Katawa Incorrigible X6: The World Is Not Enough/2

Synopsis

I WILL BREAK FREE FROM THE OPPRESSIVE ROAD! I WILL BE MY OWN MAN!

Transcript

{Open to Quint and Henry. The two are sitting at a restaurant table. Underneath the table is a pile of One Direction CDs. Quint can be seen urinating on the CDs, while simultaneously drinking a whole bottle of Bordeaux red wine in one sitting.}

QUINT: This is the life

HENRY: Why did I agree to take you to Chili's? You always do this, and then I have to give the waitress a 200% tip since we hardly order anything.

{Quint completely ignores what Henry is saying, and falls off his chair. He then proceeds to continue his pee stream, this time the urine going on the ceiling. Suddenly, people witness this and take pictures of it for their Instagrams, Pinterests, Tumblrs, whatever man.}

HENRY: I'm sorry, guys!

{Pan to a table where some people are vomiting on the floor.}

HENRY: I really, really am sorry.

{Henry watches Quint be escorted out by people wearing Green Helmets, sighing as the waittress shows up with their steaks.}

WAITRESS: Why do you keep bringing him along?

HENRY: I'm ordered by the Supreme Court to keep that bozo in line. And every time, I wonder why I have to be reduced to building my salary counting cards at blackjack tables.

WAITRESS: Well you can count my cards any time whenever that pompous oaf is not around.

{The waitress and Henry look at each other for a few minutes. Then they make passionate love outside of the Chili's, while Quint busts the heads of the Green Helmets, who escorted him out, open. Zoom out to reveal Quint and Henry are being watched by Border Patrol.}

BORDER PATROL: These two miscreants keep frequenting a Chili's in the United Kingdom. I need to inform Immigration about their illegal entry into the Motherland.

{Border Patrol calls Immigration.}

BORDER PATROL: Hello?

IMMIGRATION: What is it?

BORDER PATROL: Some blokes are making a mess of a Chili's in the U.K.

IMMIGRATION: They're legal.

BORDER PATROL: WHAT?!

IMMIGRATION: They come from a place near France. It's called Andorra.

BORDER PATROL: They come from Aldaron?

IMMIGRATION: No, you ignorant jackass. Andorra.

BORDER PATROL: I can't hear you. Anyway, they're making a mess of the Chili's. The koala bear is urinating in public, and the helicopter has himself a booty call.

IMMIGRATION: Dude, stop trailing their every move! If they do something outside of a misdemeanor like "disturbing the peace" we will haul their asses in jail. So far their priors are fine.

BORDER PATROL: So that's what they all say about these two.

{The end.}