Barry Bird Emails/jam

summary: COME ON AND SLAM! AND WELCOME TO THE JAM!

CAST: Barry Bird

Scene: Computer Room

Page Title: Compyman

Date: January 14, 2014

Transcript

BARRY: {as he types barrybirdemails.exe; singing} COME ON AND SLAM! AND WELCOME TO THE EMAIL JAM!

Subject: SPACE SLAM JAM BAM BOOZLED

GO ON AND JAM
AND WELCOME TO THE SLAM

DEAR BARRY BORD YOU ARE INVITED THE THE ONE OF A
KIND SPACE SLAM JAM BAM BOOZLE
PACK YOUR BAGS BARRY!!

LOVE THE SPLACE JAM SLAM MAN BAM BOOZLE

BARRY: {types} Charles Barkley? is that you? Holy mother of god, it is! I'm-a {singing voice} going. {talks normally} Ready or not, here I come, Barkley!

BOSS BOO: {appears out of nowhere} What in the name of fuck are you doing, nigga!

BARRY: Um, you're having a day off today. I got you 2 tickets to see comedian Lisa Lampenelli live at the Y2K Theatre here in town. The seats are in Lisa's fat stomach. {hands Boss Boo the tickets} IT'S GONNA BE GREAT, I TELL YA!

BOSS BOO:Oh my god. Count me in, buddy!

BARRY: See you!

{as Boss Boo leaves; scene cuts to the Space Jam}

QUAD CITY DJs: COME ON AND SLAM! AND WELCOME TO THE JAM! COME ON AND SLAM! YEAH! YOU WANNA JAM!

BARRY: {appears on the screen} what is up? Where is my main man, Barkley.

MICHAEL BAY: {appears out of nowhere} I'm {singing voice} here.

BARRY: Wait, you're Uwe Boll! I mean, Michael Bay! I should've known.

MICHAEL: Why hi barry. You look nice today. Wanna play a video game?

BARRY: You bastard, you ruined everything... with explosions, you stinko! And plus, where is Barkley?

MICHAEL: I was boxing with him, and he got cancer.

{dramatic music plays as Barry and the Quad City DJs gasp}

BARRY: Now who's gonna shit-remix him after what you did, you bastard?

MICHAEL: No one, you birdy mein bird.

BARRY: THAT'S IT! {shoots Michael Bay in the face} Now tell me, where is Charles Barkley? You got red all over your sh-oh wait, you're dead. Okay, off to see him.

{the title screen said, "MICHAEL BAY! ???-2014" for 5 seconds, and then cut to the words, "Meanwhile" as scene cuts to Lisa Lapenelli's stomach, with Boss Boo sitting in the chair}

BOSS BOO: She's even funnier inside her stomach.

{the paper comes down}

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