Lex's Wikihood Redux Remake/eps/4

Summary

Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste...

Transcript

{Open to the courtroom. The audience is leaving, while Sephiroth and the others are standing around and discussing among each others.}

EDGEWORTH: I still can't believe how you cretins thought that that psycho was me. Hmph.

SEPHIROTH: I'm sorry dude, it's just that you two are rather similar.

{Edgeworth punches Sephiroth in the stomach.}

EDGEWORTH: I DON'T HAVE GREEN HAIR, YOU IDIOT! Ugh, I'm out of here! I don't even know why I even bothered wasting my time with this garbage.

{Edgeworth storms out of the court, pushing everybody aside who happens to be in this way. Through the doorway comes the Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII.}

SILVER: Huh, what? What the hell is that guy doing here?

SEPHIROTH: He was to be called as a witness. ..Even though he wasn't actually there. I'm surprised he agreed to it.

FFVII SEPHIROTH: Hmph. I'm not here for you. It's Edgeworthington I'm after. The man is a notorious conman who swindled me. Tried to sell me my mother's head. It wasn't even hers, it was someone else's.

SILVER: That's not creepy at all.

FFVII SEPHIROTH: You think that's creepy, you should see the fanfics.

SILVER: I'd rather not, thank you.

FFVII SEPHIROTH: Hmm. Suit yourself.

{Badstar runs in, along with Shadow and Znex.}

BADSTAR: Guys, you gotta come quick! Enigma's broken out of prison, and he's teamed up with Super Sam, Eggman Nega, and Edgeworthington!

SEPHIROTH: What?

SHADOW: It's true. I tried to fight them off, but they were too much for me. They managed to escape with the money, and now they're on the loose.

SEPHIROTH: Any idea of their goals?

SHADOW: Well, Enigma kept talking about his imminent end and how he wished to be financially secure before he is drafted out of the series.

SEPHIROTH: That actually makes sense, considering the major example of Chuck Cunningham syndrome that this series has. We need to stop them!

SILVER: What of Edgeworthington?

SHADOW: He was with them.

SEPHIROTH: ...We need to check his mansion for clues. We might find him there.

SHADOW: But..

SEPHIROTH: I SAID, WE NEED TO CHECK HIS MANSION FOR CLUES. Scooby Gang, let's split!

SHADOW: I hate you.

{The gang split. Shadow, Znex, and Badstar go one way, while Sephiroth, Silver, and FFVII Sephiroth go another. Cut to Enigma and Super Sam, who are standing on a mountain top, counting their cash.}

ENIGMA: 750 grand. Seven fucking-hundred and fifty grand. Shit man, we are set for life! WE ARE SET FOR FUCKIN' LIFE! WHOO!

SUPER SAM: Finally, my dream will come true. I will own my own Aldi store.. One I can have to myself. And I will drink all the cola... LET US MAKE THIS DREAM A REALITY. FORGET EGGMAN NEGA AND EDGEWORTHINGTON. LET'S DO IT NOW.

{Shadow, Badstar, and Znex come up from behind them, having climbed the entire mountain in a matter of seconds.}

SHADOW: Oh Jesus.. Let us catch our breath... Let us..

{Super Sam quickly banhammers them off the mountaintop.}

SUPER SAM: NOPE.

{Cut to Noxigar in the Wikihood house, noticing that it is empty.}

NOXIGAR: Hmm? Am I the only one here? ...NICE.

{Noxigar notices a DVD lying on the ground mentioning "a prophecy" of a dark evil. He places it in the DVD player and watches. A group of hooded cultists are seen, worshipping a black widow spider in her cage.}

CULTIST: Isn't she lovely? And so deadly. Her kiss is 15 times more poisonous than that of a rattlesnake. Her venom is highly neurotoxic, that is to say that it attacks the central nervous system, causing intense pain, profuse sweating, difficulty in breathing, loss of consicousness, violent convulsions and finally... death.

{The other Black Widow Cultists give out a "Horrah!" and are seen drinking some sort of strange drink.}

CULTIST: You know, I think what I love most about her is her innate, inborn need to dominate, possess.. In fact, immediately after the consumation of her marriage to the smaller and weaker male of the species, she kills and eats him! Aha, oh.. she is delicious! And once the end of the world comes, the Queen will rise above all others and rebuild the world in her image, turning us all into her slaves. All hail the Black Widow!

{The other cultists echo his statement of "All hail the Black Widow", and they take another sip of their drink.}

CULTIST: Such power and dignity, unhampered by sentiment. If I may put forward a slice of personal philosophy, I feel that man has ruled this world as a stumbling demented child-king long enough! And as his empire crumbles, my precious Black Widow shall rise as his most fitting successor!

NOXIGAR: Hmm, how strange.

{The other cultists cheer, and the DVD ends abruptly. Cut back to Super Sam and Enigma.}

SUPER SAM: Those two are really starting to annoy me now.

BADSTAR: {From behind} Too bad!

{Super Sam and The Enigma turn around. Shadow throws all the chaos emeralds into the air. Shadow transforms into Super Shadow. Badstar transforms into Super Badstar. Super Badstar's head, gloves, and legs, are all dark blue. His star shirt is black.}

ENIGMA: The fuck?

{Cut to Noxigar, where has noticed that the bank vault in his room is open.}

NOXIGAR: Wait a sec-.. OH SON OF A BITCH! THOSE ASSHOLES! I'M GOING TO MURDER EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE FOOLS, DON'T THEY REALIZE WHAT THEY'VE JUST DONE? IF VINDICATOR FINDS OUT THAT THE GODDAMN CHAOS EMERALDS ARE BEING USED AS A PLOT DEVICE, HE'S GOING TO DESTROY THEM. THEY COST ME TEN MONTHS OF PAY!

{Noxigar teleports himself to the mountain where the battle is going on.}

NOXIGAR: Hand back the Chaos Emeralds now! If you don't, I will personally break every bone in your body! I have to hide them in a bank vault with ALOT of air conditioning to keep them in the vault. Who took them?

BADSTAR: It was Shadow's idea!

SHADOW: My idea? What the hell are you talking about, it was yours!

{Pan over to Enigma and Super Sam, who are watching the two bicker.}

SUPER SAM: I just realized.. You said that one of them dies anyway, so why don't you just shoot them?

ENIGMA: That's a great idea, actually.

{Enigma quickly draws out a revolver and aims it at Badstar's head. Before Badstar notices, he pulls the trigger and fires the bullet. It hits Badstar inbetween the eyes, killing him instantly and causing his body to fall off the mountain and into a pit of spikes.}

SHADOW: Badstar, no!

ENIGMA: Ha, looks like your little friend is dead. You're next, bucko.

SHADOW: ...It was still his idea.