Ben and Alex visit The United States of America/Colorado

GOING DOWN TO COLORADO GONNA HAVE OURSELVES A TIME

FRIENDLY FACES EVERYWHERE

HUMBLE FOLKS WITHOUT TEMPTATION

Transcript

{Ben and Alex touch down in Denver International, Colorado.}

ALEX: Geeeeee whizz, Ben! I am so glad to be in Colorado! A beautiful state full of mountains, snow, and school shootings!

{Alex smells something in the air and begins to sniff.}

ALEX: Ben? Ben? Do you smell what I smell? It smells rather dank in here, Ben? Be-... GODDAMN IT BEN.

{Pan over to reveal Ben smoking a massively huge blunt. He is high off his eyeballs.}

BEN: 420 erry day dude

ALEX: What is that?

BEN: moon juice

ALEX: Snap out of this weird trance you communist!

BEN: i think we should all just get along for once

ALEX: What have you been smoking???

BEN: Cannabis, also known as marijuana[3] (from the Mexican Spanish marihuana), and by numerous other names,a[›] is a preparation of the Cannabis plant intended for use as a psychoactive drug and as medicine.[4][5][6] Pharmacologically, the principal psychoactive constituent of cannabis is tetrahydrocannabinol (THC); it is one of 483 known compounds in the plant,[7] including at least 84 other cannabinoids, such as cannabidiol (CBD), cannabinol (CBN), tetrahydrocannabivarin (THCV),[8][9] and cannabigerol (CBG).

ALEX: Learn some things new every day. Come! Let us ski!

{Cut to Ben and Alex in a ski lift - Ben is still smoking a blunt and is wrapped in an unnecessary amount of winter clothing. Alex is wearing a t-shirt and some jeans.}

BEN: how are you not freezing to fucken death out here

ALEX: You hoser brit, it's only about -10 degrees oot here! I've had colder temperatures at Tim Hortons, eh?

BEN: you canadians are an abortion to the planet earth

ALEX: Hey! That's unfair to say! It's not really that... it's more like.. Canada being the biological child of Britain and France. And France is like some shitty neglectful father and Britain is left to raise it on itself. So they're all pretty happy but Canada still has mommy issues, and daddy Britain's getting a little old so he lets Canada go. And then America comes along and the two are like roommates. Oh, and Mexico is also a roommate. North America, amirite???????

BEN: what about the west indies you dick

ALEX: Oh... Jamaica, Barbados, Haiti and the lot... they're like... next door neighbours. Who keep everyone awake all night with loud reggae music. Duh.

BEN: {inhales from blunt} mon i be digging that.

BEN: oh

{pause}

BEN: well.... your dumb anyway

ALEX: Takes one to know one!!

{Alex proceeds to skate down the mountain}

ALEX: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

{Alex continues to descend, running out of breath to keep saying "whee". He eventually begins to get slightly agitated, and then worried at the amount of time this is taking}

ALEX: there's no end in sight

{Alex continues to skate down (despite being on a skiing trip) ad infinitum, psychosis gradually beginning to set in}

ALEX: itneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitn everendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitnever endsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverends

{Cut to a cannabis cafe, two hours later. Ben is smoking 81 x 7 joints at once, while eating a piece of french toast.}

BEN: Mhmm.

{Alex's screams can be heard throughout Denver.}

BEN: Mhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

{A man dressed very oddly takes a seat next to Ben}

'THE ODD MAN: What you doin''' bro

BEN: I'm havin another puff

THE ODD MAN: marajuana is such a COMMON MAN'S DRUG, you here?? try something more...........HIP.

{The Odd man presents Ben with an odd creamy substance}

THE ODD MAN: new drug in the market. not legalised by no-one. manufacture it myself. i call it semen.

BEN: Well I'm always one for trying new things

{Ben drinks all the semen. Cut to Lex, who is still skiing in a loop. He has gone beyond terminal velocity, and the speed of his skiing has opened up a wormhole, which he falls into.}

ALEX: where am i

{Alex spins in a swirly time warp}

ALEX: am i in rocky horror

{Alex comes out the other end of the wormhole, flying out of it at breakneck speed, thousands of miles above the Earth, which is noticeably more green and flourished than usual.}

ALEX: Oh my, the Earth looks so pretty, it's making me cry

{Alex carries on crashing down into Earth, catching fire in the process.}

ALEX: oh my, i seem to be on fire

{Alex gets closer to the Earth. He notices a colony of Dinosaurs}

ALEX: OH SWEET DINO-..

{Alex crashes into the Earth, causing a giant explosion that kills the dinosaurs. Embedded in the ground for millions of years, Alex waits, and waits, and waits, until one day, he is dug up again, conveniently just outside of the cafe. He climbs out the ground and sees Ben.}

BEN: oh hey alex how was your trip

ALEX: I WENT THROUGH TIME AND KILLED THE DINOSAURS AND DISCOVERED I WAS IMMORTA-...

BEN: cool story now shut up and drink your orange juice

ALEX: sorry :c

{alex shuts up and drinks his orange juice}

BEN: while you were chilling or whatever, i got offered this cool drug.

ALEX: Ben, I told you, my only drug is THE LORD.

BEN: Aw come on - live a little. This is a whole new experience. Not like weed or heroin or coke or even booze - a wonderful feeling, like a warmth from inside. Like you suddenly swallowed some pure, unfiltered joy. Here.

{Ben offers Alex a cup of semen}

BEN: It's called semen.

{Alex hesitates, visibly nervous, before downing the entire cup of semen in one go}

BEN: Woah, buddy, save some for me, huh?

{Alex seems visibly different, like his whole life has opened in front of him}

ALEX: More.

BEN: Huh?

ALEX: I NEED MORE SEMEN. WHERE DO I FIND SOME??

BEN: this guy gave it to me

ALEX: WHAT GUY

BEN: the guy with the power

ALEX: WHAT POWER

BEN: the power of voodoo

ALEX: WHO DO

BEN: you do

ALEX: DO WHAT

{Ben explodes}

ALEX: Kawaii!!

{Alex turns into an anime}

ALEX: 神があなたにレモンを与えると、あなたが持っているものから肉を作る。

{Ben returns only he is now visibly shaken}

BEN: Alex. I fucking shot up a school. I went to a school and did it.

ALEX: あなたが何をした、待つのか？

BEN: Now isn't the fucking time, you dipshit. Innocent teenagers. Dead. I did it. Oh god.

ALEX: Oh, Ben-chan. You're so tsundere! (´･ω･`)

BEN: Jesus christ Alex. The fucking cops are coming. WHAT HAVE I DONE

ALEX: お尻、馬の男の子で私をファック!!

BEN: Alex, pls

ALEX: ペニス

BEN: alex no

ALEX: 私は2糞を作った！

{The police come and begin to drag Ben away}

BEN: alex pls no don't let them take me

ALEX: ギリシャの後半第三千年紀の周り以来バルカン半島で話されています。最古の書かれた証拠は、[8]ギリシャの世界最古の記録された生きた言語作り、1450年と1350年の間に紀元前にさかのぼるMesseniaで見つかったリニアB型粘土板である。インド·ヨーロッパ言語の中では、最も早く書かれた証明のその日は、今だけ絶滅アナトリアの言語にマッチしている。

{The police strap Ben to the electric chair}

BEN: alex no no pls dont do this

ALEX: 原始ギリシャ：ギリシャのすべての既知の品種の未記録が、想定最後の祖先。プロトギリシャスピーカーはおそらく遅い第三千年紀にギリシャの半島に入った。それ以来、ギリシャギリシャで途切れずに話されています。

BEN: alexxxxxxx

ALEX: あなたは鳥と浮気というの出会い系シミュレータ。

{Johnny Cash flies in}

JOHNNY CASH: And the mercy seat is waiting And I think my head is burning And in a way I'm yearning To be done with all this measuring of truth. An eye for an eye And a tooth for a-

BEN: Fuck off back to the previous episode John.

JOHNNY CASH: But these country jams will save your life, Ben!

BEN: No, it's not enough. Country will move the hearts of most men but not the hardened Colorado government!

JOHNNY CASH: You're right. I can't do it alone. I need help.

ALEX: I can do that, Cashu-san!!

JOHNNY CASH: Alexis Moonlove! My old partner! Now we form the new supergroup band

SUSHI AND STEAK

{Johnny Cash and Alex start up a new hot jam, a J-pop and country hybrid. The lyrics concern a dove who cries tears of joy which is eaten by the octopus of the sea, turning the octopus into a 40ft monster. America fights back with its fat air-force, and Japan its intense land army. Meanwhile, for real, the government of colorado fight back, throwing Calamari/ice-cream meal combos they clearly thought was a good idea whilst stoned off their ass at Alex and Johnny Cash. Alex and Johnny Cash are fighting as hard as they can, but are succumbing to the influence. However, just as all seems lost, Ben regains his power and adds a new genre to the song - dubstep. Ben represents the UK and their navy in the brawl against the monster in the lyrics, as the power of the three nations - America, UK and Japan finally defeats the colorado government. or maybe they just passed out because of all the herb. #420}

COLORADO GOVERNMENT: {choking for breath} this is fucking dumb.

{Noxigar arrives}

NOXIGAR: I have to go back and stop Adel and the other villain. They'll cause a cataclysm if I don't!

{Noxigar opens a corridor of darkness, goes through it, and appears in-between Adel and Universitas.}

ADEL: What is this worm doing?

{Noxigar puts his whole being into an elemental nova again. The shockwave is created through all of the other Wikihood characters being vaccuumed into him.}

NOXIGAR: Time to end this. End all of the pain, the plot holes, and all of the other stuff. I must defeat you. You're more of a threat than Roxas is.

{Roxas appears and attempts to go behind Noxigar only to be sucked in to the vaccuum}

ROXAS: So you're suiciding? Just like Axel? I figured you were a better opponent...

{Noxigar's elemental nova eventually becomes complete, and then his nova is unleashed. The different elements from the other Organization XIII members are present. Face shots of Chaos, Sephiroth, Noxigar, and other main characters are shown as the nova effectively injures Adel and Universitas in a very severe way}

ADEL: Why he...

UNIVERSITAS: Impossible...

{Noxigar is then seen lying on the ground}

NOXIGAR: Heh... you're both fatally wounded... but my time has come...

{Noxigar starts fading into darkness}

NOXIGAR: I've defeated Roxas... and now am the last Organization XIII member... guess the Organization was ready to die...

{Noxigar continues to fade into darkness}

NOXIGAR: Whoever the good guy is... should win... my nova counters... the betrayers...

{Noxigar fades almost entirely into darkness}

NOXIGAR: Guess I'll join my comrades... they're in a better place too...

BEN: guys. hey.

ALEX: dude

JOHNNY CASH: dude

NOXIGAR: Why, what the dickins is the matter?

BEN: wrong fic dude

NOXIGAR: Oh, by my socks, that is completely incorrigible!!

ALEX: yh man wikihood is that way

{Alex points to the nearest garbage dump}

NOXIGAR: oh why i do apologize

{Noxigar, Adel, and Roxas all retreat to the wikihood garbage dump, where they all roll around in trash, along with chaos and sephiroth}

ALEX: gaaaaaaaaaaawd

{Short pause makes a cameo from the world's greatest}

BEN: I think we're forgetting I fucking murdered a classroom of teenagers.

ALEX: Yes you did ben. yes you did.

{All begin to laugh. suddenly ben throws up the fucking gallons of semen he consumed in the episode}

JOHNNY CASH: No wonder they call it the mile high state!!

{Laughing continues. End}