Lex's Wikihood Redux Remake/eps/3

Summary

Stop! In the name of love!

Transcript

{The episode starts in a courtroom, situated in the depths of hell. The entire cast is there, along with an ensemble of characters from other media. The judge happens to be none other than Roy Spleen, from Billy and Mandy.}

JUDGE ROY SPLEEN: For some reason, it was decided that this case be settled in my courtroom, despite there being much safer and sanitary courtrooms on the surface. Oh well, as long as I get paid. Anyway, let us begin! Myles Edgeworth is suing Sephiroth for reasons unknown, and Sephiroth is counter-suing Myles for reasons that are also unknown. ...THIS IS NOT HOW THE LEGAL SYSTEM WORKS.

SHADOW: That's what I said!

JUDGE ROY SPLEEN: The jury consists of.. You gotta be kidding me.

{Judge Roy Spleen sighs, and then starts reading the list.}

JUDGE ROY SPLEEN: Doctor Robotnik, Gaston, Strong Bad, George Takei, Son Goku, The Joker, Jesus Christ, and.. Fred Fredburger.

FRED FREDBURGER: YES.

SHADOW: May I ask? How is it that the majority of the jury happen to be villains? And how in hell itself did you manage to get Jesus Christ to appear on jury?

JUDGE ROY SPLEEN: I really wish I could answer, but I have no clue. This show makes no sense whatsoever.

THE JOKER: Judgeman, can you hurry this up? Jury duty is such a bore! The only fun part of being in a courtroom is either being the judge, or being the defendant. Which I have done before, may I add!

JUDGE ROY SPLEEN: Yes, yes! Let's carry on with the trial, but not show it at all because it's boring. Cool? Cool.

{Cut to Enigma, sitting at his prison cell. The door opens, and through it comes Super Sam, dressed as a prison warden.}

ENIGMA: Oh, hello there!

SUPER SAM: That's an unexpectably warm welcome, I must say. I assume you know who I am?

ENIGMA: Yes, of course I do! You're Super Sam, and you're here to break me out so we can engage with a useless sideplot that gets forgotten eventually, am I right?

SUPER SAM: I.. er, yes! How did you know?

ENIGMA: I read the original episode on this phone I smuggled in. I know everything that happens in the series. It takes 35 episodes, and still nothing really happens. Mostly a bunch of bad writing and pop culture references, and a plot that changes detail more than Lady Gaga changes her fashion sense. The series gets rebooted multiple times after that, each incarnation being slightly better than the last, yet still lacking overall substance. So here's my suggestion. In the original plot, we go and rob a bank, and we actually end up getting away with it, and we also end up killing one of the heroes. Cool, eh? We should do that, but right at the last second use the money we've earned to go some place nice and leave the series with grace instead of becoming a bunch of Richie Cunninghams. Whaddua say?

SUPER SAM: Hell yeah. I'm up for it. What of you?

{Super Sam gestures behind him. Both Eggman Nega and Edgeworthington appear behind him. They both nod in agreement.}

ENIGMA: Booyah. Let's get out of here!

{Cut to an old-west style bank. Znex is waiting in a cue.}

ZNEX: When are these people gonna move?

{The crime gang burst into the bank.}

EDGEWORTHINGTON: Everybody, put your hands up! This is a fucking stickup!

{Enigma puts his hands up.}

EDGEWORTHINGTON: Not you. Everybody else.

{The Enigma puts his hands down while everyone apart from the gang put theirs up.}

ZNEX: Wait.. Aren't you supposed to be at the trial?

EDGEWORTHINGTON: Oh, I kidnapped the real Edgeworth and made him take my place, even though they thought I was the real Edgeworth. Don't blame me, blame the writers.

ZNEX: Riiiiiight.

ENIGMA: Nevermind the bollocks, we're still here for the money.

{Shadow runs onscreen.}

SHADOW: Well, well, well. We meet again, Eggman Nega. I thought the last two times I one-upped you you'd give up. What exactly are you up to this time?

EGGMAN NEGA: It's none of your business, hedgehog!

SUPER SAM: We're here to escape this terrible plotline before we're erased out of existence by the terrible writers!

SHADOW: Really? To me, it looks like you're trying to rob a bank.

SUPER SAM: We prefer to be financially secure before we ditch, thank you very much.

SHADOW: Well, you're stealing! And that's wrong.. and stuff! I'm gonna kick your sorry butt!

{Enigma picks Shadow up by the leg and throws him offscreen.}

ENIGMA: What? And ruin the plot? Pfft. As if!

{Shadow, having been not thrown too far, runs back and tries a Homing Attack on The Enigma.}

SHADOW: Ouch, that really hurt! Now you are going to pay! CHAOS BLAST!

{Shadow blows everyone around him aside. The Enigma is unscathed.}

ENIGMA: Ooh, that really hurt! Pfft.. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

{The Enigma, at great speed, delivers a punch to Shadow's stomach.}

ENIGMA: You may be the ultimate lifeform, but I am going to get my money, damn it!

{Cut to Znex, who's watching the battle with Super Sam and Eggman Nega while eating popcorn.}

ZNEX: I feel as if I should be helping, but I just don't feel like it.

SUPER SAM: Yeah, same here. It's much more fun to watch, anyway.

EGGMAN NEGA: Totally!

{The three brofist each other, while watching Enigma and Shadow fighting. Out of nowhere, a propeller cap hits Enigma in the back of the head, knocking him over. The cap flies back to its owner, who is revealed to be Badstar, looking triumphant.}

BADSTAR: I arrived just at the nick of time. Come, Shadow. Let's finish this clown off!

SHADOW: Yes. Let's. We'll teach him that theft is a federal crime!

{Badstar and Shadow charge up their attack while Super Sam gets up from his chair, along with Eggman Nega.}

SUPER SAM: And that is our cue! Come on guys!

{Super Sam pulls out a teleportation device and warps himself, Eggman Nega, Super Sam, and the Enigma away to an unknown location before Badstar and Shadow are able to attack. Not without picking up a nearby bag of money, however.}

SHADOW AND BADSTAR: Shit!

{Cut back to the courtroom, where time has passed significantly.}

JUDGE ROY SPLEEN: So, what you're trying to say is that Edgeworth here is in fact, a scapegoat for someone who looks almost identical to him, wears the same clothes, and has a similar name?

SILVER THE HEDGEHOG: ..Pretty much, yeah.

JUDGE ROY SPLEEN: Sounds logical enough. Any disagreements?

{Everyone in the court quietly discusses with each other. Nobody can actually make sense out of this shitty plot.}

SEPHIROTH: I've forgotten what I'm even suing this guy for, anyway.

JUDGE ROY SPLEEN: In that case, I have decided to postpone this case until we can get a vague idea of what's going on. And by that, I mean that this case is stupid and you are all equally as stupid. I don't even care any more. Go find Edgeworthington or something.

{Cut to a man, sitting all by himself in a private jet. He is seen from behind, and it is hard to make out anything expect for the fact that this man happens to be of average height, and has pitch-black hair.}

???: Edgeworthington is completely diverging from what little of the plotline there actually is. Why did I ever hire him to kill Vindicator for me? Hmph. I knew I should've done all of this by myself. Oh well, all will be made clear soon enough... All will be made clear...

{Cut to black.}

END