Fake Character Email Funstar Player/cop

Summary

Funstar becomes a cop.

Cast (in order of appearance): Funstar Player, Bubs, Policedogs

Places: Bubs' Concession Stand, Funstar Player's Computer Room, Free Country Police Department, The Stick

Date: July 23, 2008

Transcript

{Funstar Player goes to Bubs' Concession Stand with his broken computer.}

FUNSTAR: Hey, Bubs, can you fix my computer?

BUBS: Sure, but it's gonna cost you.

FUNSTAR: Name a price.

BUBS: $250

FUNSTAR: Name a lower price.

BUBS: $150?

FUNSTAR: Are you trying to get bankrupt?

BUBS: Fine, fine, fine. $50. And that's as low as I'll go.

FUNSTAR: Make it $25 and you've got a deal.

BUBS: {angrily} I said 50 is as low as I'll go!

FUNSTAR: Well, this isn't limbo. Now, I'll give you $45 if it comes with a lollipop.

BUBS: {sighs} Deal. Now, give me that stupid computer.

FUNSTAR: Here you go!

{Funstar throws the computer to Bubs.}

{Cut to a screen that says "1 hour later". Cut back. Bubs gives the computer back to Funstar good as new.}

BUBS: Here you go!

{Bubs throws the computer at Funstar and it knocks Funstar offscreen.}

BUBS: Oops, forgot that you can't catch.

FUNSTAR: {offscreen} I hate you. Now, let's test this bad boy out!

{Funstar gets back up and turns the computer on.}

FunCom Pwns All

FUNSTAR: What the heck? Why is the font orange?!

BUBS: Well, the text was altered from the fireworks and I decided not to fix it.

FUNSTAR: Why you-

{Bubs throws a lollipop in Funstar's mouth before Funstar can say anything else.}

FUNSTAR: {muffled} I'm not gonna let you-Mmm, it's cherry!

BUBS: See ya!

{Bubs goes into the basement and Funstar walks away.}

{Cut to Funstar's computer room. Funstar still has the lollipop in his mouth as he puts the computer on the desk and opens up his email. He then takes the lollipop out of his mouth.}

FUNSTAR: If email had a flavor, I hope it'd be cherry.

HELP!

ALBINO'S ON A RUN FROM THE POLICE! DO NOT TELL ANYONE WE'RE UNDER THE COUCH!

ZOO977, ALBINO, AND DOT

{Funstar reads in a loud monotone to reflect that the email was written entirely in capital letters.}

FUNSTAR: IT'S NOT NICE TO MAKE THESE IN ALL CAPS! INCLUDING THE SUBJECT BAR, WHICH HAS NO "SUBJECT" IN IT! Now, what did that guy do to get in trouble, and most importantly, HOW DID YOU GET IN MY HOUSE?!

{Funstar puts the lollipop back in his mouth.}

FUNSTAR: {muffled} If you excuse me, I'm going to go call the cops now.

{Funstar walks offscreen. He walks back onscreen a few moments later.}

FUNSTAR: {muffled} OK, you guys are about to get in serious trouble. Worse than seeing your favorite color text change. Though, Bubs' fix does have my reflection appear.

{Dog with police outfits run onscreen.}

FUNSTAR: Dang, you guys are fast, and dogs. Shouldn't you guys be working at a fire station?

POLICEDOG #1: We quit. We thought we weren't reaching our full potential. Can I get a woof woof!

POLICEDOGS #2 and #3: {barks}

FUNSTAR: Right, so, are you going to arrest the people that broke into my house?

POLICEDOG #1: Yes, we're also arresting that albino thing for stealing pets for Hardhat's zoo.

FUNSTAR: I don't care. Just get them the heck out of here.

POLICEDOG #1: OK, dogs, let's get them! If they refuse to go with us, start biting.

FUNSTAR: And, if you forget, they're under the couch.

POLICEDOGS #2 and #3: {barks}

POLICEDOG #1: Let's roll!

{The policedogs run offscreen. A few moments later, they run back onscreen.}

POLICEDOG #1: They're not there.

FUNSTAR: What?

POLICEDOG #1: But, the window is open.

FUNSTAR: Darn it, they must've heard us talking. Well, good luck finding them!

POLICEDOG #1: Hey, we're not as dumb as the cliché says we are! You will help us find those criminals!

FUNSTAR: Me? Work with a bunch of kooky canines? Never!

POLICEDOG #1: He's resisting us, guys! Sic him!

{The policedogs jump at Funstar jumps out of the way.}

FUNSTAR: OK! I'll help! Just don't bite my head off!

{Cut to the Free Country Police Department. Funstar and the policedogs walk in.}

FUNSTAR: So, what's the plan?

POLICEDOG #1: Plan?

FUNSTAR: To get the criminals.

POLICEDOG #1: Oh, the plan!

FUNSTAR: Yeah, the plan!

POLICEDOG #1: A mighty fine plan, I tell you!

FUNSTAR: Yes, yes, a plan.

POLICEDOG #1: Yep...a plan.

FUNSTAR: You don't have a plan, do you?

POLICEDOG #1: Nope.

FUNSTAR: {sigh} You know, the stereotype about you guys are starting to make much more sense.

POLICEDOG #1: I know! Let's just walk around the city and we'll soon find him!

FUNSTAR: Worst plan ever.

POLICEDOG #1: Who's the professional cop here?

FUNSTAR: There's a professional cop here? Get him and maybe he'll come up with a better plan!

POLICEDOG #1: That's not funny!

FUNSTAR: Did I look like I was laughing?

POLICEDOG #1: Whatever, just go with my plan!

FUNSTAR: Looks like I have no other choice.

POLICEDOG #1: {mumbling} You can just make up your own GLORIOUS PLAN.

FUNSTAR: I heard that!

{Cut to The Stick. The policedogs and Funstar stop.}

FUNSTAR: OK, this is the tenth time we passed The Stick. Deal with it, we'll never find Hardhat and his friends if we keep going like this.

POLICEDOG #1: C'mon. Eleventh time's the charm!

POLICEDOGS #2 and #3: {barks}

POLICEDOG #1: Aw, my guys want to play catch.

FUNSTAR: At this time? No! Anyway, there's no balls or sticks around here.

{Everyone looks at The Stick.}

POLICEDOGS #2 and #3: {whines}

FUNSTAR: No, that's a mark in Free Country's history. Now, let's go finish this search.

POLICEDOGS #2 and #3: {whines}

FUNSTAR: Oh, be quiet!

POLICEDOG #1: Well, it seems that if only we had some DNA of sorts of the criminals, we could sniff them down.

FUNSTAR: You can sniff the email I got from them.

POLICEDOG #1: That's crazy enough to work!

FUNSTAR: {mumbling} There's my GLORIOUS PLAN.

POLICEDOG #1: I heard that! Kinda.

{Cut to Funstar Player's Computer Room. Funstar opens up the email and the policedogs sniff it. They then start howling.}

POLICEDOG #1: We've got something!

FUNSTAR: Thank gosh! Now, get out and leave me alone.

POLICEDOG #1: Thank you, uh, {reads the email} Funstar. We couldn't have done it without you.

FUNSTAR: And I couldn't have wasted an hour of my life without you.

POLICEDOG #1: Let's go, boys.

POLICEDOGS #2 and #3: {barks}

{The policedogs leave.}

> Click here to e-mail Funstar Player

funplay12@jcmail.com

POLICEDOGS #2 and #3: {barks}

FUNSTAR: For the last time, I'm not going to play stupid catch with you!

POLICEDOGS #2 and #3: {whines}

FUNSTAR: For the love of-

{Funstar takes a Funball out of his shirt pocket and throws it to the policedogs. It hits the ground and they both jump on it, ending up in a big cloud of dust.}

FUNSTAR: Great, a dogfight.

{The policedog's cloud of dust moves offscreen and glass breaking is heard.}

FUNSTAR: {worried} I hope that wasn't expensive.

{The Funball flies back onscreen and knocks Funstar offscreen.}

FUNSTAR: Though my body is.

Easter Eggs

• Click on the computer to see another newspaper clipout.

{The headline says "Hardhat Runner gets arrested!" and under it the words "'All because of that tattletale Funstar' says Hardhat" is seen.}

Fun Facts

• The title is not a reference to Cops in any shape or form.
• Funstar reading the email loudly and complaining about it is a reference to sugarbob.
• It can be assumed that the police dogs are dalmatians because they used to work as firefighters.
• GLORIOUS PLAN is a reference to GLORIOUS SINGLE INTERACTIVE.
• Eleventh time's the charm is a reference to "third time's the charm".
• Funball is a running gag in FPmail.
• The newspaper clips about Hardhat Runner is also a running gag in FPmail.