Grand Theft Auto: Planet K/1

{fade in from black to a pan over The Idyllic Zone}

VOICEOVER:{gruff voice, Russian accent} Ahh, The Idyllic Zone. My home. Or, my new home, at least. I am Stanislav V. Mund, a member- former member of the Astromund Task Force. Once, I lived in the Lava Zone, but not anymore. I once went on a vacation to the Pink Cloud Zone, and when I came back, all of my close relatives were dead. My mother, my father, my brothers, everyone. Except my sister. She just... Disappeared. It was suspected that the local gang of Poorbts were the guilty party, so I'm sure they must've kidnapped her. I cannot imagine what sort of horrible things those sons of Gokuls did to her. I couldn't bear to stay in the Lava Zone after this. I attended the funeral, packed up my things, and left for here. I thought the Idyllic Zone would be better. It is, I suppose, it's but not as good as I had hoped.

{cut to an Astromund (Stanislav) standing in an unkempt apartment. He is wearing a grey, pinstripe suit}

STANISLAV:{voiceover} The ATF has a saying, "Nothing is closer to an Astromund than his family and his helmet." And now, I've just got the helmet.

{Stanislav looks into a mirror and shakes his head. He then exits the apartment. Cut to outside the apartment building. Stanislav exits it. A Chorch flies up next to him}

CHORCH:{very cheerful} Stani!

STANISLAV:{slightly irritated} Hello, Gregory.

GREGORY: God, you're depressing.

STANISLAV:{voiceover} This is Gregory Chorch. One of my only friends. And, even then, he's not much of a friend.

GREGORY: Listen, why don't we go to Frotzer's and cheer ya up?

STANISLAV: Gregory, if getting a massive amount of alcohol in my system is the only thing that will make me happy, I'd rather stay a depressed wreck.

GREGORY: Aw, come on, man! It'll be fun!

STANISLAV:{sighs} Alright, alright. I'll go.

GREGORY: Haha! I knew you'd say yes, Stani!

STANISLAV: Because you'd keep pressuring me until I did.

GREGORY: Eh-{deadpan} Mmf. Let's just leave.

STANISLAV: Alright. {pulls out a cellphone, dials a number}

{a black car suddenly appears in front of Gregory and Stanislav}

GREGORY: Ahh, I love modern technology.

STANISLAV: Scares the whatsit out of me.

{Stanislav and Gregory enter the car. Cue driving montage}

STANISLAV: So, what have you been up to?

GREGORY: Oh, not much. I tried to disable the loudspeakers in my car that project the passengers' conversations.

STANISLAV: Seems kinda pointless.

GREGORY: Really? How so?

STANISLAV: You're probably just going to destroy your car in a few days.

GREGORY: Or some kind stranger will do it for me.

STANISLAV: Hah. That's funny, Gregory.

GREGORY: Heh, yeah...

{Stanislav drives into a parking lot next to a bar named "Frotzer's"}

STANISLAV: Well, we're here.

{Stanislav and Gregory exit the car, and walk into Frotzer's. Cut to inside. It looks like a generic tavern, filled with various enemies. A Frotzer is standing behind the bar. Stanislav and Gregory enter and sit down at the bar}

FROTZER: Ah, Stani! Greg! How are ya?

STANISLAV: Hello, Frotzer.

GREGORY: Hiya, Frotz!

FROTZER: So, what'll you two have?

GREGORY: Give me the strongest thing you've got here.

FROTZER: Strongest legal drink or strongest altogether?

GREGORY: Surprise me. {grins}

STANISLAV: I'll just have a Prawn Shake on the Rocks.

FROTZER: ...Oookay.

GREGORY:{whispering to Frotzer} Put a bit of vodka in his drink.

FROTZER: You got it. {turns around to fix their drinks}

{Stanislav is looking at something offscreen}

GREGORY: What are you looking at, Stani?

STANISLAV:{points} Those guys over there.

{cut to a view of five enemies in silhouette, sitting in a booth covered in shadow, playing cards. They are, from left to right, a Quorvekt, a Kolkaryu, a Stothos, a Stafaulter, and a Greggo}

GREGORY:{offscreen} Any idea who they are?

STANISLAV:{offscreen} No. I've never seen them before. But, I don't like the way they look.

{cut back to Gregory and Stanislav. Frotzer turns around and sets two mugs in front of them}

FROTZER: Here you go, boys!

STANISLAV: Thank you, Frotzer.

GREGORY: Yeah, thanks.

FROTZER: Anything else you need?

GREGORY: No, not really.

STANISLAV: Eh, who are those people? Over there, in the corner of the room.

FROTZER: Oh, them? They're members of some gang, or mafia, or something. Don't trouble ya'self with them.

GREGORY:{takes a sip of his drink} Mmh! {rubs head} What is this?

FROTZER: I call it a "Hem & Coke".

GREGORY: "Hem"? What's-

FROTZER: Hemorrhage.

GREGORY: Ah.

STANISLAV: Any idea what they're called?

FROTZER: Eh? Oh, uhh, I think they call themselves the Pitch Syndicate. But, seriously, don't get acquainted with them. Nothing good will come of it.

STANISLAV: I'm going over there. {starts to stand up}

GREGORY:{puts claw on Stanislav's shoulder} Stani! Sit down and drink. I think I know these guys. One of my brother's friends borrowed some money from them. He was found in the Tampo River a week later.

STANISLAV: Mmf. {takes a sip of his drink} Mmm, this is pretty good! {drinks some more}

GREGORY: Ehh, I don't think you should be drinking that much.

STANISLAV: Agh, shut up. {drinks more}

GREGORY: But you don't understand! Fro-

STANISLAV: Be quiet Gregory!

{fade to a noticeably drunk Stanislav. His suit is all ruffled up and there are multiple empty glasses with a pink film on the inside of them}

STANISLAV:{slurred speech} Hhhey, Frotzer! Give me another!

GREGORY: I... I don't think that's a very good idea.

{cut to Stanislav's point of view. The camera is swaying around and going in and out of focus}

STANISLAV: You know what, Gregory? You- {points to the left of Gregory} You are a Saargtspawn!

{cut back to Gregory}

GREGORY: Eunnghhh... {to Frotzer} How much vodka did you put in his prawn shake?

FROTZER: You mean "how much prawn shake did I put in his vodka?"

GREGORY: ... {facepalm} ...Wait, where's Stani?

{zoom out slightly to show that Stanislav has left his barstool. Cut to Stanislav staggering towards the Pitch Syndicate members}

STANISLAV: Hhhhey, you... {points to each one of the Syndicate members and moves lips, as if counting} ...Ten guys! I-I don't like th' look of you! Maybe it's because you're black...

QUORVEKT:{to the Stothos, generic Italian mafioso accent} Hey boss, you want me to do something to him, or something?

STOTHOS:{screeching mechanical voice similar to that of a Dalek from Doctor Who} NO, DO NOT BOTHER, ADRIANO. I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT MYSELF. {gets out of seat, rolls toward Stanislav} EXCUSE ME.

STANISLAV: Uhh? Whhhat d'you want?

STOTHOS: YOU RE BOTHERING MY MEN AND I. LEAVE.

STANISLAV: Y-you can't tell me what ta do! {aims blaster at Stothos}

STOTHOS: WHAT THE F-

{Stanislav fires his blaster. Cut to the Syndicate's table. Stanislav's blast hits Quorvekt in the left wing}

QUORVEKT: AAGH! {falls out of the air, onto the table}

KOLKARYU:{also in a mafioso accent} Oh my God! Adriano!

{cut back to Stanislav and Stothos}

STOTHOS: ...YOUR AIM IS TERRIBLE.

STANISLAV:{hic} Thank yez.

STOTHOS: MMF. YOU ARE RATHER ANNOYING, BUT YOU'VE GOT GUTS. WE COULD USE YOU TO CARRY OUT SOME... "MISSIONS". MISSIONS THAT WE DO NOT WANT TO COMPLETE OURSELVES.

STANISLAV: So... You wan' me ta do yer dirty work for ya?

STOTHOS: ER, WELL, YES.

STANISLAV: Uhh, okay, man. {pulls out a cellphone, hands it to the Stothos} Here's my cell.

STOTHOS: ERR... QUORVEKT! TAKE THE PHONE AND WRITE DOWN THIS GUY'S PHONE NUMBER!

QUORVEKT:{offscreen} I've just been shot! Why should I do it?

STOTHOS: BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE OF US WHO'S GOT ANY ARMS!

QUORVEKT:{offscreen} But I write with that arm!

STOTHOS: OH DEAR. CAN ANYONE WITH ARMS WRITE THIS GUY'S NUMBER DOWN FOR US?

{Gregory floats onscreen}

GREGORY: I'll do you one better. {reaches into Stanislav's pocket}

STANISLAV: Hey! Get outta there, man!

GREGORY:{pulls out what looks like a business card and hands it to Stothos} Here. It's his card.

STOTHOS: THANK YOU. {glances at card} OH, GOOD. IT'S GOT HIS ADDRESS ON IT. NOW IF WE DON'T LIKE YOUR WORK, WE HAVE SOMETHING TO RUIN. {throws cellphone at Stanislav} AND TAKE YOUR PHONE BACK. WE CAN'T LET YOU LOSE THAT, CAN WE?

GREGORY: No. We can't. Come on, Stani. We'd better get going. I don't want you to get involved in anything else.

{Gregory leads Stanislav out of Frotzer's as the screen fades to black. Fade back in to Stanislav waking up in his apartment the next day}

STANISLAV: ...Ehh? When did I get here? And why did I sleep for half a day?

{Stanislav's cellphone rings}

STANISLAV:{answering phone} ...Hello?

STOTHOS:{from phone} HELLO, STANI. IT IS TIME.

STANISLAV: Who the hell is this?

STOTHOS:{from phone} I SEE YOU ARE SOBER. GOOD.

STANISLAV: How did you get my number?

STOTHOS: SO YOU DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING, THEN. LISTEN, COME OVER TO FREDERICO'S. IT'S A RESTAURANT IN LITTLE ITALY ZONE. I'LL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO YOU THERE.