Jackass: Wiki Edition/2

TRACY: Hi, I'm Tracy Bellstrom, and welcome to Jackass: Wiki Edition! {bashes Raiku's face in with a sledgehammer}

ZOO977: Didn't you have that yesterday?

TRACY: Yeah. Why?

{Cut to a open field with the text "Hellfire" in the lower left corner of the screen. In the middle of the field is CC holding about 60 sparklers taped together}

CC: Hey what's up, I'm CC, and I'm gonna' turn this field into a fiery hell. Can I get my lighter?

{A stage-hand hands him a ciggerette lighter. He lights the sparklers, and throws them into the field, running for his life. In about 2 minutes, the whole field is ablaze, and we're not exagerating either}

CC: I'd say that worked out pretty well.

ZOO977: {just lying on the grass unaware of the fire} Did the sun just get closer to earth?

CC: Maaaaaaaaaybe. Who knows.

ZOO977: Anyways, I'm leaving. {rolls out fo the grass, onto the base of a hill} This doesn't feel like burning!

CC: Wuss! {Runs to the fire and puts his arm around it, before cocking it back, screaming in pain}

ZOO977: {begins rolling up the mountain} Wee! {just barely touches a boudler. suddenly, an avalanch starts, rolling down wiht zoo. they roll through the whole fire, zoo catching on fire on the way} This does feel like burning!

CC: Tooooooooooooooold ya'!

ZOO977: Where do I go from here?

CC: Um, one of your stunts?

TRACY: I'd suggest we go attack my dad.

CC: Then let's do it!

TRACY:{pulls out this kind of hat, puts it on} First Mate CC, you go get smoke bombs. Officer Zoo, you get some duct tape. I'll get the fishing poles and the pot.

ZOO977 & CC:{they salute} AYE AYE, CAPTAIN! {they run off}

{cut to a bedroom. Bell and Sarah are sleeping in the bed, apparently nude. The room is being filmed in night vision}

Messing with Bell

{Badstar-O sneaks in. He pulls out an airhorn. He holds it up to Bell's face. He pushes the button that makes the airhorn blow. Tracy slams open the door waving a fishing pole with lit smoke bombs duct taped to it. He starts smacking Bell with it}

TRACY: ARGLE BARGLE!

IM A BELL: AAH! {pulls an AK-47 out from under the sheets, starts firing it at Tracy and Badstar-O}

ZOO977: {not seen} GANGWAY! {crashes through the floor, riding in a helicopter. crashes through the ceiling almost immediatly after riding in. the floor collapses, everyone falling with it}

{Raiku pulls out a Mac4 and shoots Tracy and Badstar-O with Bell}

{A few minutes later. Bell is back asleep and the floor is repaired. Badstar-O sneaks in. He pulls out a Radio. He puts it on a bedside table. He pulls out a CD that says "The Melancholy Of Haruhi Suzimiya Character CD 2, Yuki Nagato." He puts it in the radio and turns up the volume at full blast. This starts playing extremly loudly. Badstar-O jumps on the bed and starts dancing. Tracy runs in and starts slapping Bell with a rubber chicken in tune with the song. When the second violin solo begins, Badstar-O jumps on Bell's stomach and starts doing a jig.}

SARAH:{eyes open(she's a very heavy sleeper)} Huh? {looks at Badstar-O and Tracy} AAAHH!!!! {pulls out a different AK-47, starts shooting Tracy and Badstar-O with it}

{Minutes later... again...}

{Badstar-O runs in}

BADSTAR-O: BLARGH!!! {Starts beating Bell}

{Bell and Sarah wake up and start shooting Badstar-O with their AK-47s}

{A few minutes later once again...}

{Badstar-O sneaks in. He pulls out some firecrackers. He silently lights them and places them between Bell and Sarah. He then sneaks out the window. Sarah opens her eyes, grabs the firecrackers and drops them out the window}

BADSTAR-O: {Firecrackers land on his head} AW, SH-

{the firecrackers go off, lighting his head on fire. Cut back inside the room. While both are still facedown in their bed, Sarah high-fives Bell}

Stinkbombs Away!

{Raiku pulls out some stinkbombs and throws them throw the window. Bell catches them while his hand's still in the air and throws them out the window}

Human Jenga

{cut to a large field. Tracy and Badstar-O are standing next to a large tower made up of random things, including the rest of the cast}

TRACY: Badstar-O, explain this stunt for the viewers, please.

BADSTAR-O: You see, Tracy and I are going to play Jenga... WITH A TWIST! We're going to play it with the cast as the wooden blocks!

TRACY: Exactly.

BADSTAR-O: Now... WE BEGIN! Tracy, you go first.

ZOO977: {locked inside of a toychest on the bottom of the pile} Are you sure there are chips in here?

TRACY: Okay. {flies up to the top of the tower, pulls out Raiku, flings him at a tree}

{Raiku jumps on top}

ZOO977: Hyperventilating in here! {begins shaking the box he's in} AAAGH!

BADSTAR-O: Hmmm.... AHA! {Grabs Sarah by the hair and pulls her out of the stack}

ZOO977: I NEED AIR! {crashes through the side of the toy box, which keeps up the pile} AAAAAAAIR! {rolls away}

SARAH: HOW DID YOU GET ME TO DO THIS?!!!

TRACY:{pulls Bell out, flings him into the jet engine of a passing plane}

IM A BELL: You are a horrible chiiiiiiiiiiil-{shredded to bits by engine}

{The tower topples over}

BADSTAR-O: JENGA!

TRACY: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

BADSTAR-O: I WIN

TRACY: WHAT DO WE DO NOW

RAIKU: SHOPPING CART RACE

TRACY: OR MAYBE...

Grand Theft Shopping Cart

{cut to a parking lot outside a shopping mall. The cast walk onscreen. zoo immediatly grabs a shoppping cart}

ZOO977: QUELVE! {runs into the store. runs out quickly, the cart stacked high with cereal. he runs off}

{Tracy runs towards an old woman pushing a shopping cart. He throws her aside, and he starts pushing the cart rather quickly towards a wall. He stands on it}

TRACY: YEEEEEEHAW!!!! {jumps off right before the cart collides with the wall}

{Raiku steals a wheelchair shopping cart, and he starts running over old ladys}

RAIKU: MWAHAHAHAHA

{camera pans up to Tracy on the roof. He jumps off it and lands on Zoo}

TRACY: Let's go inside. It's not as fun out here.

{cut to the inside of the mall. CC is talking to a store clerk}

CC: Why do you think needing 50 tons of fireworks is so strange? I told you it's for charity!

H*T: Has anyone seen my pants?

{rides in followed by about 20 old people on wheelchair shopping carts}

TRACY & THE OLD PEOPLE: Lovely Spaaam! Wonderful Spaaam! Lovely Spaaam! Wonderful Spam. Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am. Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am. Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am. Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am. Lovely Spaaam! Lovely Spam! Lovely Spaaam! Lovely Spam! Lovely Spaaam! Spaaam, Spaaam, Spaaam, Spaaaaaam!

CC: DUDE, WHAT THE HELL?! {Gets trampled by the old people}

TRACY: This is somewhat of a welcoming to you and H*t.

BADSTAR-O: {Tapes rocket launchers to the back of a cart. Gets in, and lights them. The Shopping Cart blasts off} WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! {Crashes into a brick wall}

{Bling himself walks onscreen. Lemon pulls out a knife, picks up Bling Himself's bell, and stabs him}

LEMON: AHAHAHAHAHAHA

{Don Skull walks out of a store}

DON SKULL: ...Oh, what the f-

{Bell runs in and kicks Don Skull into a wall}

CC: Can we get a new stunt goin'? I'm getting bored of convieniance stores not letting me buy my fireworks!

TRACY: ...Just STEAL them!

{Lemon drops to the floor}

LEMON: OH GOD MY SILENCE IS STUNNING ME

{Bell lands on Lemon while on a steamroller}

IM A BELL: WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

CC: How did I not see the easyness of stealing them?! anyway, I'm goin' steal stuff

Raceway-wheelchair

{Cut to a large raceway. CC's standing in the middle of the track. Next to him is a wheelchair with fireworks taped to both sides}

CC: Hey what's up I'm CC and I'm gonna' spend some time wheelchair racing. Can I get my lighter anybody?

TRACY: Why does all of the cast like wheeled things with fireworks on them? {lights hands on fire, lights the fireworks}

LEMON: OH GOD MY SILENCE IS STILL STUNNING ME

{The wheelchair picks up speed, and is soon zooming through the speedway at at least 50 Miles per Second. While CC's face is blurred from the motion, puke can be seen flying off the side}

TRACY:{grabs Lemon, uses him as a shield for the flying puke}

LEMON: Nice green chocolate coming from your mouth. Is that mint flavor?

TRACY: ...Sure, why not? It's really good, you should eat it. ALL of it. {wellfaces}

{pause}

LEMON: OH GOD THAT'S PUKE ISN'T IT. {pulls out knife}

{The Wheelchair slows down, and eventually stops. CC's hair is smoking and he falls out the wheelchair flat on his face}

CC: I flinched...when I should've scurried. {CC passes out}

TRACY: ...No, it's not puke, where'd you get that i-EAT HIS PUKE, DAMMIT.

LEMON: ... I should give the bird. But I'm feeling nice today.

TRACY: I SAID EAT IT {pushes Lemon's face in the puke} DO YOU LIKE IT DO YOU DOOOO YOUUUUUU

P*R: {walks in, naked(its censored, thank goodness)} i like it!

TRACY: ...{throws Lemon into P*R}

P*R: {catches lemon and goes and gets a cup fulla vomit} lets see how this tastes! {puts lemon on cup and sips, his eyes turn into the rainbow} WOOHOO!!!

TRACY: ... Ehh...

{cut to a cliff. Tracy is standing next to a barrel containing both P*R and Lemon. He pushes the barrel off of the cliff, and walks offscreen}

TRACY: Won't be seeing them for a while...

{cut to inside the barrel, P*R is awake and his face is next to lemon's ass}

P*R: {pulls out cell phone and calls Tracy} I didn't know that you were gonna throw me and Lemon off of Niagara Falls!

{the screen splits vertically between Tracy and P*R}

TRACY: No, I just pushed you guys off a cliff.

P*R: Then why are we in Canada?

TRACY: ...You're not in Canada. You're just in a barrel that contained Canadian ale.

P*R:...Okay then, why is my head in Lemon's ass?

TRACY: ...Because I thought it'd be funny.

P*R: oh..... OK then. {hangs up}