Difference between revisions of "User:Noxigar/Wikihood1Rewrite"

Revision as of 00:46, 20 October 2018

Synopsis

Oh yes, yes again.

Transcript

{Open to a long, sweeping shot of an anonymous town lightly peppered with classical music. The sky is dark grey, the weather overcast. A plane flies over the town, from the right side of the screen to the left. The title pops up - "Wikihood" - then fades. As the title fades, zoom inward to the plane. Multiple passengers can be seen. Cut to the plane itself, then another sweeping shot. The camera reaches a door marked "First Class," which opens to let the camera continue through. Eventually, the camera passes a booth filled with smoke. Two passengers - one dark-skinned Drow and a human - are the focus of the shot.}

LEIGH: {coughs} Man, did I pick a bad time to get on.

{Cut to a shot inside the smoke.}

JULIAN ROSENBERG: Sorry about that, homie. My pops and his friends always pull this kind of shit. It's not like we can jump out again.

LEIGH: Again? I thought it was just the one time!

{Leigh continues coughing.}

JULIAN: It was.

LEIGH: Jesus, I wonder how my brother's doing.

{Cut to a shot of another Drow, who doesn't look too different from Leigh save for lighter-coloured hair. He is in a nice suit, playing Dance Dance Revolution flawlessly. His mouth moves, as if to sing alongside what he is dancing to. Cut back to Leigh and Julian.}

JULIAN: Probably boring legal work.

{On the overhead radio, Africa by Toto plays.}

JULIAN: Woo, my jam!

{Leigh and Julian begin singing the lyrics. Zoom outward, to reveal what's below the plane at the time - a prison - while the music still plays. Cut to the prison, where a human is being escorted by two Orc guards. The prisoner and the two guards stop by an office where a third Orc is present.}

AGROB: Two years' time off for good behaviour? You? I don't believe it!

CHAOS: I don't know if I believe it, either.

KRUSK: Well, I know I have...

{Krusk goes through some papers.}

KRUSK: A release at 3:30 AM. Correct me, if I'm wrong. Felix Abraxas Zabat?

CHAOS: Everyone calls me-

{The third Orc - Philloren - elbows Chaos.}

PHILLOREN: We're not starting this bit.

CHAOS: Ugh, come on! I'm-

{Krusk clears his throat.}

KRUSK: So, did we learn anything?

CHAOS: To not get caught.

{Abgrob smacks Chaos upside the head.}

CHAOS: Ow! Yeah, yeah, to... to not commit any more crimes, be a productive member of society, I know the spiel.

{Short pause.}

KRUSK: That'll do.

AGROB: Let's give him his stuff back, and get this over with. I already had to miss my Welsh terrorists television show 'cause of this assclown.

{Krusk nods.}

CHAOS: Rest assured, I at least have my ride sorted out.

PHILLOREN: I would hope so. You were supposed to be in here for five years.

{Krusk takes out multiple items.}

KRUSK: Black shirt... check. Black jeans... check. Leather belt... check. Skull belt buckle... check. Toshiteck Cassette Player... check. Wallet... check. Credit card... check. Oh, um. Condoms... check. Klaus Nomi cassette... check. And a Ring of Destruction... check. Does all this sound right to you?

{Chaos examines all the items.}

CHAOS: Surprisingly, all still in good shape.

AGROB: It's a shame the ring doesn't fit my pinky.

{Chaos frowns. Then, a buzz is heard outside. All eyes turn to a window, the camera following suit. In the distance, an ice cream truck can be spotted.}

KRUSK: Nice ride, eh?

{The ice cream truck gets closer, playing La Cucaracha through use of a horn.}

CHAOS: What the-

???: YO, CHAOS! OVER HERE!

{Chaos visibly shakes.}

CHAOS: {voiceover} No no no no no no no no. This has got to be a mistake-

{A blond-haired man gets out of the truck. He appears in his mid-20's, wearing a red-and-blue bowling shirt and acid-washed jeans. He approaches Chaos, warmly embracing him.}

???: Chaos, mon! I missed ya!

PHILLOREN: I take it you know this guy?

???: Know 'im? Hah, of course 'e knows me! I'm 'is guardian!

{The tan-skinned man shakes every guard's hand.}

LEX: My name's Lex, and I'm 'is ride!

{Chaos closes his eyes and sighs.}

CHAOS: Let's just get the hell out of here.

{Chaos runs off. Lex slowly, but surely, follows him.}

CHAOS: {whispering} I thought you "found a sick new ride that would be super dope."

LEX: This is a sick new ride! Well, after one o' my pals helped touch up on all th' things in it.

{Chaos facepalms.}

CHAOS: Sounds like you've gotten along in my absence, so... everything's good, then.

{Chaos gets in the passenger's side of the truck, with Lex in the driver's.}

LEX: You seem tense. Relax, brother. I got us a nice place in Townindale.

CHAOS: Towningdale? Now, I'm intrigued. What kind of place is it?

LEX: You'll see.

{Lex and Chaos drive off.}

CHAOS: FREEDOMMMMMMMM!

{After a few seconds, the radio can be heard playing.}

ANCHOR: After a terrifying standoff with the military, the goons responsible for robbing the Byzantium building were successfully subdued; all civilians were relieved, in no small part thanks to the lack of casualties. This is Sarah Khoroushi, and you are listening to the-

{Chaos turns the dial, switching the radio off.}

LEX: Come on, I was listenin' to that!

CHAOS: It bored me.

LEX: I'd been followin' the story for the past couple hours, mate!

CHAOS: What are hours, compared to days? Days, compared to weeks? Weeks, compared to months? MONTHS, COMPARED TO YEARS?!

LEX: Three years, compared to five?

CHAOS: Easy for you to say. You didn't get caught.

LEX: Things have kinda been hell for all o' us since ya left.

CHAOS: What, did the cash you make off with not last long?

LEX: I couldn't turn it all into gold!

CHAOS: Uh-

LEX: Well, at least the paper I was given instead had been helpful to people.

{Short pause.}

CHAOS: You... you didn't spend it all in one place, right?

LEX: 'Course not.

{Chaos is visibly more nervous than before.}

CHAOS: Y'know what? Let's put the radio back on. It's been ages until I've actually listened to music, y'know? Proper music, not the stuff they play in the prisons. The good stuff.

LEX: Y'got it!

{Lex turns the dial on the car stereo, moving through various FM frequencies until Chaos shoves his hand away, leaving the radio on a station playing I Wouldn't Want To Be Like You, by the Alan Parsons Project.}

CHAOS: This one.

LEX: Alright, there's one last thing I should-

CHAOS: It can wait. I need this.

{Lex wordlessly nods. Zoom out to a montage of the truck driving on the highway by the sea as the music plays. As dawn begins to appear, the Wikihood show title appears over the glistening waters, illuminated by the rising sun. As the truck begins to enter a small city, we cut back to the interior.}

LEX: Almost there!

CHAOS: A place in Towningdale, of all cities?

LEX: I couldn't let ya down.

CHAOS: You definitely didn't.

{Chaos sticks his head out of the window, looking at the beautiful metropolis outside.}

CHAOS: Can you smell the air? It smells like freedom, doesn't it? You and me, we hit the big shots!

{As the truck goes further through downtown, Chaos turns to Lex.}

CHAOS: Uh-

LEX: Just a little bit more.

{The truck goes even further. Cut to the outside becoming less and less wealthy-looking, until a small glimmer of immense quality reaches Chaos' eyes.}

LEX: Little Moscow.

CHAOS: I'm sorry, what?

LEX: That's where we live now.

CHAOS: Do you speak French?

LEX: I'm still learnin'.

{The truck stops. It is parked in front of a small Eastern-European restaurant, which has a sign reading "Katsuyasha's."}

CHAOS: What? This is a pierogi bar.

{Lex turns the car off, and exits the vehicle.}

CHAOS: What, are we visiting a friend?

LEX: In a manner of speaking, sure.

{Lex and Chaos head inside the pierogi bar. It looks empty.}

LEX: Damn, he must've closed early.

CHAOS: He?

LEX: The owner of the pierogi bar.

CHAOS: Nani the fuck?

{Lex heads up some stairs, with Chaos not far behind. They eventually come across an apartment. Its diminutive size, flickering lights, and only-two-bedrooms alarm Chaos.}

LEX: Ta-da~

CHAOS: This...

{Chaos collapses onto his knees, a look of despair on his face.}

CHAOS: This is not a mansion. It's a...

{Zoom in to Chaos' despaired look.}

CHAOS: ...ROACH SHACK!

????????: Oh, boo. I give your face a 2/10.

LEX: Ayyyyyyyy, Garfield!

{Pan to reveal a man who looks to be in his early 30's, somewhat tall and lanky. He wears a thick pair of glasses, along with a wifebeater with a blue buttoned shirt which is open, and a pair of shorts. On his feet are a pair of bunny slippers. He looks slightly disheveled, with scruffy brown hair, and a five o'clock shadow. In his hand is a glass of liquid of indiscernible origin, from which he takes momentary sips.}

GARFIELD: Would you guys like some Naminade?

CHAOS: The hell is a Naminade?

{Garfield blinks.}

GARFIELD: Wait a second, that's not one of your sex worker friends!

{Garfield coughs.}

GARFIELD: The name's Noxigar Bellinski. For legal reasons, I've taken to calling myself "Garfield Wiggins."

{Lex leans into Chaos' ear.}

LEX: {whispers} It's a long story.

GARFIELD: And for the record, Naminade is a beverage of my own making. I mix Jolt Cola, some fruit punch, and Japanese Sake. I occasionally improvise with other ingredients, sometimes adding a tablet of Midol whenever my back hurts or when I feel a need for the danger.

LEX: Oh man, pour me out a glass too, Gar! I am parched!

{Chaos shrugs.}

CHAOS: I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try it. Though...

{Chaos turns to Lex.}

CHAOS: There's an elephant in the room I'd like to discuss first, with my friend.

LEX: Don't be mean, Chaos! Garfield's not an elephant!

GARFIELD: I can understand what might've caused a false impression. See, it all started back in 2006, where I-

CHAOS: I meant in private, thank you.

GARFIELD: Oh.

{And all Garfield had to say was "Oh." Pan to Lex and Chaos, who have moved to a different room.}

CHAOS: First of all, what the fuck. Second of all, WHAT THE FUCK?!

LEX: Chaos, you seem on edge toda-

CHAOS: OF COURSE I AM ON EDGE. HOW COULD I NOT BE ON EDGE, WHEN YOU GOT TO ENJOY THE FREEDOM OF THE OUTDOORS, HUH?! I THOUGHT, OH HEY, I'M GETTING THE BOOK THROWN AT ME, BUT IT'S ALRIGHT BECAUSE AT LEAST LEX MADE OFF WITH THE MILLIONS AND THINGS WOULD BE AWESOME WHEN I GOT OUT. I COULD HAVE A SUPER EXPENSIVE CAR, AND A MANSION, AND MY VERY OWN HOT ELF SERVANT, AND WE COULD GO ON ALL SORTS OF WILD AND WACKY ADVENTURES DOING CRAZY SHIT, LIKE EXPLORING UNDERSEA KINGDOMS, HAVING KOOKY SHENANIGANS IN ASIA, GOING TO SPACE, ALL THE COOL STUFF THAT RICH PEOPLE DO. BUT NOPE. WE GOT A DINGY LITTLE ICE CREAM TRUCK, AND A SHITTY LITTLE APARTMENT IN A SLUM. I SPENT THREE YEARS IN PRISON FOR THIS, LEX. THREE FUCKING Y-...

{Garfield enters the room, his eyes glowing red. He punches Chaos in the face.}

LEX: Garfield, that was kind of excessive.

{Garfield's eyes stop glowing.}

GARFIELD: I thought he was going to hurt you.

CHAOS: I probably w-

{Chaos' voice is muffled by Lex's hand covering his mouth. Lex awkwardly smiles.}

LEX: Chaos, chill.

{Garfield nods wordlessly, and exits the room. Everything is silent for a few seconds, then Lex stops covering Chaos' mouth.}

CHAOS: Okay, I'm... chill, I guess. I am curious, though... what happened to the mo-

{Zoom to Chaos' brain. The gears within look like they had stopped, but after a second they start turning at an increased speed.}

CHAOS: oooooooohhhhhhhh

LEX: There were a couple snags.

CHAOS: I think... I think I understand. So... what have you been doing for the last three years?

LEX: A humble, yet relaxing cashier job at a mattress store.

CHAOS: Fuck. And what about that other guy?

LEX: Garf? Oh, I think he works as a geneticist for NoxCorp. I don't know, I never really asked him about his work life, truth be told.

CHAOS: A geneticist? Don't... don't they earn a lot of money?

LEX: Yeah, like, six figures I think?

{Close-up of Chaos' face as a wide smile emerges. He puts his hand on Lex's shoulder.}

CHAOS: You know what? I think this was a good talk.

LEX: It was?

CHAOS: Indeed it was. I think we have a good way of getting further in life, my friend.

LEX: Gee, Chaos, that's great, mon!

CHAOS: Now, if you would excuse me, I want to properly meet our new housemate.

{Chaos leaves the room and walks over to Garfield, putting his arm around him.}

CHAOS: Garfield, eh?

GARFIELD: Why the sudden change of tune?

CHAOS: I had a lot of catching up to do. I don't recall you entering Lex's life when I last saw him, so... how long have you been here?

GARFIELD: In this joint? I've been here since...

{Short pause.}

GARFIELD: I apologize, I'm losing track of the years.

CHAOS: It's cool, it's cool. I heard you, uh, worked as a geneticist?

GARFIELD: You heard correctly. I am indeed a geneticist for NoxCorp.

CHAOS: Aaaaaaaand you've been here for four years?

GARFIELD: Affirmative. Or was it three? Maybe five?

CHAOS: This tiny apartment? You've had a six figure job, and you've been living... here?

GARFIELD: Yep.

CHAOS: And you get six figures?

GARFIELD: Si, senor.

CHAOS: What exactly do you... do with that money?

{Garfield's eyes widen.}

GARFIELD: Allow me.

{Garfield grabs Chaos' wrist, and escorts him to his bedroom. In a stark contrast to the rest of the apartment, the room looks recently refurbished, and immensely organized, though the closet space is visibly occupied by a revolving door with what appears to be weapons and other treasures inside; even this closet is organized.}

GARFIELD: I collect a multitude of different objects, across myriad auctions.

{Chaos slowly nods.}

GARFIELD: I had originally planned to make a Movie Museum, or "Movieum." Alas, I have blacklisted myself from interacting with a lot of Hollywood's big wigs, on account of their racism against Drow and rampant acts of paedophilia and other vile forms of abuse.

{Garfield shows a blonde wig and a sketchbook.}

GARFIELD: I've taken to trying to combat the system, through means of a LARP-sona.

CHAOS: LARP-sona?

GARFIELD: Live Action Roleplay Persona.

CHAOS: I see.

GARFIELD: I also craft my own armour and weapons, which has a bit of an upkeep all its own. This would include...

{Garfield points to a giant blue claymore.}

GARFIELD: A moon-powered claymore, inspired by a legendary sword once wielded...

{Garfield looks to be in pensive thought.}

GARFIELD: ...by a friend who recently passed away. She loved a show called "Pelleasquest," so in spite of my repulsion toward the show I thought I'd make something in tribute of it and her.

{Chaos looks saddened.}

CHAOS: I'm sorry for your loss.

{Garfield sighs.}

GARFIELD: I apologize for the disheveled state of the remainder of the apartment. I had hoped to tidy it up just a teensy bit more. I'll admit, I get lost sometimes in my smithing.

{Garfield takes out a monocle. He does an impression, where he makes his voice super deep and raspy, while he waves his arms.}

GARFIELD: NICE TA MEET YA, NICE TA MEET YA.

{Chaos cocks a brow.}

GARFIELD: Sorry about that. Not a fan of the great Cyclops comedian, Catras Goldstein? I thought you'd be.

CHAOS: Never heard of him, I'm afraid.

{Garfield shows a cardboard cut-out of Nicholas Cage.}

GARFIELD: I once traveled to an alternate dimension, and tried to steal the Declaration of Independence. My plans were foiled by a foolish samurai warrior, but I got to take a cardboard cut-out of the guy who was to aid me in my efforts.

CHAOS: Okay, I will be frank with you. I could not give a shit about any of that other stuff, but that did impress me. Nic Cage, really?

GARFIELD: Yup!

CHAOS: Do you spend your entire paycheck on these things?

GARFIELD: The cardboard cut-out was free. The remainder of the stuff here does tax me a peg, but I do have some baller savings, if I say so myself. I would move, but I might miss an auction. I am often perusing the Internet and the Dwarfnet for new items for sale.

CHAOS: I...

GARFIELD: Yes, I know, you probably do feel overwhelmed by my collection. I understand.

{Without a word, Chaos leaves the room. He goes into the front room and sits down on the couch, monologuing to himself.}

CHAOS: I'm poor as hell, and I'm sharing an apartment with two idiots. Great. Just great.

{He sighs.}

CHAOS: I'm really gonna have to do this the hard way, ain't I? I really should've stayed in school.

{Chaos looks down and notices his glass of Naminade still on the coffee table. He picks it up.}

CHAOS: Ah, screw it.

{Chaos drinks as he picks up the television remote and turns the television on. The camera zooms out of the apartment and shows a picture of the city of Townindale, located on Republic Island.}