AND OTHER THINGS/1

{Open up to the set. Skullbuggy is sitting in the lounge chair.}

Welcome, welcome everyone, to "AND OTHER THINGS"! Tonight's topic: moviefilms! Critics say that the mainstream genre is getting less cerebral every day. Personally, I think that they've always been brainless films, and the only change now is the production. What do you think, Skullbuggy?

SKULLBUGGY: The only thing I have noticed is

the falling, no, spiraling economy! It's mass chaos! It's the end of the world! Yes, I know it's not actually the end of the world, but it';s an interesting scenario: suppose that you were breached with an incoming Zombie apocolypse? Well, the makers of a very fine book, The Zombie Survival Guide, have thought of near-everything. Like guns, for instance. I always hated the sound that guns make, so loud and sudden, and then it's all over. All of it. Your life flashing before your eyes. What is life anyway? Skullbuggy!

SKULLBUGGY: I think

therefore I am, a very famous quote, but can YOU, yes, you, viewers, can you name me who it's from. Just all the name at the bottom of the screen and give me your best impression of a mob boss who is also a gorilla and you just might win a brand new car and a role in a Hallmark Christmas card. Do you know who owns Christmas? The Coca-Cola company. I can't believe that you believed me for a second there, just shows how the sheep will take things without question. Try critical reasoning, people! You know, just the other day I encountered something of sublime stupidity - this man wearing a sports shirt, I think it was for the Jets, oh, and he was saying something about Brett Farve before the potato incident happened... or was it the Jets? Oh, this is going to bother me all day. I hate when that happens. My memory seems to be going out on me, you know, and I'm only 33! I'm too young to die! Says the 80 years old man. What is memory, anyway? What do you think?

SKULLBUGGY:

What do you know? How do you think? How do you know? This is deeper thought here, people! They called me a madman, but no! I am quite fine! I am ascended! Ahaha, I'm just kidding, that was part of my Mad Science routine and you'll see a bit of that later on. Later is a strange words if you say it enough times. So is nearly any word or any sound. They begin to change forms before your eyes, it's almost psychedelic to anybody who's paying the remotest bit of attention. Unlike YOU RIGHT NOW. I'm beginning to think that these people are just leaving me on in the background. Well, I don't appreciate that! This is a thinking man's show, and they should be paying attention! It's like they all have ADD. What do you think about retards, Skullbuggy?

SKULLBUGGY: Well, they are terrib

You monster! How insensitive to the retards, you unfeeling robot

SKULLBUGGY: I take off

No, I don't want to hear it any more. Get out now! NOW!

{Skullbuggy slinks off-screen, grumbling}

Well, it looks like we are nearly out of time today, so tune in next time when we will talk about plays!