasm.
R2-D2: BEEP BOP BEEP!!! {Flies into the deep water, so he can't be seen. A Camera comes out of the water.}
GEMERL: Your friend just jumped into a tub.
C-P30: I know. He's excitable.
JERAN: Hey, Gemerl! Let's go build a sand replica of my homeland!
{R2-D2 Comes out, and projects a mini hologram of Meridell, along with a hologram of King Skarl.}
C-P30: Oh my. It's your homeland.
JERAN: Hold up, R2. Hold that hologram for a sec...and DONE!
{Jeran finishes a sand sculpture of King Skarl}
JERAN: What a beauty. {kicks it, destroying it} WHEE!
GEMERL: We aren't at the beach yet!
{Everything stops, and the background turns into the Beach.}
GEMERL: Oh. Now, how about that sand castle?
C-P30: I would gladly make a sandcastle.
JERAN: SURF TIME! WOOHOO! {runs into the ocean with a surfboard}
R2-D2: Beep Bop Beep. Whoa!!!! {Opens hatch, and many tools pop out. He then speeds around, and a cloud of sand surrounds him. When it clears, a big Sand Replica of Yoda is made.}
JERAN: WHEE! {Jeran slides in on the shore}
{Chaos walks by everyone. He's dressed normally.}
CHAOS: Oh. Hey, guys! Anyone going to sign up for the surf contest? I'm a ref.
GEMERL: Surf contest? Dalek, why don't you and R2 compete in the surf contest? I'm sure when The others come along, they'll join it.
DALEK: We don't have legs though. :(
GEMERL: So? I don't think that's a factor. But R2 has legs. Just...small ones.
{R2-D2 Floats up, to reveal his "legs".}
DALEK: Meh. I suppose. ....TO THE SURF COMP!!!
{Jeran finishes sculpting a sand sculpture of Gutsman}
JERAN: DAHNAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! {points to Gutsman's buttocks}
IORI: {falls down from the top of the screen and lands on the sand sculpture of Gutsman} I'm never going to fly in a hot air balloon again. Did I just fall on a sand sculpture?
GEMERL: Not an important one.
IORI: Aight.
JERAN: YOU DESTROYED GUTSMAN'S ASS!
{A random bird fires a giant laser at Jeran.}'
EMERL: Puppy said a swear!
IORI: MY EARS!!!!
GEMERL: WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, IDIOT!?!?!
{Emerl begins to hit Jeran on the head with a shovel.}
JERAN: Um...they changed that rule a while ago. That's why the writers of Aruseus Emails allow Wolf to say "damn."
EMERL: Not that! You said "Gutsman." Gutsman is a terrible swear.
IORI: Gutsman? Ew. Sounds gory.
EMERL: Wait. I said it too. AAAAAAHHH! CLEANSE THE HATE! CLEANSE THE HATE!
{Emerl runs into the water and gets electrocuted.}
EMERL: OK, I'm better now.
JERAN: Gutsman is a boss in Megaman 1, and later games. He's called Gutsman because he's got guts and muscle and stuff!
EMERL: CLEANSE THE HATE! {Emerl picks up Jeran and runs into the water with him. The two get electrocuted.}
EMERL: Did it work?
PATRICK: {enters} Whatcha guys doin'?
JERAN: {dazed} Airman's weakness is the Item-2. Beat him and you get the Leaf Shield.
PATRICK: Megaman? Nah, not interested.
EMERL: Jeran sweared.
PATRICK: Jeran, shame on you. What word did he use?
IORI: Either "Gutsman" or- {intterupted}
PATRICK: Gutsman? A Megaman character? I take back the "shame on you", Jeran.
EMERL: CLEANSE THE HATE!!!!!!!!!!
{Emerl shoots a net device from his hand, captures Iori, Patrick, and Jeran, and runs into the water, electrocuting all 4 people.}
EMERL: Stop swearing!
PATRICK: Wow, he must be that bad of a character, eh?
KANO: {teleports in} GUTSMAN GUTSMAN GUTTY GUTTY GUTSMAN!!!!!
JERAN: {holds up a picture of Gutsman} Emerl, who's this?
EMERL: {While electrocuting Kano} I dunno. Bad?
KANO: {uppercuts Emerl} Gotcha!
GEMERL: We're here to have fun, not to swear and fight. Leave that for Fight Club.
EMERL: The first rule about Fight is that you don't allow Emerl into FIght Club.
CARTOON LUIGI: Hey guys!
GEMERL: Not now, loser.
EMERL: So, can we make a sand castle?
IORI: Lets make a life size one!
KANO: {snaps his fingers and a life size sand castle appears} Done!
EMERL: That's not what I meant! {tears the castle down} Me, Jeran, and Gemerl were going to re-build Meridell. Why don't youi 3 enter the surf competition?
PATRICK: Nah, I'm terrible with balance. Iori and Kano can enter though.
EMERL: OK. Wanna help build Sand-Meridell, Patrick?
PATRICK: Sure.
IORI: Surfin' time!
KANO: Excelent!
{Iori and Kano run off, and everyone else begins to build a sand castle. Cut to the surf contest.}
CHAOS: Everyone, gather around! I am Judge Chaos. You will be judged on a scale from 1 to 10, based off of your performance on the contest. The contest starts in 15 Minutes.
IORI: Since when is he the judge?!?!
CHAOS: They sent me the application last week. What? Are you afraid I'll give you bad scores?
KANO AND IORI: Yes!
CHAOS: Well, I won't.
IORI: Good.
CHAOS: So, you two go grab some boards.
IORI: Aight. {Kano and Iori go get some surfing boards. Cut back to the other guys and the sand castle}
EMERL: Well, we've finished Illusen's Glade, Half of Meridell Castle, Darigan, the petpet shop, Turmaculus, and 17 trees.
PATRICK: And in less than 10 minutes too. {notices Shao Kahn walking by} Hey Shao, want to help us with this sand castle?
SHAO KAHN: Sure, I don't have to much to do at this beach anyway.
R2-D2: Beep bop beep!
DALEK: Whoa! Watch your language R2! But yeah.. We're ready!
EMERL: Did he say what I think he just said?
JERAN: What, is Cutman a swear now?
EMERL: Nope.
GEMERL: Jeran, do you happen to know where the sifter and shovel went?
JERAN: Here! {pulls sifter and shovel out of hammerspace} Hm...Gutsman's ass, versus Weegee, versus Malleo, versus Mr. Hedgehog...who'd win?
EMERL: I've got the portable stinger ready. {electrocutes Jeran} Cleanse the Hate.
PATRICK: Who'd win? Easy. Scorpion.
JERAN: Objection. And Emerl, if you shock me one more time, I'll thrust my sword through you and perform Ike's Aether with the sword still through you.
JERAN: OK! After that 509, we're back!
DALEK: {Comes in crying.} ALRIGHT! WHO DID THIS? {Holds up a piece of paper with a giant censor sign on it. Everyone looks disgusted at it.}
C-3P0: Oh my! If I could, I would throw up.
DALEK: Who drew this though? IT'S DISGUSTING!
JERAN: Gimme that. {Jeran takes the paper and rips it up looking away from it}
DALEK: Thank you. That picture was a crime against nature.
EMERL: It was a Well?
DALEK: Disgusting stuff.
EMERL: 2 Wells?
DALEK: I'm not gonna say it, because you're gonna google it, and then get me sued.
EMERL: You can tell me. What could I sue you for?
DALEK: {Whispers to Emerl.}
EMERL: That's not that bad. It's just part of the circle of life.
PATRICK: What did he say?
EMERL: {Whispering to patrick} I have no frickin' idea.
PATRICK: Ah yes. I guess the world will never know.
GEMERL: You may want to go back to the Surf Contest. It's starting without you.
PATRICK: ...I didn't enter the surf contest.
GEMERL: Then you die.
{Gemerl sends a huge sword through Patrick. He dies and comes back as a ghost.}
EMERL: You're going to Hell for that.
GEMERL: I figured.
JERAN: Wrong. He'll go to Robot Hell, where Heatman and Beelzebot are.
EMERL: And Tommy Chong?
{Silence.}
EMERL: Right.
GEMERL: OK, Now you're just blowing that out of proportion. He'll be back next episode.
EMERL: I feel it is my utmost pride to say {bashes Gemerl over the head with a hammer reading "Breakage"} {FOURTH WALL BREAKAGE TO DA MAX!!!}
PATRICK: {reforms as his original human form} WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!?!?
GEMERL: Or he could do it now and stop a potential continuity error.
PATRICK: If you do that again, I'm going to fire you. I swear!
GEMERL: I'm not employed to you!
PATRICK: I mean from this series!
{Emerl attatches dynamite to Jeran, and holds his finger dangerously close to the button.}
EMERL:{FOURTH WALL BREAKAGE!!!}
{Gemerl disconnects the bombs and removes them form Jeran.}
GEMERL: Whoa there, Nelly. Not too comedic now.
JERAN: EMERL! JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE IS GOING TO GET REMOVED FROM THIS FLASH SERIES BY PATRICK, CHAOS, AND RYAN DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO BLOW ME TO BITS!
EMERL: But it they were going to remove you it would be a fine way to go out, don't you agree?
PATRICK: Gemerl isn't going to get removed from this series. ...As long as he doesn't kill anybody again. And this isn't a flash series.
{Cut to Emerl attempting to hide filming equipment and a laptop with Flash on it.}
EMERL: Well, not yet. heh heh heh heh...
PATRICK: Let's get back to the sand castle!
EMERL: Agreed.
{Cut to the Surf Contest.}
CHAOS: OK, folks. Me, this sponge, and a box of Kit-Kats are ready to begin the contest! You have to stay on the waves the longest! Last one remaining is dubbed king of surf!
GIRL: Or queen?
CHAOS: Yeah, Queen was a good band.
GIRL: Oh, you men are all the same!
KANO: {shoots the girl with lightning}
CHAOS: DUDE! That was the Kit-Kat boxes' girlfriend.
{Cut to the Kit-Kat box. It sheds a single tear. Cut back.}
CHAOS: Whatever. Ready...GO!
{Everyone rushes into the water.}
IORI: Wait, can I swim or not?
CHAOS: Find out for yourself!
IORI: Fiiiine.
KANO: I'm-a gonna win!
{"5 Minutes Later..." appears onscreen, and Kano is holding a trophy.}
CHAOS: I don't believe he-a won. Who didn't plant the mines? Was it you, Kit-Kat box?
{Cut to the Kit-Kat box, on top of a pile of undersea explosives.}
CHAOS: Oh, just take the stupid trophy.
KANO: I heard you! You were going to have this contest fixed! You son of a- {intterupted}
IORI: Language, Kano.
KANO: You speak english.
IORI: No, you have to watch yours! Anyways, who won 2nd and 3rd place?
CHAOS: Surprisingly, Kit Kat's girlfriend got second-
{Cut back to The Kit-Kat tear scene from before.}
CHAOS: And Nobody could win 3rd place because all but two of you got blasted away by the mines.
KANO: You freakin' rigged the contest and tried to make me or/and Iori lose, didn't ya'?
CHAOS: Well, no. Just Iori. And I would've gotten away with it too, if Kit-Kat would've planted the bombs he had!
IORI: What? Why me? What did I ever do to you?
CHAOS: Nothing. And that is very evil!
IORI: Your right, Kano. He is a son of a meanie.
CHAOS: {Gasps} YOU HATE ME! YAY! {Chaos hands Iori $1000 and the keys to a new car, as well as a tiny teddy bear.} There you go, new enemy. See you guys later! {walks off}
{Dalek rushes in again.}
DALEK: Help! Help! He's gone mental!
{Sephiroth rushes in too.}
SEPHIROTH: Ahem. I am going to take my authority as a creator, by being more active. And by doing that, I mean, I'm going to live in one of your homes, and hog your TV, and your icecream.
DALEK: He wants your real estate!
{Emerl appears out of nowhere with a huge hammer}
EMERL:YOU WON'T GET MY SUMEMR HOUSE! {beats Sephiroth into a bloody pulp}
{Sephiroth outs Dalek in the way, and throws it at Emerl, causing them both to fall.}
DALEK: You're an Arse Sephiroth!
JERAN: MORTAL PEEP FIGHT!
{Jeran takes his sword and trys to attack Sephiroth, but Sephiroth takes the sword and slices Jeran in half}
(OOC: Sorry Seph)
JERAN: That...was unpleasant.
{Emerl Shoots a huge hole through Seph's stomach.}
EMERL: You did always want to go on a diet, right?
KUNG LAO: QUIT STEALING MY FATALITY!
{OOC: Nah, it's fine. Using me as a tool of violence is okay in my book. :)}
{Sephiroth picks up his flesh, and puts it back in place.}
SEPHIROTH: ...I know the ultimate punishment!! Stay back, or I'll use it!
{Jeran is slowly dragging himself on the ground, trying to reach his own sword}
JERAN: Must...reach...
{Sephiroth picks up the sword, and puts it away.}
SEPHIROTH: I said, STAY BACK!
ROBOT SMOKE (MORTAL KOMBAT): {steals the sword from Sephiroth and runs away} Yoink!
SEPHIROTH: I DON'T NEED THE SWORD!!! MY ATTACK IS MUCH MORE POWERFUL!
PATRICK: Suuuure. Is the sand castle done?
SEPHIROTH: I'll do it! It's worse than..... THE FREAKIN' ONE WINGED ANGEL, KEFKA, AND CHERNABOG FUSED!!!!
PATRICK: ...I don't speak Final Fantasy.
SEPHIROTH: It makes.... umm.... SUB ZERO EXPLODE!!!
SUB-ZERO (MORTAL KOMBAT): {walks onscreen} Hey, guys! {explodes}
SEPHIROTH: I haven't done it yet. It makes Satan look like Bambi!
PATRICK: Well, apparently it makes Sub-Zero explode.
SEPHIROTH: Well, it's something to be reconed with anyway.
JERAN: Help. {waves hand}
KANO: {teleports in, and restores Jeran} Done. You're not cut in half anymore.
EMERL: I'LL MAKE YOU EXPLODE!
{Emerl ties the dynamite to Sephiroth.}
EMERL: Somebody seems to have forgotten that Seph broke the fourth wall a while back.
{Emerl blows Sephiroth up.}
JERAN: Tanks, Kano. FOR MERIDELL!
{Jeran runs into the explosion, sending him sky-high. He then falls down in pieces}
JERAN: Well that sucked. This is worse than being sliced in two. I'm like...exploded in...erm...7.
KANO: {restores Jeran again}
{The Smoke clears, revealing Sephiroth in a perfectaly perfect state of perfect perfection. Did I mention he was in perfectaly perfect form?}
SEPHIROTH: {Beep} you Emerl. {Beep} you to {Beep.} Time for your death.
{Music starts.}
SEPHIROTH: {Singing, and everyone clutches their ears in horror.}
I'ts a piece of cake
to bake a pretty cake if the way is hazy
you gotta do the cooking by the book you know you can't be lazy
never use a messy recipe the cake would end up crazy
if you do it by the book then you'll have a cake
we gotta have it made you know that I love cake
finally it's time to make a cake!
EMERL: THIS SONG SUCKS! {Covers his voice receptors}
SEPHIROTH: Well, you deserved it. You attack me for no reason.
EMERL: Oh, dang!
{Cut to the destroyed sand replica.}
EMERL: We accidentally destroyed the village!
GEMERL: Well, that sucks. Who wants to go home?
SEPHIROTH: Only if I get to torture Emerl with my Lazytown singing. I'll give you 10 bucks for you to let me do it.
GEMERL: Fifteen.
SEPHIROTH: I don't have another 5 bucks, so... 20. I just need to payback Emerl for him being a {Beep.}
GEMERL: Deal. {Pockets the $20, unscrews Emerl's head, and hands it to Sephiroth} I usually like to kick it into his body, it you'd like some tips.}
SEPHIROTH: {Plugs in an Ipod, and a Portable DVD player in Emerls head, and screws it back on.} There. He has no choice But watch Lazytown, and listen to its songs at the same time! That, Gemerl, is the ultimate torture.
{Jeran slices himself apart for no reason}
JERAN: Kano, don't even think about it.
JERAN:
EMERL: I have a better idea: {explodes}
GEMERL: That was a better idea.
SEPHIROTH: No mere mortal can resist, the evils of.... THE LAZYTOWN!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
{Emerl pokes Sephiroth's back. When he turns around, Emerl shoots a huge cannon in Sephiroth's face, blasting him away.}
EMERL: Whoops he ran into my cannon.
SEPHIROTH: {Flies back down, and starts attacking Emerl.} BY THE TIME I'M FINISHED WITH YOU, YOU'RE GONNA BE MADE FOR GENERATING HAYLEY JOEL OSMENT AND UWE BOLL MOVIES!!! {Kicks Emerls head, and whacks him with his own cannon, and proceeds to beat him up. Dalek comes in.}
DALEK: Wha?!
KANO: QUIT FIGHTING!!!!
{Gemerl shoots Kano and pops a chair up over his corpse he sits down on it and starts eating popcorn}
GEMERL: This is good.
SEPHIROTH: He started it! This idiot started to attack me for no good reason! I asked for a hotel to live in, and he tried to smash me to death! So I think I should have the right to beat him up! ....I'll give you 20 bucks.
KANO: {ressurects and throws Gemerl and the chair away from him} I don't really give a crap who started it, I'll finish it!
SEPHIROTH: Don't worry, it's over now. {Pan down, to see Emerl all beaten up.}
{Cut to Emerl, who was watching the ordeal as well. Emerl lifts up the Body of Emerl to reveal it was a doll.}
EMERL: And that's why I didn't complain about being beaten up:Because I wasn't. Now, let's all go home. {hands Seph $20} that's for trying and failing so many times.
{They start walking to the horizon.}
SEPHIROTH: You're a jerk Emerl.
{Jeran's arm waves to them}
JERAN: A little help here? My neck is filling up with sand.
{Episode ends.}
