Difference between revisions of "RiffText/Bastard/Inappropriatecomedy"

Revision as of 19:04, 30 November 2015

Previously on The Bastard Goes to the Movies...

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go ahead and watch a film about a angst nu metal dog who stands up and tackle all child molesters. Spoiler, the movie ends with some anal incest with his dad."

Well, I found something worse than that. MUCH... MUCH WORSE.

For the longest period of time, I've been searching of what seems to be the worst movie I've ever seen, and I am a sucker for something something good or bad, because sometimes, I do have an open mind for movies that I actually might watch. But shit yo, when your expectations are so low that they're buried into the center of the earth, and are burning in the pits of the fires along with extinct Egyptian myths, there's something wrong. And wouldn't you know it, the absolute worst movie I've ever seen is a Vince Offer movie, InAPPropriate Comedy.

So yeah, in 2013, some hacking, wasted, untalented chimp by the name of Vince Offer made a follow-up to a film, The Underground Comedy Movie, made 14 years prior, and the latter makes {sigh} The 41-Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall About It look like Casablanca by comparison. Hell, it even makes Movie 43 look like a grand-scale Oscar-winning masterpiece, and I don't even like the Oscars. Fuck you, Academy! Leonardo DiCaprio is the true actor here, and he's loyal to his fans, and he even made a Kickstarter of how he should have fans pay to see him shirtless.

NAMINE: As much as Leo is awesome shirtless, I don't see the point of specifying that particular Kickstarter when talking about his talents.

But enough blabbering, someone requested me to watch this a long time ago, and I say thanks for making me watch this abysmal turd. Now, to give this cinematic homicide a tackle of its lifetime.

I will say, the positive I could gather is that it lives up to the title.

NAMINE: Okay, at least one positive is good.

The sketches that were made in this movie are... well, made

NOXIGAR: you could do well-made, or "the sketches are, well, made

as apps used on iPads. But that's not even a saving grace from this. But yeah, you get sketches in the movie, like the Amazing Racist, which is a parody of Amazing Race, and I don't even like that show; yet they foam and shoehorn in racist jokes. Then, there's Blackass, which is Jackass, but with black people. Isn't that ori-

NAMINE: I think you had a good idea with the sarcasm, for once, and then you decide to make your review impossible to read with font size issues gutting your argument's legibility.

Loiter Squad, a show with the same concept, was aired on [adult swim] and as bad as that show was, it had more substance.

NOXIGAR: You didn't need to font size that. If you felt the need to do that, you could've just said that "Loiter Squad" was better and called it a day.

And you get Adrian Brody's foamed in performance, and Lindsay Lohan not trying to act as usual.

NAMINE: What is the tell for when acting is phoned in? Do the characters just not emote as intended?

What am I doing with my life?

NOXIGAR: Good question.

This movie is so bad, I had to ask to myself, "Why do I exist? Why is the meaning of life? And why can't we all have nice things?" InAPPropriate Comedy is the reason why life is scary.

NAMINE: No, that...

NOXIGAR: The movie made him question things, at least, right?
NAMINE: Yeah, but I'm pretty sure this is another gross exaggeration. Mostly because you don't watch movies to ask questions or to have questions asked of you.

NOXIGAR: True.

This thing (and no, for now on, I'm calling it a thing and not a fucking movie) made me cry from start to finish. Fuck that noise... and fuck Vince Offer!

NAMINE: Why Vince Offer in particular?

JOIN ME IN THE NEXT REVIEW!

THANKS TO MELONDELON43 FOR THE REQUEST

INAPPROPRIATE COMEDY IS OWNED BY FREESTYLE RELEASING