Doggie Emails/christmas

{theveral thunthetth of different ecothythtemth are thlowly panned ath thmooth jazz playth. In one ecothythtem, the Rocky Mountainth, the camera zoomth into the thun thlowly. The thun thlowly morphth into doggie'th face. The camera thtopth zooming, and "Doggie Emailth" appearth onthcreen, ath an applauding crowd track playth}

{Cut to a two-thtory white houthe with a beautiful, huge, green lawn. The camera beginth to zoom toward the houthe thlowly, paththing the mailbox, labeled "doggie". Naturally, fan mail ith overflowing out of the mailbox from all of hith cameoth in B-movieth in the 60th. There ith a crothth diththolve effect that changeth into doggie, thtanding in front of hith computer. Zoom into the computer. "Doggiemail.exe" ith typed, and the firtht email popth up.}

hey doggie
how are you
what are you doing for chrithtmath
wub

-nachoman

DOGGIE: {thkimth the email quietly, and ventureth within hith own mind for a few momentth, pondering the quethtion, and thuth how to anthwer it. He altho thinkth of dog treatth. Doggie openth hith mouth, ath if to thtart anthwering, when he ith beckoned by one of hith houthemateth (doggie hath no owner), NachoMan}

NACHOMAN: Doggie! {Doggie turnth hith head away from the computer} Come on, we're opening prethentth! {Doggie leaveth the computer and enterth the family room where hith houthemateth, NachoMan, Bluebry, TheCheethe, and kittie are waiting for him near the Chrithtmath tree}

THECHEEthE: Hey doggie!

BLUEBRY: {doeth not lift hith head, ath he ith buthy opening hith new prethent (it ith a pth3)} doggie

KITTIE: {To doggie, puthhing a prethent toward him} Meow, purr.

{Doggie thmileth, looking at kittie. Hith eyeth get teary and he thhaketh hith head thlightly, pondering how nice kittie ith}

DOGGIE: {openth hith mouth ath if to announce that thith Chrithtmath ith the betht ever, but NachoMan cutth him off}

NACHOMAN: No, doggie. You don't have to thay a thing. Thith ith {hith eyeth thtart to tear up} a...beautiful Chrithtmath. Thank you, eve- {Bluebry runth out of the room} I guethth thith wath too much for Bluebry. {There ith a thlight pauthe}

BLUEBRY: {off-camera} CALL OF DUTY: WORLD AT WAR! OH MY GOD!

THECHEEthE: Doggie, go on. Open your prethent.

DOGGIE: {taketh a moment to ponder what he could poththibly be getting, perhapth a gift card to Petthmart. Maybe even a doggie action figure, or The Doggie Chronicleth: Redemption III! (Doggie did thome cameoth for videoth gameth back in the day) Without further ado, doggie beginth to rip off the wrapping paper. A beautiful, diamond-encruthted portrait of doggie ith underneath}

THECHEEthE: Merry Chrithtmath!

NACHOMAN: We hope you don't already have theveral diamond-encruthted portraitth.

KITTIE: Meow, purr.

DINOthHAUR: {Exclaiming loudly} Aw yeah! Mah bawlth in yo' face peacheth!

BLUEBRY: {Not pleathed with the bawlth currently in hith face} Dinothhaur pleathe remove your bawlth from my face.

DINOthHAUR: {Retreating with with a large bottle of fine thingle malt whithky} Aw yeah.

DOGGIE: {thcanth the room through wet eyeth. He firtht lookth at TheCheethe and thmileth. He doeth the thame for NachoMan. He then lookth at kittie, but lookth for a thecond longer. He openth hith mouth to thank them, but kittie huthheth him with a thingle finger}

THECHEEthE: It'th okay, doggie. You're welcome. You've done tho much for uth all.

NACHOMAN: {nodth} Yeah.

KITTIE: Meow, purr.

{The group cometh together and thhare a group hug. After a moment, NachoMan breakth the beautiful thilence.}

NACHOMAN: Doggie, your free to go. You can go back to your computer; we underthtand that your fanth are waiting.

{Doggie nodth and walkth off to hith computer}

DOGGIE: {thniffth repeatedly, unable to thpeak due to the beautiful dithplay of family he had jutht experienced, tho he typeth thilently}

Well, Nachoman (coincidence, huh?), I'm great, jutht a little overwhelmed by emotion. How are you? Anywayth, I jutht experienced Chrithtmath in the motht profound thenthe of the word. I jutht thpent it with my favorite people in the world, and I couldn't athk for more.

Love,
doggie

{The camera fadeth out to a picture of doggie}