Con email.wue/116

Summary

Conchris gets an email from Mistar Bad grammar and spelling stating that "beeg dwom is comeing"

Part of the "Cruroar's Goodbye?" story arc.

Transcript

{Fade into a rather dark lair, a shadowy figure's hand is visible, Mr. Person slowly walks up}

SHADOWY FIGURE: Mr. Person, can you answer why you are here?

MR. PERSON: It's because I failed you for the last time, right?

{Brief pause}

SHADOWY FIGURE: Can you guess another reason why you're here?

MR. PERSON: You're going to demote me to minion whilst someone else takes my place, right?

{A longer pause}

SHADOWY FIGURE: You catch on quite well... {two armored guards walk up to Mr. Person and grab him by his arms} Take him away, men!

{The guards take Mr. Person away, cut to the guards, walking along whilst dragging Mr. Person}

ARMORED GUARD #1: Hey man, do you know why we have this job?

ARMORED GUARD #2: It's because the boss of Blue Laser wanted us to help his cousin.

ARMORED GUARD #1: Oh.

{Pause}

ARMORED GUARD #1: Are you sure you know where the dungeon is?

{Cut to a birds-eye view of the castle's interior, the guards were walking around in circles}

ARMORED GUARD #2: I'm sure of it...

{Cut to Conchris' computer room, pause, Conchris then runs in}

CONCHRIS: Alright! Time for another email!

Subject: beeg dwom

Cone-cras,
Dwom comeing. Beeg Dwom.
Form Mistar Badd Gramma-nd-spelin

CONCHRIS: {reading, everything written is as he pronnounces it} Cone-crab, D-Wom comeing, Beeg D-Wom. Form, Mistar Badd Gramma-nd-spelling. {typing} Isn't that a name of a failed rapper? I remember his first album, "i dont ned spellings on da internets!"

{Rap music plays in the background}

MISTAR BADD GRAMMA-ND-SPELIN: {voiceover, singing} Spelling on the internets, ain't really worth it, you know? I mean, come on. Why do you even need to spell on the internets, you know? I had an F-... on my english test! {record scratches}

CONCHRIS: He never got off the ground... He got the invisible record for selling the least copies, 1. So anyway... Beeg dwom?! You mean... Uh oh... BIG DOOM?! The crazy stuff that Homsar said was right! {cut to The Field, Homsar and Conchris is standing there}

CONCHRIS: Hey Homsar.

HOMSAR: DAAAAAAAAAA! I'm the number one viewter!

CONCHRIS: Err... sure... So, how was your day?

HOMSAR: Weeeelllll, I am wonder man of the penzoil!

CONCHRIS: Huh?

HOMSAR: {eyes suddenly start glowing} Big doooom comes to you soon!

CONCHRIS: {shocked} What?

HOMSAR: {eyes stop glowing} Don't sit on it!

CONCHRIS: I'm going... right now... {walks off to the side, backwards}

{Cut to the Computer Room}

CONCHRIS: {grabbing a microphone} Cruroar!

{Cut to Cruroar's room}

CONCHRIS: {voice only} We have an emergency! It's code yellow, I repeat, code yellow!

{Cruroar jumps a little to the left}

CRUROAR: CODE YELLOW?!

{Homestar pops his head out}

HOMESTAR: Code mellow?!

{Cut to the wooden room, The Brothers Hom are standing around the table}

HOMSCHOOL WINNER: Code...

HOMSCHOOL RUNNER: Yellow?!

HOMSTAR RUNNER: Seriously?!

CONCHRIS: {voice only} Yes, I am very serious!

{Cut to Conchris' computer room}

CONCHRIS: Come to the computer room, immediately!

{Red eyes pop out of the shadow, Conchris looks over and jumps out of the seat}

CONCHRIS: GAH! Who are you?!

RED EYES: I am Mistar Badd Gramma-nd-Spelin!

CONCHRIS: Mistar Badd Gramma-nd-Spelin! But he went out of business!

MISTAR BADD GRAMMA-ND-SPELIN: And I've turned... {darkness fades, revealing a man with rapper clothes all torn with the badge of evil on him}

CONCHRIS: And why should I be scared of you?

MISTAR BADD GRAMMA-ND-SPELIN: Because... uh... I've got Strong Bad! {grabs Strong Bad out of nowhere}

STRONG BAD: GET OFFA ME, MAN! Kidnapped is not how I roll!

CONCHRIS: Wow... You kidnap people? THAT'S IT?!

MISTAR BADD GRAMMA-ND-SPELIN: Not only that, but I've got your Cruria too!

CONCHRIS: What?

{Mistar Badd Gramma-nd-Spelin lifts up a bag}

CRURIA: LET ME OUT THIS INSTANT!

CONCHRIS: Shock and horror!

CRUROAR: {off-screen} YOU LET GO OF STRONG BAD AND CRURIA THIS MINUTE!

{Cut to the door, Cruroar is holding a freeze gun}

CRUROAR: I'm not afraid to use this weapon!

{Cut to a first person view of what Cruroar sees, Cruroar fires a ray of ice at Mistar Badd Gramma-nd-Spelin but he chucks the bag in the path and disappears, after the bag is frozen}

MISTAR BADD GRAMMA-ND-SPELIN: I'll be back! And "beeg dwom" will come! IN MY NEXT HIT!

{Cut to the computer room again, Strong Bad gets up and runs off without speaking, Cruroar walks up to the frozen bag}

CRUROAR: Why?! WHY MUST IT BE HER!

CONCHRIS: Now calm down... I'm sure, she'll be alright. Besides, that freeze ray is temporary anyway.

CRUROAR: Whatever... {sniffs} Tell me when it thaws... {runs off}

{The Paper comes down saying "Click here to email Conchris!"}

{After a pause, the bag completely thaws and Cruria fights her way out of the bag}

CONCHRIS: So... What's it like being frozen to square... and being one of the author's fictional characters?

CRURIA: It was cold and umm... I think I would get to that other question... later. {walks off}

CONCHRIS: {sighs} Characters, you gotta love or hate them...

{The Paper comes down a bit further saying, "I agree with you there!"}

Easter Eggs

• Clicking on the paper after it prints down further will play a scene.

Easter Egg Transcript #1

{Cut to the Cheat Commandos HQ}

CONRAVER: Heya, Gunhaver! Do you have any new messages for me, sir?

GUNHAVER: Yes, of course I do! {hands the letters over to Conraver}

CONRAVER: Thanks! {quietly to self} I can't wait to set Reynold's letters on fire. {walks off}

{Reynold walks up}

REYNOLD: Hey there man! Do you have any mail for me?

GUNHAVER: Of course not! It appears that Blue Laser has stolen all your mail! {Cut to the mail room, the box where it says "Reynold" is empty} {pan over to the pile of dollars in Gunhaver's box} And the mailman gave me a hundred dollars to compensate!

{Cut back}

REYNOLD: Can I have the hundred dollars then?

GUNHAVER: No way! Maybe when you become more like Fightgar or Foxface! Oh wait, it's because that you're a nerd! {laughs}

SINGERS: {Cheat Commandos Theme plays} Buy all our playsets and toys!

{Cut back to the computer room}

Author's comment

4.9/5 - Ooh! So close! This email's good in my opinion, at least the new character makes it a bit more refreshing to me to write more emails.