Lex's Fallout 3 Spaz

This a Facebook Chat log from 02/11/2011.

It consists of me and my friends talking about Fallout 3. But more specifically, it's me spazzing out about the game.

You probably won't understand it at all if you haven't played Fallout 3 before. Enjoy.

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Alex: Like me, my PC FO3 guy is a batshit insane Chinese communist who stole his clothing from the General in Operation Anchorage. I stormed the Enclave's base, dressed only like that, armed with the Experimental MIRV and the Shocksword. They were shitting themselves. I blew up 5 of their Vertibirds all at once by spamming nukes. And all of it was for the glory of Communist China.

Lewis: lol Alex u so crazy

Alex: Funnily enough, I let Autumn go this time. Despite murdering everyone else.

Lewis: :S I hated Autumn.

Alex: Ooh, and I lead Lucas Simms over to Mr. Burke, and I stabbed the shit out of Burke in front of everyone, just to show Simms that I am better than him.

Lewis: He died in several interesting ways on my playthroughs lol what did Simms do?

Alex: He was all like: "I'm gettin' too old for this shit" And he left.

Joe: I thought sims was arrested for shiting on the floor, because the player didn't put him on the toilet two steps away.

Alex: umm

Joe: You ever played The Sims, Alex?

Alex: Oh, right. LOL

Joe: ... -facepalm-

Alex: Butch is a complete asshole. First I save his mother, than I allow him to leave the vault, and when I meet him in Rivet City, he tells me that I'm too goody two-shoes for his gang. BITCH, I SINGLE HANDEDLY CRUSHED THE AMERICAN ARMY. WHAT DID YOU DO IN YOUR LIFE? YOU WERE SCARED OF RADROACHES, YOU PUSSY. I DIDN'T WANT TO BE IN YOUR NEW GANG ANYWAY, ASSHOLE. Anyway, you know Moriarty? What a prick. The only reason why I didn't kill him was because he was pals with my father. And because the people of Megaton are armed to the teeth.

Alex: I killed Jericho, though. He was rude to me, and he's a smelly rapist. I was the last thing he NEVER saw And then I swagged on over to Paradise Falls, dressed all nicely as a failed Chinese Commando, and I killed every last motherfucker there. Except for the slaves.

Alex: When I went into Eulogy's crib, both his bitches started attacking me while he ran away. So I pulled out my Tesla cannon, and turned Clover and Crimson into whore chunks. And then I got my Shocksword and stabbed the fucking shit out of Eulogy Jones. Who then melted into ash. I took his nice outfit.

Alex: Then I decided to visit Tenpenny Tower, and I saw some ugly motherfucker arguing with the guards inside. I killed him because fuck him, that's why. Despite me doing him a favour, the guard still wanted money, so I totally bullshitted my way through by saying that Tenpenny wanted to see me. He fell for it, and then told me to kill the ugly motherfucker's friends. I decided to do so. So I went to the sewer, killed a fuckload of ferals, killed the guard and the bitch, and I went back to claim my award. All the residents were cool with me now, even HERBERT "DARING" DASHWOOD, despite him being a friend of ghouls.

Alex: Earlier on, some Underworld ghoul wanted me to kill a bunch of fuckers, and Tenpenny was one of them, so I decided to do so. I went up to Tenpenny, shot his head off his body, and then stole his fabulous outfit. I then threw him off the balcony. The guards didn't even give a fuck, even when I was walking out of the place, holding his body. They didn't even care. Losers.

Alex: So I decided to go back to Mr. Crowley to claim my award, but he told me to piss off. For some reason, he thought I stole his armour, even when I didn't. IT WAS A GLITCH FROM ANCHORAGE, ASSHOLE. So feeling distraught that I couldn't get my money, I killed that fucker while he slept. Those zombies didn't know any different.

Alex: Despite this tyranny, I was still technically classified as good. So Three-Dog was sucking my dick, despite me being a total bastard. And I now had an inventory full of stylish outfits that I stole from a bunch of dead guys. All of it being for the glory of Chinese Communism.

Damn it feels good to be a gangster.

Joe: Cool story bro.