Wikihood/eps/9

Synopsis

Someone decided it was a good idea to let Remolay start this one. The fools.

Transcript

{Open on black as Telephone Line by ELO begins to play, cut to an answering machine somewhere}

MACHINE: You've reached Maddie Raid, please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you.

LEIGH: Hello, How are you?
Have you been alright through all those lonely lonely lonely lonely nights

{Cut to Leigh singing into his phone}

LEIGH: That's what I'd say, I'd tell you everything
If you'd pick up that telephone... Yeah yeah yeah...

{Cut back to the other room as Maddie picks up the phone}

LEIGH: Hey, how you-

MADDIE: You're lucky I have a landline, Rem. What do you want?

LEIGH: Oh I... Hi Mads, I almost didn't expect you to pick up...

{Cut back to Leigh, who is clearly now much more nervous about the situation}

LEIGH: I uh... You see.. I wanted to tell you how things have gone since you left.

MADDIE: I'm listening...

LEIGH: Well, I managed to get a new job and make some friends. And they actually LIKE me there. And I've held the job for two weeks!

MADDIE: Hey, good for you! maybe your bad luck streak is finally ending.

LEIGH: Yeah, wouldn't that be the best. Hey, if things keep going well do you think maybe we could...?

MADDIE: 'Lay, you know I love you. If you can actually keep the job, let's say to the end of the month. Then we'll talk about it.

LEIGH: I don't think we need to worry about it. There's a big event going on tonight though, a political fundraiser for Xavier D'Arque. I've been helping organize it.

{A cut to the event room from the previous evening where Leigh is showing a Tracy, who has shaved, gotten a haircut, and is now wearing a suit and glasses as a disguise, around the place and how security is set up. Tracy looks at certain areas of the room, noting the locations of the security cameras, adjusting them every time he sees one.}

LEIGH: {VO} Everything's perfect. Catered by a Drow company, not my choice but exciting. I tried to get my friend on security, but that was handled already.

{Cut to The Gang, Now including Virgil preparing for the heist, looking over the blueprints and going over the plan. For some reason Garfield is dressed in a pimp suit}

LEIGH: {VO} Unless a huge robbery ends up happening, which let's be honest what are the chances of that, it should go off without a hitch...

{Cut back to Leigh, who's nervous expression has gone, now smiling}

LEIGH: And who knows? Maybe a promotion for old Remolay?

MADDIE: Well I wish you luck. I've got to go to work, and I'm sure you've got a busy and eventful day ahead of you...

{Cut back to the gang, finalizing the plan for the evening}'

CHAOS: If we stick to this plan, everything should go off without a hitch. Lady and Gentlemen, we've got a busy and eventful evening ahead of us.

{Virgil raises his hand.}

VIRGIL: Question. Garfield, what in cotton hill are ya wearin'?

GARFIELD: It's my distraction. I'm to create a stir while simultaneously schmoozing D'Arque.

HEADWIZ: He'll get D'Arque to reveal details of his life in a heart-to-heart conversation, and I will use those details to access the fundraiser's bank account so I can transfer the digital funds to our side.

TRACY: I thought you were a hacker. Isn't that just being a con artist?

HEADWIZ: What do you fuckin' expect? It's not like I can type a bunch of shit on a black screen like it's the fuckin' Matrix and "access the mainframe" like that.

TRACY: I know, but I was expecting something exciting!

HEADWIZ: Too fuckin' bad, mate!

{Lex points to the plans.}

LEX: Let's do a quick overview, mates. Headwiz will monitor the entire heist through these lovely thingies.

{Lex pulls out small headphones.}

LEX: With these, we get to talk to each other as we pull this stunt off.

{Headwiz nods. She pulls out a small remote control and presses a button. A black van rolls into the store from the back.}

HEADWIZ: I'll be monitoring all you fuckers from the safety of my surveillance truck.

{Headwiz pulls out a small device and hands it to Tracy.}

HEADWIZ: Tracy, as "Mr. Alistair Hawthorne," you'll go into the security room and plug this little bad boy into the computer system, allowin' me complete access over the entire building's security cameras.

{Tracy nods.}

HEADWIZ: And of course, you stay there and watch the cameras just to make sure shit doesn't fuck up. The system reboots its security at random intervals, so you have a short period of time to make this shit work.

CHAOS: And me and Lex will grab the money from the safe room while disguised as security guards. I got Lex to procure us some disguises. Lex, show 'em.

LEX: I had some trouble findin' good ones, but I did the best with what I got.

{Lex pulls out two security guard Halloween costumes, along with two fake biker moustaches. Chaos facepalms.}

CHAOS: What the fuck? Nobody is going to believe us like this!

LEX: Just wait, mon.

{Lex turns around, with his back to everyone, then turns back, wearing one of the moustaches. Everybody gasps. Lex looks the exact same, but with the moustache.}

LEX: But wait. There's more.

{Lex pulls out a pair of aviators and puts them on.}

LEX: How about now? Do I look like Lex now?

HEADWIZ: You look like someone's sad uncle who works part-time as a Freddie Mercury impersonator.

TRACY: I was thinkin' Village People, myself.

{Chaos groans.}

CHAOS: Ughh. I guess it's the best we've got. If we stay far enough from everyone, we can probably get away with it. Whatever.

{Chaos too puts on a pair of sunglasses, along with a fake moustache.}

CHAOS: Are you all ready, my dudes?

GARFIELD: Distinguished Guests, we turn this Fundraiser into a Hellraiser!

{Cut to all six of them walking out of the store in their heist outfits, while the chorus of Hellraiser by Ozzy Osbourne plays. Headwiz gets into the van, while Chaos, Lex, Tracy, and Garfield all squeeze into a four-door muscle car, with Virgil in the front seat.}