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Fake Character Email Funstar Player/books

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Summary

Funstar tells about all the wonderful and not-so-wonderful things books have to offer.

Cast (in order of appearance): Funstar Player, Strong Bad, Da Trick, The Cheat, Homestar Runner, Señor, Mr. Bland, The Robot, Homsar

Places: Funstar Player's Computer Room, The Field, The Stick

Date: May 24, 2008

Transcript

FUNSTAR: Funstar is an email man. He checks emails whenever he can!

{says "Uh oh, this guy's British" quietly after reading "favourite" and whines the word "why??"}

FUNSTAR: OK, why are you insulting me? And is Style some series in England? I didn't even know they had video games there. And what do you rip, Jack? "Subject"s out of the subject bar? You aren't the only one.

{Funstar takes a book out labeled videro games.}

FUNSTAR: Let me see...nope. No game called "Style". He must've ment my favorite style of video games, but accidentally capitalized style. Thanks for wastin' my time, Jack! Anyway, I already told you in the last email why I don't have a favorite video game, so this email is useless.

{Funstar throws out the book.}

FUNSTAR: However, since this email ended way too early, I'll do what Strong Bad does in situations like this, take it a different direction! So, Jack, I don't play video games, you shouldn't either. Instead, you should do something like read a book.

{Funstar takes out a book titled "Books" and under the title is the words "A book about books?" Funstar flips open to the first page and holds it up, showing the title "Kids Books".}

FUNSTAR: There's children's books. Those are actually hand-drawn and colored by the creator of the book. Let's see an example.

{Cut to a picture of original book Funstar on original book Field. He narrates the story offscreen. Character voices are imitated(poorly).}

FUNSTAR: {narrating} The Funstar Player Competes in the Coolest Guy in the Universe Competition.

{The page turns to a picture of Funstar standing in front of a red and green star.}

Everyone loves The Funstar Player. He's a great athlete.

{The page turns to Funstar walking on the field.}

One day, The Funstar Player decided to go for a walk.

{The page turns to Funstar taking an ad off his face.}

He then found an ad for a contest.

"The...Coolest Person in the Universe? How exciting!" said The Funstar Player.

{The page turns to show Strong Bad laughing at Funstar.}

"You aren't cool! I'm the coolest!" laughed Wrong Bad.

{The page turns to Funstar walking away, disappointed.}

The Funstar Player was embarrassed and decided to just go home and forget about the contest.

"He is right. I can't win." said sad Funstar.

{Cut to Funstar sitting on his chair at home with Da Trick.}

Da Trick then tells The Funstar Player that it doesn't matter what other people think of you. It only matters what you think of you.

{The page turns to Funstar hugging Da Trick lovingly.}

"You always cheer me up, Da Trick," said motivated Funstar. "Now, we have a competition to go to! Come on!"

{The page turns to Funstar and Da Trick leaving the house.}

So, The Funstar Player and Da Trick left to The Coolest Guy in the Universe Competition.

{The page turns to Funstar at the competition with Da Trick.}

"Nothing can stop me now! Except...that, said a surprised Funstar.

{The page turns to Strong Bad with The Cheat and Homestar Runner.}

The Funstar Player saw The Homestar Runner, his second best friend, with the evil forces of Kong Bad.

{The page turns to Funstar looking at them in sadness.}

"Homestar, you're with them?" said Funstar, feeling neglected.

"Uh, no. I saw them coming in that cool entrance scene and I had to be in on the action! I'm on nobody's side!" said proud Homestar.

"Uh, go away. Now." said angry Dong Bad.

{The page turns to Homestar, Funstar, Strong Bad, Señor, Mr. Bland, and The Robot in front of The Announcer.}

"OK, whoever does the coolest dance wins the trophy!" explained the Announcer.

{The page turns to Señor moving his arms up and down. They fall off somehow.}

Señor was not close to cool.

{The page turns to Mr. Bland bending left and right. A crack is heard and he stops.}

Mr. Bland was too old.

{The page turns to The Robot doing the, well, robot. He shuts down.}

The Robot didn't recharge that morning.

{The page turns to The Cheat holding scissors in his hand.}

Or did he?

{The page turns to Funstar doing the slide. He notices The Cheat and The Robot and his jaw drops.}

The Funstar Player witnessed The Cheat's bad deed.

{The page turns to The Cheat, with a pin in his hand, running towards Homestar, who is dong his buttdance.}

But The Cheat was not done.

{The page turned to a close-up of Funstar yelling.}

"Homestar! Watch out!" yelled heroic Funstar.

{The page turns to Funstar jumping on The Cheat and taking the scissors.}

Funstar stopped The Cheat just in time.

{The page turns to Funstar kicking The Cheat in the air.}

Funstar got the Cheat out of there so he wouldn't try that again.

{The page turns to Strong Bad doing his jig. The Cheat lands on him, knocking him down.}

"No! Now I lost!" whined, uh, Strong Bad.

{The page turns to Homestar holding the trophy.}

The Funstar Player may not have been the coolest guy in the universe, but he did do a good deed that day.

{The page turns to Funstar sitting at his chair again, this time with a smile on his face and Da Trick sleeping on his lap.}

And that made him think of himself well.

{Cut back to Funstar at his computer.}

FUNSTAR: I wanted to say "good" so badly. Stupid writing standards. Anyway, the story I just told was fiction, or made up. There are actually some stories about things that really happened! Those are called nonfiction. Take this example.

{Funstar turns to the next page, entitled "Nonfiction".}

{Cut to a picture The Stick.}

FUNSTAR: {narrating} The Origin of the Stick.

{The page turns to a close-up of The Stick.}

It is unknown where the Stick comes from. Many have asked one certain emailer, but he never answered them because the truth is, he really doesn't know.

{The page turns to a picture of a big tree.}

It is rumored that the Stick was once a big tree that was the source of all living in Free Country.

{The page turns to a picture of the big tree, growing smaller, on a brown field.}

But, as the rain that came every week stopped coming in a long period called The Drought of '92, when almost everyone in Free Country left, the tree started getting smaller and losing leaves and everyone thought it would die.

{The page turns to a picture of the normal Stick.}

Then, one day, rain came again, right when the Stick was about to die. Unfortunately, now rain only comes once a month in Free Country, so the Stick never grew again.

{Cut back to the computer room.}

FUNSTAR: {yawns} Boring! Those books never interest me. Anyway, other kinds of books are comic books, or graphic novels, as nerds call them. They user more pictures than words.

{Funstar flips to the next page, titled "Comic books".}

FUNSTAR: I used to like them, but after pathetic things like Strong Badman came out, I lost interest. No example for you!

{Funstar turns to a page entitled "School Crudbooks".}

FUNSTAR: There are books you probably never used outside of your school. Unless you used it for an outside school class thing. Or for homework. Whatever. There are notebooks. Books that you write notes in. Duh. But, they are also great places to doodle in.

{Funstar takes out an album.}

FUNSTAR: This is an album of all my school doodles. Albums are also books, kinda, but I won't go into that.

{Funstar opens to the first page of the album. It has nothing but a squiggly line on it.}

FUNSTAR: Yep, here it is. My first. Doodle. Ever. {sniffs} I'm sorry. I get emotional over these things.

{Funstar puts up the album.}

FUNSTAR: There are also textbooks, dictionaries, reference books, encyclopedias, atlases, you can stop me at any time, almanacs, you name it! School takes abuse of these things easily!

{Funstar flips to a page titled "Home Crudbooks".}

FUNSTAR: Yes, the madness never ends. Home uses books, too. There are phone books, address books, calenders, which are now legally books. People even had things called diaries and journals back in the old times. But then blogs washed them away.

{Funstar flips to a page entitled "Fantasies".}

FUNSTAR: I know I talked about fictions, but these kinds stand from the crowd. These books have so many crazy and impossible things happen that it just wouldn't be right for them to be just called "fiction". No sir, this next example is a FANTASY!

{Cut to a picture of Homsar's hat.}

FUNSTAR: {narrating} The Hat of a Homsar.

{The page turns to Homsar walking with his normal hat on the Field.}

Once upon a time, there was a weirdo named Homsar.

"Uhdyeah, what ees it, Strong Baaaaayaad?" said Homsar.

{The page turns to a heavy lourde with Homsar's feet sticking out.}

One day, some jerk in boxing gloves smashed him, hoping he would die.

{The page turns to Homsar, in a hospital bed without his bowler hat.}

But, luckily, he didn't.

{The page turns to Homsar walking on the street.}

It was unknown how he survived being crushed by such a large weight. One thing was for sure, though.

{The page turns to Homsar looking in a hat store window.}

His hat sure didn't.

{The page turns to Homsar walking out of the store with an identical hat on.}

He found another hat that looked almost the same as the last one. I wasn't the same, though. It was really different.

{The page turns to Homsar's hat levitating as his mouth is open.}

His hat had the ability to fly.

{The page turns to Homsar's hat transforming into a captain's.}

And change forms.

{The page turns to show Homsar freezing time.}

The hat also gave Homsar special powers. Like time manipulation.

{The page turns to show Homsar floating.}

Levitation.

{The page turns to two Homsar's looking at each other.}

Self-duplication.

{The page turns to show Homsar's head going into his shirt.}

And head-retraction.

{The page turns to the hat from the first page.}

Yes, indeed, that hat has powers in it.

{The page turns to a picture of Homsar.}

And they all belong to this strange little man.

{Cut back to the computer room.}

FUNSTAR: Yep, like I said, unbelievable. Seriously, how could someone like Homsar have powers? It can't happen!

{Zoom out to show Homsar floating next to Funstar.}

FUNSTAR: Though I could be wrong.

{Zoom back in to Funstar and the FunCom.}

FUNSTAR: Well, there you go, Jackie, I hope you enjoy the books England has to offer other than wasting your brainpower on video games. And emailing me.

{The envelope comes down with the paper saying "Click here to email Funstar" popping out.}

HOMSAR: DaAaAa. Nothing's gonna change my cat.

FUNSTAR: Wah! How'd you get in here? And why are you floating? Wait, rephrase that, how are you floating?

HOMSAR: My snacks should be kept cold.

FUNSTAR: I understand. Actually, I don't.

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "Jackie" to see a picture of Jack the Ripper with long, blonde hair.
  • Click on Homsar's hat to see an advertisement.
{Homsar's hat is floating above a cat, which is holding up it's claws.}
CAPTION: Comeing nowhere near you, Squeaky vs. A Random Cat!

Fun facts

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