Lex's Wikihood Redux Remake/eps/2

Plot Summary

Aaaaand my heart goes ring-a-ding-ding, ring-a-ding-ding, ring-a-ding-ding!

Transcript

{Open: The field. Homestar and Strong Bad are standing at the stick. They are dressed up as Vindicator and Noxigar, respectively.}

HOMESTAR: Hey, Stwong Bad?

STRONG BAD: Yeah, what is it?

HOMESTAR: Why awe we dwessed up like this?

STRONG BAD: That's actually a pretty good question. Why are we-..

{Vindicator falls from the sky, drop-kicking Strong Bad, and then throwing Homestar off frame. He looks at the camera and winks.}

VINDICATOR: LET THE REAL SHOW.. BEGIN!

{The main intro plays. After that, cut to Noxigar sitting on the couch, messing around with the aerial on top of the television. Shadow is trying to watch the television, which is alternating between static and video.}

SHADOW: Can you stop messing around with the damn television? I'm trying to watch Antiques Roadshow! Jeez!

NOXIGAR: But.. don't you want high definition?

SHADOW: For Christ's sake, how many times do I have to tell you? This TV is from 1990. You couldn't get high definition if you tried!

NOXIGAR: Wait, why don't we have a better TV?

SHADOW: Because Vindicator is too much of a cheap bastard to buy one, that's why. Yet he always manages to find enough money to fuel his Nendoroid collection.

{Cut to Vindicator in his bedroom, playing with a Hatsune Miku nendoroid.}

VINDICATOR: Hatsune Miku, you are my true love's desire... I will cherish you always..

{Cut back.}

SHADOW: Aaaaand that wasn't creepy at all. Not at all.

{Sephiroth crashes through the window, dressed as Indiana Jones.}

SHADOW: Oh, for fu-..

SEPHIROTH: Hey guys!

NOXIGAR: {Looks at the broken window.} Yeah. I ain't fixing that.

{Znex comes in through a portal.}

ZNEX: Yo dudes.

SHADOW: Why is everyone coming in all at once? Haven't any of you assholes heard of knocking?

{Pan over to reveal Vindicator standing next to Shadow.}

VINDICATOR: Personal whatnow?

ZNEX: All of us are here, except for...

{Badstar runs in through the door, which was unlocked.}

BADSTAR: GUYS. YOU WILL NOT GUESS WHAT I WAS ABLE TO GET.

{Badstar holds up a copy of "Super Smash Bros Brawl.}

NOXIGAR: Ooh, nice. Any other games?

SEPHIROTH: I have Halo!

NOXIGAR: {Glares at Sephiroth for a couple of seconds before slapping him.} NO.

SEPHIROTH: 'Daww..

SHADOW: {Sighs} This is stupid, and you are all stupid. I'm gonna chill with Count X. Smell y'all later.

{Shadow walks offscreen.}

NOXIGAR: My stummy is rumbly. I'm gonna go to Burger King. Anyone coming?

SEPHIROTH: I'll go.

NOXIGAR: Ring-a-ding. Hey, we might run into Count X there. See you guys.

{The others are too preoccupied with SSBB to notice.}

NOXIGAR: Hmph. Come on Seph, we're outta here.

SEPHIROTH: Right behind you.

{Noxigar and Sephiroth leave. Cut to Shadow and Count X, who by coincidence, also happen to be in Burger King.}

COUNT X: Super Smash Bros, seriously?

SHADOW: Yeah, I know right? Puh-lease! So I was like "Screw You", and I left those kiddies to play with their stupid game.

{Sephiroth and Noxigar enter the restaurant.}

COUNT X: Hey, it's Noxigar! And he brought that other guy along too. Cool.

SHADOW: What?

{Shadow turns around to see them. He calls over to them.}

SHADOW: HEY FAGS, COME OVER 'ERE!

NOXIGAR: Is he talking to us?

SEPHIROTH: I think so.

NOXIGAR: How rude of him.

SHADOW: So guyyys. How's it hanging?

NOXIGAR: I'm fine, thank you. Hey, you haven't seen Enigma recently, have you? I haven't seen him for a while, and I'm getting rather concerned.

COUNT X: Oh, he's fine. He's locked up.. for reasons that I'd rather not explain.

{Cut to Enigma in a maximum-security cell.}

ENIGMA: OH COME ON. SHE SAID SHE WAS 18, I SWEAR. I HAD NO IDEA SHE WAS YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE MY GRANDDAUGHTER. GUYS?

{Cut back.}

NOXIGAR: Know where he's locked up?

COUNT X: Oh, I know. But I ain't telling ya. For all we know, you're already on a mission to get him out. Trust me, it's better this way.

NOXIGAR: If I really wanted to release him, I wouldn't even need your help. All I really need are the Chaos Emeralds.

COUNT X: Touche.

???: On the contrary, my dear.

{A green-haired lawyer walks into frame.}

LAWYER: I'm afraid that I'm required to tell you that the Chaos Emeralds have been confiscated and put into a vault, for the good of mankind. We can't allow something so powerful to be in the possession of mere mortals now, can we?

NOXIGAR: Oh. Shit.

LAWYER: Ooh, and we can't allow you to be using that type of language, either. I've been sent over to "clean things up" a bit. Don't worry, you won't see any difference. Much.

NOXIGAR: ...

LAWYER: Actually, you'll see a whole lot of difference. But it'll be fine! Oh, and I'll be requiring you all to be wearing these!

{The lawyer opens his briefcase, which is full of clothes from Hot Topic.}

SEPHIROTH: What is this?

LAWYER: We are being sponsored by Hot Topic, so you are all required to wear their clothing. Not only that, but you are now required to use Macbooks and drive Fords. The only drink you will all be drinking from now on is Coke, and your favourite television program is American Idol. Failure to comply with this will result in a lawsuit.

SEPHIROTH: You know what? I refuse!

LAWYER: You do, eh? Well then, that's fine! I'll be seeing you in court.

SEPHIROTH: Not so fast, bucko. I'm counter-suing, for.. um.. WE'RE AMERICAN, DAMN IT. LIKE WE EVER NEEDED A REASON TO SUE.

LAWYER: Heh. So be it. You will come to regret this day, Seth Roth. Nobody crosses the legal system and gets away with it!

SHADOW: Wait, this is not how the legal system works at all, jackass!

LAWYER: Quiet, hedgehog! I'll have you put on trial for unoriginality!

SHADOW: Unoriginality? Please! It's fairly obvious that you're Miles Edgeworth, from the Ace Attorney series.

LAWYER: What? Of course not!

SHADOW: Yes you are! You just dyed your hair green.

SEPHIROTH: Never the less, I will see you in the Underworld Court! Be there, or be square!

SHADOW: This is so stupid I can't even...

LAWYER: I WILL BE LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS. AU REVOIR, MINCEMEAT.

{The Lawyer runs out of the restaurant, leaving everybody behind in confusion.}

NOXIGAR: Any idea what just happened?

COUNT X: None whatsoever. This series never made sense in the first place.

{TO BE CONTINUED.}

END