Difference between revisions of "Wikihood/eps/2"

Revision as of 09:43, 26 October 2018

Summary

Who's this incorrigible cuckarooni and why isn't he a Kingdom Hearts OC anymore????????

Transcript

{Open to a broad scene of Towningdale, that quickly zooms back into the apartment above the pierogi bar. The scene is voiceless, as it showcases a visual recap of what had transpired - Lex and Chaos awoke to breakfast made by Garfield, and pierogis handed out at the last minute by Volkov - who was passing by at the time. After the pierogis are accounted for, Lex and Chaos wave goodbye to Garfield as they close the front door behind them. This leaves the third roommate by his lonesome. He breathes a heavy sigh - an audio tell of the recap being over - as he watches Lex and Chaos take the ice cream truck out of the parking lot from a nearby, a wistful look in his eyes. After a few seconds of looking out the window, he turns around. He hears a faint cellphone ringtone, and heads into his room. On his bed is a cellphone, which he uses to answer the phone.}

GARFIELD: Hello?

?????????: It's been too long, my friend.

GARFIELD: ...Stephanie?

STEPHANIE: Good, you remembered me! I was afraid you wouldn't.

{An awkward pause occurs, allowing the Wikihood logo to appear and disappear for a few seconds. After the logo is gone, pan to a wanted poster on the wall. On it is Garfield in a short blonde wig, a white dress, and what appears to be an ivory notebook laptop tucked under one of his arms. At the sides of his dress, are two crimson laser-scimitars, and a caption reading "Armed and Dangerous." Below the image, is a cash reward which has been scratched out and faded, as if it had to be updated numerous times in the past.}

GARFIELD: {offscreen} To forget you would be something I would prefer not to do, if I can help it.

{Cut back to Garfield, who is briefly lying flat on the bed while still contacting Stephanie.}

STEPHANIE: What have you been up to?

GARFIELD: NoxCorp has me working from home for most of my shifts. I come in only when an emergency arises, per Xiorno's instructions.

STEPHANIE: I take it Xiorno is your boss?

GARFIELD: Yep!

STEPHANIE: Good to see that you've been able to work something out with him.

GARFIELD: It's enabled me to do a teensy bit more to spruce up our apartment. I heard we had a new guest, this Edgymancer who keeps calling himself "Chaos" for some undisclosed reason.

STEPHANIE: Edgymancer?

GARFIELD: That's my commando name for him. To put it bluntly, he seems like a surly goth guy. He and Lex go waaaaaaaayyyyyyyy back, at least that's the story I overheard yesterday.

STEPHANIE: At least he wasn't a secret Bounty Hunter?

GARFIELD: I guess. One thing I know Chaos has done so far is act haughty towards Lex. Evidently, they were supposed to live in a mansion by now, with a hot car and, I quote, "a super expensive elf servant."

STEPHANIE: I take it he's not too keen on living things out in the apartment?

GARFIELD: No.

STEPHANIE: Have you had a moment to discuss this with Lex?

GARFIELD: No. The thing about Lex is that his life outside home is... "odd," to say the least. It's hard to read him, most of the time.

{Cut to Lex's job at the mattress store. Garfield arrives with sub sandwiches.}

GARFIELD: Lex, I figured you might've been famished, so I-

{Garfield blinks and looks around to find that the lot is empty.}

LEX: Eyyy, whazzup mon? It's been a slow day, today!

GARFIELD: Lex, there's nobody here.

LEX: Those are the best days, my friend.

GARFIELD: Don't you get bored? Don't you have any coworkers? Or... a manager? Or anybody?

LEX: Hmm...

{Lex closes his eyes, and shrugs.}

LEX: All I know is that I come here for my eight hours and I get my paycheck in the mail. And honestly? That's good enough for me.

GARFIELD: I don't suppose I could... call dibs on all these mattresses? Maybe we can sell what we can't store in the garage.

LEX: You want them, you buy them.

{Cut back to Garfield on the phone. The screen then splits, showing Stephanie's end of the conversation as well. She is in her own bedroom.}

STEPHANIE: Did you buy any?

{Zoom out - on Garfield's screen - to reveal his bed being propped up by at least two mattresses.}

GARFIELD: Of course! I still thought Lex was being conned, so I did some digging and found... that he just has a naturally weird job. Speaking of jobs, what are you up to these days?

STEPHANIE: {sad chuckling} Oh my God, you have no idea what's gone on on my end.

GARFIELD: I... don't.

STEPHANIE: ...where do I start?

GARFIELD: Logically, from the beginning.

STEPHANIE: Well...

{Cut to Stephanie at a luxury penthouse suite in San Cristobal. A caption appears, reading "One Week Earlier." In the background, "The Reflex" by Duran Duran is playing. Stephanie looks aggravated as she's angrily knocking on the door of the master bedroom. From inside of the bedroom, you can hear giggles from an assortment of women.}

STEPHANIE: Mr. D'Arque! MR. D'ARQUE. YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR YOUR MEETING WITH THE MAYOR!

{No response. Stephanie knocks even harder.}

STEPHANIE: You don't want to keep him waiting! You need his support!

{Xavier D'Arque finally responds from the other side.}

XAVIER: Ugh, you always ruin the fun! Fine! Time for you all to go, ladies.

{Stephanie rolls her eyes. The door open as four young women, barely eighteen years old and scantily clad, run out while giggling and snickering.}

XAVIER: Hand the girls their money, won't ya? It's for their college fund!

STEPHANIE: Yes, sir.

{Stephanie pulls out a checkbook from her pocket and proceeds to write four checks before handing them to each of the young women. Xavier emerges from the bedroom, dressed in a purple bathrobe. He waves the women goodbye as he practically shoves them out of the suite.}

XAVIER: Phew. Is it me, or are high schoolers getting younger?

STEPHANIE: No, you're just getting older.

XAVIER: Well, you know what they say. If you can still use it, you can still abuse it!

{Xavier motions to his crotch. Stephanie looks away.}

STEPHANIE: Just get dressed quickly. You're expected there in thirty minutes.

XAVIER: Alright, alright.

{Xavier disrobes completely, revealing nothing underneath. His most intimate parts are covered up by parts of the foreground scenery as the camera follows him around the suite.}

XAVIER: Aren't you excited, Penelope?

STEPHANIE: It's Stephanie.

XAVIER: What's what I said! Aren't you excited? In just a week's time, I'm gonna be launching my bid for Senate, and all eyes will be on me! Isn't it invigorating to be in the presence of someone who is destined for such greatness?

STEPHANIE: It's simply wonderful, sir.

{Xavier picks up a pair of trousers and puts them on, not bothering with underwear.}

XAVIER: Damn fucking right, it is. Xavier D'Arque, Republic Island Senator. Just imagine that. Fuck, no, let's go even further. Xavier D'Arque. President of the United States.

STEPHANIE: Aren't you shooting a little too high to be thinking of a Presidential bid this early?

XAVIER: No such thing as too high, babe.

{Xavier sprays himself with cologne all over his body.}

XAVIER: Say, how old are you again?

STEPHANIE: I'm 24.

XAVIER: And are you married yet? Hell, are you even seeing anybody? I don't think I've ever seen you with a man.

STEPHANIE: ...no? But I don't know how this is relevant to-

{Xavier grabs a shirt and tie from his closet and puts them on.}

XAVIER: Jesus H. Christ, you need to get hitched soon! You ain't gettin' any younger, babe. Your biological clock is a ticking time bomb. You gotta get yourself a guy and have children while you still can. You know, if I weren't your boss, I would almost consider breaking my nineteen-and-under rule. But you know, that would be unprofessional. Plus, I respect you too much.

STEPHANIE: Gee. I am humbled.

XAVIER: Hey, I know plenty of good and rich men who would love a girl like you. You're a little too smart for them, but I think if you kept your mouth shut, you'd be alright. Oh yeah, speaking of all this shit; call my wife and kids. I want them to appear at the upcoming announcement ceremony. I gotta make a good image for the cameras.

{After putting his shoes and socks on, Xavier is finally dressed. He looks outside of the window, overlooking the entirety of Downtown San Cristobal.}

XAVIER: In just eight months, all of this is gonna be mine. You're witnessing history in the making, Penelope.

STEPHANIE: Stephanie.

XAVIER: That's what I said. The D'Arque's used to rule everything here, and when I'm finished, they'll be back on top. You are a very lucky woman. Now come on, let's see the Mayor. We can't let that fat bastard wait too long.

{Stephanie sighs.}

STEPHANIE: Right, sir.

{Cut back to the present.}