Ben and Alex visit The United States of America/Colorado

GOING DOWN TO COLORADO GONNA HAVE OURSELVES A TIME

FRIENDLY FACES EVERYWHERE

HUMBLE FOLKS WITHOUT TEMPTATION

Transcript

{Ben and Alex touch down in Denver International, Colorado.}

ALEX: Geeeeee whizz, Ben! I am so glad to be in Colorado! A beautiful state full of mountains, snow, and school shootings!

{Alex smells something in the air and begins to sniff.}

ALEX: Ben? Ben? Do you smell what I smell? It smells rather dank in here, Ben? Be-... GODDAMN IT BEN.

{Pan over to reveal Ben smoking a massively huge blunt. He is high off his eyeballs.}

BEN: 420 erry day dude

ALEX: What is that?

BEN: moon juice

ALEX: Snap out of this weird trance you communist!

BEN: i think we should all just get along for once

ALEX: What have you been smoking???

BEN: Cannabis, also known as marijuana[3] (from the Mexican Spanish marihuana), and by numerous other names,a[›] is a preparation of the Cannabis plant intended for use as a psychoactive drug and as medicine.[4][5][6] Pharmacologically, the principal psychoactive constituent of cannabis is tetrahydrocannabinol (THC); it is one of 483 known compounds in the plant,[7] including at least 84 other cannabinoids, such as cannabidiol (CBD), cannabinol (CBN), tetrahydrocannabivarin (THCV),[8][9] and cannabigerol (CBG).

ALEX: Learn some things new every day. Come! Let us ski!

{Cut to Ben and Alex in a ski lift - Ben is still smoking a blunt and is wrapped in an unnecessary amount of winter clothing. Alex is wearing a t-shirt and some jeans.}

BEN: how are you not freezing to fucken death out here

ALEX: You hoser brit, it's only about -10 degrees oot here! I've had colder temperatures at Tim Hortons, eh?

BEN: you canadians are an abortion to the planet earth

ALEX: Hey! That's unfair to say! It's not really that... it's more like.. Canada being the biological child of Britain and France. And France is like some shitty neglectful father and Britain is left to raise it on itself. So they're all pretty happy but Canada still has mommy issues, and daddy Britain's getting a little old so he lets Canada go. And then America comes along and the two are like roommates. Oh, and Mexico is also a roommate. North America, amirite???????

BEN: what about the west indies you dick

ALEX: Oh... Jamaica, Barbados, Haiti and the lot... they're like... next door neighbours. Who keep everyone awake all night with loud reggae music. Duh.

BEN: {inhales from blunt} mon i be digging that.

BEN: oh

{pause}

BEN: well.... your dumb anyway

ALEX: Takes one to know one!!

{Alex proceeds to skate down the mountain}

ALEX: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

{Alex continues to descend, running out of breath to keep saying "whee". He eventually begins to get slightly agitated, and then worried at the amount of time this is taking}

ALEX: there's no end in sight

{Alex continues to skate down (despite being on a skiing trip) ad infinitum, psychosis gradually beginning to set in}

ALEX: itneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitn everendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitnever endsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverendsitneverends

{Cut to a cannabis cafe, two hours later. Ben is smoking 81 x 7 joints at once, while eating a piece of french toast.}

BEN: Mhmm.

{Alex's screams can be heard throughout Denver.}

BEN: Mhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

{A man dressed very oddly takes a seat next to Ben}

'THE ODD MAN: What you doin''' bro

BEN: I'm havin another puff

THE ODD MAN: marajuana is such a COMMON MAN'S DRUG, you here?? try something more...........HIP.

{The Odd man presents Ben with an odd creamy substance}

THE ODD MAN: new drug in the market. not legalised by no-one. manufacture it myself. i call it semen.

BEN: Well I'm always one for trying new things

{Ben drinks all the semen. Cut to Lex, who is still skiing in a loop. He has gone beyond terminal velocity, and the speed of his skiing has opened up a wormhole, which he falls into.}

ALEX: where am i

{Alex spins in a swirly time warp}

ALEX: am i in rocky horror

{Alex comes out the other end of the wormhole, flying out of it at breakneck speed, thousands of miles above the Earth, which is noticeably more green and flourished than usual.}

ALEX: Oh my, the Earth looks so pretty, it's making me cry

{Alex carries on crashing down into Earth, catching fire in the process.}

ALEX: oh my, i seem to be on fire

{Alex gets closer to the Earth. He notices a colony of Dinosaurs}

ALEX: OH SWEET DINO-..

{Alex crashes into the Earth, causing a giant explosion that kills the dinosaurs. Embedded in the ground for millions of years, Alex waits, and waits, and waits, until one day, he is dug up again, conveniently just outside of the cafe. He climbs out the ground and sees Ben.}

BEN: oh hey alex how was your trip

ALEX: I WENT THROUGH TIME AND KILLED THE DINOSAURS AND DISCOVERED I WAS IMMORTA-...

BEN: cool story now shut up and drink your orange juice

ALEX: sorry :c

{alex shuts up and drinks his orange juice}

BEN: while you were chilling or whatever, i got offered this cool drug.

ALEX: Ben, I told you, my only drug is THE LORD.

BEN: Aw come on - live a little. This is a whole new experience. Not like weed or heroin or coke or even booze - a wonderful feeling, like a warmth from inside. Like you suddenly swallowed some pure, unfiltered joy. Here.

{Ben offers Alex a cup of semen}

BEN: It's called semen.

{Alex hesitates, visibly nervous, before downing the entire cup of semen in one go}

BEN: Woah, buddy, save some for me, huh?

{Alex seems visibly different, like his whole life has opened in front of him}

ALEX: More.

BEN: Huh?

ALEX: I NEED MORE SEMEN. WHERE DO I FIND SOME??