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Difference between revisions of "RiffText/Bastard/Lastairbender"
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Latest revision as of 23:38, 29 November 2015
Just to let everyone know that this movie review is made for you guys.
NOXIGAR: For us? How generous!
However, i will clarify that I should've stayed away from this movie.
NAMINE: Oh? I'm sure we'll figure out why you decided to go against your own judgment in a bit.
Now then, on with the review.
I am gonna be frank, I really wasn't into Avatar: The Last Airbender. I saw like a couple of episodes, and it was just pretty decent, I guess, but it is overrated as hell.
NOXIGAR: If I wasn't exiled from the ATLA fandom, this would just be my general gist of the entire Nickolodeon series.
NAMINE: Okay, that exile was self-imposed, right?
NOXIGAR: Correct.
NOXIGAR: Yeah, I quit because the authors were assholes.
NAMINE: Can't you say you quit that fandom, then?
NOXIGAR: It still grinds my gears when people joke about being kicked out of a fandom for doing something hardly consequential. Explaining that I was compelled to leave fandoms or otherwise was straight up evicted from the estates is a factoid which explains why I get frustrated about that sort of thing.
NAMINE: Alright. Still, in this case you left of your own accord.
When i heard that the movie based on the cartoon was gonna be released, they're just calling it The Last Airbender so people will never get confused with the famous James Cameron film, Avatar, and I can see why.
NOXIGAR: Because James Cameron is awful and two bad Avatar movies makes it hard to tell either apart?
So I saw it by renting it on DVD way after the movie's initial release, since not only critics hated it, but the fans of the show despised it. I'm even told that the people who aren't into the series or even don't like the series despised the movie too.
NOXIGAR: They hate it because the moment they see M Night Shamalan's name on it, it will get flak. He's not a good author, mind, but the film will bomb simply by associating itself with Shamalan.
NAMINE: Lighten up; is he really that detestible?
NAMINE: A critic for an antagonist? Harsh.
NOXIGAR: He has a gimmick "twist" in each film that can be seen a mile away because it either is bluntly mentioned or is such a horrible twist that once you get any foreshadowing on it you will find it in a matter of seconds.
NAMINE: That's it?
NOXIGAR: He also has a monumental ego, which shows in one of his movies, where a critic was made fun of for making fun of a previous film of Shamalan's, and was killed off quickly and seen as the antagonist of the film.
I will say, after watching this movie, I really wished that i avoided it.
NAMINE: I think you already said that.
This movie was just an abominating
NOXIGAR: abominable'
piece of garbage, and since I've seen it, I could see why the fans of the show hated this movie.
Let's talk about the plot of The Last Airbender. We start out with the Avatar, become the next Avatar of the group. Bad news is the fire nation killed the other Avatars and the other airbenders, and- what? WHAT?
NOXIGAR: That's actually semi-accurate to the source material. Fire Nation attacked Air Nation, one guy survives and was going to be the Avatar.
Anyway, let me start over.
The Last Airbender is a film about how the Avatar is sent to free the other avatars and the fire nation took over, so the Avatar is the chosen one to fight all the spirits and-no. No. Let me try again.
The Last Airbender is-you know what, who the fuck am I kidding?
NOXIGAR: Freeing the other Avatars wasn't in the source material. Each generation has an Avatar, who does something important which allows the Avatar to be an Avatar.
This film is pointless to explain. There is no plot. There's just fighting, fighting, and that's pretty much it.
NAMINE: If there's no plot... then...
NOXIGAR: A lot of things pretend they have a plot when they don't. Let's not get into it.
NAMINE: Sure, I guess.
My other gripe with the film is how it's explained. Only the narrator explains what happens in montage, and I really don't know what's going on there. It doesn't feel like an actual movie this way. But hey, the plot is just incoherent that I may feel uncomfortable just talking about it. I wanna know how in the hell this movie existed and got pissed away
NAMINE: Pissed away? Doesn't he mean passed off?for a film made for little kids?
Let's meet the writer and director, M. Night Shyamalan. The writer and the director of the movie. Okay, M. Night, let me say, how did the studio think you were chosen to direct this? You only make movies that have so much twists and shit like that. Sure your career went down starting with The Village, and after that, you made two really stupid, but fun to watch films, Lady in the Water and The Happening. They were the best worst movies of your career.
NAMINE: Out of all the "best worst movies" and you don't choose Unbreakable or The Sixth Sense?
NOXIGAR: One was a trainwreck, and the other was a TV show twist ripoff. M. Night doesn't have a single good movie under his belt.
NOXIGAR: Not a good reason.
NAMINE: Sixth Sense is still a classic for some reason, right?
But this, this, this is just garbage! Nothing was good about this movie.
The film is too fast, since it clocks in 103 minutes and M. Night only formed the 20 episodes in that time.
NOXIGAR: He didn't make the TV show. If he had anything to do with it, it would've flopped in an instant.
How the crap would you form a 20 episode structure in 103 minutes?
NOXIGAR: You don't.
Overall, The Last Airbender is the biggest misfire in M. Night's career,
NOXIGAR: This cat was already sick when The Last Airbender even formed.
and one of the biggest blunders in studio history, and in Hollywood history. To the fans, I won't know if there will be another Avatar: The Last Airbender film, after the failure it did for critics and at the box office. However, I will say that even with the failure, studios will later on learn their lesson and have the creators of the animated series make an animated movie out of. But for now, we're stuck with a film that sucks. HARD.
NAMINE: I think this is the first time I've ever heard of a Last Airbender movie.
{Noxigar's memory is promptly wiped before he can speak.}
NOXIGAR: There's not enough chocolate ice cream cake in the world to properly celebrate that.
NOXIGAR: Man, I can't wait for a Last Airbender movie to come out.
NAMINE: Why? Didn't you leave that fandom?
NOXIGAR: Eh, it might help me cope.
NAMINE: How about instead of that, you could cope by celebrating every year since your "exile" from ATLA? And every other horrible fandom you left?
JOIN ME IN MY NEXT REVIEW!
THE LAST AIRBENDER IS OWNED BY PARAMOUNT PICTURES.
