Doggie Emails/girlfriend

{The intro package plays.}

{Cut to doggie writing in his journal. Kittie walks up and moves close to doggie.}

DOGGIE: {about to greet kittie, he is cut off when kittie rubs her head on his neck}

KITTIE: {lovingly} Meow, purr. {Doggie blushes and smiles goofily}

{The door opens and NachoMan walks in}

NACHOMAN: {entering with bags of groceries} Doggie! Kittie! {looking around} I'm home! {He spots kittie being affectionate toward doggie and doggie blushing, obviously not opposed to kittie's affection} Oh, you guys. That's so cute. Well, I'll leave you guys alone. {NachoMan runs up the stairs} Hey, Bluebry! I got pizza rolls!

BLUEBRY: {offscreen, upstairs} Heck yeah!

{Cut back to kittie and doggie. Doggie closes his journal and simply revels in the moment}

KITTIE: {motioning quizically toward the journal} Meow, purr.

DOGGIE: {quickly shuffles the journal away, embarrassed}

KITTIE: {a bit disheartened} Meow, purr.

THECHEESE: {sticking his head in from another room} Kittie, come eat. He'll be here when you finish. That's so cute. {TheCheese's head disappears offscreen}

KITTIE: Meow, purr. {Kittie exits}

DOGGIE: {sits quietly in a state of quiet contemplation. He considers the current political situation, and wonders whether we can truly trust our new president. He also thinks about bones. After a few moments, he turns to his computer and types Doggiemail.exe, and an email opens:}

dear doggie
you totally need to hang out with that guy
who puts his bawlz in people's faces
ask him out to coffee or something
he seems like a pretty cool guy

your secret admirer

DOGGIE: {begins silently reading the email. He minutely nods his head as he begins reading. He stops for a moment halfway through to remember who this "guy" is, and once memory does its job, he continues}

KITTIE: {walks up quietly, and begins rubbing on doggie's neck once again} Meow, purr.

DOGGIE: {tries to stay focused and continuing to answer the email, but kittie is a tad much for his composure, so he takes a short break, sitting there approvingly}

KITTIE: {looks at the computer for a brief moment, just out of instinctive curiosity. Her eyes widen noticeably.} Meow, purr.

DOGGIE: {looks at kittie with a confused look}

KITTIE: {slightly angered} Meow, purr.

DOGGIE: {still with a confused face, he sympathetically shrugs in utter lack of understanding}

KITTIE: {noticeably more angry, pointing at the screen} Meow, purr.

DOGGIE: {looks at the screen, and sees that she is pointing at "your secret admirer". The situation hits him, and he is too dumbfounded for words.}

KITTIE: {furious, thinking that doggie is looking for other women, obviously} Meow, purr.

DOGGIE: {he remains mute, knowing that the situation looks bleak for him, regardless of kittie misunderstanding}

KITTIE: {yelling at doggie, almost in tears} Meow, purr. {kittie runs from the room, about to sob}

DOGGIE: {his jaw is dropped, his eyes are wide. He is in complete disbelief. He understands that a misunderstanding just cost him someone he loves. He, unable to continue silently pondering this with no distraction, turns to the computer. He skims over the email quickly and walks out the door.}

{Cut to doggie sitting across from Dinoshaur in a quaint coffee shop. The window behind them reads "eeffoC s'eoJ appuC". Dinoshaur breaks the silence.}

DINOSHAUR: First of all, let me say that it's an honor to finally be able to talk to you face-to-face {Dinoshaur grew up admiring doggie through his sporadic cameos in kung fu movies}. Second, why we're here. What's on your mind, doggie?

DOGGIE: {lowers his head and inhales deeply. The exhalation then practically screams depression and melancholy}

DINOSHAUR: Ah, girl problems. I'm here for you, man. {puts a firm hand on doggie's shoulder} Look, I've dealt wi-

{He is cut off by a waiter walking up to their table. Dinoshaur reads his nametag. It reads "The Noid"}

DINOSHAUR: Oh, sorry doggie. Guess it's time to order.

DOGGIE: {still visibly affected by his trauma, he barely moves from his sad position}

DINOSHAUR: Oh...{understanding} okay. We'll just have two regular espressos.

THE NOID: {writing this all down on a notepad} Okay, that's two regular expressos.

DINOSHAUR: Not to nitpick, but I think that technically, it's pronounced espressos.

THE NOID: {ponders this for a moment} Oh. You're...right. I'm sorry, sir. Please forgive me, it was my mistake. Can I do anything to have your forgiveness?

DINOSHAUR: {puzzled} Um...we're fine, thanks.

THE NOID: {his eyes widen and what looks like tears begin to appear near the base of his eyes} ...Yes, thank you, sir. {The Noid walks away}

DINOSHAUR: {to doggie} That's a pretty different guy, huh?

{Cut to an alley behind the coffee shop. The Noid bursts out of the door sobbing hysterically. He covers his face in shame, slams the door behind him, and slides down the wall into a near-fetal position on the ground.}

THE NOID: Again, Noid? AGAIN? Why? Why do you keep failing me, Noid? WHY? ANSWER ME! {He receives what appears to be a moment of clarity in his mind as he seems to calm down quite a bit.} You...you sicken me. {The Noid pulls a syringe from his uniform and quickly injects it into his arm} Oh...that's good, isn't it, you waste of wastes? You failed me again. {He pulls out the syringe, throws it offscreen, and begins sobbing into his hands.}

{Cut back to Dinoshaur and doggie, still in the coffee shop.}

DINOSHAUR: You have to talk to me, doggie. Communication is key here. You need to vent.

DOGGIE: {tries to form words, but just cannot out of stress}

DINOSHAUR: Oh, I'm sorry. I understand. Well, maybe this is a blessing in disguise, doggie. Maybe you need a break from kittie. I promise, she will come around. She's probably feeling the same way about you right now. Don't sweat it, and if you do, {there is a brief pause} I'm here for you. Always.

DOGGIE: {looks up, smiles, and nods. He gives Dinoshaur a look of thankfulness through hopeful eyes and walks out}

{Cut to doggie walking into his home through the door, and walks to the computer. He begins typing.}

I have to say, I wasn't entirely
happy at whoever sent this. But, as a
good friend of mine said, maybe it is a
blessing in disguise. Things happen for a
reason. So, actually, thank you. I
truly appreciate it.

Love,

Doggie

{The shot fades to black and the credits roll}

{After the credits finish Dinoshaur walks in on the black screen.}

DINOSHAUR: A'ight I'm Dinoshaur and this is my crew.

{TheCheese, Bluebry, Nachoman and The Mu join him.}

DINOSHAUR: And we got a new dance for y'all. It's called Riverbawlz. DJ, drop me a funky bass line.

{A funky bass line is cranked. Dinoshaur and his crew riverdance in a seducing fashion. They begin to sing.}

DINOSHAUR AND HIS CREW: {Together} To the left and mah bawlz in yo face! To the right and mah bawlz in yo face! Mah bawlz in yo face! Mah bawlz in yo face ungh!

{The End}