RiffText/Green Grass and High Tides Forever!/2

YOU MUST DEFEAT SHENG LONG TO STAND A CHANCE

GREEN GRASS AND HIGH TIDES FOREVER

---

EMERL: I love making movies. {Hold up a video camera.}

GEMERL: What'cha got there, Em?

LIGHTNING GUY: "It looks like a camera, but for all I know, it could be something wacky, like a teleportation device!"

EMERL: My video camera!

GEMERL: What for?

LIGHTNING GUY: Teleporting videos, obvi.

CHAOS: Good question.

EMERL: Well, I want to make a movie!

IORI: {falls down from top of screen} Hey juys! I heard that one of you wants to make a movie.

LIGHTNING GUY: "Because I was eavesdropping on you from the sky. Because I'm creepy."

EMERL: I'm one!

PATRICK: {enters} Hey, guys. What kind of adventure-type-thing will we have today?

LIGHTNING GUY: "That I won't contribute to whatsoever outside of a few unnecessary comments!"

DALEK: Hmm... SCI-FI HORROR!!!

GEMERL: Now hold it! It's Emerl's camera, so he can choose what we make with him.

DALEK: If you don't shut up, that camera will be no ones camera!!

LIGHTNING GUY: "It will be a twos camera!!"

{Gemerl pushes Dalek offscreen.}

GEMERL: If you don't want to cooperate, you can't be in the film!

DALEK: Hey! You can't push me!

LIGHTNING GUY: Even though that's exactly what he just did.

{Comes back, and speeds up, to knock Gemerl down.} Fine. I'll cooperate.

GEMERL: Good. So, what kind of a movie do you want it to be, Emerl?

LIGHTNING GUY: I hope it's not a comedy. Then it'll just be a bunch of YouTube Poop jokes.

EMERL: Open-Set comedy

LIGHTNING GUY: How predictable.

set in western seattle.

GEMERL: Yes, well, let's not try and get the creators sued. How about an action/comedy.

LIGHTNING GUY: How about you end with the right punctuation mark.

EMERL: Sort of like "Epic Movie"?

LIGHTNING GUY: Yes. Epic Movie is the best example of an action/comedy out there. Even though it doesn't do either right, that's what you think of when you think of "action/comedy."

GEMERL: Again with the lawsuit avoidance.

DALEK: No. If it's like Epic Movie, it will be Epic Fail.

LIGHTNING GUY: OHOHOHO YOU'RE SO CLEVER

Please. Please!

GEMERL: Shut up. Now, Emerl, what movie did you like the most?

EMERL: "Pete's Dragon".

GEMERL: What other movie?

EMERL: "Pinnochio".

LIGHTNING GUY: Man, I'm loving this conversation!
{Lightning Guy's nose grows an inch.}

GEMERL: What else?

EMERL: "Toy Story"?

GEMERL: Then we'll make a comedy.

LIGHTNING GUY: "I know it's your camera and you're the one who decides, but we're making a comedy."

{Dalek pokes Gemerl.}

DALEK: Do not tell me to shut up.

LIGHTNING GUY: Do it again and I'll poke you even harder. Because I'm a badass.

SEPHIROTH: Someones gettin' mad...

DALEK: Shut up you... you... PURE ENERGY ALIEN!

SEPHIROTH: So what? I'm pure energy! Who cares?

IORI: Let's make a comedy movie!

LIGHTNING GUY: That is the plot of this episode, isn't it?

GEMERL: Now, how should it start? Suggestions? Anyone?

PATRICK: Parody?

GEMERL: Yeah, we could make the opening some announcer going "YOU MUST DEFEAT SHENG LONG TO STAND A CHANCE! GREEN GRASS AND HIGH TIDES FOREVER!"

LIGHTNING GUY: Wow, a meta-parody! This is really groundbreaking stuff!

I don't know what it parodies, though.

PATRICK: Yeah, me neither. LOL

LIGHTNING GUY: STFU

EMERL: Sounds good. What's our plot?

PATRICK: The plot could be... some guys who try to make a movie, and when they show it to people, it's actually good, but then they lose it and make a terrible copy?

GEMERL: OK, seriously, Stop the "Pun on the plot" thing.

LIGHTNING GUY: how is that a pun

IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!

IORI: That's not a pun!

LIGHTNING GUY: Iori and I agree on something? The apocalypse is nigh!

GEMERL: Well, then the idea sucks.

PATRICK: You suck!

LIGHTNING GUY: Without evidence to back up your hypothesis that Gemerl sucks, I'm forced to conclude that you're nothing but a big fat, immature turd.

IORI: Calm down, dude.

GEMERL: Now, now. If baby wants to try and fight, I won't stop him. His man-crush Kano isn't around to protect him.

PATRICK: Ewww!

LIGHTNING GUY: "Mancrushosexuality is gross!"

You creep me out! I'm outta here. {walks away}

GEMERL: Dang. I thought that would make a good opening to a movie. Anywho, how should we start the first scene?

CD-I LUIGI: {enters}

LIGHTNING GUY: NO

I think you guys should start with lotsa spaghetti!

LIGHTNING GUY: NO

{cut to Patrick at his computer}

LIGHTNING GUY: NO

PATRICK: What? There wasn't any YTP references yet!

{cut back}

GEMERL: So, I figure we should make the first scene look actiony,

LIGHTNING GUY: That's totally a word.

but really just make it nonsense.

IORI: Cool, cool, depressing, cool.

EMERL: Ok, so, maybe...

LIGHTNING GUY: Yeah, maybe, unless...

{The process continues, turning into a montage, which contains various parts of the filming, eventually, it says "28 weeks later OMGLOLZORZMOVIEJOKE", then it cuts to everyone in a theater, all wearing suits.}

GEMERL: OK, you guys. Opening night. After this, we may get rich and well-liked, or we'll be hated for making the worst burning piece of crap ever. Oh, wait. Microsoft beat us to that when they made the Xbox 360.

LIGHTNING GUY: HAHA LOOK AT US WE'RE BEING TOPICAL

{A buzzer sounds, then it turns into a cartoon screen, with Gemerl in a little oval in the corner.}

GEMERL: Fun Facts with Gemerl!

LIGHTNING GUY: That was neither fun nor a fact.

{Turn back to normal.}

GEMERL: Ready to show this to the public?

LIGHTNING GUY: If it'll end the episode sooner, sure.

CHAOS: Ready.

EMERL: {Attempting to pick his nose, but only just banging his hand in the middle of his face} Ready!

IORI: Ready!

PATRICK: Ready.

KANO:

LIGHTNING GUY: NO

{appears onscreen with a sign that says "I'M IN THE MOVIE!"} I'm in the movie! {disappears}

GEMERL: We'll just say Kano said "Ready". Okay, here we go!

{Gemerl turns on the projector, and the movie plays, then it cuts to the theater, where hundreds of people are walking out, gossiping. Gemerl and Emerl both walk out, with lipstick marks on their faces, followed by everyone else, who looks like they were partying.}

GEMERL: Now I kind of wish I could feel things like that.

LIGHTNING GUY: "They touched us in places I did not know existed."

EMERL: Wow, I didn't think the movie would be that good. Wow. the afterparty was still better than the movie, though.

KANO: {appears} Hey, guys. I saw the movie, And I thought it was pretty good.

LIGHTNING GUY: Nobody cares what you think, Kano. Now go die in a fire.

GEMERL: I guess the creator just looks at his work with a different perspective. Wait. Where's the movie?

EMERL: Well, I needed something to stand on to reach the popcorn machine in the lobby. While I was standing on it, I heard something snap, and then I opened it to see this. {holds up a destroyed Film reel.}

GEMERL: {His face in complete Shock (Like Such)}

LIGHTNING GUY: Even if that link did go somewhere, I wouldn't click it.

What!?!?!

{the pre-fatality music/sound from Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 plays; pan right and see Kano with a tape recorder}

KANO: What? I thought it was perfect!

LIGHTNING GUY: Nobody cares what you think, Kano. Now go die in a fire.

GEMERL: Well, we're having a seriously bad moment here. We need to replace this movie, and mass-produce it so we can launch it all over America!

IORI: And we have to do it quickley!

LIGHTNING GUY: "My name is not Quickley. It's Gemerl."

GEMERL: Emerl, we need the old file!

EMERL: About that. I deleted it so nobody could take it and say it was theirs!

GEMERL: Well, at least that was for something that would make sense. Well, we're done for. Let's go play Scrabble or something.

LIGHTNING GUY: An episode of them playing Scrabble would be a lot more exciting than this episode so far.

EMERL: Wait! Don't leave! I believe we can make a great copy of this movie, we only need to focuse,

LIGHTNING GUY: FOCUS E

and maybe we can even pull it off in a few days!

GEMERL: Fine. I'm still playing Scrabble.

{Cut to the field, where Emerl has his camera, and Gemerl is in a fighting pose.}

GEMERL: Okay, now we need to re-shoot all 96 minutes of the film in 4 days. Ready?

LIGHTNING GUY: Please don't tell me we're doing this again.

IORI: Ready.

PATRICK: Ready.

CHAOS: {Walks in with roller skates on} Ready.

LIGHTNING GUY: Okay, so we're apparently doing this again.

{Another filming montage occurs, then returns to the theaters, like the first time.}

GEMERL: OK. this is out first off-holly-YouTube-World

LIGHTNING GUY: I assume that Holly-YouTube-World would only accept movies about cats or people getting hit in the balls by various items.

movie premiere. Here we go!

{The movie turns on. Gemerl is in the field.}

GEMERL: Are we filming?

EMERL: Yeah.

GEMERL: Oh. {A board flies by, and he kicks it. 2 cindeblocks

LIGHTNING GUY: CINDY BLOCKS

(already broken and poorly held together) fly byt,

LIGHTNING GUY: BYT ME

and he kicks those. Iori enters, and the two have a fistfight.}

GEMERL: Return the CDs!

IORI: Never!

LIGHTNING GUY: "I'm too big of a meanie to return the CDs!"

GEMERL: But I NEED my Fergie tracks!

{Iori roundhouse kicks Gemerl in the head.}

GEMERL: That's it. KAMEHAMEHA! {runs up to Iori and kicks him in the shins, and he falls over.}

LIGHTNING GUY: The action never stops.

IORI: Ow! My shins!

GEMERL: Well, you should think twice before fighting me next time! Right?

IORI: I guess.

LIGHTNING GUY: "Just kick me in the shins a few more times and I'll know for sure,"

GEMERL: Wait. Where did you put the CDs?

{Cut to another part in the movie, where Gemerl is dressed like a woman, and Iori is dressed as a giant pickle.}

LIGHTNING GUY: Well, I've seen enough of this thing.
{Lightning Guy gets up and walks away.}

GEMERL: I still wanna know how you talked me into this.

IORI: I didn't, you talked me into this!

GEMERL: Well, than I bet you know what comes next!

{Some more time passes by. Cut to a scene with Chaos, Patrick, and Kano, who is still holding his sign from earlier.}

CHAOS: By god, Doctor Walrus! We still need to find the lost city of Atlantis!

IORI: But we can't find the lost city of Atlantis because it's lost!

CHAOS: Shut up! You're not supposed to be in this scene!

IORI: Yeah you're right, how did I get here?

KANO: I'M IN THE MOVIE!

GEMERL: {offscreen, sarcastically} NO!

PATRICK: I'm Dr. Cornbread! Don't believe anything that Bubs tells you!

CD-I MARIO: {comes in} All toasters toast toast!

PATRICK: LIES! Everyone knows that all toasters toast BREAD!

CHAOS: They also toast eggs, waffles, forks, kitties, pop-tarts, and 2 liters of Pepsi.

PATRICK: Weird.

{In the film room.}

GEMERL: I can swear we forgot a scene when we were re-filming this, and I think it had something to do with a blue-haired paladin and a robot from a BBC-syndicated show.

PATRICK: And a ham.

GEMERL: Oh, well. Let's just watch the rest of the film.

PATRICK: I swear we did a scene about a ham...

{Lightning Guy sits back in his seat.}
LIGHTNING GUY: So, what did I miss?

{back to the film. Emerl is standing there, and a ham is lying on the ground.}

EMERL: But when will I see you again, Magic Ham?

MAGIC HAM: I will always be with you, if you BELIEVE!

LIGHTNING GUY: I apparently missed a lot.

{the ham flies away.}

EMERL: Godspeed, sweet pork.

{The end credits play. Cut to the theater, where all of the patrons look disgusted.}

LIGHTNING GUY: They must be kosher.

EMERL: Wow, that was great! I didn't think that would be so good!

IORI: {crying} We're ruined!

LIGHTNING GUY: Nothing warms my heart more than seeing a devastated Iori.

PATRICK: We're so dead.

GEMERL: Well, I guess all that matters is that the creator liked it.

EMERL: Now, where's the afterparty?

LIGHTNING GUY: IN HELL

{everyone in the theater promptly runs away.}

EMERL: Come on! At least someone wear a lampshade!

{The episode ends.}