Messages from the Empire

Speech 1 – Let’s Talk About Government

Let's talk about government, shall we? Or more specifically, your government, dear Wiki User Wiki. The Empire. Just who is the Empire? Why, now that's simple, the Empire is you, Wiki User Wiki. The Empire is your sister, your aunt, your friend, your, your neighbor. And well yes, the Empire is me as well, heh heh, uh hah. As your emperor, it is my responsibility to preside over our great democracy. So, as your emperor, I am the voice, I am the heart, and soul of the Empire. That is to say, I am the voice, heart, and soul of Wiki User Wiki. But only together, together, can we hope to reach our full potential. The way we were before the purge. Whole. Beautiful. Powerful. One Empire, One Wiki User Wiki. Now and Forever. And now, dearest Wiki User Wiki, we must say farewell. For there is much work to be done, and the Empire never rests. Never.

Speech 2 - Fanstuff

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about something we can all relate to. Something that is, unquestionably, inescapably, something that is very relating to all of us. I am referring of course, to our great national pastime, fanstuff. Or so it had been. That’s right Wiki User Wiki, before we were devastated by The Great Purge, each user had their own fanstuff account. Imagine, a perfect, cloudless day, the sun is warm, welcoming. And on the horizon they appear. Like knights of yore, armed with a keyboard and a mouse. Their name, the Fanstuff Wiki Leaders, their purpose, to make you, dear Wiki User Wiki, revel in the joys of sport and sunshine. If only for an afternoon. Now, ask yourself this. What if the Fanstuff Wiki could live again? What if they could compete with different fan wikis? Put your faith in Lex, great Wiki User Wiki, and fanstuff will live again. Comfort, recreation, healthy competition. All will live again. This empire will live again.

Speech 3 - Rebuilding the Wiki User Wiki

We live in an age of poverty, greed, violence, destruction. Indeed the very heart of our community, The Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki, has been reduced to what is now known as the "Purged Zone". The Fanstuff Wiki, how did it come to this, Wiki User Wiki? How did your leaders allow one of the most beautiful parts of our community...to die? The answer is really quite simple. Incompetence. Incompetence at the highest echelons of power. We put our trust, our faith, in halfwits. Our intrepid leaders had everything they wanted; power, wealth, prestige. It made them lazy, Wiki User Wiki. Oh yes, and laziness breeds stupidity. Rest assured, I will not make the mistakes of my predecessors. When Lex builds a community, he builds it to last. The Right Way. Don’t you, my darling Wiki User Wiki, deserve that? Don’t you deserve a future free of flamewars, and fear, and terrible uncertainty? Of course you do. As the Emperor of this glorious community, you have my solemn pledge. That I will never rest, never rest, until we have what we deserve. A place to truly call… Home.

Speech 4 - My Emperor Status

It’s time we discussed something rather important. The issue at hand is, well, my status as the emperor. The question has been raised, I know, as to just how exactly I even became emperor in the first place. Or whether or not I am one at all. To that I must answer; of course. Of course I am your emperor, sweet Wiki User Wiki, of course. Unfortunately, in the interest of national security, I am not at liberty to discuss the details of my origins, you understand. But rest assured, I am your emperor, because the appropriate people of this great wiki agreed that I should be. I am your merciful and loving representative. Of course, when the time comes, when my life is over, The Wiki User Wiki will be free to have a new emperor. And that person will have our full faith and confidence, and carry our collective values forward into the future. Democracy, dear Wiki User Wiki. Democracy now, and forever.

Speech 5 - Let's take a Tally

Did you know, there are those amongst us who would shatter our hopes of peace, order, and security. These radical malcontents don’t care about you, they don’t care about the Wiki User Wiki! All they care about is fulfilling their own selfish desires. Let’s take a tally of these agitators, shall we? There are of course, the vandals. Those anarchistic ruffians who roam these website, preying on any and all, defacing, page-moving. The Spambots. Don’t be fooled by their links to cheap viagra or supposed connections to the United States Porn Industry. These pixelated morons are nothing more than common assholes with access to some antiquated technology. Assholes, who have had the audacity to try and claim this beautiful community as their own personal club house! And what about the communists? The frighteningly irrational users of this very website, who love to upload random images. And last but not least, the hideously annoying otherkin, that have completely overrun the entire website with shitty fanstuff they never update. Lawlessness and terror. They're all around us, I know, I know. But not for long, sweet Wiki User Wiki. Not for long. Oh, no. The Empire will restore peace, order, and prosperity, to this great nation. And those who oppose us will be removed, forever.