THE WUW IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS
(even if you aren't vegan)

Difference between revisions of "Wikihood/eps/2"

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m (Lex concurred something else here. Easy correction, at least.)
 
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== Summary ==
 
== Summary ==
  
Who's this dumb cuckarooni and why isn't he a Kingdom Hearts OC anymore????????
+
Who's this incorrigible vigilante and why isn't he a Kingdom Hearts OC anymore????????
  
 
== Transcript ==
 
== Transcript ==
  
''{The scene opens up in Garfield's room of The Apartment. He arrives into it, from a door he opened.}''
+
''{Open to a broad scene of Towningdale, that quickly zooms back into the apartment above the pierogi bar. The scene is voiceless, as it showcases a visual recap of what had transpired - Lex and Chaos awoke to breakfast made by Garfield, and pierogis handed out at the last minute by Volkov - who was passing by at the time. After the pierogis are accounted for, Lex and Chaos wave goodbye to Garfield as they close the front door behind them. This leaves the third roommate by his lonesome. He breathes a heavy sigh - an audio tell of the recap being over - as he watches Lex and Chaos take the ice cream truck out of the parking lot from a nearby, a wistful look in his eyes. After a few seconds of looking out the window, he turns around. He hears the cellphone ringing [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTUq3Ik1GHM "Sanctuary" by Utada Hikaru], and heads into his room. On his bed is a cellphone, which he uses to answer the phone.}''
  
'''GARFIELD:''' Yare yare dawa.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Hello?
  
''{Garfield collapses on his bed, planting his face into a pillow. His phone begins glowing nearby, which he hears. Groaning briefly, he checks it.}''
+
'''?????????:''' It's been too long, my friend.
  
'''GARFIELD:''' ...hrm?
+
'''GARFIELD:''' ...Stephanie?
  
''{Garfield proceeds to put his fingers on the phone, as if to text.}''
+
'''STEPHANIE:''' Good, you remembered me! I was afraid you wouldn't.
  
'''GARFIELD:''' Well, it would seem one of my companions from long ago, Stephanie Young, has decided to arrive in good ol' Towningdale.
+
''{An awkward pause occurs, allowing the Wikihood logo to appear and disappear for a few seconds. After the logo is gone, pan to a wanted poster on the wall. On it is Garfield in a short blonde wig, a white dress, and what appears to be  an ivory notebook laptop tucked under one of his arms. At the sides of his dress, are two crimson laser-scimitars, and a caption reading "Armed and Dangerous." Below the image, is a cash reward which has been scratched out and faded, as if it had to be updated numerous times in the past.}''
  
'''LEX:''' ''{offscreen}'' It's Townindale, mon!
+
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' To forget you would be something I would prefer ''not'' to do, if I can help it.
  
'''GARFIELD:''' ...Very well.
+
''{Cut back to Garfield, who is briefly lying flat on the bed while still contacting Stephanie.}''
  
''{Garfield gets up. He goes over and sprays a perfume with the mathematical symbol for Aleph as its logo on himself. He then briefly changes clothes to a magenta suit and a dark blue tie. He puts on a Dr. Seuss hat, and proceeds to depart from his room into the "living room," where he is spotted by Chaos.}''
+
'''STEPHANIE:''' What have you been up to?
  
'''CHAOS:''' Just where do you think you're going, looking like that?
+
'''GARFIELD:''' NoxCorp has me working from home for most of my shifts. I come in only when an emergency arises, per Xiorno's instructions.
  
'''GARFIELD:''' An outing.
+
'''STEPHANIE:''' I take it Xiorno is your boss?
  
'''CHAOS:''' You look fruity.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Yep!
  
'''GARFIELD:''' I presumed it was in-style.
+
'''STEPHANIE:''' Good to see that you've been able to work something out with her.
  
'''CHAOS:''' ...whatever.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' It's enabled me to do a teensy bit more to spruce up our apartment. I heard we had a new guest, this Edgymancer who keeps calling himself "Chaos" for some undisclosed reason.
  
''{Chaos facepalms.}''
+
'''STEPHANIE:''' Edgymancer?
  
'''CHAOS:''' ''{muffled}'' I really don't want to know what outing you're going on.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' That's my commando name for him. To put it bluntly, he seems like a surly goth guy. He and Lex go waaaaaaaayyyyyyyy back, at least that's the story I overheard yesterday.
  
''{Garfield fiddles with his phone and plays Chun Li by Nicki Minaj on his way out. Zoom out to reveal that Garfield is travelling to a nearby towne, known as Bluehaven. There's also a "?" icon heading towards the same town. Zoom out to reveal that Garfield and Stephanie are sitting at a table.}''
+
'''STEPHANIE:''' At least he wasn't a secret Bounty Hunter?  
  
'''GARFIELD:''' Well, Stephanie, I made it...  
+
'''GARFIELD:''' I guess. One thing I know Chaos has done so far is act haughty towards Lex. Evidently, they were supposed to live in a mansion by now, with a hot car and, I quote, "a super expensive elf servant."
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Despite my directions?
+
'''STEPHANIE:''' I take it he's not too keen on living things out in the apartment?
  
'''GARFIELD:''' No, I needed them.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' No.
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' How've you been?
+
'''STEPHANIE:''' Have you had a moment to discuss this with Lex?
  
'''GARFIELD:''' Long story short, one of Lex's old time buddies got out of prison and sometimes gives me a headache.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' No. The thing about Lex is that his life outside home is... "odd," to say the least. It's hard to read him, most of the time.
 
 
'''STEPHANIE:''' He isn't too keen on just living things out in an apartment so you can still be friends with Volkov, is he?
 
 
 
''{Garfield shakes his head.}''
 
 
 
'''STEPHANIE:''' So, what does Lex think about that?
 
 
 
'''GARFIELD:''' I don't actually know. Lex himself has an odd life outside of the apartment, to be honest. I can't read him at times.
 
  
 
''{Cut to Lex's job at the mattress store. Garfield arrives with sub sandwiches.}''
 
''{Cut to Lex's job at the mattress store. Garfield arrives with sub sandwiches.}''
Line 63: Line 55:
 
''{Garfield blinks and looks around to find that the lot is empty.}''
 
''{Garfield blinks and looks around to find that the lot is empty.}''
  
'''LEX:''' Eyyy, whazzup mon. It's been a slow day, today.
+
'''LEX:''' Eyyy, whazzup mon? It's been a slow day, today!
  
 
'''GARFIELD:''' Lex, there's nobody here.  
 
'''GARFIELD:''' Lex, there's nobody here.  
Line 71: Line 63:
 
'''GARFIELD:''' Don't you get bored? Don't you have any coworkers? Or... a manager? Or anybody?
 
'''GARFIELD:''' Don't you get bored? Don't you have any coworkers? Or... a manager? Or anybody?
  
'''LEX:''' Hmm.
+
'''LEX:''' Hmm...
  
 
''{Lex closes his eyes, and shrugs.}''
 
''{Lex closes his eyes, and shrugs.}''
Line 81: Line 73:
 
'''LEX:''' You want them, you buy them.
 
'''LEX:''' You want them, you buy them.
  
''{Cut back to Stephanie and Garfield.}''
+
''{Cut back to Garfield on the phone. The screen then splits, showing Stephanie's end of the conversation as well. She is in her own bedroom.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STEPHANIE:''' Did you buy any?
 +
 
 +
''{Zoom out - on Garfield's screen - to reveal his bed being propped up by at least two mattresses.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Of course! I still thought Lex was being conned, so I did some digging and found... that he just has a naturally weird job. Speaking of naturally weird jobs, what are you up to these days?
 +
 
 +
'''STEPHANIE:''' It's a long story, that I know I want to tell you. There's this restaurant in The Underground Market of Towningdale. If you can work your magic, maybe we can race to there and see who gets inside first.
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' No promises on the magic, but... as you wish.
 +
 
 +
''{Stephanie and Garfield hang up at the same time. Garfield looks around in his closet, finding a map of Towningdale and some dinosaur action figures. He sets both down on the coffee table. Fast-forward a few minutes, where his setup is complete and he is about to proceed with planning stages.}''
  
'''GARFIELD:''' I thought he got conned, at first, but nah. It's a weird job. Speaking of cons, though, there was that time I had a "date" with this guy who sold me some fake enhancement pills.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Okay, if I use this long neck eating the star leaves to show where Spook Cliff is, then...  
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Some date that must've been, eh?
+
''{The door opens as Lex and Chaos enter the room.}''
  
''{Stephanie lets out an awkward laugh.}''
+
'''LEX:''' Garf, we're hoooooome!
  
'''GARFIELD:''' I can assure you that I was nothing but a gentleman towards them.
+
''{Chaos crawls over to the couch, looking exhausted.}''
 +
 
 +
'''CHAOS:''' Oh man, I am pooped. What a long day. I could go for a nap right about now.
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Um, you were only out for just over an hour and a half. It's still morning.
 +
 
 +
'''CHAOS:''' Hey, I had a really stressful and traumatizing experience, alright? Some kids think that I am uncool!
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' I don' get why ya care so much!
 +
 
 +
'''CHAOS:''' How am I supposed to do anything useful if I don't fit in?
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield and Lex look at each other, then back at Chaos. They both shrug.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' I've tried fitting in countless times, and I can tell you it's not worth it.
 +
 
 +
'''CHAOS:''' Like I need tips from a guy who wastes money on luxury items when HE COULD SINGLE-HANDEDLY BUY US ACTUALLY-SUITABLE REAL ESTATE.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield frowns.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Lex and I... we almost bought a house once. We just frankly didn't have the dough to cough up for it, owing to our mutually high standards.
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' This apartment is literally all we need, mon.
 +
 
 +
'''CHAOS:''' WE.
 +
 
 +
''{Zoom to Chaos' face.}''
 +
 
 +
'''CHAOS:''' ''NEED.''
 +
 
 +
''{Zoom to Chaos' eyes.}''
 +
 
 +
'''CHAOS:''' '''''MORE.'''''
 +
 
 +
''{Chaos' eyes gain an additional "fiery" look, which lasts for a few seconds. Afterwards, zoom back out, to normal.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' I shall exile myself from this conversation.
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' Garf, you're doin' no wrong.
 +
 
 +
'''CHAOS:''' Oh, he's ''very'' much in the wrong here. IF YOU SPENT LESS TIME ON AUCTIONS, THEN-
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield's eyes glow red. He punches Chaos in the face, knocking him out straight cold.}''
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' I... I think that was excessive, mon.
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' This is generous, compared to the intrusive thoughts swirling in my skull. He shall be spared my wrath, under the premise that we never have this topic come up again.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield attempts to carry Chaos' body, over to the couch. Lex assists him.}''
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' We should probably get somethin' from Chief Beef's. I'm hungry, at least.
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' For once, I have somewhere I need to be. I will pick something up on the way back.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield's eyes stop glowing red. He and Lex each split off in different directions, but after a few minutes they re-unite. Garfield is wearing a black coat with some silver zippers and other decorations, with the hood obscuring his face.}''
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' Wait, you never said where you were goin'!
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' I have a date.
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' You???? A date????
 +
 
 +
''{Lex tilts his head in confusion.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' One of my college buddies, Stephanie, has decided to come to Towningdale.
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' It's ''Townindale,'' mon!
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield shrugs.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' I've risked tooth and nail for her before. I'd give my experiences a 12/10, and do it again. Besides, I'm headed to the Underground Market. The restaurants there are almost as good as the ones in the state of Disney.
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' Right. So, remind me who Stephanie is?
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' A dearly beloved friend who saved my life, during college.
 +
 
 +
''{Lex ruminates on the description given. His expression changes to indicate he is partially enlightened.}''
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' I think I remember you havin' mentioned 'er, truth be told.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield gives a thumbs-up, through black gloved hands.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Good enough for me!
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield puts his hand along a wall, in an awkward pose. A few seconds pass.}''
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' What are you-
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Hmph. I thought I'd get this "Corridor of Darkness" spell done perfectly by now.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield lowers his head, in shame.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' I guess I'll have to travel by ''other'' means...
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' Why dontcha just use the ice cream truck, mon? It's far more practical than whatever cantrip you're trying t' do!
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' I wanted Style Points.
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' Another thing; you kind of look ridiculous in that coat, in broad daylight.
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Why, thank you!
 +
 
 +
''{Lex rolls his eyes, initially skeptical of Garfield's taste. However, he gives it a visibly pensive thought. After a while, Lex just shrugs and moves on, as if unsure how to adequately respond.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' For now, I must bid you adieu.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield and Lex wave each other goodbye, as the former heads for the front door and closes it behind him. He heads downstairs, to the pierogi bar itself. He and Volkov wave at each other, but go about their respective business otherwise. The shot cuts to the parking lot, where Garfield gets inside of Lex's ice cream truck. As soon as he starts the truck, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5sHrsCv6VI Tints by Anderson .Paak (feat. Kendrick Lamar)] plays in the background. Zoom out to show Garfield driving to Spook Cliff with the windows open and dancing to the song, then taking some turns to head underneath where he previously drove, to go to the Underground Market. Fast-forward to a still-hooded Garfield inside a high-end restaurant, walking towards a booth with a bespectacled Chinese-British woman, in executive office clothing, sitting inside of it.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Well, Stephanie, I made it...
 +
 
 +
'''STEPHANIE:''' ...''despite'' my directions?
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' On the contrary, I needed them.
 +
 
 +
''{Stephanie gets up, and hugs Garfield, who reciprocates after a second to collect his thoughts.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STEPHANIE:''' This is a welcome change of pace for me, compared to how things have been at work.
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' ...that bad?
 +
 
 +
'''STEPHANIE:''' That bad.
 +
 
 +
''{Stephanie and Garfield sit on opposing ends of the booth table.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Does the fate of Republic Island still rest upon your shoulders?
 +
 
 +
'''STEPHANIE:''' All the time.
 +
 
 +
''{Short pause.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Yare yare dawa. Things don't feel any different for me, most days.
 +
 
 +
'''STEPHANIE:''' Oh?
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' I haven't been able to do much in the way of vigilante actions. I believe it had something to do with a date I was on, where this guy sold fake pills.
 +
 
 +
'''STEPHANIE:''' ''{chuckles}'' Some date that must've been, eh?
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' I can assure you that I was nothing but a gentleman towards him.
  
 
''{Cut to the studio of "DataPatriots." A large, angry, and red-faced man is sitting at a desk, loudly ranting a live television camera while holding a vial of pills.}''
 
''{Cut to the studio of "DataPatriots." A large, angry, and red-faced man is sitting at a desk, loudly ranting a live television camera while holding a vial of pills.}''
Line 95: Line 237:
 
'''ANGRY CONSPIRACY PUNDIT:''' I'M TELLIN' YOU FOLKS, THE GLOBALISTS DON'T WANT YOU TO BE TAKING THESE PILLS! THESE PILLS WILL STOP THE SHADOW ORGANIZATIONS FROM READING YOUR THOUGHTS AND STEALING YOUR IDEAS! THIS IS AMERICA, PEOPLE!! WAKE UP! THE GOVERNMENT WANTS TO CONTROL YOUR MIND, READ YOUR THOUGHTS, AND ENSLAVE YOU, AND ONLY THESE PILLS CAN SAVE YOU!! THE NEW WORLD ORDER IS COMING, PEOPLE!!!!
 
'''ANGRY CONSPIRACY PUNDIT:''' I'M TELLIN' YOU FOLKS, THE GLOBALISTS DON'T WANT YOU TO BE TAKING THESE PILLS! THESE PILLS WILL STOP THE SHADOW ORGANIZATIONS FROM READING YOUR THOUGHTS AND STEALING YOUR IDEAS! THIS IS AMERICA, PEOPLE!! WAKE UP! THE GOVERNMENT WANTS TO CONTROL YOUR MIND, READ YOUR THOUGHTS, AND ENSLAVE YOU, AND ONLY THESE PILLS CAN SAVE YOU!! THE NEW WORLD ORDER IS COMING, PEOPLE!!!!
  
''{Garfield bursts in, wielding ties around his wrists and two makeshift pistols. His eyes glow red as soon as he recognizes the pundit.}''
+
''{Garfield bursts in, wielding ties around his wrists and two holstered, makeshift "Arrowgun" pistols. His eyes glow red as soon as he recognizes the pundit.}''
  
'''GARFIELD:''' You phony! You sold fake pills to customers who died as a result of having them. Now, you get to meet my current friends:
+
'''GARFIELD:''' You phony! Your pills are fake, and your Ponzi scheme shall be exposed, thanks to my current friends:
  
''{Garfield lifts his left pistol and shoots the ceiling with one of the guns.}''
+
''{Garfield takes out the pistols, from their respective holsters. The left pistol is lifted up and used to shoot the ceiling.}''
  
 
'''GARFIELD:''' Maxamillion...
 
'''GARFIELD:''' Maxamillion...
Line 109: Line 251:
 
'''GARFIELD:''' ...and Roxanne.
 
'''GARFIELD:''' ...and Roxanne.
  
''{Garfield shoots the camera with the other gun. Cut back to Stephanie and Garfield. Stephanie's face looks a little more pale.}''
+
''{Garfield shoots the camera with the right pistol. Cut back to Stephanie and Garfield. Stephanie's face looks a little more pale.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STEPHANIE:''' How... how long ago was that?
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' I think that was a couple months ago.
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' ...that might explain why your bounty went up.
+
'''STEPHANIE:''' ...that would explain why your bounty went up.
  
'''GARFIELD:''' ...bounty?
+
'''GARFIELD:''' I figured that was some sick joke the government was playing on me.
  
''{Stephanie pulls out her phone and types something on the screen. On the screen is an online website which has a picture of Garfield on the front page.}''
+
''{Stephanie pulls out her phone and types something on the screen. On the screen is an online website which has a modern picture of Garfield in his outfit - the same one as the one from the wanted poster earlier - on the front page.}''
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' You can't keep calling these "selfies." Eventually, the government is going to think of you as more than just a nuisance.
+
'''STEPHANIE:''' You can't keep calling these "selfies." Eventually, they're going to think of you as more than just a nuisance. I haven't mentioned you to my boss yet, because I know that - if I did - he would use your vigilantism for his own ends. I couldn't stomach to see you be exploited by others for their selfish gains, not again.
  
 
''{Stephanie sighs.}''
 
''{Stephanie sighs.}''
Line 129: Line 275:
 
''{Stephanie looks saddened.}''
 
''{Stephanie looks saddened.}''
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Has Tracy been well?
+
'''STEPHANIE:''' I know.
 +
 
 +
''{Stephanie's expression lights up, as she gets an idea.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STEPHANIE:''' Hey! How'd you meet Lex? I think I have an idea.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield gives it some thought. Cue a flashback, conveyed through a comic book "turning" back to a specific page - a still of both Garfield and Volkov, looking younger. The image remains paused, with a disc scratch being heard in the background.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STEPHANIE:''' ''{offscreen}'' Wait, why are you talking about Volkov first?
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' Context. It was not long after I met Volkov, that I started looking for a roommate, and found Lex in the process.
 +
 
 +
''{Resume, with Garfield and Volkov at the office, in a greyed setting.}''
 +
 
 +
'''VOLKOV:''' You wish to have apartment here?
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' 'Tis all I can presently ask, milord.
 +
 
 +
'''VOLKOV:''' Can be arranged.
 +
 
 +
''{Volkov takes out some papers. There's a line and some red ink.}''
 +
 
 +
'''VOLKOV:''' Sign here.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield examines the papers carefully, signing only when he confidently understands how the apartment ownership will be handled.}''
 +
 
 +
'''VOLKOV:''' Is Wiggins really your surname?
 +
 
 +
''{"Fast-forward" as the comic book "turns" forward a few pages more, to a still of Garfield and Lex, presumptively meeting for the first time.}''
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' Hey, thanks for answering that online ad of mine!
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Online ad? You mean the dating profile that kind of hints at you being a science experiment to "make the whitest Jamaican ever?"
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' That's the one, mon!
 +
 
 +
''{Lex blinks.}''
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' Wait, why were you looking at my ''dating'' profile...?
 +
 
 +
''{Lex looks visibly confused.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' You were, and still are, giving me 10 Things I Hate About You vibes.
 +
 
 +
''{Lex raises a brow.}''
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' That's a solid movie, but... this ain't a front just to smoke the ganja.
 +
 
 +
''{The screen pauses.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' I kind of assumed he was a homunculus. I've known so many people named Lex who all kind of appeared and behaved similarly to each other in alarming ways. I have yet to run any DNA tests to confirm or deny this hypothesis.
 +
 
 +
''{Stephanie can be heard offscreen, guffawing wildly. Her laughter fades, as the screen unpauses and the conversation between Past Lex and Past Garfield continues.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Good to know!
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' You... are fine with me smokin' the ganja, though... right?
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield shrugs.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' I've no problem with it. I've got relatives in Phoenixshire, who grow their own crops. I personally steer clear of marijuana whenever, due to asthma and second-hand smoke risks.
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' Well, if nothin' else, I can make brownies for you to try if you ever get curious, but...
 +
 
 +
''{Lex nods, almost understandingly.}''
  
'''GARFIELD:''' Some pompous jerks decided to make fun of his cereal cafe idea.
+
'''LEX:''' I gotcha, I gotcha. Wait, Phoenixshire?
  
''{Cut to Garfield, outside. He notices several "gangster"-looking individuals mocking Tracy openly, with other staff not doing anything. Upon seeing Tracy get beat up by the people mocking him, Garfield's eyes glow red and he promptly heads toward a red motorcycle and plucks the tires off of it, and then enters Surreal Cereals.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Yup! Lamentably, the town has moved to West Virginia. I've always remembered Phoenixshire being in Rhode Island.
  
'''GARFIELD:''' Is there something I can help you with, distinguished guests?
+
'''LEX:''' I know some people there, I think. In the West Virginia one, of course.
  
''{The gangsters turn to Garfield. One of them, wielding a Skull Masque, laughs.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' In my case, I've known many people named Lex. At least seven in my contacts also have names like "Greed Lex," "Gluttony Lex," et cetera.
  
'''SKULL MASQUE:''' Get a load of this friggin' Sperg honkey. ''{mocking Garfield's voice}'' "Distinguished guests."
+
'''LEX:''' Well, you can rule me out as ''Lust Lex.'' Also, I'm pretty sure I ain't a homunculus, mon!
  
''{The other gangsters begin laughing, though they recognize the motorcycle tires as being hijacked from the Skull Masque and slowly back away.}''
+
''{Both of them have a chuckle. Cut back to the present.}''
  
'''TRACY:''' No no no please don't make a scene please don't make a scene.
+
'''STEPHANIE:''' I'm sorry, how many people named Lex do you know?
  
'''RONALD:''' Bro, he just trashed your ride.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' At least eight. None of them are the Emperor Fullmetal Daddy Lex that I assume is the Original.  
  
''{Garfield begins pummeling Skull Masque with the motorcycle tires, treating them as chakram. The other gangsters try jumping Garfield, and the frame changes to outside Surreal Cereals, with sounds of screaming reaching outside as several police cars arrive towards it.}''
+
'''STEPHANIE:''' I... ''{coughs}'' Is there any more information on Lex that you're able to tell me?
  
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' Needless to say, no gang will be opposing Surreal Cereals ever again.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Not much, I'm afraid. His life is so odd that I sometimes doubt the current stuff I know about him. I suspect, over time, that there will be more contradictory history thrown at me.
  
''{Cut back to Garfield and Stephanie, again. Garfield stops talking, so he can sip some tea.}''
+
''{Stephanie takes a few more seconds, to digest what Garfield is saying.}''
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Well, then.
+
'''STEPHANIE:''' Hrm... alright, let's see if we can establish a pattern here. Do you know anybody else in Towningdale?
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' There's the Bellucci family.
 +
 
 +
'''STEPHANIE:''' Wait, you mean Tracy's here, too?
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Yeah! He runs a mom-and-pop cereal shop aboveground. It's in a different part of towne compared to where Lex, Volkov, and I live. I think... it opened last week?
 +
 
 +
'''STEPHANIE:''' I see...
 +
 
 +
''{Fast-forward to the end of the luncheon, just an hour later. Stephanie and Garfield each had an array of different entrees, which are spread throughout the table. A female Orc waitress has just returned.}''
 +
 
 +
'''FEMALE ORC WAITRESS:''' Are you guys ready for the check?
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield nods, and offers a hand. The waitress plants the check on him, and departs. Stephanie's eyes move to look at her.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STEPHANIE:''' ...she didn't seem to like us very much...
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield puts the check on the table, and gets out both a credit card and a Point Card. Under his hood, his eyes glow red.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' I can kick her ass, if she gives you any lip.
  
 
''{Stephanie blinks.}''
 
''{Stephanie blinks.}''
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' ''{thinking}'' Maybe I ''do'' need to talk to D'Arque, and fast.
+
'''STEPHANIE:''' That... won't be necessary, thank you.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield's eyes stop glowing.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' As you wish.
 +
 
 +
''{Fast-forward a few minutes later, to the outside of the restaurant.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STEPHANIE:''' My lunch break ends soon. I admit, I lament not spending more time in general with you. Maybe we can do this again some time?
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield nods and gives her a thumbs-up. Stephanie embraces Garfield, patting him on the back. This signals where they part ways; Garfield motions over to Lex's ice cream truck, with Stephanie walking offscreen to parts unknown. He gets inside, and starts the truck. He drives out of The Underground Market, heading through some intersections into Downtowningdale. He eventually parks near Surreal Cereals, gets out the Point Card, then gets out of the truck and steps inside the establishment. Tracy notices the door open, and greets Garfield. Zoom out to reveal they are currently the only two people inside.}''
  
''{She coughs.}''
+
'''TRACY:''' Noxigar, you son of a shit! I didn't think I'd see you 'round, ever.
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' I take it things have been mellow since?
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Once again, Darkheart, you are proven wrong!
  
''{Garfield nods, still sipping tea. Zoom out to reveal he is also in heavy shade.}''
+
''{Both of them have a hearty chuckle.}''
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' I'm pleased to hear that. You know, it's been an awfully long time since we last interacted.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' I take it you've met Chaos already?
  
''{Garfield stops sipping tea. Nodding, he takes out a purple heart.}''
+
'''TRACY:''' Yeah. Upstaged by hipsters, as of a few hours ago.
  
'''GARFIELD:''' I made this Katawa Heart for you.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Shucks, I missed them ''again?''
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Katawa Heart?
+
''{Tracy shrugs.}''
  
'''GARFIELD:''' An idea given to me.
+
'''TRACY:''' I wasn't under the impression you'd get along with them.
  
''{Stephanie examines the Katawa Heart.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Are any of them Wizards?
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' This is... actually pretty neat.  
+
'''TRACY:''' Nah.
  
''{Garfield smiles.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' There goes getting a nakama going against Bluehaven's Finest.
  
'''GARFIELD:''' Glad you think so. It took me months, even years, to craft.
+
''{Tracy looks amused by Garfield, but still concerned with the other's well-being.}''
  
''{Cut to Garfield and Volkov at the office, in a greyed setting.}''
+
'''TRACY:''' I thought you weren't the sort of guy fit for "nakama."
  
'''VOLKOV:''' You wish to have apartment here?
+
''{Zoom out a bit, as the screen stretches to show images of Garfield at different ages.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' That's still true...
 +
 
 +
''{An image of a young Garfield, at a time where everyone else around him would be in the third grade, gets placed center and highlighted.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' Contrary to popular belief, it's not easy getting a Bachelor's in Biochemistry at the age I got it at.
 +
 
 +
''{The images on-screen rotate, until a middle-school-aged Garfield stands out and is in the center.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' Studying abroad in East Germany was done while I was undergoing ''puberty!'' Yet, why was dealing with my own body harder than anything else at that point?
 +
 
 +
'''TRACY:''' ''{offscreen}'' Okay, I'm sure ''that's'' not something you alone would be wondering.
 +
 
 +
''{The images rotate some more, until a version of Garfield with the caption "Age: 18" on it is in the center.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' I thought having a Nobel Peace Prize, for curing Kiwic, would make me look impressive.
 +
 
 +
'''TRACY:''' ''{offscreen}'' Kiwic ''was'' a nasty genophage that nearly wiped out many Humanoid Races.
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' But alas...
 +
 
 +
''{The screen fades to black. Then, through use of a theatrical spotlight, a modern Garfield - of him in the same outfit as the one on his Wanted Poster - is in the center. After the fact, it cuts back to present-day Garfield, and Tracy.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' ...people cared more that I failed to achieve a level of magic on-par with Merlin.
 +
 
 +
'''TRACY:''' Hey, man. Merlin himself is one of the best fuckin' Wizards in the whole world! I wouldn't beat yourself up over not being like him.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield sighs.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Does Bluehaven's Finest treat you any better?
 +
 
 +
'''TRACY:''' I don't bother setting foot on the campus anymore, for more than just the purchase of my scholarly supplies.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield nods.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Good call.
 +
 
 +
'''TRACY:''' I'm not quite done with my endeavours there. I'm takin' it easy, y'know?
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield nods again.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Very well. I'm glad to see you've done okay since... well, ''that incident.''
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield looks out the window wistfully.}''
 +
 
 +
'''TRACY:''' Wait, the one in 2006? Or...?
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' No, no. The one that got me suspended from a Wizard academy and put an end to any career I could've had in Sangromancy. I could've gotten a 26-floor Castle, made a career in Space Piracy that makes the current bounty on my head look like chump change, maybe go to the now whole Germany with some fine company, had sophisticated Korean-American neighbors who wonder why I'm so awesome, recovered that lost dragon figurine... fuck, I'm starting to sound like Chaos. He legit pulled this exact same shit on Lex, and it had me highkey concerned.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield goes to a booth, and slouches on it.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{sighs}'' At least no new Bounty Hunters have arrived, for a while.
 +
 
 +
''{Tracy sits next to Garfield.}''
 +
 
 +
'''TRACY:''' Keep finding those silver linings. I know that's been... difficult...
 +
 
 +
''{Tracy ponders for a little while more.}''
 +
 
 +
'''TRACY:''' Well, you definitely haven't hit rock bottom.
 +
 
 +
''{Tracy shrugs.}''
 +
 
 +
'''TRACY:''' So, Garfunkel? What'll it be?
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Got any Foul-mouthed Chainsmoking Squirrel cereal?
 +
 
 +
'''TRACY:''' ''{stifling laughter}'' I think the only flavour they have that in is scotch and chocolate.
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{sighs}'' That works for me. I think the chocolate will counteract some of the wood polish.
 +
 
 +
''{Tracy gets a good laugh out of what Garfield said, as he proceeds to get the cereal.}''
 +
 
 +
'''TRACY:''' Tell me you want a mason jar with this.
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Yeah, a mason jar sounds about good.
 +
 
 +
''{Tracy prepares the cereal in a mason jar, and gives it to Garfield. Garfield begins eating the cereal, with the frames fast-forwarding through a good thirty minutes. His cereal is finished, and Garfield gets up.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' It was good to check up on you. But, I've gotta jet.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield moves to leave Surreal Cereals.}''
 +
 
 +
'''TRACY:''' Come back soon! Maybe the hipsters will be here to meet you, once you do!
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield departs from Surreal Cereals, and the camera zooms out to reveal the grand scope of the Downtown section of Towningdale. The next location Garfield enters is a nearby florist shop, but he quickly leaves it with a few bouquets of white roses as he returns to the ice cream truck and drives off. His next destination is, once again, Spook Cliff. This time, it's a different part of Spook Cliff, as he stumbles into a graveyard and a glowing green tree, next to one of the tombstones. The camera zooms in to show Garfield mourning someone, as he lays down the white roses next to it. He audibly sighs, but quickly regrets doing so as a bolt of pink energy grazes his hood, letting it down and showing Garfield's face and blonde wig.}''
 +
 
 +
'''ROSEMARY:''' ''{offscreen, almost-booming}'' Noxigar Bellinski! About time I found you. You'll pay for what you did in Bluehaven.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield looks around, wondering who is actually speaking.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Who the yiff is that?!
 +
 
 +
''{A blue-haired bounty hunter emerges, wielding a glowing pink katana. Garfield's eyes widen when he sees the katana, while at the same time glowing red.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Oh, you've ''got'' to be fucking kidding me.
 +
 
 +
'''ROSEMARY:''' What, didn't expect a Bounty Hunter to come at you on hollowed ground?
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' No. The pretentious magic from your katana. I should've smelled it by now.
 +
 
 +
'''ROSEMARY:''' Oh, that? That's the power of-
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{snarls}'' No.
 +
 
 +
''{[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bY2tXZKJcT0 Gloria by Laura Branigan] begins to play, in the background. Garfield takes on a battle stance, with his fists.}''
 +
 
 +
'''ROSEMARY:''' Are you ''seriously'' unarmed?!
 +
 
 +
''{Rosemary begins cackling, but then takes a serious battle stance herself.}''
 +
 
 +
'''ROSEMARY:''' It's such a shame. I was hoping for a challenge.
 +
 
 +
''{Rosemary lunges at Garfield with her sword. He gets grazed on his left side by both pink energy and blade, but doesn't flinch. For her efforts, she eats a round-house kick to the skull, which causes her to drop the metal goggles she was wearing on top of her head. While she nurses the side of her head, Garfield legs it towards the ice cream truck. He makes it to the driver's seat, trying to start the vehicle while it shakes. Garfield hears a distinct dent in the driver's door.}''
 +
 
 +
'''ROSEMARY:''' ''{offscreen}'' Oh, I did ''not'' travel ''all the way from Serenity, Arizona'' just so you could run off that easily!
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield tries shifting the car, looking through the nearby mirrors to gauge where Rosemary is.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Thanks for telling me where you live, so I can ship your corpse back to your next of kin!
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield puts the truck in reverse, and tries to run Rosemary over. She dodge rolls out of the way, but then sees him put the truck back on forward driving and drive off. Groaning, she motions over to a Vespa moped concealed by bushes and trees, and pursues him. Both of them drive off into the main part of Towningdale. Periodically, a pink bolt of energy is flung at the truck, which intensifies the nervousness of other drivers on the road. Cut back to the inside of the ice cream truck, as Garfield looks in the back. He sees a couple of crimson motorcycle tires.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Wait, how the hell did-
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield stares, blank-faced, at the motorcycle tires. Police sirens wake Garfield out of his "flashback." Garfield checks the ice cream truck's mirrors, as he witnesses that police are chasing both him and Rosemary. A lightbulb appears over Garfield's head. He then puts his hood back on, and arms himself with the motorcycle tires. He once again peers outside the window, and sees multiple biker gangs chasing after the police, who are still chasing Rosemary and - by extension - him. His head leans back, as if showing signs of panic.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Well, '''''that escalated quickly.'''''
 +
 
 +
''{Sounds of helicopters can be heard in the distance. Above Garfield's head, are six full golden stars.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{singing in an attempt at countertenor}'' ''If everybody wants you, why isn't anybody calling?!''<br>
 +
''You don't have to answer''<br>
 +
''Leave 'em hangin' on the li-ine''<br>
 +
''Oh-oh-oh, calling Gloria~''<br>
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield turns up the volume of the radio, as Gloria resumes playing. He sees a group of trolley tracks along the road, and looks around through the mirrors, to see how everything else is going around him.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Time for multi-track drifting?
 +
 
 +
''{The ice cream truck begins to shake, as Garfield feels a vibration along the ground and sees external damage caused by Rosemary's pink bolts of energy. He cracks his own neck, lifting his head both left and right accordingly. He speeds toward the multiple trolley tracks. Zoom outward, to show shocked expressions on the faces of Towningdale citizens, many of whom are taking photographs of the situation at-large. Zoom outward even further, to show that all of Towningdale is pretty much in the know, be it from social media or from people calling each other. Then, cut to Lex on the couch by himself, flipping through channels.}''
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' Chaos can rest easy on my bed. That was one nasty punch-
 +
 
 +
''{Lex keeps it on a news channel. The scene is angled in such a way that the audience can't see the television screen, but the audio implies that a lot of vehicular stuntwork and explosions are occurring.}''
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' I did ''not'' know my ice cream truck could do that! I don't think I ''wanted'' to know that my ice cream truck could do that!
 +
 
 +
''{Lex looks outside, and sees that his ice cream truck - while roughed up a bit thanks to the fight with Rosemary Touchdown - is parked in the parking lot, and accounted for. Garfield is nowhere to be seen, however.}''
 +
 
 +
'''LEX:''' Wha-
 +
 
 +
''{Cut to Garfield, who is now in an alleyway on foot. A pink bolt of energy grazes his right shoulder, causing him to stumble into the lakeside. He fully submerges himself in the water below.}''
 +
 
 +
'''ROSEMARY:''' ''{offscreen}'' If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were more trouble than your worth!
 +
 
 +
''{Zoom out to show Rosemary appearing from the same alleyway, but not in the lake. She is visibly exhausted.}''
 +
 
 +
'''ROSEMARY:''' At least your bounty will help buy me a new Vespa!
 +
 
 +
''{Rosemary stabs the lake with her glowing katana, repeatedly. Garfield jumps from a distance, and throws one of the motorcycle tires he was carrying, which hits her straight in the chest. Zoom in, to show that Garfield's blonde wig is completely ruined, and that he overall is looking a little worse for wear.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' You Yankee Archmage-wannabes never learn.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield throws the other motorcycle tire at Rosemary, hitting her in the head. Once both motorcycle tires are on the ground, he snaps, in an attempt to levitate them. He succeeds in getting them to orbit around Rosemary for a little bit, but then they drop to the ground.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Oh, come the ''fuck'' on. Why do these spells always play out better in my head?!
 +
 
 +
''{Rosemary gets up, clutching her chest.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' ...oh, I recognize you now!
 +
 
 +
''{She lifts a finger, as if to say something. She stops herself.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Rosemary Touchdown.
 +
 
 +
''{Rosemary scowls.}''
 +
 
 +
'''ROSEMARY:''' I'm not entirely amused by your complete lack of combat skills.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield tellingly clutches to the part of his left stomach that was previously hit by pretentous pink magic. Rosemary goes over to him, katana in hand. Garfield takes off his blonde wig, and begins noticing that it's completely ruined as a result of how the earlier events with the traffic played out.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Okay, you've ''already'' ruined my day.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield gets into another battle stance, holding onto the wig.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Time to get serious.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield and Rosemary attempt to strike at each other - one with katana, the other with fists. Rosemary's swipes and stabs narrowly miss Garfield, but do cause partial damage to his coat and cut his hair into an odd shape. On the other end of combat - Garfield's fists either do not connect to Rosemary at all, or are otherwise parried by her katana. After a while, Rosemary tries to do a katana technique, but Garfield blocks it with the ruined wig. The katana gets tangled in it, much to her annoyance.}''
 +
 
 +
'''ROSEMARY:''' Not only have you ruined my bike, you've ruined my blade!
 +
 
 +
''{Rosemary scrambles to get the katana out of his wig, while Garfield takes the time to put his hood back on, and run back into the alleyways of the part of Towningdale he now finds himself in. He scans the area, finding a wig shoppe. He then enters it, and is greeted by the salesperson, who is an old man with luscious brown locks.}''
 +
 
 +
'''SALESPERSON:''' Oh, greetings! It's not often I-
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield takes off the hood, revealing his face.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' It's good to see you, again.
 +
 
 +
'''SALESPERSON:''' Oooooh, Mister Bellinski! It's an honour, indeed.
 +
 
 +
''{The salesperson bows formally.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Alas, one of my wigs got torn asunder in a fight against who I believe to be Rosemary Touchdown.
 +
 
 +
'''SALESPERSON:''' Oh myyyyyyyy! Have you been getting into trouble again? Is this one of your LARPs?
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{sighs}'' If only it ''was'' a LARP... then, I wouldn't have felt so bad about the whole ordeal.
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield arcs his back a bit.}''
 +
 
 +
'''SALESPERSON:''' Nevermind that. Come, come, come! Let me show you my wares.
 +
 
 +
''{The salesperson walks behind Garfield and pushes him further into the shop.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{nervously}'' I guess I can look for one blonde wig, while I'm here...
 +
 
 +
''{The salesperson looks Garfield up and down.}''
 +
 
 +
'''SALESPERSON:''' Hmm... I know what you must have. Would you be interested in some... luscious Elven locks?
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' I'm not entirely sure. You don't mind if I browse everything you've got, first?
 +
 
 +
'''SALESPERSON:''' Oh, of course, of course!
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield nods accordingly, and proceeds to browse for a tiny bit. Cut to a montage of Garfield trying on various wigs and hairstyles, until finding a moderate-length pink wig.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Well, I'll take this wig that goes with this jacket and a flower-themed blade I expect to find on the Dank Net later... suffice it to say, I didn't find any short blonde wigs.
 +
 
 +
'''SALESPERSON:''' That's okay! I'd be happy to get some in stock, later on!
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield looks around. The wigmaker's shoppe is in partial disarray.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' I look forward to coming back soon... I might be able to help you with your shoppe, if you'd like?
 +
 
 +
'''SALESPERSON:''' Oh, no! I've got myself a guest staying with me.
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' ...you do?
 +
 
 +
''{Garfield looks at the door leading to the back of the shoppe.}''
 +
 
 +
'''GARFIELD:''' Is he here? I'd like to say hi to him, if I can...
 +
 
 +
''{The salesperson rushes to block access to the door. In doing so, it opens slightly. A hairy suit can be seen in the background.}''
 +
 
 +
'''SALESPERSON:''' He's not here. He's... elsewhere.
  
'''GARFIELD:''' 'Tis all I can presently ask, milord.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' ...it's only, what, high noon?
  
'''VOLKOV:''' Can be arranged.
+
''{Garfield scratches his head. The salesperson quickly shuts the door.}''
  
''{Volkov takes out some papers. There's a line and some red ink.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Oh... okay.
  
'''VOLKOV:''' Sign here.
+
''{Awkward silence as the salesperson grins creepily. Garfield looks around, one last time.}''
  
''{Garfield signs the papers.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Come on, short blonde wig... I know you're here somewhere...
  
'''VOLKOV:''' Is Wiggins really your surname?
+
''{Garfield sighs, in defeat. He goes over to the cash register.}''
  
''{The frames change, as if they were comic book pages. A few months later, Lex arrives.}''
+
'''SALESPERSON:''' It's always good to see a regular customer.
  
'''LEX:''' Hey, thanks for answering that online ad of mine!
+
'''GARFIELD:''' It's an honour to find this wig shoppe on such short notice...
  
''{Zoom out to reveal Garfield on a computer, inspecting something.}''
+
''{Garfield reads the salesperson's nametag - Frank.}''
  
'''LEX:''' ...Garf?
+
'''GARFIELD:''' ...Frank. I hope you have time to come by Katyusha's. They make some good pierogis!
  
''{Garfield turns around. His mood brightens.}''
+
'''FRANK:''' I'd be delighted to! Well, once I get things sorted out...
  
'''GARFIELD:''' Lex! Jolly good to see you, dear chap!
+
''{Frank sighs wistfully.}''
  
'''LEX:''' Mon, you must have the wrong Lex.
+
'''FRANK:''' I don't suppose you know any Elves, do you?
  
''{Garfield looks him up and down.}''
+
''{Garfield takes out a 50-dollar bill.}''
  
'''GARFIELD:''' You're the right Lex.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Uh... not in this city, at least. Does this cover it?
  
''{Lex tilts his head confusingly.}''
+
'''FRANK:''' Oh, alright. And yes, of course! But, you'll-
  
'''LEX:''' What?
+
''{Garfield waves a hand.}''
  
'''GARFIELD:''' I will explain later.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Keep the change, good chap!
  
''{More time passes. Lex and Garfield have a setup going.}''
+
''{Garfield takes the tags out of the pink wig, and puts it on immediately.}''
  
'''LEX:''' So you mean to tell me you collect things whilst also at NoxCorp?
+
'''GARFIELD:''' I should probably find my way back to Downtowningdale. From there, I think I can make it back home to Little Moscow...
  
'''GARFIELD:''' More or less. My Dragon boss...
+
'''FRANK:''' I hope you stop on by again soon, Mister Bellinski!
  
'''LEX:''' Your boss is a Dragon?
+
''{Frank and Garfield pleasantly wave each other goodbye. Garfield exits the wig shop, and puts his hood back on. He tries to find a nearby trolley.}''
  
'''GARFIELD:''' Yes.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Hrm... trolleys would-
  
'''LEX:''' Colour me surprised, mon.
+
''{Garfield bumps into someone.}''
  
'''GARFIELD:''' My Dragon boss suggested I have my own treasure hoard. It's how they keep themselves from being bored.
+
'''?????:''' Oops! I didn't see you there, I'm so sorry!
  
'''LEX:''' Now, you're sure that's not just a deflection of stereotype or nothin'?
+
''{Garfield takes a gander at who they are. He identifies the person in question as a Drow-looking Human.}''
  
''{Garfield shakes his head.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' I take it there must be a custom for those in this part of Towningdale to dress up in Drow-like apparati...
  
'''GARFIELD:''' Nay, my dear Dawson.
+
''{Garfield looks lost in thought, much to the Human's confusion.}''
  
'''LEX:''' That's not my surname.
+
'''?????:''' What? No man, there’s this Drow tailor down the street who... Wait, you mean ''Townindale'', right?
  
''{Garfield facepalms.}''
+
''{Garfield looks taken aback by the Human's correction.}''
  
'''GARFIELD:''' Force of habit, Lex. My apologies. A N Y W A Y...
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Look, I've had a long day...
  
''{Garfield shows a purple item.}''
+
''{Garfield then proceeds to have an entire monologue in Deep Speech, which unnerves the Drow-looking Human in question. There are no subtitles, to identify what exactly Garfield said at this precise moment, and the scenery fast-forwards to the end of said monologue, with a caption underneath Garfield and the Human reading "Twenty-five Minutes Later..."}''
  
'''GARFIELD:''' Once I've collected enough Gems, Dragon Statues, Butterflies, Talismans, Orbs, Spirit Gates, and Kinder Eggs... I may be able to process their energies and make a Katawa Heart.
+
'''?????:''' You did ''not'' need to tell me all of that. At all.
  
''{Cut back to present time, with Stephanie and Garfield.}''
+
''{The Human sighs.}''
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' You remembered me, after all this time?
+
'''?????:''' Look, I've got to get ready for an outing later this evening, and have a stern conversation with my landlord, apparently. If you don’t mind, I should get moving.
  
'''GARFIELD:''' Fucks yeah. Why-
+
''{The Human departs. Garfield ignores him, and continues looking around for a trolley.}''
  
''{Stephanie gets up and tightly hugs him. He pauses for a moment, but reciprocates.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' I'll probably wind up seeing him again... in the meantime, however... I need to find a way to Chief Beef's.
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Oh my God, you have ''no'' idea what's gone on on my end.
+
''{Garfield eventually sees a trolley park nearby. He motions toward it, and waits for people to get out of it before heading inside it himself.}''
  
'''GARFIELD:''' I don't.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Good distinguished guest! Does this trolley head to Downtowningdale?
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' ...where do I start?
+
'''TROLLEY DRIVER:''' ''{offscreen}'' It's going to be a while, but yeah! Enjoy the ride!
  
'''GARFIELD:''' Logically, from the beginning.
+
''{Garfield leans back in the trolley seat, and smirks.}''
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Well...
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Perfect.
  
''{Cut to Stephanie at a luxury penthouse suite in San Cristobal. A caption appears, reading "One Week Earlier." In the background, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDnNF5cHCdo "The Reflex" by Duran Duran] is playing. Stephanie looks aggravated as she's angrily knocking on the door of the master bedroom. From inside of the bedroom, you can hear giggles from an assortment of women.}''
+
''{Zoom out to show the trolley moving from where Garfield was located, labelled "Skiverton," to a part of Downtowningdale - equally labelled with a caption. The trolley stops within this part of Downtowningdale, and Garfield gets off the trolley.}''
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Mr. D'Arque! MR. D'ARQUE. YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR YOUR MEETING WITH THE MAYOR!
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Thanks for the directions!
  
''{No response. Stephanie knocks even harder.}''
+
''{Garfield looks around him, and walks around. He makes specific lefts and rights, and finds himself at a bar known as The Angry Bull.}''
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' You don't want to keep him waiting! You need his support!
+
'''GARFIELD:''' I'm told that Chief Beef's is nearby...
  
''{Xavier D'Arque finally responds from the other side.}''
+
''{Garfield locates the Chief Beef's, which is a few blocks away.}''
  
'''XAVIER:''' Ugh, you always ruin the fun! Fine! Time for you all to go, ladies.  
+
'''GARFIELD:''' I know how my night's going to go down, at least.  
  
''{Stephanie rolls her eyes. The door open as four young women, barely eighteen years old and scantily clad, run out while giggling and snickering.}''
+
''{Garfield motions toward the Chief Beef's, and then enters. He finds himself in a fine dining establishment, where the staff are all Centaur. Garfield thinks for a moment, to himself, as he tries to find a "To Go" line. Upon not finding one, he shrugs. Cue to a montage of Garfield ordering some food, having a jolly holiday with some of the Centaur staff, and ordering a few alcoholic drinks. He pays for it all using the Point Card, and has a canvas bag set aside for some of the ordered food, labelled "Lex's Chief Beef's Food." He then exits the Chief Beef's, somewhat satisfied. He motions over to The Angry Bull, when he comes across seven armoured Dwarf Hellriders. He waves at them jovially, and they each do a cool nod at him as they bypass each other. He proceeds into The Angry Bull, and sits at one of the chairs near the barstool. One of the bartenders - a Gnome - greets Garfield.}''
  
'''XAVIER:''' Hand the girls their money, won't ya? It's for their college fund!
+
'''GUS:''' Hey, nice getup! What brings you to these parts, and what can I getcha?
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Yes, sir.
+
''{Garfield pauses to think.}''
  
''{Stephanie pulls out a checkbook from her pocket and proceeds to write four checks before handing them to each of the young women. Xavier emerges from the bedroom, dressed in a purple bathrobe. He waves the women goodbye as he practically shoves them out of the suite.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Do you have a scotch... single malt... speyside... no ice?
  
'''XAVIER:''' Phew. Is it me, or are high schoolers getting younger?
+
''{Gus shrugs.}''
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' No, you're just getting older.
+
'''GUS:''' Sure, I can make that! Say, you must have quite the eloquent taste, ordering a scotch with those specifics...
  
'''XAVIER:''' Well, you know what they say. If you can still use it, you can still abuse it!
+
''{Gus goes over to make Garfield's drink. After a few seconds, the drink is made. Garfield tries the scotch he was given. He winces, but downs it all the same.}''
  
''{Xavier motions to his crotch. Stephanie looks away.}''
+
'''GUS:''' What's the matter? Not used to scotch this good?
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Just get dressed quickly. You're expected there in thirty minutes.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{coughs}'' This is some heavy stuff. Do you have anything else?
  
'''XAVIER:''' Alright, alright.
+
'''GUS:''' Of course!
  
''{Xavier disrobes completely, revealing nothing underneath. His most intimate parts are covered up by parts of the foreground scenery as the camera follows him around the suite.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Perhaps an apple cider might be more my speed.
  
'''XAVIER:''' Aren't you excited, Penelope?
+
''{Gus looks at Garfield curiously.}''
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' It's Stephanie.
+
'''GUS:''' Maybe you'll enjoy that better, then!
  
'''XAVIER:''' What's what I said! Aren't you excited? In just a week's time, I'm gonna be launching my bid for Senate, and all eyes will be on me! Isn't it invigorating to be in the presence of someone who is destined for such greatness?
+
''{Gus goes over to make another drink for Garfield, who tries it and sighs with relief. He notices a high-quality karaoke machine across the way.}''
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' It's simply ''wonderful,'' sir.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Is that...? I didn't know you guys had a karaoke machine!
  
''{Xavier picks up a pair of trousers and puts them on, not bothering with underwear.}''
+
'''GUS:''' Ah, so you noticed! We installed it some time ago.
  
'''XAVIER:''' Damn fucking right, it is. Xavier D'Arque, Republic Island Senator. Just imagine that. Fuck, no, let's go even further. Xavier D'Arque. President of the United States.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Holy smokes! Tell me it has-
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Aren't you shooting a little too high to be thinking of a Presidential bid this early?
+
''{Fast-forward to a slightly-buzzed, still-hooded in dark coat Garfield on top of a DDR pad with a microphone.}''
  
'''XAVIER:''' No such thing as too high, babe.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{countertenor singing}'' ''When you walk away''<br>
 +
''You don't hear me say''-<br>
  
''{Xavier sprays himself with cologne all over his body.}''
+
''{Zoom out to reveal that the machine isn't even on. There's a crowd forming anyway, laughing. One of the other bartenders, a big minotaur named Bruno, shows up.}''
  
'''XAVIER:''' Say, how old are you again?
+
'''BRUNO:''' Dude, the machine's not even on!
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' I'm 24.
+
''{Bruno then joins in on the laughter. Garfield quickly recognizes the problem at hand, solves it with an ease that surprises the people around him, and resumes as normal. Cut to two patrons - a familiar Drow-like Human and his Noticeably-More-Human Friend - entering the bar.}''
  
'''XAVIER:''' And are you married yet? Hell, are you even seeing anybody? I don't think I've ever seen you with a man.
+
'''????:''' Sometimes you want to go to a bar where everyone knows your name, know what I'm saying?
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' ...no? But I don't know how this is relevant to-
+
''{The Other Human makes a dynamic entrance, but nobody seems to notice.}''
  
''{Xavier grabs a shirt and tie from his closet and puts them on.}''
+
'''?????:''' ''{giggles}'' So much for "everyone knows your name..."
  
'''XAVIER:''' Jesus H. Christ, you need to get hitched soon! You ain't gettin' any younger, babe. Your biological clock is a ticking time bomb. You gotta get yourself a guy and have children while you still can. You know, if I weren't your boss, I would almost consider break my nineteen-and-under rule. But you know, that would be ''unprofessional.'' Plus, I respect you too much.
+
''{The entrants quickly take notice of Garfield and his bizarre antics.}''
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Gee. ''I am humbled.''  
+
'''????:''' Oy, get a load of this motherfuckin' mad lad! He's gone and taken the spotlight from me!
  
'''XAVIER:''' Hey, I know plenty of good and rich men who would love a girl like you. You're a little too smart for them, but I think if you kept your mouth shut, you'd be alright. Oh yeah, speaking of all this shit; call my wife and kids. I want them to appear at the announcement ceremony next week. I gotta make a good image for the cameras.
+
''{Cut back to Garfield skillfully DDR-ing and singing at the same time, for a few seconds, then back at the other two Humans.}''
  
''{After putting his shoes and socks on, Xavier is finally dressed. He looks outside of the window, overlooking the entirety of Downtown San Cristobal.}''
+
'''?????:''' Um, Jules-
  
'''XAVIER:''' In just eight months, all of this is gonna be mine. You're witnessing history in the making, Penelope.
+
''{Upon Jules' name being dropped, everyone inside the Angry Bull diverts their attention temporarily.}''
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Stephanie.
+
'''BRUNO:''' Oh, hey, Jules! Good to see you've made it!
  
'''XAVIER:''' That's what I ''said.'' The D'Arque's used to rule everything here, and when I'm finished, they'll be back on top. You are a very lucky woman. Now come on, let's see the Mayor. We can't let that fat bastard wait too long.
+
'''JULES:''' First of all, what's going on here? Second of all, who is this assclown?
  
''{Stephanie sighs.}''
+
'''BRUNO:''' Cut him some slack, he's just some nerd! He came in, and wanted to play with the karaoke machine. We told him if he got the high score for a particular song he seemed especially interested in, that he'd permanently get drinks for free here.
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Right, sir.
+
''{Gus waves at Jules and The Drow-like Human. All the while, everyone else redirects their attention back to Garfield.}''
  
''{Cut back to the present.}''
+
'''GUS:''' It's true!
  
'''GARFIELD:''' No way. What a scumbag.
+
''{Jules and The Drow-like Human go over to Gus, while the scene returns to Garfield having just finished singing and DDR-ing to his song of choice. People seem to be astonished, to the point of clapping and cheering once the scoreboard pops up. Cut to a zoomed shot, of Garfield's jaw dropping. Then, pan to the television screen, which shows he got a SSS rank, but was off from hitting the high score by a single point. Garfield's head droops down.}''
  
''{Garfield stands up and cracks his knuckles. His eyes begin glowing red.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Well, now I only feel ''slightly'' inconvenienced...
  
'''GARFIELD:''' I'll kick his ass so hard, his entire family line will feel it!
+
''{Bruno goes over to pat him on the back, and does so with a strength that causes Garfield to shift a bit.}''
  
''{Stephanie grabs his arm.}''
+
'''BRUNO:''' It's alright, lad. Maybe next time.
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' No! Do you know how much this job is worth? Please don't blow it!
+
''{Garfield resignedly gives the Minotaur his credit card and Point Card. Bruno eyes the Point Card carefully.}''
  
'''GARFIELD:''' But the man is a complete asshole! He treats women like dirt, and doesn't even try to remember your name!
+
'''BRUNO:''' What's this for?
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Yeah, I know. But believe it or not, he pays very generously.  
+
'''GARFIELD:''' It's a Point Card, gifted to me personally, by someone of great importance. I got it one day, in San Crystal-balls, and since then I've put Points into it. I still owe you guys enough, that I'm willing to arm this thing to the teeth and eventually put it to good use someday!
  
''{Garfield sighs. His eyes slowly return to normal.}''
+
''{Bruno snorts, and laughs.}''
  
'''GARFIELD:''' Alright, if you're sure. It's funny, really. Chaos said from the get-go that he didn't like him. I didn't even think to consider that he was ''that'' bad, though.
+
'''BRUNO:''' Good luck with that, mate! I hope to see you again, when you've got even more drinks in ya!
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' He has his good moments. He donates to charity, at least?
+
''{Garfield shrugs, and takes his bag of Chief Beef's food with him.}''
  
''{Short pause.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' We'll see what happens when I return. I like your apple cider, at least!
  
'''GARFIELD:''' I still want to kick his ass. For now, though, I can see how it presents a conflict of interest.
+
''{Garfield exits The Angry Bull. He happens to stumble upon a trolley.}''
  
''{Stephanie still maintains her grip on his arm.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Salutations! Does this stop by a cool place called Katyusha's?
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' You have ''got'' to promise me you won't blow this.
+
'''TROLLEY DRIVER:''' ''{offscreen}'' Why, yes it does! What's the occasion?
  
''{Garfield thinks for a moment.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' It's one of the few places I can call "home."
  
'''GARFIELD:''' I solemnly swear an Oath of Fealty to you. On my word, nothing I do shall get in your way.
+
''{The trolley driver guffaws, over his speakerphone.}''
  
''{Stephanie cocks a brow.}''
+
'''TROLLEY DRIVER:''' ''{offscreen}'' Well, so far... you're the only person on! Next stop, Katyusha's! In the meantime, enjoy the ride!
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' I... see.
+
''{Garfield leans back on the seat in the trolley, and smirks.}''
  
''{Stephanie somehow can read Garfield's emotions more readily, much to her shock. She ceases to grip his arm.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Perfect.
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Well, if you won't get in my way, that's fine. I doubt anything will come headed your way.
+
''{Cut to Lex and Garfield at home.}''
  
''{Garfield nods.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' So that's what happened today!
  
'''GARFIELD:''' I'm a bit of a recluse when not at work. So long as you are unharmed, I intend to keep it that way.
+
'''LEX:''' Honestly, I'm just glad you're back in one piece!
  
''{Time passes by. They finish their lunches. Stephanie gets up.}''
+
''{Garfield winces, clutching the left side of his stomach and collapsing.}''
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' I've got to jet.  
+
'''GARFIELD:''' I figured you'd be more concerned for the ice cream truck...
  
'''GARFIELD:''' Ditto.
+
'''LEX:''' Poppycock, mon! You've been my friend for at least a full three years! Friends aren't as replaceable as ice cream trucks!
  
''{Garfield gets up again, then takes out a Point Card.}''
+
''{Garfield attempts to get up, from where he collapsed.}''
  
'''GARFIELD:''' It's probably a good thing I saved up money. Whatever I spend will go into this.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Shit, I should probably-
  
''{He takes out a pen and does some math.}''
+
''{Garfield's cellphone rings, with a familiar ringtone. He slowly hobbles over to his bedroom.}''
  
'''GARFIELD:''' ...carry the two...
+
'''LEX:''' Thanks for the Chief Beef's!
  
''{He signs it.}''
+
''{Garfield gently closes the door behind him, and then lunges towards his bed and grabs his phone.}''
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Dude, you don't have to pay for the whole thing!
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Hello?
  
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{confusedly}'' Why not? I got several bulk itemmes, and a red wine bottle for later.
+
'''XIORNO:''' ''{from the other line}'' Garfield, there is something I need your help with tomorrow.
  
''{Garfield sends his Point Card with the sheet of paper he wrote for tip.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{singing}'' Tell me more, tell me more-
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' ...how much did you tip, anyway?
+
''{Muffled laughter can be heard, coming from Lex's end.}''
  
'''GARFIELD:''' 80%.  
+
'''XIORNO:''' We have need for you in the Labs. A shipment of Orkneyan Snappers happened upon us, and we're currently trying to breed a new type which is resistant to the cold and snow. Have you heard of them?
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' That's way too much!
+
'''GARFIELD:''' I don't think so...
  
'''GARFIELD:''' I found some extra quarters in the couch, I figured I'd go all in with them.
+
'''XIORNO:''' They're like Venus Flytraps, but slightly bigger and extremely deadly when provoked. As they're an amazing delicacy to the Orcish people, I would like your assistance with helping ensure the tests run smoothly.
  
''{Stephanie sighs.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Sure! I've definitely got what it takes.
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' I suppose that's that, then?
+
'''XIORNO:''' Good. I would suggest being prepared for emergency situations, and plenty of them. Commit it to memory.
  
''{Garfield nods.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' See you tomorrow, Xiorno!
  
'''GARFIELD:''' Yep.
+
''{Garfield hangs up, and rolls on out of bed. He goes outside of his bedroom. Lex greets him, from the dinner table. Garfield looks around.}''
  
''{The screen splits into two; on one screen, Garfield arrives back at The Apartment and finds Chaos with some equipment. On the other screen, Stephanie returns to the hotel room where D'Arque is staying.}''
+
'''GARFIELD:''' ...has Edgymancer awakened yet?
  
'''XAVIER / CHAOS:''' So, that's how your outing went?
+
'''LEX:''' Nah, ya knocked 'im out cold, mon! Also, I don't know if callin' him Edgymancer is a good idea anymore. He doesn't take it in a way we'd consider nice.
  
'''STEPHANIE / GARFIELD:''' Yup.
+
''{Garfield looks saddened.}''
  
'''XAVIER / CHAOS:''' Wow, that's rather anticlimactic if you asked me.  
+
'''GARFIELD:''' ''{sighs}'' Sorry about earlier.
  
'''STEPHANIE / GARFIELD:''' Well, when you haven't seen your person of interest for so long, it tends to be that way. It's not my first rodeo with this sort of outcome.
+
''{An awkward pause occurs.}''
  
'''XAVIER / CHAOS:''' If I were you, I would have easily done a lot more than just "hug it out for thirty minutes." Sheesh.
+
'''LEX:''' I overheard your talk on the phone. Was that Xiorno?
  
'''STEPHANIE / GARFIELD:''' I'm kind of glad you weren't there, then.
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Yes.
  
''{Stephanie's screen subsumes Garfield's screen.}''
+
'''LEX:''' Cool! So, you get to be a bit more outgoin', mon!
  
'''XAVIER:''' Anything else?
+
'''GARFIELD:''' It's for a delicate project involving Orkneyan Snappers.
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Jaqueline Rosenberg got back to us.
+
'''LEX:''' Y'mean you're workin' on an Orc superfood?
  
'''XAVIER:''' Go on...
+
'''GARFIELD:''' Pretty much.
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' She wants to know how the hell you got the number to the telemarketing department, her words.
+
''{Chaos arrives onscreen. Garfield's face changes to a more dour expression, while Lex is delighted to see that Chaos is awake.}''
  
'''XAVIER:''' Yes, and how did you?
+
'''CHAOS:''' Oof. That hurt! How'd you learn to hit like that?
  
'''STEPHANIE:''' Pressed buttons until someone answered of course. Also we've got the room, Endorsement "To be determined at a later price".
+
'''GARFIELD:''' It's a long story, not worth getting into right now. It's rather late.
  
'''XAVIER:''' Excellent.
+
'''CHAOS:''' Ugh, Remind me never to piss ''you'' off again... I missed the whole day, didn't I?
  
''{Xavier begins laughing maniacly as the camera zooms on his face and the lighting dims, smash cut to the same shot as before as he stops laughing}''
+
''{Lex nods.}''
  
'''XAVIER:''' Have you heard this joke about the three pieces of string? It's hilarious!
+
'''CHAOS:''' Son of a-
  
''{End of episode}''
+
''{The camera cuts to a black screen. The "WIKIHOOD" title pops up, signalling the end of the Episode.}''

Latest revision as of 23:22, 17 November 2018

Summary

Who's this incorrigible vigilante and why isn't he a Kingdom Hearts OC anymore????????

Transcript

{Open to a broad scene of Towningdale, that quickly zooms back into the apartment above the pierogi bar. The scene is voiceless, as it showcases a visual recap of what had transpired - Lex and Chaos awoke to breakfast made by Garfield, and pierogis handed out at the last minute by Volkov - who was passing by at the time. After the pierogis are accounted for, Lex and Chaos wave goodbye to Garfield as they close the front door behind them. This leaves the third roommate by his lonesome. He breathes a heavy sigh - an audio tell of the recap being over - as he watches Lex and Chaos take the ice cream truck out of the parking lot from a nearby, a wistful look in his eyes. After a few seconds of looking out the window, he turns around. He hears the cellphone ringing "Sanctuary" by Utada Hikaru, and heads into his room. On his bed is a cellphone, which he uses to answer the phone.}

GARFIELD: Hello?

?????????: It's been too long, my friend.

GARFIELD: ...Stephanie?

STEPHANIE: Good, you remembered me! I was afraid you wouldn't.

{An awkward pause occurs, allowing the Wikihood logo to appear and disappear for a few seconds. After the logo is gone, pan to a wanted poster on the wall. On it is Garfield in a short blonde wig, a white dress, and what appears to be an ivory notebook laptop tucked under one of his arms. At the sides of his dress, are two crimson laser-scimitars, and a caption reading "Armed and Dangerous." Below the image, is a cash reward which has been scratched out and faded, as if it had to be updated numerous times in the past.}

GARFIELD: {offscreen} To forget you would be something I would prefer not to do, if I can help it.

{Cut back to Garfield, who is briefly lying flat on the bed while still contacting Stephanie.}

STEPHANIE: What have you been up to?

GARFIELD: NoxCorp has me working from home for most of my shifts. I come in only when an emergency arises, per Xiorno's instructions.

STEPHANIE: I take it Xiorno is your boss?

GARFIELD: Yep!

STEPHANIE: Good to see that you've been able to work something out with her.

GARFIELD: It's enabled me to do a teensy bit more to spruce up our apartment. I heard we had a new guest, this Edgymancer who keeps calling himself "Chaos" for some undisclosed reason.

STEPHANIE: Edgymancer?

GARFIELD: That's my commando name for him. To put it bluntly, he seems like a surly goth guy. He and Lex go waaaaaaaayyyyyyyy back, at least that's the story I overheard yesterday.

STEPHANIE: At least he wasn't a secret Bounty Hunter?

GARFIELD: I guess. One thing I know Chaos has done so far is act haughty towards Lex. Evidently, they were supposed to live in a mansion by now, with a hot car and, I quote, "a super expensive elf servant."

STEPHANIE: I take it he's not too keen on living things out in the apartment?

GARFIELD: No.

STEPHANIE: Have you had a moment to discuss this with Lex?

GARFIELD: No. The thing about Lex is that his life outside home is... "odd," to say the least. It's hard to read him, most of the time.

{Cut to Lex's job at the mattress store. Garfield arrives with sub sandwiches.}

GARFIELD: Lex, I figured you might've been famished, so I-

{Garfield blinks and looks around to find that the lot is empty.}

LEX: Eyyy, whazzup mon? It's been a slow day, today!

GARFIELD: Lex, there's nobody here.

LEX: Those are the best days, my friend.

GARFIELD: Don't you get bored? Don't you have any coworkers? Or... a manager? Or anybody?

LEX: Hmm...

{Lex closes his eyes, and shrugs.}

LEX: All I know is that I come here for my eight hours and I get my paycheck in the mail. And honestly? That's good enough for me.

GARFIELD: I don't suppose I could... call dibs on all these mattresses? Maybe we can sell what we can't store in the garage.

LEX: You want them, you buy them.

{Cut back to Garfield on the phone. The screen then splits, showing Stephanie's end of the conversation as well. She is in her own bedroom.}

STEPHANIE: Did you buy any?

{Zoom out - on Garfield's screen - to reveal his bed being propped up by at least two mattresses.}

GARFIELD: Of course! I still thought Lex was being conned, so I did some digging and found... that he just has a naturally weird job. Speaking of naturally weird jobs, what are you up to these days?

STEPHANIE: It's a long story, that I know I want to tell you. There's this restaurant in The Underground Market of Towningdale. If you can work your magic, maybe we can race to there and see who gets inside first.

GARFIELD: No promises on the magic, but... as you wish.

{Stephanie and Garfield hang up at the same time. Garfield looks around in his closet, finding a map of Towningdale and some dinosaur action figures. He sets both down on the coffee table. Fast-forward a few minutes, where his setup is complete and he is about to proceed with planning stages.}

GARFIELD: Okay, if I use this long neck eating the star leaves to show where Spook Cliff is, then...

{The door opens as Lex and Chaos enter the room.}

LEX: Garf, we're hoooooome!

{Chaos crawls over to the couch, looking exhausted.}

CHAOS: Oh man, I am pooped. What a long day. I could go for a nap right about now.

GARFIELD: Um, you were only out for just over an hour and a half. It's still morning.

CHAOS: Hey, I had a really stressful and traumatizing experience, alright? Some kids think that I am uncool!

LEX: I don' get why ya care so much!

CHAOS: How am I supposed to do anything useful if I don't fit in?

{Garfield and Lex look at each other, then back at Chaos. They both shrug.}

GARFIELD: I've tried fitting in countless times, and I can tell you it's not worth it.

CHAOS: Like I need tips from a guy who wastes money on luxury items when HE COULD SINGLE-HANDEDLY BUY US ACTUALLY-SUITABLE REAL ESTATE.

{Garfield frowns.}

GARFIELD: Lex and I... we almost bought a house once. We just frankly didn't have the dough to cough up for it, owing to our mutually high standards.

LEX: This apartment is literally all we need, mon.

CHAOS: WE.

{Zoom to Chaos' face.}

CHAOS: NEED.

{Zoom to Chaos' eyes.}

CHAOS: MORE.

{Chaos' eyes gain an additional "fiery" look, which lasts for a few seconds. Afterwards, zoom back out, to normal.}

GARFIELD: I shall exile myself from this conversation.

LEX: Garf, you're doin' no wrong.

CHAOS: Oh, he's very much in the wrong here. IF YOU SPENT LESS TIME ON AUCTIONS, THEN-

{Garfield's eyes glow red. He punches Chaos in the face, knocking him out straight cold.}

LEX: I... I think that was excessive, mon.

GARFIELD: This is generous, compared to the intrusive thoughts swirling in my skull. He shall be spared my wrath, under the premise that we never have this topic come up again.

{Garfield attempts to carry Chaos' body, over to the couch. Lex assists him.}

LEX: We should probably get somethin' from Chief Beef's. I'm hungry, at least.

GARFIELD: For once, I have somewhere I need to be. I will pick something up on the way back.

{Garfield's eyes stop glowing red. He and Lex each split off in different directions, but after a few minutes they re-unite. Garfield is wearing a black coat with some silver zippers and other decorations, with the hood obscuring his face.}

LEX: Wait, you never said where you were goin'!

GARFIELD: I have a date.

LEX: You???? A date????

{Lex tilts his head in confusion.}

GARFIELD: One of my college buddies, Stephanie, has decided to come to Towningdale.

LEX: It's Townindale, mon!

{Garfield shrugs.}

GARFIELD: I've risked tooth and nail for her before. I'd give my experiences a 12/10, and do it again. Besides, I'm headed to the Underground Market. The restaurants there are almost as good as the ones in the state of Disney.

LEX: Right. So, remind me who Stephanie is?

GARFIELD: A dearly beloved friend who saved my life, during college.

{Lex ruminates on the description given. His expression changes to indicate he is partially enlightened.}

LEX: I think I remember you havin' mentioned 'er, truth be told.

{Garfield gives a thumbs-up, through black gloved hands.}

GARFIELD: Good enough for me!

{Garfield puts his hand along a wall, in an awkward pose. A few seconds pass.}

LEX: What are you-

GARFIELD: Hmph. I thought I'd get this "Corridor of Darkness" spell done perfectly by now.

{Garfield lowers his head, in shame.}

GARFIELD: I guess I'll have to travel by other means...

LEX: Why dontcha just use the ice cream truck, mon? It's far more practical than whatever cantrip you're trying t' do!

GARFIELD: I wanted Style Points.

LEX: Another thing; you kind of look ridiculous in that coat, in broad daylight.

GARFIELD: Why, thank you!

{Lex rolls his eyes, initially skeptical of Garfield's taste. However, he gives it a visibly pensive thought. After a while, Lex just shrugs and moves on, as if unsure how to adequately respond.}

GARFIELD: For now, I must bid you adieu.

{Garfield and Lex wave each other goodbye, as the former heads for the front door and closes it behind him. He heads downstairs, to the pierogi bar itself. He and Volkov wave at each other, but go about their respective business otherwise. The shot cuts to the parking lot, where Garfield gets inside of Lex's ice cream truck. As soon as he starts the truck, Tints by Anderson .Paak (feat. Kendrick Lamar) plays in the background. Zoom out to show Garfield driving to Spook Cliff with the windows open and dancing to the song, then taking some turns to head underneath where he previously drove, to go to the Underground Market. Fast-forward to a still-hooded Garfield inside a high-end restaurant, walking towards a booth with a bespectacled Chinese-British woman, in executive office clothing, sitting inside of it.}

GARFIELD: Well, Stephanie, I made it...

STEPHANIE: ...despite my directions?

GARFIELD: On the contrary, I needed them.

{Stephanie gets up, and hugs Garfield, who reciprocates after a second to collect his thoughts.}

STEPHANIE: This is a welcome change of pace for me, compared to how things have been at work.

GARFIELD: ...that bad?

STEPHANIE: That bad.

{Stephanie and Garfield sit on opposing ends of the booth table.}

GARFIELD: Does the fate of Republic Island still rest upon your shoulders?

STEPHANIE: All the time.

{Short pause.}

GARFIELD: Yare yare dawa. Things don't feel any different for me, most days.

STEPHANIE: Oh?

GARFIELD: I haven't been able to do much in the way of vigilante actions. I believe it had something to do with a date I was on, where this guy sold fake pills.

STEPHANIE: {chuckles} Some date that must've been, eh?

GARFIELD: I can assure you that I was nothing but a gentleman towards him.

{Cut to the studio of "DataPatriots." A large, angry, and red-faced man is sitting at a desk, loudly ranting a live television camera while holding a vial of pills.}

ANGRY CONSPIRACY PUNDIT: I'M TELLIN' YOU FOLKS, THE GLOBALISTS DON'T WANT YOU TO BE TAKING THESE PILLS! THESE PILLS WILL STOP THE SHADOW ORGANIZATIONS FROM READING YOUR THOUGHTS AND STEALING YOUR IDEAS! THIS IS AMERICA, PEOPLE!! WAKE UP! THE GOVERNMENT WANTS TO CONTROL YOUR MIND, READ YOUR THOUGHTS, AND ENSLAVE YOU, AND ONLY THESE PILLS CAN SAVE YOU!! THE NEW WORLD ORDER IS COMING, PEOPLE!!!!

{Garfield bursts in, wielding ties around his wrists and two holstered, makeshift "Arrowgun" pistols. His eyes glow red as soon as he recognizes the pundit.}

GARFIELD: You phony! Your pills are fake, and your Ponzi scheme shall be exposed, thanks to my current friends:

{Garfield takes out the pistols, from their respective holsters. The left pistol is lifted up and used to shoot the ceiling.}

GARFIELD: Maxamillion...

ANGRY CONSPIRACY PUNDIT: THEY'RE COMING TO GET ME!!!

{The man runs offscreen. Garfield looks into the camera.}

GARFIELD: ...and Roxanne.

{Garfield shoots the camera with the right pistol. Cut back to Stephanie and Garfield. Stephanie's face looks a little more pale.}

STEPHANIE: How... how long ago was that?

GARFIELD: I think that was a couple months ago.

STEPHANIE: ...that would explain why your bounty went up.

GARFIELD: I figured that was some sick joke the government was playing on me.

{Stephanie pulls out her phone and types something on the screen. On the screen is an online website which has a modern picture of Garfield in his outfit - the same one as the one from the wanted poster earlier - on the front page.}

STEPHANIE: You can't keep calling these "selfies." Eventually, they're going to think of you as more than just a nuisance. I haven't mentioned you to my boss yet, because I know that - if I did - he would use your vigilantism for his own ends. I couldn't stomach to see you be exploited by others for their selfish gains, not again.

{Stephanie sighs.}

GARFIELD: I value your concern for my well-being.

STEPHANIE: It's not unusual to think that maybe things could've turned out... differently for you.

GARFIELD: You're one of the few people that knows the real me.

{Stephanie looks saddened.}

STEPHANIE: I know.

{Stephanie's expression lights up, as she gets an idea.}

STEPHANIE: Hey! How'd you meet Lex? I think I have an idea.

{Garfield gives it some thought. Cue a flashback, conveyed through a comic book "turning" back to a specific page - a still of both Garfield and Volkov, looking younger. The image remains paused, with a disc scratch being heard in the background.}

STEPHANIE: {offscreen} Wait, why are you talking about Volkov first?

GARFIELD: {offscreen} Context. It was not long after I met Volkov, that I started looking for a roommate, and found Lex in the process.

{Resume, with Garfield and Volkov at the office, in a greyed setting.}

VOLKOV: You wish to have apartment here?

GARFIELD: 'Tis all I can presently ask, milord.

VOLKOV: Can be arranged.

{Volkov takes out some papers. There's a line and some red ink.}

VOLKOV: Sign here.

{Garfield examines the papers carefully, signing only when he confidently understands how the apartment ownership will be handled.}

VOLKOV: Is Wiggins really your surname?

{"Fast-forward" as the comic book "turns" forward a few pages more, to a still of Garfield and Lex, presumptively meeting for the first time.}

LEX: Hey, thanks for answering that online ad of mine!

GARFIELD: Online ad? You mean the dating profile that kind of hints at you being a science experiment to "make the whitest Jamaican ever?"

LEX: That's the one, mon!

{Lex blinks.}

LEX: Wait, why were you looking at my dating profile...?

{Lex looks visibly confused.}

GARFIELD: You were, and still are, giving me 10 Things I Hate About You vibes.

{Lex raises a brow.}

LEX: That's a solid movie, but... this ain't a front just to smoke the ganja.

{The screen pauses.}

GARFIELD: {offscreen} I kind of assumed he was a homunculus. I've known so many people named Lex who all kind of appeared and behaved similarly to each other in alarming ways. I have yet to run any DNA tests to confirm or deny this hypothesis.

{Stephanie can be heard offscreen, guffawing wildly. Her laughter fades, as the screen unpauses and the conversation between Past Lex and Past Garfield continues.}

GARFIELD: Good to know!

LEX: You... are fine with me smokin' the ganja, though... right?

{Garfield shrugs.}

GARFIELD: I've no problem with it. I've got relatives in Phoenixshire, who grow their own crops. I personally steer clear of marijuana whenever, due to asthma and second-hand smoke risks.

LEX: Well, if nothin' else, I can make brownies for you to try if you ever get curious, but...

{Lex nods, almost understandingly.}

LEX: I gotcha, I gotcha. Wait, Phoenixshire?

GARFIELD: Yup! Lamentably, the town has moved to West Virginia. I've always remembered Phoenixshire being in Rhode Island.

LEX: I know some people there, I think. In the West Virginia one, of course.

GARFIELD: In my case, I've known many people named Lex. At least seven in my contacts also have names like "Greed Lex," "Gluttony Lex," et cetera.

LEX: Well, you can rule me out as Lust Lex. Also, I'm pretty sure I ain't a homunculus, mon!

{Both of them have a chuckle. Cut back to the present.}

STEPHANIE: I'm sorry, how many people named Lex do you know?

GARFIELD: At least eight. None of them are the Emperor Fullmetal Daddy Lex that I assume is the Original.

STEPHANIE: I... {coughs} Is there any more information on Lex that you're able to tell me?

GARFIELD: Not much, I'm afraid. His life is so odd that I sometimes doubt the current stuff I know about him. I suspect, over time, that there will be more contradictory history thrown at me.

{Stephanie takes a few more seconds, to digest what Garfield is saying.}

STEPHANIE: Hrm... alright, let's see if we can establish a pattern here. Do you know anybody else in Towningdale?

GARFIELD: There's the Bellucci family.

STEPHANIE: Wait, you mean Tracy's here, too?

GARFIELD: Yeah! He runs a mom-and-pop cereal shop aboveground. It's in a different part of towne compared to where Lex, Volkov, and I live. I think... it opened last week?

STEPHANIE: I see...

{Fast-forward to the end of the luncheon, just an hour later. Stephanie and Garfield each had an array of different entrees, which are spread throughout the table. A female Orc waitress has just returned.}

FEMALE ORC WAITRESS: Are you guys ready for the check?

{Garfield nods, and offers a hand. The waitress plants the check on him, and departs. Stephanie's eyes move to look at her.}

STEPHANIE: ...she didn't seem to like us very much...

{Garfield puts the check on the table, and gets out both a credit card and a Point Card. Under his hood, his eyes glow red.}

GARFIELD: I can kick her ass, if she gives you any lip.

{Stephanie blinks.}

STEPHANIE: That... won't be necessary, thank you.

{Garfield's eyes stop glowing.}

GARFIELD: As you wish.

{Fast-forward a few minutes later, to the outside of the restaurant.}

STEPHANIE: My lunch break ends soon. I admit, I lament not spending more time in general with you. Maybe we can do this again some time?

{Garfield nods and gives her a thumbs-up. Stephanie embraces Garfield, patting him on the back. This signals where they part ways; Garfield motions over to Lex's ice cream truck, with Stephanie walking offscreen to parts unknown. He gets inside, and starts the truck. He drives out of The Underground Market, heading through some intersections into Downtowningdale. He eventually parks near Surreal Cereals, gets out the Point Card, then gets out of the truck and steps inside the establishment. Tracy notices the door open, and greets Garfield. Zoom out to reveal they are currently the only two people inside.}

TRACY: Noxigar, you son of a shit! I didn't think I'd see you 'round, ever.

GARFIELD: Once again, Darkheart, you are proven wrong!

{Both of them have a hearty chuckle.}

GARFIELD: I take it you've met Chaos already?

TRACY: Yeah. Upstaged by hipsters, as of a few hours ago.

GARFIELD: Shucks, I missed them again?

{Tracy shrugs.}

TRACY: I wasn't under the impression you'd get along with them.

GARFIELD: Are any of them Wizards?

TRACY: Nah.

GARFIELD: There goes getting a nakama going against Bluehaven's Finest.

{Tracy looks amused by Garfield, but still concerned with the other's well-being.}

TRACY: I thought you weren't the sort of guy fit for "nakama."

{Zoom out a bit, as the screen stretches to show images of Garfield at different ages.}

GARFIELD: {offscreen} That's still true...

{An image of a young Garfield, at a time where everyone else around him would be in the third grade, gets placed center and highlighted.}

GARFIELD: {offscreen} Contrary to popular belief, it's not easy getting a Bachelor's in Biochemistry at the age I got it at.

{The images on-screen rotate, until a middle-school-aged Garfield stands out and is in the center.}

GARFIELD: {offscreen} Studying abroad in East Germany was done while I was undergoing puberty! Yet, why was dealing with my own body harder than anything else at that point?

TRACY: {offscreen} Okay, I'm sure that's not something you alone would be wondering.

{The images rotate some more, until a version of Garfield with the caption "Age: 18" on it is in the center.}

GARFIELD: {offscreen} I thought having a Nobel Peace Prize, for curing Kiwic, would make me look impressive.

TRACY: {offscreen} Kiwic was a nasty genophage that nearly wiped out many Humanoid Races.

GARFIELD: {offscreen} But alas...

{The screen fades to black. Then, through use of a theatrical spotlight, a modern Garfield - of him in the same outfit as the one on his Wanted Poster - is in the center. After the fact, it cuts back to present-day Garfield, and Tracy.}

GARFIELD: ...people cared more that I failed to achieve a level of magic on-par with Merlin.

TRACY: Hey, man. Merlin himself is one of the best fuckin' Wizards in the whole world! I wouldn't beat yourself up over not being like him.

{Garfield sighs.}

GARFIELD: Does Bluehaven's Finest treat you any better?

TRACY: I don't bother setting foot on the campus anymore, for more than just the purchase of my scholarly supplies.

{Garfield nods.}

GARFIELD: Good call.

TRACY: I'm not quite done with my endeavours there. I'm takin' it easy, y'know?

{Garfield nods again.}

GARFIELD: Very well. I'm glad to see you've done okay since... well, that incident.

{Garfield looks out the window wistfully.}

TRACY: Wait, the one in 2006? Or...?

GARFIELD: No, no. The one that got me suspended from a Wizard academy and put an end to any career I could've had in Sangromancy. I could've gotten a 26-floor Castle, made a career in Space Piracy that makes the current bounty on my head look like chump change, maybe go to the now whole Germany with some fine company, had sophisticated Korean-American neighbors who wonder why I'm so awesome, recovered that lost dragon figurine... fuck, I'm starting to sound like Chaos. He legit pulled this exact same shit on Lex, and it had me highkey concerned.

{Garfield goes to a booth, and slouches on it.}

GARFIELD: {sighs} At least no new Bounty Hunters have arrived, for a while.

{Tracy sits next to Garfield.}

TRACY: Keep finding those silver linings. I know that's been... difficult...

{Tracy ponders for a little while more.}

TRACY: Well, you definitely haven't hit rock bottom.

{Tracy shrugs.}

TRACY: So, Garfunkel? What'll it be?

GARFIELD: Got any Foul-mouthed Chainsmoking Squirrel cereal?

TRACY: {stifling laughter} I think the only flavour they have that in is scotch and chocolate.

GARFIELD: {sighs} That works for me. I think the chocolate will counteract some of the wood polish.

{Tracy gets a good laugh out of what Garfield said, as he proceeds to get the cereal.}

TRACY: Tell me you want a mason jar with this.

GARFIELD: Yeah, a mason jar sounds about good.

{Tracy prepares the cereal in a mason jar, and gives it to Garfield. Garfield begins eating the cereal, with the frames fast-forwarding through a good thirty minutes. His cereal is finished, and Garfield gets up.}

GARFIELD: It was good to check up on you. But, I've gotta jet.

{Garfield moves to leave Surreal Cereals.}

TRACY: Come back soon! Maybe the hipsters will be here to meet you, once you do!

{Garfield departs from Surreal Cereals, and the camera zooms out to reveal the grand scope of the Downtown section of Towningdale. The next location Garfield enters is a nearby florist shop, but he quickly leaves it with a few bouquets of white roses as he returns to the ice cream truck and drives off. His next destination is, once again, Spook Cliff. This time, it's a different part of Spook Cliff, as he stumbles into a graveyard and a glowing green tree, next to one of the tombstones. The camera zooms in to show Garfield mourning someone, as he lays down the white roses next to it. He audibly sighs, but quickly regrets doing so as a bolt of pink energy grazes his hood, letting it down and showing Garfield's face and blonde wig.}

ROSEMARY: {offscreen, almost-booming} Noxigar Bellinski! About time I found you. You'll pay for what you did in Bluehaven.

{Garfield looks around, wondering who is actually speaking.}

GARFIELD: Who the yiff is that?!

{A blue-haired bounty hunter emerges, wielding a glowing pink katana. Garfield's eyes widen when he sees the katana, while at the same time glowing red.}

GARFIELD: Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me.

ROSEMARY: What, didn't expect a Bounty Hunter to come at you on hollowed ground?

GARFIELD: No. The pretentious magic from your katana. I should've smelled it by now.

ROSEMARY: Oh, that? That's the power of-

GARFIELD: {snarls} No.

{Gloria by Laura Branigan begins to play, in the background. Garfield takes on a battle stance, with his fists.}

ROSEMARY: Are you seriously unarmed?!

{Rosemary begins cackling, but then takes a serious battle stance herself.}

ROSEMARY: It's such a shame. I was hoping for a challenge.

{Rosemary lunges at Garfield with her sword. He gets grazed on his left side by both pink energy and blade, but doesn't flinch. For her efforts, she eats a round-house kick to the skull, which causes her to drop the metal goggles she was wearing on top of her head. While she nurses the side of her head, Garfield legs it towards the ice cream truck. He makes it to the driver's seat, trying to start the vehicle while it shakes. Garfield hears a distinct dent in the driver's door.}

ROSEMARY: {offscreen} Oh, I did not travel all the way from Serenity, Arizona just so you could run off that easily!

{Garfield tries shifting the car, looking through the nearby mirrors to gauge where Rosemary is.}

GARFIELD: Thanks for telling me where you live, so I can ship your corpse back to your next of kin!

{Garfield puts the truck in reverse, and tries to run Rosemary over. She dodge rolls out of the way, but then sees him put the truck back on forward driving and drive off. Groaning, she motions over to a Vespa moped concealed by bushes and trees, and pursues him. Both of them drive off into the main part of Towningdale. Periodically, a pink bolt of energy is flung at the truck, which intensifies the nervousness of other drivers on the road. Cut back to the inside of the ice cream truck, as Garfield looks in the back. He sees a couple of crimson motorcycle tires.}

GARFIELD: Wait, how the hell did-

{Garfield stares, blank-faced, at the motorcycle tires. Police sirens wake Garfield out of his "flashback." Garfield checks the ice cream truck's mirrors, as he witnesses that police are chasing both him and Rosemary. A lightbulb appears over Garfield's head. He then puts his hood back on, and arms himself with the motorcycle tires. He once again peers outside the window, and sees multiple biker gangs chasing after the police, who are still chasing Rosemary and - by extension - him. His head leans back, as if showing signs of panic.}

GARFIELD: Well, that escalated quickly.

{Sounds of helicopters can be heard in the distance. Above Garfield's head, are six full golden stars.}

GARFIELD: {singing in an attempt at countertenor} If everybody wants you, why isn't anybody calling?!
You don't have to answer
Leave 'em hangin' on the li-ine
Oh-oh-oh, calling Gloria~

{Garfield turns up the volume of the radio, as Gloria resumes playing. He sees a group of trolley tracks along the road, and looks around through the mirrors, to see how everything else is going around him.}

GARFIELD: Time for multi-track drifting?

{The ice cream truck begins to shake, as Garfield feels a vibration along the ground and sees external damage caused by Rosemary's pink bolts of energy. He cracks his own neck, lifting his head both left and right accordingly. He speeds toward the multiple trolley tracks. Zoom outward, to show shocked expressions on the faces of Towningdale citizens, many of whom are taking photographs of the situation at-large. Zoom outward even further, to show that all of Towningdale is pretty much in the know, be it from social media or from people calling each other. Then, cut to Lex on the couch by himself, flipping through channels.}

LEX: Chaos can rest easy on my bed. That was one nasty punch-

{Lex keeps it on a news channel. The scene is angled in such a way that the audience can't see the television screen, but the audio implies that a lot of vehicular stuntwork and explosions are occurring.}

LEX: I did not know my ice cream truck could do that! I don't think I wanted to know that my ice cream truck could do that!

{Lex looks outside, and sees that his ice cream truck - while roughed up a bit thanks to the fight with Rosemary Touchdown - is parked in the parking lot, and accounted for. Garfield is nowhere to be seen, however.}

LEX: Wha-

{Cut to Garfield, who is now in an alleyway on foot. A pink bolt of energy grazes his right shoulder, causing him to stumble into the lakeside. He fully submerges himself in the water below.}

ROSEMARY: {offscreen} If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were more trouble than your worth!

{Zoom out to show Rosemary appearing from the same alleyway, but not in the lake. She is visibly exhausted.}

ROSEMARY: At least your bounty will help buy me a new Vespa!

{Rosemary stabs the lake with her glowing katana, repeatedly. Garfield jumps from a distance, and throws one of the motorcycle tires he was carrying, which hits her straight in the chest. Zoom in, to show that Garfield's blonde wig is completely ruined, and that he overall is looking a little worse for wear.}

GARFIELD: You Yankee Archmage-wannabes never learn.

{Garfield throws the other motorcycle tire at Rosemary, hitting her in the head. Once both motorcycle tires are on the ground, he snaps, in an attempt to levitate them. He succeeds in getting them to orbit around Rosemary for a little bit, but then they drop to the ground.}

GARFIELD: Oh, come the fuck on. Why do these spells always play out better in my head?!

{Rosemary gets up, clutching her chest.}

GARFIELD: ...oh, I recognize you now!

{She lifts a finger, as if to say something. She stops herself.}

GARFIELD: Rosemary Touchdown.

{Rosemary scowls.}

ROSEMARY: I'm not entirely amused by your complete lack of combat skills.

{Garfield tellingly clutches to the part of his left stomach that was previously hit by pretentous pink magic. Rosemary goes over to him, katana in hand. Garfield takes off his blonde wig, and begins noticing that it's completely ruined as a result of how the earlier events with the traffic played out.}

GARFIELD: Okay, you've already ruined my day.

{Garfield gets into another battle stance, holding onto the wig.}

GARFIELD: Time to get serious.

{Garfield and Rosemary attempt to strike at each other - one with katana, the other with fists. Rosemary's swipes and stabs narrowly miss Garfield, but do cause partial damage to his coat and cut his hair into an odd shape. On the other end of combat - Garfield's fists either do not connect to Rosemary at all, or are otherwise parried by her katana. After a while, Rosemary tries to do a katana technique, but Garfield blocks it with the ruined wig. The katana gets tangled in it, much to her annoyance.}

ROSEMARY: Not only have you ruined my bike, you've ruined my blade!

{Rosemary scrambles to get the katana out of his wig, while Garfield takes the time to put his hood back on, and run back into the alleyways of the part of Towningdale he now finds himself in. He scans the area, finding a wig shoppe. He then enters it, and is greeted by the salesperson, who is an old man with luscious brown locks.}

SALESPERSON: Oh, greetings! It's not often I-

{Garfield takes off the hood, revealing his face.}

GARFIELD: It's good to see you, again.

SALESPERSON: Oooooh, Mister Bellinski! It's an honour, indeed.

{The salesperson bows formally.}

GARFIELD: Alas, one of my wigs got torn asunder in a fight against who I believe to be Rosemary Touchdown.

SALESPERSON: Oh myyyyyyyy! Have you been getting into trouble again? Is this one of your LARPs?

GARFIELD: {sighs} If only it was a LARP... then, I wouldn't have felt so bad about the whole ordeal.

{Garfield arcs his back a bit.}

SALESPERSON: Nevermind that. Come, come, come! Let me show you my wares.

{The salesperson walks behind Garfield and pushes him further into the shop.}

GARFIELD: {nervously} I guess I can look for one blonde wig, while I'm here...

{The salesperson looks Garfield up and down.}

SALESPERSON: Hmm... I know what you must have. Would you be interested in some... luscious Elven locks?

GARFIELD: I'm not entirely sure. You don't mind if I browse everything you've got, first?

SALESPERSON: Oh, of course, of course!

{Garfield nods accordingly, and proceeds to browse for a tiny bit. Cut to a montage of Garfield trying on various wigs and hairstyles, until finding a moderate-length pink wig.}

GARFIELD: Well, I'll take this wig that goes with this jacket and a flower-themed blade I expect to find on the Dank Net later... suffice it to say, I didn't find any short blonde wigs.

SALESPERSON: That's okay! I'd be happy to get some in stock, later on!

{Garfield looks around. The wigmaker's shoppe is in partial disarray.}

GARFIELD: I look forward to coming back soon... I might be able to help you with your shoppe, if you'd like?

SALESPERSON: Oh, no! I've got myself a guest staying with me.

GARFIELD: ...you do?

{Garfield looks at the door leading to the back of the shoppe.}

GARFIELD: Is he here? I'd like to say hi to him, if I can...

{The salesperson rushes to block access to the door. In doing so, it opens slightly. A hairy suit can be seen in the background.}

SALESPERSON: He's not here. He's... elsewhere.

GARFIELD: ...it's only, what, high noon?

{Garfield scratches his head. The salesperson quickly shuts the door.}

GARFIELD: Oh... okay.

{Awkward silence as the salesperson grins creepily. Garfield looks around, one last time.}

GARFIELD: Come on, short blonde wig... I know you're here somewhere...

{Garfield sighs, in defeat. He goes over to the cash register.}

SALESPERSON: It's always good to see a regular customer.

GARFIELD: It's an honour to find this wig shoppe on such short notice...

{Garfield reads the salesperson's nametag - Frank.}

GARFIELD: ...Frank. I hope you have time to come by Katyusha's. They make some good pierogis!

FRANK: I'd be delighted to! Well, once I get things sorted out...

{Frank sighs wistfully.}

FRANK: I don't suppose you know any Elves, do you?

{Garfield takes out a 50-dollar bill.}

GARFIELD: Uh... not in this city, at least. Does this cover it?

FRANK: Oh, alright. And yes, of course! But, you'll-

{Garfield waves a hand.}

GARFIELD: Keep the change, good chap!

{Garfield takes the tags out of the pink wig, and puts it on immediately.}

GARFIELD: I should probably find my way back to Downtowningdale. From there, I think I can make it back home to Little Moscow...

FRANK: I hope you stop on by again soon, Mister Bellinski!

{Frank and Garfield pleasantly wave each other goodbye. Garfield exits the wig shop, and puts his hood back on. He tries to find a nearby trolley.}

GARFIELD: Hrm... trolleys would-

{Garfield bumps into someone.}

?????: Oops! I didn't see you there, I'm so sorry!

{Garfield takes a gander at who they are. He identifies the person in question as a Drow-looking Human.}

GARFIELD: I take it there must be a custom for those in this part of Towningdale to dress up in Drow-like apparati...

{Garfield looks lost in thought, much to the Human's confusion.}

?????: What? No man, there’s this Drow tailor down the street who... Wait, you mean Townindale, right?

{Garfield looks taken aback by the Human's correction.}

GARFIELD: Look, I've had a long day...

{Garfield then proceeds to have an entire monologue in Deep Speech, which unnerves the Drow-looking Human in question. There are no subtitles, to identify what exactly Garfield said at this precise moment, and the scenery fast-forwards to the end of said monologue, with a caption underneath Garfield and the Human reading "Twenty-five Minutes Later..."}

?????: You did not need to tell me all of that. At all.

{The Human sighs.}

?????: Look, I've got to get ready for an outing later this evening, and have a stern conversation with my landlord, apparently. If you don’t mind, I should get moving.

{The Human departs. Garfield ignores him, and continues looking around for a trolley.}

GARFIELD: I'll probably wind up seeing him again... in the meantime, however... I need to find a way to Chief Beef's.

{Garfield eventually sees a trolley park nearby. He motions toward it, and waits for people to get out of it before heading inside it himself.}

GARFIELD: Good distinguished guest! Does this trolley head to Downtowningdale?

TROLLEY DRIVER: {offscreen} It's going to be a while, but yeah! Enjoy the ride!

{Garfield leans back in the trolley seat, and smirks.}

GARFIELD: Perfect.

{Zoom out to show the trolley moving from where Garfield was located, labelled "Skiverton," to a part of Downtowningdale - equally labelled with a caption. The trolley stops within this part of Downtowningdale, and Garfield gets off the trolley.}

GARFIELD: Thanks for the directions!

{Garfield looks around him, and walks around. He makes specific lefts and rights, and finds himself at a bar known as The Angry Bull.}

GARFIELD: I'm told that Chief Beef's is nearby...

{Garfield locates the Chief Beef's, which is a few blocks away.}

GARFIELD: I know how my night's going to go down, at least.

{Garfield motions toward the Chief Beef's, and then enters. He finds himself in a fine dining establishment, where the staff are all Centaur. Garfield thinks for a moment, to himself, as he tries to find a "To Go" line. Upon not finding one, he shrugs. Cue to a montage of Garfield ordering some food, having a jolly holiday with some of the Centaur staff, and ordering a few alcoholic drinks. He pays for it all using the Point Card, and has a canvas bag set aside for some of the ordered food, labelled "Lex's Chief Beef's Food." He then exits the Chief Beef's, somewhat satisfied. He motions over to The Angry Bull, when he comes across seven armoured Dwarf Hellriders. He waves at them jovially, and they each do a cool nod at him as they bypass each other. He proceeds into The Angry Bull, and sits at one of the chairs near the barstool. One of the bartenders - a Gnome - greets Garfield.}

GUS: Hey, nice getup! What brings you to these parts, and what can I getcha?

{Garfield pauses to think.}

GARFIELD: Do you have a scotch... single malt... speyside... no ice?

{Gus shrugs.}

GUS: Sure, I can make that! Say, you must have quite the eloquent taste, ordering a scotch with those specifics...

{Gus goes over to make Garfield's drink. After a few seconds, the drink is made. Garfield tries the scotch he was given. He winces, but downs it all the same.}

GUS: What's the matter? Not used to scotch this good?

GARFIELD: {coughs} This is some heavy stuff. Do you have anything else?

GUS: Of course!

GARFIELD: Perhaps an apple cider might be more my speed.

{Gus looks at Garfield curiously.}

GUS: Maybe you'll enjoy that better, then!

{Gus goes over to make another drink for Garfield, who tries it and sighs with relief. He notices a high-quality karaoke machine across the way.}

GARFIELD: Is that...? I didn't know you guys had a karaoke machine!

GUS: Ah, so you noticed! We installed it some time ago.

GARFIELD: Holy smokes! Tell me it has-

{Fast-forward to a slightly-buzzed, still-hooded in dark coat Garfield on top of a DDR pad with a microphone.}

GARFIELD: {countertenor singing} When you walk away
You don't hear me say-

{Zoom out to reveal that the machine isn't even on. There's a crowd forming anyway, laughing. One of the other bartenders, a big minotaur named Bruno, shows up.}

BRUNO: Dude, the machine's not even on!

{Bruno then joins in on the laughter. Garfield quickly recognizes the problem at hand, solves it with an ease that surprises the people around him, and resumes as normal. Cut to two patrons - a familiar Drow-like Human and his Noticeably-More-Human Friend - entering the bar.}

????: Sometimes you want to go to a bar where everyone knows your name, know what I'm saying?

{The Other Human makes a dynamic entrance, but nobody seems to notice.}

?????: {giggles} So much for "everyone knows your name..."

{The entrants quickly take notice of Garfield and his bizarre antics.}

????: Oy, get a load of this motherfuckin' mad lad! He's gone and taken the spotlight from me!

{Cut back to Garfield skillfully DDR-ing and singing at the same time, for a few seconds, then back at the other two Humans.}

?????: Um, Jules-

{Upon Jules' name being dropped, everyone inside the Angry Bull diverts their attention temporarily.}

BRUNO: Oh, hey, Jules! Good to see you've made it!

JULES: First of all, what's going on here? Second of all, who is this assclown?

BRUNO: Cut him some slack, he's just some nerd! He came in, and wanted to play with the karaoke machine. We told him if he got the high score for a particular song he seemed especially interested in, that he'd permanently get drinks for free here.

{Gus waves at Jules and The Drow-like Human. All the while, everyone else redirects their attention back to Garfield.}

GUS: It's true!

{Jules and The Drow-like Human go over to Gus, while the scene returns to Garfield having just finished singing and DDR-ing to his song of choice. People seem to be astonished, to the point of clapping and cheering once the scoreboard pops up. Cut to a zoomed shot, of Garfield's jaw dropping. Then, pan to the television screen, which shows he got a SSS rank, but was off from hitting the high score by a single point. Garfield's head droops down.}

GARFIELD: Well, now I only feel slightly inconvenienced...

{Bruno goes over to pat him on the back, and does so with a strength that causes Garfield to shift a bit.}

BRUNO: It's alright, lad. Maybe next time.

{Garfield resignedly gives the Minotaur his credit card and Point Card. Bruno eyes the Point Card carefully.}

BRUNO: What's this for?

GARFIELD: It's a Point Card, gifted to me personally, by someone of great importance. I got it one day, in San Crystal-balls, and since then I've put Points into it. I still owe you guys enough, that I'm willing to arm this thing to the teeth and eventually put it to good use someday!

{Bruno snorts, and laughs.}

BRUNO: Good luck with that, mate! I hope to see you again, when you've got even more drinks in ya!

{Garfield shrugs, and takes his bag of Chief Beef's food with him.}

GARFIELD: We'll see what happens when I return. I like your apple cider, at least!

{Garfield exits The Angry Bull. He happens to stumble upon a trolley.}

GARFIELD: Salutations! Does this stop by a cool place called Katyusha's?

TROLLEY DRIVER: {offscreen} Why, yes it does! What's the occasion?

GARFIELD: It's one of the few places I can call "home."

{The trolley driver guffaws, over his speakerphone.}

TROLLEY DRIVER: {offscreen} Well, so far... you're the only person on! Next stop, Katyusha's! In the meantime, enjoy the ride!

{Garfield leans back on the seat in the trolley, and smirks.}

GARFIELD: Perfect.

{Cut to Lex and Garfield at home.}

GARFIELD: So that's what happened today!

LEX: Honestly, I'm just glad you're back in one piece!

{Garfield winces, clutching the left side of his stomach and collapsing.}

GARFIELD: I figured you'd be more concerned for the ice cream truck...

LEX: Poppycock, mon! You've been my friend for at least a full three years! Friends aren't as replaceable as ice cream trucks!

{Garfield attempts to get up, from where he collapsed.}

GARFIELD: Shit, I should probably-

{Garfield's cellphone rings, with a familiar ringtone. He slowly hobbles over to his bedroom.}

LEX: Thanks for the Chief Beef's!

{Garfield gently closes the door behind him, and then lunges towards his bed and grabs his phone.}

GARFIELD: Hello?

XIORNO: {from the other line} Garfield, there is something I need your help with tomorrow.

GARFIELD: {singing} Tell me more, tell me more-

{Muffled laughter can be heard, coming from Lex's end.}

XIORNO: We have need for you in the Labs. A shipment of Orkneyan Snappers happened upon us, and we're currently trying to breed a new type which is resistant to the cold and snow. Have you heard of them?

GARFIELD: I don't think so...

XIORNO: They're like Venus Flytraps, but slightly bigger and extremely deadly when provoked. As they're an amazing delicacy to the Orcish people, I would like your assistance with helping ensure the tests run smoothly.

GARFIELD: Sure! I've definitely got what it takes.

XIORNO: Good. I would suggest being prepared for emergency situations, and plenty of them. Commit it to memory.

GARFIELD: See you tomorrow, Xiorno!

{Garfield hangs up, and rolls on out of bed. He goes outside of his bedroom. Lex greets him, from the dinner table. Garfield looks around.}

GARFIELD: ...has Edgymancer awakened yet?

LEX: Nah, ya knocked 'im out cold, mon! Also, I don't know if callin' him Edgymancer is a good idea anymore. He doesn't take it in a way we'd consider nice.

{Garfield looks saddened.}

GARFIELD: {sighs} Sorry about earlier.

{An awkward pause occurs.}

LEX: I overheard your talk on the phone. Was that Xiorno?

GARFIELD: Yes.

LEX: Cool! So, you get to be a bit more outgoin', mon!

GARFIELD: It's for a delicate project involving Orkneyan Snappers.

LEX: Y'mean you're workin' on an Orc superfood?

GARFIELD: Pretty much.

{Chaos arrives onscreen. Garfield's face changes to a more dour expression, while Lex is delighted to see that Chaos is awake.}

CHAOS: Oof. That hurt! How'd you learn to hit like that?

GARFIELD: It's a long story, not worth getting into right now. It's rather late.

CHAOS: Ugh, Remind me never to piss you off again... I missed the whole day, didn't I?

{Lex nods.}

CHAOS: Son of a-

{The camera cuts to a black screen. The "WIKIHOOD" title pops up, signalling the end of the Episode.}