Mystery Fanstuff Theater 3000/Absurd Bell Quest/1

Transcript

{The screen remains dark.}

CHWOKA: FROM WH-- oh sorry i'm too used to people who cut from nowhere.

NARRATOR: There was a time where two people created a fanstuff to get fanstuffs to be popular again in an era where people would make interactives for a long while without any fanstuffs.

BLUEBRY: such heroes

{Badstar and Bellstrom appear, while the screen is dark.}

BADSTAR: Dare I ask why we're here?

BELLSTROM: I don't know either.

CHWOKA: Welcome to the Thunderdome. Two men enter, one man leaves.

{Badstar and Bellstrom walk around in their unknown surrounding.}

BADSTAR: Say, what happened to the lights?

BELLSTROM: Remember the huge blizzard from this week?

BLUEBRY: would he forget?

The power went out.

BADSTAR: Well, then. Perhaps we should find an alternative source.

BLUEBRY: OH THIS IS A METAPHOR ISNT IT

BELLSTROM: Our house comes with electricity as part of the standard issue.

CHWOKA: Is this dialogue putting anybody else to sleep just hearing it? It's so stale and analytical.

BADSTAR: Still, something like nuclear energy would keep the sidewalks thawed.

BELLSTROM: Nah, it's not like people visit.

BADSTAR: True, true.

BELLSTROM: Anyway, I need the lights in order to get down to the basement.

{Bellstrom gropes

BLUEBRY: my heavens

to find a switch. He flips the switch once he finds it. The lights reveal marble floor tiles, metal walls, and some furniture. There is also a flight of stairs heading downward as well as upward.}

BADSTAR: And we...own a house this decently detailed when?

BLUEBRY: "We received the grant from the Mary Sue Foundation. Go check out the separate house for the motorcycles."

BELLSTROM: Since I managed to sell my anime figurines for a good price.

BLUEBRY: now im not sure thats how it works...

BADSTAR: Must've been hard to do, right?

BELLSTROM: Nah. I still have the DVDs of the animes.

CHWOKA: do we HAVE to go over every fucking detail of their lives REALLY

BADSTAR: Alright. Let's see what's down in the basement.

BELLSTROM: I reserved the basement so Bling, my cat, can sleep there.

CHWOKA: Is this how you treat cats? I've been doing it all wrong. Just been letting it sleep wherever. I need to dedicate a room for my cat to sleep in, pronto!

I installed a mini-kitchen downstairs so I can feed him.

BLUEBRY: "I can't be bothered to use the regular kitchen because it's just all the way upstairs"

{Bellstrom and Badstar go down the flight of stairs heading down. The basement has a HDTV screen as well as a Sony Blu Ray DVD player, and a futon to sit down and watch TV. However, there is no apparent sign of Bling. However, his milk dish and litter are intact, as well as his mini-kitchen.}

BLUEBRY: However,

BELLSTROM: Hmm... I wonder where Bling went.

BADSTAR: Perhaps those footprints can tell us!

{Badstar points at footprints on the ground. Bellstrom looks down to said footprints.}

BELLSTROM: Good eye, Badstar!

CHWOKA: Brass eye.

{Bellstrom follows the footprints to a tunnel.}

BELLSTROM: Why in the hell would anyone dig a tunnel down to my basement?

BADSTAR: That's a good question! I don't really know either.

{Bellstrom jumps down the tunnel. Badstar looks down.}

BADSTAR: I don't think there's a ladder to get back up!

BELLSTROM: I don't think the person who kidnapped my cat wanted to return...

CHWOKA: Now he's been kidnapped? Maybe the cat dug it by itself, it's just as logical an explanation.

{Badstar jumps down the tunnel also, then looks around. He then points at multiple pairs of footprints.}

BADSTAR: I don't think the persons who kidnapped your cat wanted to return.

{Bellstrom takes out a cellphone.}

BADSTAR: What exactly are you doing?

CHWOKA: OH MY GOD. I have seen TECHNICAL MANUALS written with more zest.

BELLSTROM: I'm calling my entourage. My first call will be Homeschool Winner.

BLUEBRY: i am like pretty sure a robot wrote this

BADSTAR: Why are you calling Homeschool?

BELLSTROM: I need someone to guard the house from burglars.

BLUEBRY: you know i heard a rumor the police do that

BADSTAR: The doors and windows are locked, and don't we have some deathtraps for any burglar wanting to go upstairs?

BLUEBRY: good call macaulay culkin

BELLSTROM: Good point.

BADSTAR: And aren't we underground?

BELLSTROM: Reception will still be gotten, though.

BLUEBRY: yeah reception can be gotten in weird place

I have one of those non-mainstream cellphone company's cellphones.

BLUEBRY: BOOST MOBILE WHERE YOU AT

BADSTAR: And that makes any sense...how?

CHWOKA: Yeah, I'm in agreement, cell phones can not work underground.

BELLSTROM: Because I was looking for something to buy for my son, Bellson.

CHWOKA: That's not an explanation. Considering Badstar and Bell have had a back-and-forth about literally everything they can so far, I expect a firm and humorous rebuttal from Badstar.

BADSTAR: Cool, I suppose.

CHWOKA: Is this supposed to be a comedy?

{Bellstrom and Badstar continue walking through the tunnel.}