Fake Character Email Funstar Player/race

Summary

Funstar races Homestar.

Cast (in order of appearance): Funstar Player, Coach Z, Homestar Runner, Pom Pom(Easter egg)

Places: Funstar Player's Computer Room, Race Track

Date: May 4, 2008

Transcript

FUNSTAR: {singing} We will, we will, email! Email!

A Race

Dear Funstar,
Can You Beat Homestar In A Race?
From,

Micah

FUNSTAR: Well, Mr. Capitalize-every-single-word-you-use-and-don't-put-subject-in-the-subject-bar, I can beat Homestar in a race. What did you think? Just because he has the word "Runner" in his name, he's the fastest ever?

{Funstar types in "run_raceingman.jpg". It puts up a picture of Funstar with an afro and holding a medal.}

FUNSTAR: Back in the day, I was the most terrific athlete in Free Country. Winning every single race they threw at me. Then Homestar came. He was the first challenge I had.

{Funstar types in "run_loser.jpg". It puts up a picture of Homestar with the medal and Funstar covered in mud.}

FUNSTAR: Unfortunately, I failed the race I had with him and he was named the most terrific athlete in all of Free Country, leaving me to go home in shame.

{Funstar gets up and it pans up to show he is looking at his medal, framed above the computer.}

FUNSTAR: But, I swore that one day, I would get my revenge on Homestar and get that medal that is rightfully mine. And I will do that now.

{Funstar Player gets up and walks away.}

{Cut to the race track. Coach Z is there and Funstar walks in.}

COACH Z: Oh, hey, Funster, how are you terday?

FUNSTAR: I'm fine, Coach Z. Hey, have you seen Homestar?

COACH Z: Whoy, yes, I did. He worked by a few minutes ago to troy and sell me some melonade.

FUNSTAR: Melonade? What on earth?

COACH Z: Yorp, he's gots a new jorb now.

FUNSTAR: I'm going to get to the bottom of this. {leaves}

COACH Z: Don't forget to worsh!

{Cut to another part of the race track. Homestar is holding a box of melonade labled "Ice cream".}

HOMESTAR: Melonade! Get some hot, fwesh, melonade here!

{Funstar walks in.}

FUNSTAR: What the heck are you doing?

HOMESTAR: I'm selling stuff!

FUNSTAR: Well, can you stop? I need to tell you something.

HOMESTAR: No can do! Us melonade-sellers must never take their minds off of selling melonade.

FUNSTAR: But you're not a melonade seller!

HOMESTAR: Says you. I've sold exactly -1 glasses of melonade!

FUNSTAR: -1?

HOMESTAR: Yep, I drank one because I was hot. This is not an easy, peasy job, ya know!

FUNSTAR: Uh, yeah. There's more important things than that nasty stuff.

HOMESTAR: Like what?

FUNSTAR: Racing your friends!

HOMESTAR: That's a gweat idea! When you find one, tell me!

FUNSTAR: {sighs} OK, then.

{Funstar runs offscreen and then comes back onscreen in a Pom Pom mask and shirt.}

HOMESTAR: Oh, hi, Pom Pom! Funstar was just here telling me to race a fwend, and you're my best friend ever!

FUNSTAR: Bubble bubble.

HOMESTAR: Why, I'd love to race you!

{Cut to the part of the race track with Coach Z. Funstar and Homestar walk in.}

COACH Z: Why, hey, Funster!

FUNSTAR: Ahem!Bubble bubble.

COACH Z: Oh, I see. Hi, Pam Pam.

HOMESTAR: Hi, Coach Z. Guess what? Me and Pom Pom are going to race today!

COACH Z: Oh, rrrly?

FUNSTAR: Yep, I mean, bubble bubble.

COACH Z: Orkey dorkey!

{Funstar goes to Coach Z and whispers something in his ear.}

COACH Z: Oh! The winner wins Hamstray's torphrey!

HOMESTAR: My what?

COACH Z: Traphy!

HOMESTAR: Huh?

FUNSTAR: Ahem he means trophyBubble bubble.

HOMESTAR: Oh! Thanks, Pom Pom! Sure, I'll give up my twophey if you win. Just remember, they don't call me Runner for nothin'!

FUNSTAR: Bubble.

COACH Z: OK, 1, 2, 3! Go!

{Homestar and Funstar run offscreen. Cut to the finish line.}

FUNSTAR: I'm ahead of him! I'm going to win!

{Suddenly, Funstar slips on a puddle. He falls in slow motion.}

FUNSTAR: {low and echoing} Noooo!

{It then speeds back up to show Funstar fall into the mud puddle.}

FUNSTAR: {sinking} Crud.

{Homestar comes onscreen and jumps over Funstar.}

HOMESTAR: Boing!

{Homestar runs past the finish line then stops. He turns around to see Funstar with the paint on his shirt melted and his mask slid off.}

HOMESTAR: Oh, hi, Funstar! Hey, did you see Pom Pom? He must still be back there, trying to catch up to me. I'll just go home and clean my twophey. {leaves}

FUNSTAR: {sighs} I didn't even get to 70 lines.

{Cut to the computer room. Funstar walks in covered in mud.}

FUNSTAR: Well, My Call, it turns out I can't beat Homestar in a race. Mostly because of that stupid mud puddle. I should've went against him on a day that it didn't rain.

> Click here to e-mail Funstar Player

funplay12@jcmail.com

FUNSTAR: Uh, I'm going to take a bath now. Hey, that reminds me of-nah. {leaves}

Easter Eggs

• Click on "race" to see a scene with the real Pom Pom.

{Pom Pom walks in the race track. Coach Z is there.}

COACH Z: Oh, hey, Funster. You look more like Pam Pam than ever!

POM POM: {questionable bubble noises}

COACH Z: Oh, you're the rrrl Pam Pam and came to help Homestar sell melonade?

POM POM: {bubble noises}

COACH Z: Huh? Oh, nothing! Forget a word I said!

Fun Facts

• The intro is a reference to "We Will Rock You", a song made by Queen.
• Homestar quitting racing to sell stuff may be a reference to disconnected.
• Funstar may be mentioning Da Trick when he remembers something about a bath.