Wikihood/eps/6

Overview

It is Friday on a Bank Holiday, and the gang face their toughest challenge yet. Utility bills.

Transcript

{It is 8:00AM in the morning, during breakfast time. Lex is guzzling down his cereal like there is no tomorrow, while Garfield is drinking a glass of some indeterminate liquid which is glowing a suspicious blue. Chaos is in the kitchen, preparing chicken while singing to himself, to the tune of "Ignition Remix" by R. Kelly.}

CHAOS: This is the remix to Ignition,
Chaos is making chicken
Marinate it with sauces
and then Chaos is gonna be grilling!

{Lex takes a pause momentarily with his food to put his head up and focus his attention on Chaos. Garfield gets up from his seat and moves off-screen after finishing his liquid.}

LEX: Are you singing, mon? While makin' chicken for breakfast?

CHAOS: Yeah? What's it to ya?

LEX: Oh, it's nothin'. Just noticin'.

{Garfield returns while holding a copy of the newspaper and reading from it.}

GARFIELD: Say, did you guys hear about the old theatre from across the road? It’s apparently scheduled for a re-opening.

LEX: Oh, that's the D'Arque Theatre, isn't it? How old is it, now?

GARFIELD: About as old as the town itself, I believe. It’s been what, like... 40 or so years since it shut down originally?

{Chaos rolls his eyes.}

CHAOS: No doubt it's due to that Xavier prick's election campaign. Can you imagine keeping the lease for that long without even knocking it down? It must’ve cost ‘em a fortune.

GARFIELD: Please don't mention that man's name. My opinion of him has shifted entirely ever since Stephanie told me about how much of a prick he is.

CHAOS: Hey, what is the deal with you too, anyway? Did you two used to-

{Chaos is distracted by the telltale sound of the mailman haphazardly shoving letters through the mail slot.}

LEX: Oh!! It’s the mail! D’ya think my American comic books have arrived? I’ll get it!

{Lex rushes off to collect the mail. A variety of suspicious crashing and clanging noises are heard before he walks back, letters in his hand, looking more sullen than he did a few seconds before.}

LEX: Argh, Whore of Babylon! The bastard bent it!

GARFIELD: Oh no. What would we do without the newest issue of “Nazis vs. Alien Space Babes”?

LEX: Ey, mon. You shut your mouth. Jeff Lao’s work is brilliant. And it was in mint condition, too…

{As the two of them bicker, Chaos sorts through the rest of the mail.}

CHAOS: I thought you said we didn’t get utility bills.

GARFIELD: We… don’t. Do we?

LEX: Uhh...

{Lex thinks back to the past. Scenes of him cutting up letters, stuffing them in the garbage disposal, and other acts of wanton destruction of government mail flash through his mind.}

LEX: No, I don’t think so.

{Chaos frowns at his housemates. He takes out a letter, reading it carefully.}

CHAOS: It says here that if we don’t pay, they’re going to shut off our power.

LEX: Pfft. Says who?

CHAOS: Town Hall. Wait. We have a Town Hall?

GARFIELD: Yeah, it’s that big building in the centre. The one with a clock on it and all.

CHAOS: You mean that’s not the Clock Museum?

LEX: Nah, you’re thinking of Rivergate.

CHAOS: So...

{Pause.}

CHAOS: I have about $20 in my wallet, you think that’ll be enough to cover it?

GARFIELD: Good grief. You know, I could probably cover it with my-

CHAOS: Pah. I came to this town to make money, not to spend it! I suggest we go down to Town Hall, and we fight!

LEX: Uh, what, mon? Fight? It’s not the best idea to go into a government building guns blazing...

CHAOS: What are you talking about? I just wanna talk to whoever’s in charge, that’s all!

{Chaos stands up from his chair and walks over to the main hallway.}

LEX: What are you doing?

CHAOS: Why, my fellow, time is of the essence! I’m going to march all the way over to Town Hall right now, and give them a good old beating off!

GARFIELD: Did you just say-

CHAOS: I’m going to go over there and get us justice. I’m going to take them from behind, and give them a reach around. Just watch me.

{Lex coughs violently.}

GARFIELD: Uh...

CHAOS: What? Was it something I said? Y'know what? Nevermind. While you two vegetate, I’ll be putting ourselves in the clear.

{Chaos walks over to the coat rack and puts on a tweed jacket.}

CHAOS: You two just do whatever. I’ll sort this all out.

{Chaos pulls a pipe from his pocket and sticks it in his mouth.}

CHAOS: And I’ll do it with style.

{Chaos opens the door, leaves, and then slams it behind him.}

GARFIELD: Where did you find this guy?

LEX: Oh, we go back, mon. I gave him a lift in my camper van after he dropped out of magic school and we kinda became best friends. That, and I also helped him in his heists.

GARFIELD: Were you always a criminal?

LEX: Nay. It was his idea of a "fun time."

GARFIELD: I admit, he's a bit standoffish, but he is sort of growing on me. Although, it could just because Steph told me how that D'Arque fellow is much worse.

{Cut to Chaos, making his way down the Main Street, casually walking along until he collides with somebody. He regains his composure and addresses the stranger.}

???: Whoa, watch it, dude!

CHAOS: Oh, shit man, I didn’t mean to-

{Chaos looks down to see that the man he almost tripped over is young and unkempt, in a neon yellow jacket and a green tiger print beanie hat, sitting on the pavement, and clutching a bowl with a few coins in it. Next to him a small beatbox, playing a hypnotic-sounding dubstep song. He is a beggar. He awkwardly looks at the beggar for a few seconds before getting a sudden and startling feeling of good will.}

CHAOS: ...I am dreadfully sorry, sir. Please accept this money as an apology.

{Chaos pulls a random bill from his pocket and puts it into the bowl.}

BEGGAR: Thanks, hombre.

{Chaos shakes the man’s hand as he walks away. When Chaos is gone, the man stands up and pulls out a bigger bowl, filled with more cash, putting the contents of the smaller bowl inside. He snickers to himself as he dusts off. He then stands up and walks away, whistling a happy tune. Cut to Leigh, who is communicating with his brother vis-a-vis through video chat on his laptop while sitting on the couch.}

LEIGH: I did it, Remadin! One full week at work, and I didn't even get fired!

NED: Wow, I will admit, bro. When I got you that interview, I had absolutely no faith in you even getting that job, let alone keeping it. I'm proud of you, man. Say, how has ol' Jacqui been treating you?

LEIGH: I don't want to sound ungrateful to her, but she is kind of-...

{Ned chuckles.}

NED: She's a total bitch. Did you know that my peers resent having to represent her in court? She is a handful.

LEIGH: Have you ever represented her?

NED: Nah. Kinda wish I could, though. She pays well. How much is she paying you?

LEIGH: I hadn't even checked, to be honest. I'm just glad I have the job.

NED: Oh man. Look at you. Out of the forests, out of Santa's Grotto, in the big city, and having an office job. You're coming close to catching up to me. I'm not sure if I should actually be proud or worried that you'll surpass me. But you know what I have that you still don't?

LEIGH: What?

{Ned moves his screen to show that he has installed a second DDR machine, right next to his first one.}

NED: TWO DDR MACHINES!!!

{Leigh laughs.}

LEIGH: Just you wait, bro. I'm gonna get me a pinball machine, a foosball machine, a big screen TV, and it is gonna be awesome!

NED: You're gonna have to live in a bigger apartment for that, man. Your box is tiny.

LEIGH: Okay, maybe I still have a bit further to go.

NED: I should come by and visit sometime. We could hit the bar, or better yet, hit the arcade, just like old times!

{Leigh smiles.}

LEIGH: Just like old times.

NED: Well, you keep being awesome. I got to beat my highest score! Talk to you later, man! And again, nice job.

LEIGH: Thanks, Remadin.

NED: Anytime, "Leigh."

{Ned logs off. Leigh gets up from his couch. He walks over to the window, looking out at the parking lot at the back of the Wig Maker's shop.}

LEIGH: I was going to have some awesome inner monologue about how I'm finally going places, but I really do need to find a better apartment, because this just isn't suitable at all.

{Cut to Chaos in Town Square. At the end of Town Square is Town Hall, a somewhat large building from the early 1800s, built in an Early Federal style. On the top front of the building is a gigantic clock, with a bell on top. On the roof is a flagpole, which is flying the American flag. Chaos gazes at the top of the marble staircase, his eyes burning with the embers of passion and rage. Clutching the bill in his hand, he marches onwards, bursting through the doors with a vigor like no other.}

CHAOS: EXCUSE ME, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU PEOPLE AT TOWN HA-...

{Chaos notices the receptionist, who is a young and attractive woman with blonde hair with pink streaks. He is immediately smitten by her as his face becomes flushed. His foot catches on a piece of loose carpet and he trips over. The receptionist stands up, and rushes to his side.}

RECEPTIONIST: Oh dear, are you alright?

{Chaos looks picks himself off and brushes himself off. He backs away from the receptionist before attempting to regain his composure.}

CHAOS: Haha, yeah, I'm fine, I just- Hey. I want to talk to the guy who's in charge here!

RECEPTIONIST: You mean the Mayor?

CHAOS: Yeah, that guy.

'RECEPTIONIST: Do you have an appointment?

CHAOS: A- what-what?

RECEPTIONIST: An appointment?

CHAOS: Ohh. One of those things. Shit.

{Chaos looks at the receptionist and furrows his brow, in an attempt to look sexy. He clears his throat and leans on a nearby pillar.}

CHAOS: I don't suppose you could give me... an exception?

{The receptionist looks Chaos up and down.}

RECEPTIONIST: I can make a special exception for you.

{The two lock eyes as Chaos and the receptionist walk towards each other in a sensual manner. The two stare deeply at each other as Chaos leans close towards her and she reciprocates. Romantic music begins to play as Chaos puts his arms around her waist and the two are about to kiss. Suddenly the music stops, and the last few moments are revealed to be part of Chaos' imagination, as he is standing flushed after she asked him if she had an appointment.}

RECEPTIONIST: So? Do you have an appointment?

CHAOS: I-I-I don't, but...

{The receptionist looks on her computer. She smiles at Chaos.}

RECEPTIONIST: It appears that he's free right now, actually! Would you like to see him now?

{Chaos regains his composure again.}

CHAOS: Oh my gods, yes, please! Thank you so much!

'{The receptionist motions to the nearby staircase.}

RECEPTIONIST: His office is at the end of the hallway, you can't miss it. I sent him a message to alert him of your presence.

CHAOS: Thank you...

{Chaos walks towards the receptionist to read her nametag.}

CHAOS: ...Noelle.

{He quickly backs away once more, before looking at his surroundings.}

CHAOS: ...I really like what you guys have done with the place.

{Chaos awkwardly salutes Noelle who chuckles before making his way upstairs. The hallway is silent save for his stomps and the distant sound of crowds downstairs. Chaos stops at the end of the hall. Inches from his face, "MAYOR" is emblazoned on the door. Chaos inhales. Slowly, he turns the door handle. An ominous, oppressive air escapes through the crack and whips across his face like tendrils from an ancient, unseen evil. A bead of sweat drips down Chaos' neck.}