It's Zippy's Show/1

Overview

It's Zippy's Show #1: pizza

Zippy and friends (or rather, friend) have to save Anchovy's Pizzarama from being absorbed by a corporate conglomerate. Will the Pizzarama remain independent, or will it be sucked into the corporate machine?

CAST: {in order of appearance} Zippy, Anchovy, Mitch, Monroe, Stalemate's representative, Ms. Magpie, Mayor Crane, a construction worker, numerous bystanders

PLACES: Anytown (Streets), Anytown (Pier), Anchovy's Pizzarama, Nelson's Bar, City Hall (Lobby), City Hall (Crane's Office)

NUMBER OF LINES: 219

Transcript

{Open: the rainy streets of Anytown. All is quiet, save for rain beating on the road and sidewalk. Suddenly, with a quiet vroom, a pink moped flies past. The camera pans over in front of the moped -- which is being driven by Zippy. His bandanna, jacket, and hair flip flutter in the wind as he speeds down the road. He takes a wide right turn down the street, heading toward the pier. He slows down and then parks in front of a restaurant. The camera pans up to show the restaurant's name: "Anchovy's Pizzarama". Zippy walks in and sits down at the counter. A pelican walks from out back and up to Zippy.}

ANCHOVY: 'Ey! Zippy! How's it goin'?

ZIPPY: {takes off bandanna, wrings it out} It's raining cats and dogs out there. I think I saw a couple fish, too.

ANCHOVY: Perfect -- I've needed some more fish for me pizza! It's been sellin' really well recently...!

ZIPPY: Well, Anchovy, you put it on everything you make. That might factor into it.

ANCHOVY: Ehh, that it might.

{Anchovy sighs as he rests his elbows on the counter, holding his head in his hands.}

ZIPPY: ... Hm? What's got you down, man?

ANCHOVY: {dejectedly} Oh, it's just... I've got the Sword o' Damocles hangin' above me head.

ZIPPY: Wow... that sounds serious. And Greek.

ANCHOVY: Aye, that it is...

ZIPPY: So, what's going on?

ANCHOVY: I'm bein' bought out, lad.

ZIPPY: {bewildered} ... Hey, can you get me a soda?

ANCHOVY: Sure, what'll ye have?

ZIPPY: I'll have a Spark Cola, please.

ANCHOVY: Very well.

{Anchovy walks to the soda fountain, takes a glass, and puts it under the fountain.}

ANCHOVY: Ice?

ZIPPY: Nah.

{Anchovy fills the glass and hands it to Zippy. Zippy takes a wallet out of his bandanna and gives Anchovy some bills. Zippy takes a swig of the soda and does a spit take.}

ZIPPY: {bewildered} Bought out?!

ANCHOVY: Aye... Stalemate's buyin' me out. Offerin' a hefty sum.

ZIPPY: ... How many digits are we talking about, now?

ANCHOVY: Pick a number.

ZIPPY: ... 6?

ANCHOVY: Add 3 and you'd be right.

ZIPPY: {swigs soda, does another spit take} What?!

ANCHOVY: Stalemate Pizza's the biggest pizza company in the Eastern Seaboard, Zip... you think they wouldn't have the dough?

ZIPPY: The pizza dough?

{Pause.}

ANCHOVY: {confused} ... I guess? {sigh} Either way, I'm finished. It's been a long and tasty road for Anchovy's Pizzarama.

ZIPPY: {stands up} No way, Anchovy. I'm not letting that happen!

ANCHOVY: A valiant effort, me boy, but-

ZIPPY: No! I'm gonna stop Stalemate from buying you out, Anchovy! I've got to keep the corporations from suppressing the local businesses, and I'll do it any way I need to!

ANCHOVY: ... By yourself?

ZIPPY: {laughs} No, no! Not by myself! I need help, of course!

ANCHOVY: Well, good luck to you... I'm just gonna drown my sorrows with pizza sauce.

{Anchovy takes a jar of pizza sauce from behind the counter and starts drinking from it.}

ZIPPY: ... Gross.

ANCHOVY: It's not my fault they don't let me serve ale!

{Cut to Nelson's Bar. Zippy, Mitch and Monroe are sitting at their own table.}

ZIPPY: ...and I'm telling you guys, we need to stop them from buying him out!

MITCH: Look, Zippy... I'm all for taking down establishments, but... I can't see myself being chained to a building and potentially being run down by a steamroller.

ZIPPY: That's funny, I can.

MITCH: Yeah, that's kinda why I'm not doing this.

MONROE: Well, you know, Zip, I've always been into helping you out! You think I can join you?

ZIPPY: I guess... since Kooky's out of town in some government think tank- pshh! And Sydney's gotta run the pet shop...

MONROE: {excitedly} Is that a yes?

ZIPPY: {groan} You think?

MONROE: {giddy} Oh boy! I'm helping! I'm helping.

{Cut to the Pizzarama. A Stalemate's truck is outside as Zippy and Monroe walk up to it.}

ZIPPY: Wow, they're already here... that's nasty.

MONROE: Well, what do we do?

ZIPPY: Let's get in there and question them!

{Zippy and Monroe run into the store. A representative from Stalemate's is sitting at a table, wearing a garish blue and black outfit with a tie that looks like a slice of pizza. Zippy and Monroe walk up to the rep.}

ZIPPY: Hello, sir! You must be from Stalemate's?

REP: Of course -- does the outfit give it away?

MONROE: Yeah, kind of.

REP: Anyhow, what can I do for you two fine gentlemen?

ZIPPY: No need to butter us up, sir. We're not here to chew the fat.

MONROE: What we are here for is to get the scoop on this pizza fiasco!

REP: Well...! I wouldn't call it a fiasco, per se...

ZIPPY: Wh-whatever, the point is that you're buying out Anchovy's and we're not about to let you!

REP: I don't know... Mr. Anchovy is warming up to the whole idea of a Stalemate's in the town!

ZIPPY: That's a lie and you know it! Last I saw him, he was crying into his marinara about it!

REP: ... Really, now?

{Anchovy walks out from behind the counter.}

ANCHOVY: Ahoy, Zip!

ZIPPY: ... You look... jollier.

ANCHOVY: That's right! I'm one-hundred percent behind this here deal we've got!

MONROE: Really?

ANCHOVY: No lie!

REP: See? Mr. Anchovy is excited about the buy-out, you see!

ZIPPY: The take-over, you mean!

{Zippy walks up to Anchovy.}

ZIPPY: Anchovy, come on! I know you -- you wouldn't give this little restaurant up for the world!

ANCHOVY: No, that's fine -- it's a new generation, ya see!

{Zippy stares intently at Anchovy as he steps forward. Anchovy leans back a bit.}

ZIPPY: This restaurant has been handed down for over seven generations -- it even says so on the little blurb on your menus!

ANCHOVY: I know, but... it's time to throw in the towel, don't you think?

ZIPPY: {glaring} You're lying through your bill, Anchovy. Who set you up for this?

ANCHOVY: Uh, ah... n-nobody!

ZIPPY: ... Really?

{Anchovy's mouth goes agape as he backs up slowly. Suddenly, he starts breaking down.}

ANCHOVY: {sobbing} Y-y-y-y-you're right, Zip! I was p-p-p-put up to it!

ZIPPY: By who? Who?

ANCHOVY: {sniffle} It was... it was...

{Cut to the city hall's lobby. Zippy and Monroe walk up to a secretary.}

MONROE: We wish to see the mayor, ma'am!

MS. MAGPIE: Alright, alright. {presses a button on the intercom} Mr. Crane?

MAYOR CRANE: {on intercom} Yes, Ms. Magpie?

MS. MAGPIE: A couple of weird ducks are here to see you.

ZIPPY: I'm not a-

MAYOR CRANE: {on intercom} Ducks? Send them in!

MS. MAGPIE: Thanks, sir. {takes finger off of button} You can head in.

{The two friends walk into Mayor Crane's office. Crane swivels his chair around to look at the two.}

MAYOR CRANE: Ah, if it isn't... uh, who are you two, again?

ZIPPY: My name's Zippy Platypus, mayor.

MONROE: And I'm Monroe Mallard!

ZIPPY: We're here regarding a certain purchase of a certain Pizzarama. Perhaps you'd know?

MAYOR CRANE: Oh, that? Well, that's just a business deal between that guy down there and Stalemate Pizza. I've got nothing to do with it!

ZIPPY: Oh, really? Is that true?

MONROE: Yeah, we've got reason to believe that you're behind this!

MAYOR CRANE: Really? Well, what's your reasoning?

ZIPPY: Why would Stalemate Pizza want to buy out a little tiny business? It's simple... to attract more customers, and thus, more people!

MAYOR CRANE: Oop! You've got me! {laughs} Yeah, I wanted a little more revenue in this town, specifically of the "buying things" variety. I bet if I've got a Stalemate's, then I'll get a Gristleburger, a Burgerdome -- face it, the entirety of this little town's gonna be rich once we're done here!

ZIPPY: But that's... that's awful!

MAYOR CRANE: What can I say? I care about money and money only. It's kind of a requirement when you're in politics!

ZIPPY: ... We can't let this happen! When are you tearing down the Pizzarama?

MAYOR CRANE: ... We weren't really planning on tearing it down, you know. We wanted to keep the rustic charm.

MONROE: Really? Well, that's kinda nice.

MAYOR CRANE: But now that you mention it, we might as well!

{Mayor Crane picks up the phone on his desk.}

MAYOR CRANE: Hello? Construction? Yeah, I need you guys to get over to the pier. ... Yeah, tear down the Pizzarama. Thanks!

ZIPPY: You monster!

MAYOR CRANE: And just how are you two going to stop me?

ZIPPY: You'll see... {furious} You'll see! Nobody, and I mean nobody tears down the one place I bother to eat at!

{Zippy rushes out of the office in a huff. Monroe looks at Mayor Crane for a second, and then runs after Zippy.}

MAYOR CRANE: ... What a bunch of maroons. What do they think they'll do?

{Cut to the Pizzarama. A raccoon is sitting in a steamroller, talking on a phone.}

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: No, seriously, sir, they're chained to it!

MAYOR CRANE: {on phone} What?! That's... that's insane! What are they thinking?

{Pan over to show Zippy and Monroe chained to the Pizzarama building.}

ZIPPY: {chanting} No blood for pizza! No blood for pizza!

MONROE: Uhh... yeah! What he- what he said!

MAYOR CRANE: {on phone} What are you going to do about it, then?

{Pan back over.}

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: We can't just run 'em over, we'll squish the little fellas!

MAYOR CRANE: {on phone} Can't you just get some bolt cutters or something? Do something, anything!

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: Okay, I-

{Suddenly, from all sides of the building, many people approach and stand in front of the building.}

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: {to Crane} Hold on, boss. I gotta take care of something.

MAYOR CRANE: {on phone} What? What?

{The construction worker gets out of his steamroller.}

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: 'Ey! What're you doing?

BYSTANDER: We're keeping you from tearing down the Pizzarama!

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: {groan} Why are all of you doing this?

MONROE: Because we love Anchovy's pizza!

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: And what's wrong with Stalemate's?

ZIPPY: It tastes like cardboard with nasty cheese and tomatoes on it, that's why!

OTHER BYSTANDER: Quality, not quantity!

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: Look, I don't know what you're thinking, but you've gotta get out of the way. This building's coming down one way or another, see?

MAYOR CRANE: {on phone} What's going on out there?!

{All the protestors begin to sing a protest song.}

MAYOR CRANE: {on phone} Why do I hear singing?!

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: ... Look, mayor... I can't do this. I'd be running over tons of people, and I just couldn't live with that, y'know?

MAYOR CRANE: {on phone} Oh, I have to do everything myself, don't I?

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: Wh-what?

{The call is dropped. Suddenly, a car drives into the area from offscreen. Mayor Crane steps out of it and knocks the construction worker out of the steamroller.}

MAYOR CRANE: How do you drive this thing?

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: What are you doing, you maniac?!

MAYOR CRANE: I'll have my cash, no matter what!

{Pan over to the large crowd. Zippy suddenly notices that Crane is piloting the steamroller.}

ZIPPY: Uh... Monroe?

MONROE: Hm?

ZIPPY: Bad news. Crane's in the steamroller.

MONROE: ... Oh, God!

{Pan back over. Mayor Crane is fiddling with the controls of the steamroller.}

MAYOR CRANE: Come on, come on! Which one is it?

{Mayor Crane offhandedly pulls a lever. Suddenly, the steamroller lurches backward.}

MAYOR CRANE: Alright, alright! We've got it started! ... Wait. Wrong way...

{Mayor Crane looks behind him and sees the steamroller slowly going toward the end of the pier.}

MAYOR CRANE: Aww, no!

{Mayor Crane sticks his head out of the cockpit.}

MAYOR CRANE: {frantically, to the worker} How do you stop this?

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: {ponders for a moment} Press that little black button near the right hand side!

MAYOR CRANE: Oh, alright!

{Mayor Crane brings his head back in. After a short moment, the steamroller suddenly speeds backward and into the water. Mayor Crane yells as the steamroller falls into the water as everybody cheers. The construction worker walks over to the two chained fellows and uses bolt cutters to get them loose.}

ZIPPY: Wow... thanks, man!

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: No problem, boys!

MONROE: But... why? Why help us?

CONSTRUCTION WORKER: I didn't like that Crane guy. Didn't strike me as... well, sane, for one.

ZIPPY: Well, duh!

{Cut to the Pizzarama, later. A large pizza sits on the table in front of Zippy and Monroe. The pizza is missing a couple slices here and there. Anchovy walks over to the two.}

ANCHOVY: Well? How's yer pizza, kiddos?

ZIPPY: Still as delicious as ever, Anchovy!

ANCHOVY: Thanks... but even more thanks fer helpin' me out, boys! I thought I was gonna be bought out fer a second!

MONROE: Don't worry about it, Anchovy! You know we'd never let you get bought by some conglomerate!

ANCHOVY: Yarr, it's a miracle that you two stopped 'em... in the nick o' time, too!

{Suddenly, the doors fly open as a soaked and dejected Mayor Crane walks in.}

ZIPPY: Oh, hey! Why if it isn't Daddy Morbucks himself!

MAYOR CRANE: {frustrated} Zip it.

{Mayor Crane walks over to Anchovy. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of bills.}

MAYOR CRANE: Take it.

ANCHOVY: ... Eh?

MAYOR CRANE: It's... compensation. Just... just take it, alright?

{Anchovy reaches for it, but quickly takes his hand back.}

ANCHOVY: Keep yer soggy, dirty money.

MAYOR CRANE: But- but I'm-

ANCHOVY: You're still thinkin' with yer wallet, Crane. Just go home, already.

MAYOR CRANE: ... {huffy} Well, fine! If you want to be ungrateful, go ahead! Make my day! I've still got the money, so hah!

{Mayor Crane stomps out, his shoes making a squishing sound as he does.}

ZIPPY: Heh... good riddance.

ANCHOVY: So, about the payment for that pizza...

ZIPPY: ... Oh! Right, uh, I-

ANCHOVY: Nah, just kidding'! It's on me, Zip! Really, it is!

{The three laugh heartily.}

ANCHOVY: Hah... no, but seriously, that'll be 20 bucks.

{An anchovy is thrown at Anchovy's face. It sticks there a bit before falling off.}

{End episode.}