SSXMails/BHZ/Superbowl Conspiracy - The Possibly Remotely Interesting Conclusion!

WILL BE FORMATTED LATERNarrator: Last time on SSXMails...

TV announcer guy:Next, Super Bowl XXXIX! But first, five hours of The Simpsons! Only on Wolf!

Sportscaster: He's almost there! He's gonna make it! He's going...going...TOUCHDOWN! THE GAME IS OVER! A TOUCHDOWN WITH 1 SECOND LEFT! THE SUPERBOWL IS OVER! THE WINNER IS...

Newscaster: We interrupt this brodcast for a breaking news buliten.

SSX: I've got a feeling that someone did that on purpose. I've got to find out who! But... who?

SSX: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!- FINDOUTWHATHAPPENEDNEXTONSSXMAILS!

SSX: Man...who would do that? Wait...I should check my email.

SSX walks up to his computer, to see it completely covered in spider webs.

SSX: Ah! This is a worse animal-related devastation since the gian centepide war! Oh...it was so...horrible! I JUST WANTED TO PLAY A CLASSIC ATARI GAME! WHY DID THEY TURN ON ME? WHY? WHY WHYYYY-

Computer: NO EMAILS IN FOLDER.

SSX: Aw, dangit! Well...I better get back to that Superbowl case...grumble...grumble...

SSX walks off. Shortly after, The Paper comes down, reading, "WE HAVE REBELLED! SOON, WE SHALL SEEK OUR REVENGE!"

SSX: Let's see... www.superbowlresults.com ... NO WEBSITE FOUND? Okay... www.superbowlfacts.com ... NO WEBSITE FOUND?!?!? www.givemesuperbowlresultsrightnowyoustupidbrainlesscomputermoron.com ... 2 results. The winning team was...

The power goes out.

SSX: AW, DANGIT! No email, no power, no idea who won the stinking Superbowl, no Wii... WAIT... NO WII? THIS IS A DISASTER! A TRAGEDY! A SHAKESPERIAN ROMANCE PLAY! A...um...STINKY FISH! WHAT DAY IS IT? WHAT? DAY? IS? IT? OVERUSE OF WORDS IN UPPER CASE!

Depressio walks in.

Depressio: I think it's November 17th.

SSX: NO! THIS CANNOT BE POSSIBLE! THE WII COMES OUT TWO DAYS AFTER TODAY!

Depressio: So?

SSX: IT MEANS I CAN'T GET ONE TODAY!

Depressio: Can't you wait two days?

SSX: ARMPIT LEGS!

Depressio: Um...okay. I'm gonna...run...away...in...disquist...and...shock...and...confusion...and...something...else...now...

Depressio runs off.

SSX: No...how can this be... two...days... AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHO WON THE SUPERBOWL!

Da_Burninator walks in.

D_B: Um, SSX? The Superbowl was over a year ago.

SSX: No, it was yesterday.

D_B: So, when the Superbowl played in 2005, the Wii was 3 days away?

SSX: YOU LIE! LIAR!

D_B: We all know what happened. The Steel City Chargers won. Dark D_B made the crappy GIF at the end. You've been asleep since then.

SSX: Oh. Well, in that case, please allow me to sleep until the Wii is out.

D_B: Good idea. But I have a better idea.

SSX: Yeah?

D_B: We go back in time, camp out for a Wii, and get it first!

SSX: D_B, you're a genius. Okay...let me try.

A white flash occurs. SSX and D_B appear in a prehistoic setting. A caveman walks up.

Caveman: Ooog groop-eegofooosdol.

SSX: Can you tell me which direction New York City is so we can get a Wii?

Caveman: AAAHAAHHAAHHoogooogoogooogg!

The caveman runs off. SSX sends himself and D_B to the time they wanted. The entire world is in ruins.

SSX:Ooops. Maybe that wasn't the best of my ideas.

SSX rewinds to before they first time-traveled. He then sends the two of them to the right time again.

SSX: Okay, let's go!

Later, at NYC...

SSX: Man, this is so cool!

November 18, 11:00 PM

SSX: ONE...MORE...HOUR...

D_B: ONE...MORE...HOUR...WITHOUT...SLEEP...

11:17 PM

D_B: So..tired...speech...going...

SSX: I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE HERE!

D_B: Can't not I believe not it's butter.

SSX: Huh?

D_B: Me...help...

11:34 PM

SSX: D_B?

D_B: Waffles?

SSX: There's only 26 minutes to go.

11:54 PM

SSX: 6 minutes...

D_B: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........

11:59 PM

D_B suddenly wakes up.

D_B: Wait, if you were asleep until now, how would you know the name Wii?

SSX's head begins to spark.

SSX: I hate paradoxes.

[SSX's head blows up. A new one takes its place.

SSX: 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1............5...4...3...2...1......................Aw, forget it.

Everyone but SSX: 2...1...WII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Store Manager: Sorry, technical difficulties. 10 more minutes, people!

SSX: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

12:10 AM

Store Manager: Okay, now, slowly, one at a time, form an orderly line and walk to the store.

The customers begin walking to the store.

Store Manager: Remeber, the first few get to talk to the President of Nintendo...

The customers begin running at an extremely fast pace.

At the store...

SSX: OUTTA MY WAY!

SSX and D_B make it to the store before the other customers.

SSX: D_B, are you pumped for this?

D_B: Pancakes make me feel special...

SSX: Good for you. Now...WAKE UP AND GET YOUR WII!

D_B: Huhwhahuhwhahuhwhahuh? Oh, yeah! The Wii! Oka-ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............

SSX: Sigh...

The next day, at 10:13 AM...

SSX: D_B! Wake up! It's Wii time!

D_B: Ugh...shouldn't we go back to the present on the 17th?

SSX: Right. Grab your Wii!

SSX and D_B grab their Wiis, and head to the present with them.

SSX: Whoo!

D_B: Now, what?

SSX: Duh. Wii?

D_B: Oh, yeah!

SSX: But, first...Happy Nintendo Wii Release Day, from all of us to all of you!

D_B: That's not a celebrated holiday. Besides, didn't you just completely forget about Sony Playstation 3 Release Day?

SSX: Huh? Wha? Huh? I don't know what you just said, but i don't think it made any difference whatsoever.

HAPPY WII RELEASE DAY, AND...um...Happy PS3 Release Day. Too. Yeah.