Wikihood/eps/6

Overview

It is Friday on a Bank Holiday, and the gang face their toughest challenge yet. Utility bills.

Transcript

{It is 8:00AM in the morning, during breakfast time. Lex is guzzling down his cereal like there is no tomorrow, while Garfield is drinking a glass of some indeterminate liquid which is glowing a suspicious blue. Chaos is in the kitchen, preparing chicken while singing to himself, to the tune of "Ignition Remix" by R. Kelly.}

CHAOS: This is the remix to Ignition,
Chaos is making chicken
Marinate it with sauces
and then Chaos is gonna be grilling!

{Lex takes a pause momentarily with his food to put his head up and focus his attention on Chaos. Garfield gets up from his seat and moves off-screen after finishing his liquid.}

LEX: Are you singing, mon? While makin' chicken for breakfast?

CHAOS: Yeah? What's it to ya?

LEX: Oh, it's nothin'. Just noticin'.

{Garfield returns while holding a copy of the newspaper and reading from it.}

GARFIELD: Say, did you guys hear about the old theatre from across the road? It’s apparently scheduled for a re-opening.

LEX: Oh, that's the D'Arque Theatre, isn't it? How old is it, now?

GARFIELD: About as old as the town itself, I believe. It’s been what, like... 40 or so years since it shut down originally?

{Chaos rolls his eyes.}

CHAOS: No doubt it's due to that Xavier prick's election campaign. Can you imagine keeping the lease for that long without even knocking it down? It must’ve cost ‘em a fortune.

GARFIELD: Please don't mention that man's name. My opinion of him has shifted entirely ever since Stephanie told me about how much of a prick he is.

CHAOS: Hey, what is the deal with you too, anyway? Did you two used to-

{Chaos is distracted by the telltale sound of the mailman haphazardly shoving letters through the mail slot.}

LEX: Oh!! It’s the mail! D’ya think my American comic books have arrived? I’ll get it!

{Lex rushes off to collect the mail. A variety of suspicious crashing and clanging noises are heard before he walks back, letters in his hand, looking more sullen than he did a few seconds before.}

LEX: Argh, Whore of Babylon! The bastard bent it!

GARFIELD: Oh no. What would we do without the newest issue of “Nazis vs. Alien Space Babes”?

LEX: Ey, mon. You shut your mouth. Jeff Lao’s work is brilliant. And it was in mint condition, too…

{As the two of them bicker, Chaos sorts through the rest of the mail.}

CHAOS: I thought you said we didn’t get utility bills.

GARFIELD: We… don’t. Do we?

LEX: Uhh...

{Lex thinks back to the past. Scenes of him cutting up letters, stuffing them in the garbage disposal, and other acts of wanton destruction of government mail flash through his mind.}

LEX: No, I don’t think so.

{Chaos frowns at his housemates. He takes out a letter, reading it carefully.}

CHAOS: It says here that if we don’t pay, they’re going to shut off our power.

LEX: Pfft. Says who?

CHAOS: Town Hall. Wait. We have a Town Hall?

GARFIELD: Yeah, it’s that big building in the centre. The one with a clock on it and all.

CHAOS: You mean that’s not the Clock Museum?

LEX: Nah, you’re thinking of Rivergate.

CHAOS: So...

{Pause.}

CHAOS: I have about $20 in my wallet, you think that’ll be enough to cover it?

GARFIELD: Good grief. You know, I could probably cover it with my-

CHAOS: Pah. I came to this town to make money, not to spend it! I suggest we go down to Town Hall, and we fight!

LEX: Uh, what, mon? Fight? It’s not the best idea to go into a government building guns blazing...

CHAOS: What are you talking about? I just wanna talk to whoever’s in charge, that’s all!

{Chaos stands up from his chair and walks over to the main hallway.}

LEX: What are you doing?

CHAOS: Why, my fellow, time is of the essence! I’m going to march all the way over to Town Hall right now, and give them a good old beating off!

GARFIELD: Did you just say-

CHAOS: I’m going to go over there and get us justice. I’m going to take them from behind, and give them a reach around. Just watch me.

{Lex coughs violently.}

GARFIELD: Uh...

CHAOS: What? Was it something I said? Y'know what? Nevermind. While you two vegetate, I’ll be putting ourselves in the clear.

{Chaos walks over to the coat rack and puts on a tweed jacket.}

CHAOS: You two just do whatever. I’ll sort this all out.

{Chaos pulls a pipe from his pocket and sticks it in his mouth.}

CHAOS: And I’ll do it with style.

{Chaos opens the door, leaves, and then slams it behind him.}

GARFIELD: Where did you find this guy?

LEX: Oh, we go back, mon. I gave him a lift in my camper van after he dropped out of magic school and we kinda became best friends. That, and I also helped him in his heists.

GARFIELD: Were you always a criminal?

LEX: Nay. It was his idea of a "fun time."

GARFIELD: I admit, he's a bit standoffish, but he is sort of growing on me. Although, it could just because Steph told me how that D'Arque fellow is much worse.

{Cut to Chaos, making his way down the Main Street, casually walking along until he collides with somebody. He regains his composure and addresses the stranger.}

???: Whoa, watch it, dude!

CHAOS: Oh, shit man, I didn’t mean to-

{Chaos looks down to see that the man he almost tripped over is young and unkempt, in a neon yellow jacket and a green tiger print beanie hat, sitting on the pavement, and clutching a bowl with a few coins in it. Next to him a small beatbox, playing a hypnotic-sounding dubstep song. He is a beggar. He awkwardly looks at the beggar for a few seconds before getting a sudden and startling feeling of good will.}

CHAOS: ...I am dreadfully sorry, sir. Please accept this money as an apology.

{Chaos pulls a random bill from his pocket and puts it into the bowl.}

BEGGAR: Thanks, hombre.

{Chaos shakes the man’s hand as he walks away. When Chaos is gone, the man stands up and pulls out a bigger bowl, filled with more cash, putting the contents of the smaller bowl inside. He snickers to himself as he dusts off. He then stands up and walks away, whistling a happy tune.}