1-Up Emails/email135

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Yay! 1-Up is back!

1-Up Email #135: "back in action"

Summary: 1-Up awakes from a five-year sleep. Not caring that he has missed five years of his life, he proceeds to answer an email.

Cast (in order of appearance): 1-Up, Stinkoman

Places: StinkoLabs 21X3, The City

Length: 164 Lines

Date: May 29, 2015

Transcript

{Open to an establishing shop of a laboratory, as futuristic robots float around in the foreground. The camera zooms in on one of the windows, and shows 1-Up lying unconscious on a metallic table. The camera zooms even further and goes into his head which transitions into what's going in his head: 1-Up is dreaming about running around an island made completely out of pudding with chocolate rivers and and trees.}

1-UP: Haha, yay! Wheeee! I want pudding! {shoves faces into chocolate tree and takes a huge bite}

{Quick cut back to the laboratory room. 1-Up snaps awake, looking over at a confused Stinkoman standing over him. Stinkoman is wearing a lab coat.}

1-UP: How long was I out?

STINKOMAN: I don't know, kid. What was the last thing you remember?

1-UP: Umm, let's see... I chilled with my best friend, Gunhaver, then I went on a magical adventure with Tampo, my other best friend, and then I ran into that freezer!

STINKOMAN: Oh right! That's it! Yeah. You've been out for like five years, little dude.

1-UP: LITTLE DUDE?

STINKOMAN: That's... the part of my sentence you're gonna exclaim in response? ...Okay, whatever.

1-UP: So, where's my computer box?

STINKOMAN: {anime mouth opens wide} Ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh yeah. I sold it!

1-UP: Whyyyyy?

STINKOMAN: For power crunches. Also, to fund my new music video.

{White flash transition. Cut to Stinkoman, wearing sunglasses and wearing a leather jacket, riding a motorcycle, as a pop tune plays in the background.}

STINKOMAN: {singing} Girl, I love you more than a wagon full of power crunches. I will take you out for aaaaaall the lunches. Umm... I got shiny blue haaaaaair. {stops singing} Anything else? I didn't actually memorize any of these lyrics.

{Cuts back suddenly to 1-Up just starring. Stinkoman just looking up at the roof, in day-dream. After a long pause...}

STINKOMAN: Hehe. Check-a me out! I'm a science dude! {flaps lab coat, puts on glasses} The calculations are... calculating, and the math is very... umm... mathematical?

{Pause.}

1-UP: Wow! You really are the smarts!

1-Up Emails: Back In Action!

{1-Up is walking along casually, outside of the laboratory facility, as the camera follows him.}

1-UP: Stinkoman may have sold my holographic computer box, but that doesn't mean I can't still answer the email. Hwyah!

{1-Up quickly whips out his mobile phone as he says this, clicks on the "email app" and as an email pops up, he reads it aloud.}

Dear Kidstar,
AAAAH!What happend to the original One-Up E-mails?Tell Me!
Someone.

1-UP: Well, Simone. I'm glad you asked. See, a lot of things have happened over the past ten years for myself. Ahem.

{A pair of glasses is lowered on to 1-Up's face from the top of the screen.}

1-UP: Y'see, boys and girls, my show is broadcast on this thing called "the Internet" which hasn't existed for many years, as we know have a new network which is far superior in every way... also, called "the Internet", but that's not the point. Through time travel, I am able to feed this show through to you people in the 21st century.

{Cuts to a cartoon-ish diagram of large shadowy figures in a boardroom looking at statistics.}

1-UP: Now, the big corporations who fund the show, they went through a bit of "quality control", as feeding web media to the past through time travel can get pretty expensive. Luckily, 1-Up Emails survived what was later dubbed "the purge", however, the first fifty or so of my emails didn't make it due to a filing error.

{Cuts back to 1-Up, as one of his eyes twitches angrily.}

1-UP: And I am totally cool with that... really. Really, truly, I am.

{Camera zooms out, as he stops walking, standing in the middle of an open road in the city.}

1-UP: Anyway, Simone, I hope that answers your questions. If you would like a quick recap of my adventures thus far. Here they are!

{In the background and foreground, cars screech to a halt and start honking at 1-Up. The faint yelling of a man can be heard, saying: "get off the road!". The screen flashes white as we transition to a still image of what 1-Up describes.}

1-UP: The very first email that I recieved was the "moron's coupon", in which I literally got a voucher to go to the "moron convention" where I met a lot of other fellow morons. Shortly after that, I met Bubusuke and helped him repair a spaceship. Then I got a mansion for some reason, after the pudding factory exploded and it rained pudding. I had a monument built in my honor in my sixth email, then I got a virus because... like, who doesn't get virus emails? It is oddly common in 20X6. By my 20th email, I introduced my sister named Marzichan and then I got to go the pudding factory! Yay, pudding! Email 24-33 were the most important though, as I stole my sister's wand and it took me to the future year of 30X2 and found out Tampo, Stlunko and Brody were all big meanie kings of Earth or something and there was a rebellion and I got to be part of it, but there was a robot Jaro that my dad invented. Two actually, named Ben and Ken. Ben was a good Jaro, and Ken, was an evil one bent on destroying the world.

{1-Up takes a heavy breathe of air before he keeps going.}

1-UP: Anyway, that's where the story of my first fifty emails gets a little convoluted.

STINKOMAN: Only THEN?

1-UP: What are you doing here, the guy?

STINKOMAN: That's what I was gonna ask you!

1-UP: Oh, I'm just recapping my adventures of the past ten years.

STINKOMAN: None of it matters though... since, y'know-- we're never gonna reference them again. Is anyone even still reading this?

1-UP: Read...ing?

STINKOMAN: Ha-ha-ha-ha! You're not the only one that can break the fourth wall!

1-UP: Okay. Quicker recap then!

{Cut back to the flashbacks.}

1-UP: I managed to get back to my own time, when Ben and Ken were created in the present. Then I got caught up in a conspiracy with Sticklyman who was actually a lot more powerful then we'd first realized when we'd encountered him back in that one April Fools Day movie. I beat him. But, after that, my mansion got destroyed. Sticklyman's son, Sticklyman Jr. showed up in a giant robot mech and killed me, then sent me to the after-life, but I came back even stronger... because anime logic. I defeated Sticklyman Jr. and Saargston, then I went and defeated Orano in a fighting tournament.

STINKOMAN: Who the crap is "Orano"?

1-UP: One of the... 20X6 top elite fighters? Does nobody remember 1-Up Email #63?

STINKOMAN: ...No. I don't think anyone does.

1-UP: So... umm, anyway, then I got into a wrestling match with Strong Bad... then Ekerbsy, a giant fridge monster thing, sent me to the past where I met Gunhaver and the Cheat Commandos. We had a lot of fun. He tried to kill me once on his own email show. That was weird. At one point, I created an evil clone of Stinkoman... then I had to collect the eight talismans of power to save the world... then... gosh, this story is just so confusing and riddled with plotholes and impossible to recap!

STINKOMAN: So, wanna go with my suggestion of never referencing this stuff again?

1-UP: Yeah... let's just start fresh. New 1-Up email show! No confusing story or plot elements! Let's just focus on the good ol' classic email style of just looking into our everyday life and see what comedy comes from that!

STINKOMAN: Y'see! That is some crazy crap I can get behind!

{Stinkoman lightly punches 1-Up in the shoulder and laughs.}

1-UP: {turns to the camera} Haha. Till next time, dear viewers.

{The Paper comes down from the top of the screen. It says: "To email 1-Up, click here."}

1-UP: The Paper! Oh, how I've missed you? Give me a fist-bump! {slightly angles body}

Not So Fun Facts

Trivia

• This email was written with the intention of doing a recap episode of all the stories I'd written for 1-Up Emails, but there was just way too much. Like, holy crap!
• There will be no references to any of those emails in future emails, so as not to confused new readers (and also to avoid any instances of me cringing at the memory).
• Official characters from the original 1-Up Emails include: 1-Up, Stinkoman, Pan Pan, Tampo, Brody, Stlunko (whose personalities were written by Joshua), all the Stinkoman 20X6 bosses, 20X6 Marzipan, etc.
• Fan characters created for the previous series include the following. (Just so you all have an index of some of this ridiculousness).
  • Marzichan, technically 20X6 Marzipan, but she also has magical powers through her "wand".
  • Ben, a Jaro robot servant created by Homestar Runner, who in this universe was 1-Up's creator. Built to protect.
  • Sticklyman, the first big, big villian of Season 1, who was out for revenge on Stinkoman and 1-Up. Sticklyman was also considered Tampo's "master" in Tampo Emails.
  • Ken, another Jaro robot, built for the same purpose, but turned against it's creators. Ben's twin brother.
  • Bubusuke, the 20X6 version of Bubs who own the shopping mall of 20X6.
  • Orano, a silver Enker look-alike (from the Mega Man games), with lightning powers and a lightning rod.
  • Dark Stinkoman, a clone created by 1-Up when the real Stinkoman was unavailable. As you can guess, it turned evil. More powerful than Stinkoman.
  • Kidstar, Homestar Runner's older brother from the 1-Up Email, "non-anime" (currently removed). Created when 1-Up recieved an email that asked him what he'd be like as a western cartoon. So, he is essentially 20X6's Homestar's 2005 self. "Kidstar" is also the name that was given to 1-Up before 1-Up's official name was revealed on the Homestar Runner website (through the Stinkoman 20X6 game).
  • Yuta, the "fourth strongest champion in the world".
  • Delta, another one of those strong champions that kept being mentioned through-out 1-Up Emails, but had no unique personality to them.
  • Alpha, Omega & Beta, the rest of those strong warrior types I kept mentioning.
  • The Dark Elf, the ultimate villian of 1-Up Emails second season and was released by the five big bad "ultimate fighters". (How was anyone supposed to keep track of this?)
  • The Ungurait Pharoah, locked away by the Dark Elf years prior, but released by Delta, Alpha, Omega, Beta and Yuta.
  • Nightmare, appears in 1-Up Email 100, and is the "guardian of the Dark Elf Wand". Started as a mutant chicken hunter, but then befriended them and became one of them. In a twist of fate, he is the one that sold Brody's chicken egg to Stinkoman and as revenge, the "mutant chickens" cursed him and then Sticklyman gave him "the powers of darkness" and a new name. (I am not making any of this up. This is all stuff I wrote ten years ago!)
  • Ultra Cyber Shadow, a black robot created by Sticklyman to kill Homestar Runner. (Are you kidding me?)
  • The Alpha Virus, a virus created by Delta to infect 1-Up's computer at the time, the Windomac 20X6. Yeah... I don't know.
  • Project X, a prototype to Dark Stinkoman, who ends up becoming the big bad at the end of the original series in Email 130.
  • Eta, Gamma 002 & Sigma, appareantly ninjas of some variety. They fight against "the best fighters of 20X6" in Email 130.
  • Ninjabash, a ninja working for Emerald Laser, which I assume was the future version of Blue Laser or some other "Laser" in t.
  • Rya, a robot girl from the webtoon, Bonus Stage. I am not sure what she was doing in there. Possibly there due to the Unguraits Email crossover.
  • Steve, a The Cheat, who is a member of the Cheat Commandos, but is also "Mitchell's" The Cheat.
  • Mitchell, an author insert character who would occasionally narrate the stories of 1-Up Emails.

Explanation

• Explanation? I have none.
• Upon re-reading the original 1-Up Emails (the confusing, laughable and lovable mess that they are), I feel I should create a recap of the stories on the main page.
• There is still no intention of referencing any of this in future emails. This is just for archival purposes.
• Oh my gosh. And 1-Up was "the chosen one". I should have known.
• As a passing joke once, 1-Up said that "clever" was his middle name. Since then, his full name has been "1-Up Kidstar Clever Extraman Runner".
• 1-Up was also the leader in 40X6, after some apocalyptic war. It is the 40X6 version of 1-Up that created Dark Stinkoman as well as whole bunch of other "Stinkomen". Appareantly, Sticklyman, Stinkoman and "Project X" were all prototypes for Dark Stinkoman.
• I do not remember writing any of this stuff. This is just me rambling about my old writings now.
• Most of this stuff appears to be exposition and a lot is borrowed assets from other series like Star Wars, Futurama, Bonus Stage or generally better "other character email shows".
• I lack the capacity to make this crap up.