RiffText/RTOD/KickCheat E-mails/Time Trouble

KickCheat E-mails #6

KickCheat is asked to save the world in 2072.

LIGHTNING GUY: If he was asked to jump off a building...

NAMINE: Those two actions don't correlate, and you know it.

Cast: (in order of appearance): KickCheat, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Homestar Runner, Stephen, Jason, Ray, 1-Up

Places: The Computer room, Strong Bad's Computer room, 2072 field, lava zone

Computer: Compy XP

Lines: 134

Script

KICKCHEAT: {Clicks on e-mail while talking} Okay people. My e-mail show needs a plot. Hopefully this e-mail will lead to a plot. Plots are what make e-mail shows popular!

LIGHTNING GUY: Quality makes email shows popular.

NAMINE: Explain the quantity of email shows, which exceeds the quality.

How hard is it for people

HOMESTAR: He'd be suwpwised at a lot of things.

to get this through their thick skulls?

Dear KickCheat,
This is an important message from the people of 2072.
THE WORLD IS ENDING!

LIGHTNING GUY: and i feel fine

NAMINE: Well, of course you feel fine.

Time travel to 2072. Be sure to go in the back of a pickup truck with me, Stephen Colbert, Jason and a guy named Ray Magini. All three of us are normal humans. HELP US

LIGHTNING GUY: Say please.

-Stephen Leo Colbert

KICKCHEAT: The world is ending! We are all gonna..oh wait. You mean the year 2072? The world is ending in your time? Well, I have no time machine, so I'll need to ask Strong Bad about this.

{leaves the computer. Cut to Strong Bad and the Cheat in Strong Bad's Computer room. The Universe Portal is beside The Lappy}

STRONG BAD: No. What I am saying is to use this portal for good! Not for cheating a race!

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: Oh, sorry. But still.

{KickCheat walks onscreen}

KICKCHEAT: Hey guys. I got an e-mail from 2072. The world is ending in that time.

STRONG BAD: THE WORLD IN 2072 IS WHAT?!

LIGHTNING GUY: Dramatic much?

KICKCHEAT: Coming to an end.

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: Then what are doing standing here? Let's get going!

KICKCHEAT: That's the spirit! The Cheat! Mash go on that blender!

{Camera zooms out a little as The Cheat presses a button on the blender. The blender shoots out white bolts as the lighting in the room flashes. Soon after, the blender stops with the Game Boy intact, and there is a large swirl to the right of the desk.}

KICKCHEAT: Oh, one minute!

{KickCheat runs offscreen. A few seconds later, returns later with a Hand Held like thing in his hand}

LIGHTNING GUY: Nice and specific.

STRONG BAD: What is that thing you gots?

KICKCHEAT: This is my Lappy HC! {Holds it up} Although it may look like a DS. This thing can check e-mail, play music and games.

LIGHTNING GUY: Just games.

HOMESTAR: I don't see the need to be ovewly specific of what games it can play.

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

KICKCHEAT: Oh, right. Time to jump into the portal.

{The three jump towards the swirl and as soon as the three touch the swirl, everything except them and the swirl turns black and white. The three distorts horizontally and vertically, then "springs" into the swirl. Cut to a deserted land with fried trees with thunder clouds in the sky. The three appear in the middle of the screen.}

KICKCHEAT: WHAT THE...?

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: That e-mail you got was not lying!

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

KICKCHEAT: The Cheat is right. If we want to get back to our time, we must save the world!

LIGHTNING GUY: Or you could just, you know, look for a time machine.

NAMINE: Going into the future, rather than fixing it from the past itself?

STRONG BAD: Yeah, let's just get this heck over with. We might die in this time anyway. I rather be...

KICKCHEAT: {Interups Strong Bad} Cut it out Mr. Complain!

LIGHTNING GUY: "Hey! That's just my screen name."

HOMESTAR: I thought his scween name was just Stwong Bad.

STRONG BAD: Whatever!

{Homestar appears}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh haldo guys. I jumped into this swirly pie and it took me here!

STRONG BAD: Oh great! Now we have Stumstar with us!

LIGHTNING GUY: I know KickCheat has no idea what he's doing, but really? Stumstar?

KICKCHEAT: Yeah, {Quickly} I don't really care. Anyway, we need to find a pickup truck with three people.

STRONG BAD: Who's names are?

KICKCHEAT: Stephen Colbert, Jason, Ray Magini, and they are normal humans.

LIGHTNING GUY: "Well, Stephen's an American,

HOMESTAR: Technically, I'm an Amewican, too. I mean, Fwee Countwy USA is a place to be.
NAMINE: You have to take me there, someday.

but it's close enough."

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Umm..are we humans?

KICKCHEAT: No, not even close marshmallow boy!

LIGHTNING GUY: Are you still doing that?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey! Don't bug me about me loving marshmallows!

STRONG BAD: Can we go and find that truck now?

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

KICKCHEAT: Yeah, let's get going. We have a world to save.

LIGHTNING GUY: "Preferably Earth"

HOMESTAR RUNNER: And lives to save!

LIGHTNING GUY: "Preferably ours"

STRONG BAD: And e-mails to check!

LIGHTNING GUY: "Preferably none"

{Everyone turns and looks at Strong Bad}

STRONG BAD: What?

{A puckup truck can be seen in the distance. It comes closer to the four}

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

KICKCHEAT: Yep! We have a puckup truck coming, and I believe it is for us!

{The pickup truck stops beside them. A person comes out}

STEPHEN: Ah, you must be KickCheat.

KICKCHEAT: Yes.

STEPHEN: Well hello, and these guys are?

KICKCHEAT: Homestar, Strong Bad and The Cheat.

STEPHEN: Well hello to you all. Hop in.

LIGHTNING GUY: If you have the balls.

{The four go in the pickup truck. Cut to inside the pickup truck}

STEPHEN: These two people are Jason and Ray.

RAY AND JASON SIMUTAINIOUSLY: Haldo.

KICKCHEAT: Hi, and so how is the world ending?

STEPHEN: Okay. It started off with some mesterious

LIGHTNING GUY: OK, simultaneously I can understand, but how are you going to misspell mysterious? See me after class.

figure created a brain robot and named it Tampo. A young fighter named Stinkoman saw Tampo being created, and ran off. The mestreious figure asked Tampo to destroy Stinkoman, but Tampo disobeyed and knocked out the mestreious figure out. Tampo went on a rampage after making friends with a giant chicken named Brody and a robot named Stlunko. The three created an army of robots and creatures that are destroying our world. If we don't act quick, Tampo will take over the wolrd!

LIGHTNING GUY: Putting Tampo in your email show does not make it any better, people!

NAMINE: I don't recall what Tampo even is, and all this does is make me wish to play the Stinkoman game more. Considering I have the Homestar Runner website on speed dial thanks to Noxigar's contextualization of half his in-jokes, I think I'll find it with ease.

HOMESTAR: The fact you can find me so easily is quite scawy, lady.
{Namine takes out her sketchbook and smiles}
NAMINE: I can give Lex's idea of a Byakuya Robotnik life through imagery.
HOMESTAR: What even is a Byakuya?
NAMINE: The first half of a bad name, from a bad game.

HOMESTAR: I suppose that'd make some sense?

STRONG BAD: Sounds horrible.

STEPHEN: If we find Stinkoman, he may help us.

KICKCHEAT: Yeah, but how can we find him?

STEPHEN: He has a friend named 1-Up. Although 1-Up is only 6 years old, he might know where Stinkoman is.

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: Yeah. Those names sound filmiliar.

LIGHTNING GUY: Very pubssibble.

HOMESTAR: No, it weally isn't pubssibble.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah Stinkoman.

STRONG BAD: Did you just call me Stinkoman?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yes sir I did!

STRONG BAD: This is going to be rough.

LIGHTNING GUY: That's what she sa-oh, it's not worth it.

NAMINE: Oh, but you thought it~
HOMESTAR: I thought of that happenin' to Stwong Bad and my head exploded. Pwovewbially, of couwse.

KICKCHEAT: Where does 1-Up live?

STEPHEN: Well,

LIGHTNING GUY: According to my gut,

he shouldn't be to far from here.

KICKCHEAT: Okay.

{The puckup truck screeches and stops.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What the crap?

STEPHEN: Why did you guys stop?

RAY: Because there is this guy infront of us.

JASON: And it's 1-Up.

KICKCHEAT: That was quick. I though it would take 5 hours to find 1-Up.

LIGHTNING GUY: I though this wall of text would end 5 hours ago.

1-UP: Hi peoples!

{Everyone gets out of the pickup truck}

KICKCHEAT: Hi 1-Up. We...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Interups KickCheat} Hey, you look like me 1-Up!

LIGHTNING GUY: Argh, and ye look like me booty! In the literal sense, too!

1-UP: And you look like my great, great grandpa!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I am your great, great grandpa?

LIGHTNING GUY: No, no, he said you look like him. Can't you hear?

1-UP: Yeah, you probably didn't know that.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yes great, great grandson, I didn't.

KICKCHEAT: Okay, cool. 1-Up, do you know where Stinkoman is?

1-UP: He was kidnapped and taken to the lava zone.

STEPHEN: Okay, Stinkoman is the only one who can lead us to Tampo.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Would you like to come along 1-Up?

1-UP: Sure Grandpa...?

LIGHTNING GUY: Great, great grandpa!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Homestar.

1-UP: Sure Grandpa Homestar!

LIGHTNING GUY: Great, great grandpa Homestar!

STRONG BAD: Uh, can we get going?

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah!

{Everyone goes in the pickup truck. Cut to inside the pickup truck}

STRONG BAD: 1-Up, who kidnapped Stinkoman?

1-UP: A lava snake named Saargtsson. He is also on Tampo's side.

KICKCHEAT: Okay, how did he get kidnapped.

LIGHTNING GUY: How do you ask a statement.

NAMINE: How do you statement an ask?

1-UP: Well, it started one day when Stinkoman and I were trying to defeat Tampo. Then suddenly Saargtsson came out of nowhere and kidnapped Stinkoman. Saargtsson went to the lava zone with Stinkoman and I ran away looking for help until I found this truck.

STEPHEN: Okay. Let's get to that lava zone!

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

{Cut to the outside of the pickup truck. It makes a turn to a volcano. Cut to the outside of the lava zone.}

KICKCHEAT: Holy crap! We have to go in there?

STRONG BAD: {slowly} Yeah.

THE CHEAT: {Makes some The Cheat noises}

STEPHEN: Come on. Like we have alot of time anyway.

LIGHTNING GUY: I was never really told how much time was left. Do I sense a plotho-

KICKCHEAT: Oh yeah. We're out of time.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What?! The world is ended now?

LIGHTNING GUY: If the world was "ended", you wouldn't be there right now.

KICKCHEAT: No! We are out of time for this e-mail.

LIGHTNING GUY: OH I GET IT NOW

1-UP: Will we continue it next time?

KICKCHEAT: Yeah. I think this e-mail show now has a plot!

LIGHTNING GUY: Yeah. That means nothing.

STRONG BAD: Mine doesn't have a plot, and it's still popular.

KICKCHEAT: That's because yours is on Homestarrunner.com! Mine is on the fanstuff hrwiki!

LIGHTNING GUY: OH I GET IT NOW

STRONG BAD: Oh, right.

{They all go inside. KickCheat pokes his head out from the enterance}

KICKCHEAT: Preow!

{The paper comes down. 10 seconds later.}

KICKCHEAT: Uh...can I go in the Lava Zone now?

LIGHTNING GUY: Not until you finish your peas, young man.

NAMINE: What if peas make me vomit in the middle of the night?