Blue Lasermail/brotherly love

Blue Laser gives us tips on handling annoying little brothers. Redd beware.

Cast (in order of appearance): Blue Laser, Redd, New Bad Guy Girl Character

Places: Computer Room, Living Room, Redd's Room

Computer: Blasty 987

Date: Monday, March 22, 2010

Page Title: Party! Blasty Party!!

Transcript

BLUE LASER: {singing} Walking around in email town! Walking around, till the internet goes down! {brings up an email}

Dear Bluest Laser,

I have a little brother who's always all the time getting on my nerves. Since you seem to be able to handle Redd pretty well, do you have any tips?
Your greatest friend,

Samuel J. Partsmatter, Sr.

{After reading "Your greatest friend," Blue Laser quickly says "Nope."}

BLUE LASER: {typing} So you got a brother problem, do ya, S. Prance Jr.? Well, you've come to the right person! I know all about handling pesky brothers of the pesky persuasion! Hit him with my easy to use methods, and your little brother will be running for the hills!

{Cut to what appears to be a chalkboard. There is a crude drawing of Redd with "Method 1" below it. "Learn His Hobbies!"}

BLUE LASER: {voiceover} Method 1 is something I like to call learning his hobbies! If you know what your brother likes, you can better destroy it in a fiery explosion!

{Cut to the computer room. Blue Laser is at the desk, apparently answering an email.}

BLUE LASER: {typing} So you see, Bobstein? Using a bit of political sci-

{Redd walks in carrying a cardboard box. Blue Laser turns to him.}

BLUE LASER: Hey, Redd, what's in that box that I've never seen before?

REDD: Oh, it's just some supplies for my newest hobby. I've decided to take up the art of origami!

BLUE LASER: I'll show you origami!

{Blue Laser grabs a BMW lighter and tosses it at the box, turning it to ashes.}

REDD: Awww! I paid fifty bucks for those origami kits!

{Cut back to the chalkboard. "Method 2" is now written under the drawing of Redd. "A Complex Trap is a Good Trap!"}

BLUE LASER: {voiceover} Hahaha! I love seeing that look of horror on his face! Oh right, the method teaching. {clears throat} Method 2 involves the art of trap making. See, the more complex your trap is, the better! If you can put Rube Goldberg to shame, not only will succeed in torturing your brother, you'll also impress the nearby ladies!

{Cut to the living room. A trap is set up apparently involving a string of dominoes, a large red button, and a metal hand holding a balloon. Redd enters with a bag of groceries.}

REDD: Hey guys, I got the skim milk!

{As Redd walks in, he knocks down the first domino, setting off the rest of them. The final one hits the button, causing the metal hand to let go of the balloon. Pan upward with the balloon. Attached to the ceiling is a seesaw like device holding a bowling ball. The balloon floats upward and tilts the device, causing the bowling ball to fall. Cut back to Redd. The New Girl walks up to him.}

NEW BAD GUY GIRL CHARACTER: You didn't forget the cold cuts, did-

{The bowling ball falls, but rather than hitting Redd, it hits the New Girl, who is knocked out. The scene darkens and pauses.}

BLUE LASER: {voiceover} Err, granted, you might wanna hire some beta testers to make sure your trap works beforehand.

{Cut back to the chalkboard. "Method 3" is now written on it. "Never Use the Same Trap Twice."}

BLUE LASER: {voiceover} Method 3 should be an obvious one. Never use the same trap twice! Hiding extra sensitive black market land mines under his floorboards might be funny the first time, but soon enough he starts to memorize their positions and it just kills the joy. Though, there are a few traps that can be repeated...

{Cut to Redd's room. Redd is sitting at his desk, writing.}

REDD: Oh! I forgot my ballpoint pen in the living room!

{Cut to the other side of the desk to reveal a mousetrap on the floor next to Redd's stool. Redd stands up, catching his foot in the mousetrap.}

REDD: Ow! Ow! Ow!

{Redd manages to free himself from the trap. A few seconds after another one falls from the ceiling, trapping his.. err.. nose?}

REDD: Oh, for crying out loud! Ow! Ow! Ow!

{Cut back to the chalkboard. The drawing of Redd now has X's for eyes. We are now on "Method 4," which is "Never Let Him Win!"}

BLUE LASER: {voiceover} And finally, we have the fourth method. Even when he manages to win, don't let him! Ever!

{Cut to the living room. Blue Laser and Redd are sitting on the couch holding Gamecube controllers. Redd tosses his aside and jumps up.}

REDD: Yes! I told you Samus could totally beat Ganondorf! I told you!

BLUE LASER: That's just because we were on Planet Zebes! That's like, her home planet! If we had been on Great Bay or like, Hyrule Temple, I totally would have won!

REDD: {happily} Whatever you say, Blue. Whatever you-

{Blue Laser tosses his controller at Redd, hitting him in the face. Cut back to the Blasty.}

BLUE LASER: {typing} So you see, Parkmeter? Those are just a few of my favorite methods for torturing the brother-types. And if all that fails, you could also resort to a little something I like to call-

{Cut to a wide shot of the room. Redd is standing next to the desk.}

REDD: Hey, Blue, have you seen my ballpoint pen?

BLUE LASER: First of all, just call it a pen. Second of all...

{Blue Laser produces a bomb and begins aiming at Redd.}

REDD: Carp.

{Redd runs offscreen. Blue Laser tosses the bomb at him, and it explodes promptly. Cut back to the Blasty. A cloud of smoke can be seen floating by at the top of the screen.}

BLUE LASER: {typing} A little thing I like to call: Tossing random explosives for the heck of it. If your brother isn't afraid of that, nothing's going to get him off your nerves.

{The Laserjet Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

• At the end, click on the word "little" to see a conversation between Blue Laser and his brother in the living room.

REDD: Wait, how come you kept calling me your little brother? If anything, I'm the older brother! I was born about five minutes before you!
BLUE LASER: Technicalities, technicalities...

Fun Facts

• Blue Laser mentions Rube Goldberg.
• Based on their comments, Blue Laser and Redd are most likely playing Super Smash Bros. Melee.