Katawa Incorrigible X6: The World Is Not Enough/3

Synopsis

With Special Guest.

Transcript

{Open to Quint and Henry, the sole members of the Tri-County Wrestling Offenders (aka the T.W.O.)}

QUINT: Man, I wish Max was here right now.

HENRY: No, no you don't.

QUINT: Why?

HENRY: The last time Max was here he got you arrested for fifteen misdemeanors courtesy of the Fashion Police.

QUINT: But it's the Fashion Police, so it's not like I actually got arrested for anything meaningful, nor did I get thrown in prison.

HENRY: Quint, sometimes the things you do hurt me. Like when you reference the WWE.

{Pan to Noxigar, who is on the ground, wounded from what appeared to be hand-to-hand combat gone terribly wrong.}

QUINT: Noxigar while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you can possibly be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this because before I leave in three weeks with your Katawa Bell Quest Team Racing X6 Championship, I have a lot of things I want to get off of my chest. I don't hate you, Noxigar. I don’t even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people in the back. I hate this idea that you’re the best. Because you’re not. I’m the best. I’m the best in the world.

HENRY: {whispering to Noxigar} I'm sorry; I didn't mean for him to get this way.

QUINT: There is one thing you're better at than I am; it's kissing Shogun Lex's ass. You're as good at kissing Shogun Lex's ass as Strong Intelligent was. I don't quite know if you're as good as Chaos, though. He's a pretty good ass kisser. Always was, and still is. Whoops! I'm breaking the fourth wall!

{Quint waves at the camera.}

QUINT: I am the best Katawa Bell Quest Team Racer in the World!

{Quint then redirects his attention to Noxigar, who is busy coughing blood.}

QUINT: I've been the best since Day One, when I entered the racing circuit. And I've been villified and hated since that day, because Bellstrom saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit. That's right, I'm a Bellstrom guy. You know who else was a Bellstrom guy? Cow Puncher. And she split just like I'm splitting. But the biggest difference between me and Cow Puncher is I'm leaving with the Katawa Bell Quest Team Racing X6 Championship.

{Noxigar tries to get up, but fails to do so.}

QUINT: I’ve grabbed so many of Shogun Lex’s brass rings that it’s finally dawned on me that they're just that; they’re completely imaginary. The only thing that’s real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for almost six years, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best on this track, in that Manly Picnic Simulator, even in the Bell-ringers! Nobody can touch me! And yet no matter how many times I prove it, I’m not on your lovely little "Rainbow Roads". I’m not on the front page. I’m barely promoted. I don't get to be in the Rebotnek Games. I’m certainly not on any crappy show that Bellstrom came up with. I’m not on the logo. I’m not on the introductory section. I’m not on The MVP section. I’m not on any Katawa Bell Quest message boards. But the fact of the matter is, I should be.

{Zoom out to Henry, who is trying to play Snoop Lion over Quint's practical monologue. He sighs, noticing an owl named Max arriving.}

HENRY: Dude, Max.

MAX: HOOT. HOOT.

HENRY: Quint's busy harassing some Nobody. We need to stop him before it fades away from my gullet!

{Max flies inside Henry.}

QUINT: This isn't sour grapes. But the fact Quigley Oakwood is the main event in-

{Max gets Quint's attention, buying Noxigar enough time to escape.}

MAX: HOOT. HOOT. YOU ARE ABOUT TO EMBARK ON AN ASSKICKING THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU WILL NEVER RECOVER, COOKIE PUS!

{Quint's eyes light on fire.}

QUINT: The hell did you just call me?!

{Quint proceeds to lunge forward at Max, who dodges the koala by simply flying above where he's going to be.}

MAX: HOOT! HOOT! AERIAL SUPERIORITY FOR THE WIN, YO!

{Max then takes out a bazooka and proceeds to unleash a stream of taco missiles from it. Quint ends up taking the hit from one of them while trying to dodge all of the other taco missiles. Quint proceeds to jump onto a twig near a convenient space tree, as he takes out a chainsaw katana.}

QUINT: Eat this, you feathered wanker!

{Max also takes out a chainsaw katana.}

MAX: HOOT. HOOT. DO YOU WANT ME TO USE MY SPECIAL TECHNIQUE AGAIN?!

QUINT: Yes, no wait I mean-

{Max and Quint lunge towards each other, using techniques which make their chainsaw katanas look impressive. The action never stops.}