Blue Lasermail/candy

Blue Laser tries to sell candy bars for a not-so-worthy cause.

Cast (in order of appearance): Blue Laser, Redd, Reynold, Flashfight, Oliver Smidgen (easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, The Street

Computer: Blasty 987

Date: Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Page Title: Blasty Fun-draising!!

Transcript

BLUE LASER: Email: Crushing fighting forces since the double aught-ten. Or just the aught-ten. I don't keep track. {brings up an email}

Dear Blue Laser,
What is your favorite type of candy? Have you considered making your own brand and using the economic edge to crush the Cheat Commandos?

-Problem Sleuth

BLUE LASER: {typing} I like the way you think, Mr. Sleuth! Nothing is better at crushing the Cheat Commandos then a little economics! But first we'll need a name. How about.... Laser Tracks!

{A Laser Tracks logo appears on the screen for a moment before disappearing.}

BLUE LASER: {typing} It's just wildlife enough for the charity organizations, but just catchy enough to market! I'm a genius! It'll be made with the finest of ingredients left over in the fridge!

{Cut to an open fridge. In it is a jar of cheese dip, a bag of Fluffy Puff Marshmallows, and a bowl of gravy.}

BLUE LASER: {offscreen} Lessee here, we got marshmallows. We got gravy... Oh! And an old can of Cheez Wiz! That makes good candy, right?

{Cut to a street corner. Blue Laser has set up a stand reading "Getcha Laser Tracks here!" on the side on the road. Several boxes can be seen stacked behind the stand.}

BLUE LASER: {shouting} Laser Tracks, get your Laser Tracks here! Just three bucks a bar!

{Redd walks up to the stand.}

REDD: Should I ask what you're doing here?

BLUE LASER: {annoyed} Selling Laser Tracks. Duh.

REDD: And what, pray tell, are Laser Tracks?

BLUE LASER: Only the finest of candy bars made from the finest ingredients.

REDD: Those ingredients being...

BLUE LASER: Your standard candy bar stuff. Marshmallows, gravy, {quietly} Cheez Wiz.

REDD: Please tell me that you're joking.

BLUE LASER: I'm not! So if you're not buying anything then get out of my face!

REDD: Fine. Good luck with your {chuckles} business.

{Redd walks off.}

BLUE LASER: Hmph. I guess I'll just hang out here and wait for some customers. Ooh, I know! I'll listen to the latest League of Every Evil Tyrant podcast!

{Blue Laser grabs a radio from behind the stand and sets it atop the stand.}

BLUE LASER: What did we do before portable music players?

{Blue Laser fiddles with the dials and buttons of the radio.}

BLUE LASER: If I can just get this thing to play my podcast...

{Reynold walks up.}

REYNOLD: Excuse me, sir. How much for one of your candy bars?

BLUE LASER: {annoyed} Can't you see I'm busy with something!?

REYNOLD: Are they low fat?

BLUE LASER: {annoyed} What!? No! Crap no!

REYNOLD: Oh, so they must be part of that new portioning diet then?

BLUE LASER: {annoyed} No! Look, just go away!

REYNOLD: Can I see the calor-

{Blue Laser stops fiddling with the radio.}

BLUE LASER: {interrupting angrily} NO! Just get out of my face now!

{Reynold runs away.}

BLUE LASER: Idiots! And this stupid radio is broken! And I still haven't sold a single candy bar! What do these things even taste like?

{Blue Laser grabs a candy bar from behind the stand and unwraps it. He takes a bite, chews for a moment, and suddenly spits it out.}

BLUE LASER: Yuck! Those are horrible! Why would anyone what to buy these?

{Cut to a close up of the boxes of candy bars, all unopened.}

BLUE LASER: Oh yeah.

{Cut back to a full view of the stand.}

BLUE LASER: I've gotta think of some way to sell these!

{Flashfight walks up.}

FLASHFIGHT: Excuse me sir, but what are you doing?

BLUE LASER: What does it look like? I'm selling candy!

FLASHFIGHT: And who gave you permission to set up shop directly in front of BEEFF headquarters?

BLUE LASER: I'm not-

{Zoom out to show that the building behind Blue Laser's stand is the BEEFF HQ.}

BLUE LASER: Oh, I guess I am.

{Cut back to the stand.}

BLUE LASER: But I'm selling these bars for a worthy cause!

FLASHFIGHT: Yes and what is this cause?

BLUE LASER: Every bar I sell goes to the destruction of the Cheat Commandos!

FLASHFIGHT: You have got to be kidding me.

BLUE LASER: I'm not, I really-

FLASHFIGHT: {shouting} Get out of here immediately!

{Blue Laser runs off. Cut back to the Blasty.}

BLUE LASER: {typing} Well, Flashfight came and shut down my booth. Didn't even give me a chance to sell one bar! Guess the public just isn't ready for the taste of Laser Tracks. Oh, and in response to your first question, "What is your favorite type of candy?", the answer is anything but Laser Tracks. They are nasty!

{The Laserjet Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

• Click on "public" at the end to see another scene at the Laser Tracks stand.

{Oliver Smidgen is at the stand.}
OLIVER SMIDGEN: Please sir, just one bar for a poor boy.
BLUE LASER: No! Go beg for bread or something!
OLIVER SMIDGEN: Well, do you have any bread?
BLUE LASER: Sure. It's uh... fifteen blocks down in the manhole.
OLIVER SMIDGEN: Thank you so much, sir!
{Oliver runs off.}