(even if you aren't vegan)
The Free Country USA Breakfast Massacre: The Ween Toon 2012
summary: Homestar, Strong Bad, and the rest have been trapped in the breakfast massacre, of many massacres.
CAST: Strong Bad, Robstar Roundhat, Strong Mad, The Cheat, Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Pom Pom, Bubs, Coach Z, The King of Town, Homeschool Winner, The Poopsmith, Homsar (easter egg),
Scene: Computer Room,
Page Title: T-Weenty-Twelve (No Tween here)
Date: October 2012
Transcript
{toon opens up in Strong Bad's computer room}
STRONG BAD: just when I expected another email, it's Halloween time, where all the candies fly in pizza boxes, kinda like Little Caesars boxes. Ain't that right, Robstar SquareHat?
ROBSTAR: {enters the screen with his face being unsure} Um, yeah, sure. {his face changes normally}
STRONG BAD: Anyway, what are you doing for Halloween?
ROBSTAR: Um, I don't know what I'm-
STRONG BAD: Shut up. For me, I'm going to the abandoned breakfast slaughterhouse and it's gonna be from Mexicola!
ROBSTAR: Oh yeah, same place I'm going to.
STRONG BAD: Hmm, sweet. Where's Strong Mad and the Cheat?
ROBSTAR: Oh crap, I hate to tell you this, but, it's ugly, for S. Mad, and Cheatser here.
STRONG BAD: WHAT?
{scene cuts to the Free Country Slaughterhouse}
STRONG MAD: I SMELL EGGS ON ROASTED DOZEN PARTY BAGS!!
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat gets scared} meh-oh!
{the Cheat and Strong Mad get scared of a distorted screeching voice out of nowhere, as the theme song to the cartoon plays, the title card says, "THIS IS A WEEN CARTOON CALLED..." and fades to "THE FREE COUNTRY USA BREAKFAST MASSACRE!" and then the scene cuts to Homestar's house with Homestar at the couch}
HOMESTAR: My god, i can't believe i don't have a tube. Marzipan, where's mah TV?
MARZIPAN: {appears out of nowhere} Seriously, Homestar? Why can't you go trick or treating?
HOMESTAR: Well, because it's too 2-esque!
MARZIPAN: So basically, you are like a 2-year-old?
HOMESTAR: Kinda.
{Strong Bad knocks on the door}
HOMESTAR: Come in you little wascal. I mean rascal.
{Strong Bad and Robstar come in the scene}
ROBSTAR: We need your help! {slaps Homestar's face} What did you do to the NBC Fall schedule of this year? {slaps Homestar's face again} Do you know why the grocery store was robbed? {slaps Hoemstar's face again} Who is Darkman?!
HOMESTAR: You know, it doesn't hurt me.
ROBSTAR: Why do-
STRONG BAD: Quiet you, i got this. Anyway, there is a guy in the slaughterhouse who killed my Strong Mad, and my the Cheat. Do you know who it is?
HOMESTAR: Not that i know of.
STRONG BAD: Wait, you don't? How about you come with?
HOMESTAR: yo, nes, yes, no. Wait, what?
STRONG BAD: {sigh} Let's just go.
{scene cuts to the Most of the Graveyard with Pom Pom, Strong Bad, Homestar, and Robstar}
STRONG BAD: Hey dar, Pom Pom.
HOMESTAR: Yo, Pom Pom.
POM POM: {waves}
HOMESTAR:Um, we need help.
POM POM: {bubble noises as he gives Homestar, Strong Bad, and Robstar the map}
ROBSTAR: Hey thanks!
STRONG BAD: Until then, come with us!
POM POM: {bubble noises}
HOMESTAR: Well, what else, we have to find the Cheat Mad and the Cheat Cheat.
STRONG BAD: And you need to come with!
'POM POM: {bubble noises}
HOMESTAR: Suite sweet! Let's go!
{scene cuts to Bubs Concession Stand with Bubs and Coach Z}
BUBS: Remember, Z, I sell halloween costumes and ween costume accessories.
COACH Z: You're not troing, Bibs.
BUBS: Either do you.
{Strong Bad, Homestar, Pom Pom, and Robstar appear on screen}
STRONG BAD: Hey ho! i was wondering, um... WHO IS THAT GUY?!
COACH Z: Who?
STRONG BAD: Nevermind, let's go.
BUBS: So wait, what's the point of this?
HOMESTAR: Do you want me to explain the explanatory? It was dark in the slaughterhouse of Free Country USA. It was when heaven broke loose and the Hello-there-bro, came about. The mysterious person used a fork and butter knife with bacon and eggs.
COACH Z: Erh?
HOMESTAR: You haven't listened to Strong Bad and Robstar Roundhat's conversation at the beginning of the cartoon?
BUBS and COACH Z: No?
HOMESTAR: Okay, it's your funeral.
{Homestar, Strong Bad, Robstar, and Pom Pom leave}
BUBS: Well, that was somewhat a broken tooth thing.
{a screeching distorted voice appears again}
VOICE: Come here.
COACH Z: I knor it worz you.
BUBS: Me? I don't have that kind-of voice.
COACH Z: Then who is-
{Bubs and Coach Z get kidnapped out of nowhere, as the scene cuts to The King of Town's castle}
KING OF TOWN: Boooooop! Boooooop! Boooooop! We have an alert, there is a missing napkin. Homeschool?! {as camera pans to the left}
HOMESCHOOL: {sighs} What is it?
KING OF TOWN: I can't find my napkin because it's not here.
HOMESCHOOL: Yeah, that's obvious, come up with something new.
KING OF TOWN: Well, I invited you here so that you can secure my bathhouse and be my main man. Am I right? Huh? Huh?
HOMESCHOOL: No?
{the bricks on the wall fall as a mysterious person with the distorted screeching voice appears, with the Poopsmith in his hand, and Homeschool and King of Town ran away}
KING OF TOWN: {as he runs offscreen} I heart Huckabees! Do I even get paid to say that?
{cuts to the kitchen with The Chef of Town, Sobot, Scoutty, and Champeen}
CHEF OF TOWN: Hello Scoutty. What are you doing for Halloween?
SCOUTTY: Nothing, how about the guys over here?
CHEF OF TOWN: You mean Sobot and Champeen?
CHAMPEEN: Not doing anything.
SOBOT: Just going for the sad kids.
{pans to the sad kids}
'CHAMPEEN: Okay?
SCOUTTY: I'm about to leave now since the we're gonna be attacked.
CHEF OF TOWN: Oh yeah, by the guy.
{they run away}
SCOUTTY: {offscreen} Now that's awesome!
{cuts to a Strong Sad's room}
STRONG SAD:No way they gon' get me. I am the real sad man. Sometimes with my costume I could be happy.
VOICE: {appears out of nowhere} You're next.
STRONG SAD: i knew this was coming three days from now. I'm gonna get my paperbags.
{scene cuts outside Strong Sad's room, where we see Strong Bad, Homestar, Pom Pom, and Robstar}
STRONG BAD: It's a-hopeless-a. Now we're never gonna investigate who this mysterious person is?
HOMESTAR: Welp, i did actually investigate.
STRONG BAD: What? What are you talking about?
HOMESTAR: Yeah, I did for my Uncle Roy.
ROBSTAR: Wait a sec, what did you investigate?
HOMESTAR: Well Homestar, it's a massacre for breakfast.
ROBSTAR: Wait, aren't YOU Homestar?
HOMESTAR: Good one, Pom Pom. Anyway, I found out that the one who has been using the breakfast massacre is somebody we know of. Leatherlicious!
{dramatic sting plays}
STRONG BAD: Um... I don't get it.
HOMESTAR: Well, {as frightening music plays} it at started a long time ago. {as scene cuts to the stick with Leatherlicious, as Homestar talks offscreen} Leatherlicious used the waffle mixer for his contest at Free Country USA's Food Battle. {scene cuts to the contest at the gym} He failed so much so, that he left the contest... {camera pans to the maggot pies} to use maggot pies for people to eat. As this happened, {scene cuts to the grocery store} the people tried it at the local grocery store, but ended up turning into midgets, and got the jibblies out of their spines. {Senor Cardgage appears turning into a goblin} Leatherlicious also had fresh baked frozen spider pizza, with flies as pepperoni! And then, {scene cuts back to Homestar talking} Leatherlicious went to the slaughterhouse, an abandon one at that, and yeah that's what happened. {frightening music ends} So there you go. Leatherlicious is on the lose-EEEEE!
STRONG BAD: I... don't get it.
HOMESTAR: Well, Leatherlicious is a vicious licious guy. He-
ROBSTAR:Yeah, please don't remind us again. We know.
HOMESTAR: GREAT! Now we gotta find this David Letterman. I mean, Leatherlicious.
{scene cuts to the slaughterhouse}
STRONG BAD: Here it is, the slaughterhouse. Now what can we do to find that man?
HOMESTAR: Not sure as of now, but I know how we can call him. Watch this. {speaks Pig Latin}
VOICE: What the, who goes there?
POM POM: {bubble noises}
HOMESTAR:Yeah, i agree. Only a mean spirited goose can say, EEKAUGH!
STRONG BAD: Homestar, I think that makes it worse.
ROBSTAR: Just let him go. He's just an idiot that doesn't know what he's talking about. Kinda like the whathisname, Fergielicious.
HOMESTAR: Oh trust me, it's gonna work!
VOICE: Not on my watch. {captures Homestar, Strong Bad, Pom Pom, and Robstar as scene cuts to the slaughterhouse}
HOMESTAR: Is this a trap or what?
{camera pans backwards so wee see Leatherlicious}
LEATHERLICIOUS:' No. You're part of the trap!
HOMESTAR: Okay.
LEATHERLICIOUS: So wait, you're not scared? Hmm, I'm kinda surprised. Usually my fellow death-mates would get scared. Well then, be prepared for the definition of death. Inition!
HOMESTAR: Gulp!
{dramatic theme from Jibblies 2 plays as the sword drops to the screen}
HOMESTAR: That's just a pirate sword. Did you make it yourself?
LEATHERLICIOUS: Oh yeah I did, and there's plenty where that came from!
STRONG BAD: Um, how are we gonna get outta here?
LEATHERLICIOUS: Well, you don't. Oh wait we do. We had technical difficulties, so... off you go!
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