(even if you aren't vegan)
Wikihood/arc/P15
Summary
With D'Arque's forced mass exodus of Townindale citizens to Midway City, Rosenberg and The Wikihood strike back at D'Arque, working together to dismantle the crazed showman's nefarious plot. Meanwhile, Noxigar works to complete his Necromantal Armor set to devise his own way to deal with the undead hordes.
Transcript
{Starting where Episode 14 ended, we begin this episode with the news coverage of Townindale's recent events. Reporter Khoroushi is on the scene like always, reporting on the events at the outskirts of Townindale, near the main road that connects the town to Midway. A huge line of citizens can be seen in the background, crowding around the road.}
REPORTER KHOROUSHI: Shock, horror, dismay. These are among many emotions felt today in the small town of Townindale as the local government passed a highly controversial new law, ordering for every living citizen to evacuate the premises.
CHAOS: {Offscreen} What. the. hell.
REPORTER KHOROUSHI: Who would do such a thing, you might ask? Well, later reports confirmed the perpetrator to be none other than Donovan D'Arque himself! Indeed, the owner of Townindale's famous theater, and one of the town's most illusive citizens. Eyewitness reports described the man as "Skeletal in appearance, almost as if he were a prop from a horror movie." Other reports tell us that this is the same D'Arque who helped establish the town when it was naught but a humble watering hole. Whoever, or whatever he is at this point, we do not yet know.
CHAOS: {Offscreen} THAT BASTARD. THAT EVIL, EVIL...
LEX: {Offscreen} Chaos, shh...
REPORTER KHOROUSHI: We also have reports of D'Arque being seen with a goblin companion and a travelling DJ who's identity is not yet known. These reports are yet to be confirmed.
{Sounds of commotion can be heard offscreen. The camera turns around, to reveal Townindale and its cloud of miasma engulfing it, with armed police surrounded around the entire town. Police Commissioner Keith David can be seen arguing with a small group of fellow officers. Detective Ramirez and Officer O'Hara.}
REPORTER KHOROUSHI: And as you can see here, Townindale's Police Commissioner is having a dispute with his fellow officers over the situation. Let's get an idea of what's going on.
{Khoroushi and the cameraman run towards the police, filming the argument.}
KEITH DAVID: Look here, it's not safe, damn it! I'm not going to compromise the safety of any of my officers when none of us have any idea what the hell is going on in there!
OFFICER: Yeah? And time spent stalling around waiting for answers is time wasted! Right now, the town is being held hostage by this bastard, and nobody's doing anything about it! We need to get in there, and take him down!
RAMIREZ: Look at it. Do you see the cloud of gas that envelops the town? This isn't some ordinary criminal case, for god's sake, this is something much bigger!
OFFICER: What? Don't tell me you actually buy into the whole "supernatural" bullcrap. A little bit of purple smoke, big deal! It's all smoke and mirrors. Come on, guys.
{The officer motions to his small group of men, who walk away from Keith and the others, and proceed towards Townindale.}
KEITH DAVID: GET BACK HERE! AS YOUR COMMISSIONER, I FORBID IT.
OFFICER: Ey, screw off, ya lousy piece of work! I'm about to do what you should've done hours ago! Let's get him, guys!
{The group of officers run towards the town, all with their guns at the ready. Commissioner David attempts to run after them, but a motion by Ramirez discourages him from doing so. As they enter the vicinity of the miasma, they begin to slow down, before collapsing entirely. People look upon them in horror as they writhe around in pain on the ground, silently suffocating to death before finally coughing up blood and dying. The rest of the police officers and the crowds watch with terror before the cameraman turns the camera around from the scene. Even Khoroushi, no stranger to such sights herself is shocked.}
REPORTER KHOROUSHI: That... was a regrettable choice. Whatever just went on back there, it sure was not pleasant. Such sights confirm that Townindale has become deadly to enter, and as such, its citizens are making their way to the nearest urban area for refuge, which happens to be Midway City. What the future holds for everyone involved is unknown at the moment. These turbulent events have been brought to you by Sarah Khoroushi, providing coverage and breaking news as soon as it is delivered. Over and out.
{The news bulletin ends.}
CHAOS: Son of a bitch.1
ROSENBERG: That would explain an awful lot of things, wouldn't it?
OIRACUL: I get the feeling this is a trap to invade everywhere else, and turn it into what Towningdale has become.
ROSENBERG: Indeed, I actually had the same thought. I was about to close the gates to the outside world in order to preserve Midway.
REMOLAY: But that's inhumane! What about all the people there without homes?!
{A portal opens up in the middle of the room, surprising everyone in it. Dirk and his Warlocks exit it, finding themselves near the Wikihood, Stephanie, and Rosenberg.}
DIRK: Urgent news, Mr. Rosenberg! I have footage to show you of what Debonair D'Arque's plans are!
ROSENBERG: You're a little late to the party, my friend.2
DIRK: Oh believe me, there's more to this. The footage we recorded will show you. Come look.
{Dirk and his Warlocks set up their technology to display the footage. Oceanna and the other Sea Hitmen also show up.}
OCEANNA: Damn it all, Dirk and his guys beat us to it!
DIRK: Hey, Madam Erebos! You're actually just in time!
{Rosenberg sighs.}
ROSENBERG: Alright, show me the footage. I already know most of the information thanks to Towningdale's finest reporters, but I'm sure you guys can provide an inkling of insight.
CHAOS: Do these guys come around often?
ROSENBERG: Somewhat. I'm never the one to personally invite them, but they come around nevertheless. They're tolerant at least.
OCEANNA: Yeah, we're the Sea Hitman's Underwater Coney Island Disco Palace. Ever heard of us?
LEX: Nope.
OCEANNA: Oh. Didn't Noxigar ever tell you about us? About his dreams, at least?
LEX: Ohhh. Yeah, he told me about his dreams with you in them. Didn't know you were actually real. I just thought that Nox was tripping some stash of acid that he was hiding from us.
OCEANNA: Heh. Well, that's me. Acid Chick.3 And the other guys here-...
ROSENBERG: Really need no introduction. Just show us the footage so we can carry on with what needs to be done, please.
OCEANNA: Right, fine. Dirk, you got it ready?
DIRK: Hell yeah, I do. Let's load it up.
{The information Dirk and his Warlocks siphoned from Debonair D'Arque is loaded up, and the footage is displayed. Scenes of undead footmen and behemoths wandering around, getting stronger from the miasma in its initial stages.}
ROSENBERG: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for reinforcing my desire to isolate Midway from everything else. Since a majority of the Towningdale rejects are already in my city, I shall proceed to send them out whenev-
DIRK: That'd be a dick move.
ROSENBERG: And you suppose I should fix the way I handle my resoucres? Midway would have an overpopulation crisis, what with the army of robots I will have to employ in order to curbstomp D'Arque's titans.
{The footage continues to show that the behemoths unload undead people. Droll's rebirth is also shown as part of the footage, from a weird angle.}
CHAOS: ...the hell am I watching here?
OCEANNA: This is important. If you want your Manor to be saved, then this is what you should do.
REMOLAY: But what about Noxigar? Why didn't you guys bring him here with you?
OCEANNA: He insisted on staying. I don't know why, but he had an agenda planned. Something about... a suit of armor?
{Cut to Noxigar, in the Wikihood Manor basement. He is donned in the Necromantic Armour.}
NOXIGAR: One more of these stupid-loooking things. If only they were easier to find. I don't think half of these items are capable of being mass-produced, though.4
{The ground shakes, and part of the ground opens a hole below. Noxigar trips and falls into the hole. Zoom out to reveal a behemoth near the Wikihood Manor, causing the earthquake. Dane and Droll are on it.}
DANE: So, uh, what's the plan here?
DROLL: We tear this testament to bad architecture asunder, so that Debonair D'Arque doesn't ever have to look at it again.
DANE: It doesn't seem like it's working, holmes.
DROLL: Something this ugly must be really sturdy to compensate. I guess this'll have to be destroyed another time.
{The behemoth leaves. The camera pans downard to show that Noxigar is underground, and has landed on a mine cart with his buttocks. Noxigar flinches as he gets up.}
NOXIGAR: Urgh. That's a nasty fall. I hope I didn't break any bones.
{Noxigar takes a look around him to notice he's underground, and on an abandoned set of tracks, atop a minecart. The Helm of Atomsk glows a faint red, and the minecart starts moving on its own. The minecart accelerates, and Noxigar looks at a gallery of skeletons while the minecart is moving. Eventually, the minecart is stopped by a metal bar, and Noxigar is propelled over the metal bar, landing on a platform Helm-first.}
NOXIGAR: {thinking} Ach! I should probably watch how I fall onto things! The Helm of Atomsk is the centerfold to this entire get-up! If it breaks, I don't know if I'll be able to perform half the abilities Hades spoke of!
{Noxigar gets up. He then continues walking toward a chamber. The chamber is lit with a set of green flames, which display some heavy shoulderpads.}
NOXIGAR: {thinking} There we go! Tukryon's Mercurials! With this piece, I can at last breathe anywhere within Towningdale while the gases are under effect!
{Noxigar snatches the shoulderpads from their display and puts them on. The Helm of Atomsk glows redder than before.}
NOXIGAR: Hm. I don't know what happens when the Helm of Atomsk glows red.
{The glow strengthens, and Noxigar is treated to a vision of Towningdale at an early point of its existence. Noxigar sees that Debonair D'Arque used to be a kind gentleman who shaped Towningdale into a town beloved by all. The vision then ends.}
NOXIGAR: That's strange. Hades didn't tell me the Helm of Atomsk had films inside it.
{Noxigar then lightly shrugs, looking around him for an exit.}
NOXIGAR: No way in, no way out. Hm. At least the Helm of Atomsk glows in the dark.
{The Helm's glow persists, as Noxigar searches for a way out. Noxigar looks back and sees the skeletons on display.}
NOXIGAR: Hm.. While I'm here, I could try this out. Here's hoping they don't try and kill me and anything.
{Noxigar walks up to the skeletons.}
NOXIGAR: Let's try this. ABRA... KADABRA.
{Noxigar wiggles his fingers at the skeletons. A ray of light shoots from the helm, straight onto the skeletons. As the light hits them, their bones begin to rearrange themselves, eventually reanimating. Each individual skeleton in the cave reanimates, until Noxigar is in the cave with a small group of his own undead. The leader of the skeletons walks up to Noxigar and greets him.}
SKELETON LEADER: So, I take it to believe that you're the one who awoke us from our slumber, huh?
NOXIGAR: Oh, yes! I am! Glad to meet you, I'm Noxigar!
SKELETON LEADER: Noxigar, eh? That's a name I 'aven't heard before. I'm William Barnabas, but you can just call me Billy Bones!
NOXIGAR: Billy Bones, I see. Awesome. So, what brings you all here? Besides being dead and all.
BILLY BONES: Aye. We were formerly members of D'Arque's travelling performing troupe back in the old day, but we all happened to fall ill with a deathly disease. To prevent it from spreading, we were left here underground, in the old and abandoned mines. Ah well, it's all in the past.
NOXIGAR: Not even a proper burial?
BILLY BONES: When an entire town is riddled with plague, people pay no regards to things such as that. It really is no skin off our bones though.
NOXIGAR: Ah. I don't suppose you know if there's anywhere out of these caves, do you?
BILLY BONES: Oh, of course I do! I know this town by the back of my hand, the insides and the outsides! Come, it's not far off from here.
{Billy Bones leads Noxigar and the rest of the Skeleton Troupe offscreen. Cut back to Rosenberg and the others.}
CHAOS: So you're just going to shut Midway down, leaving everyone out there to burn? What kind of asshole move is that?
ROSENBERG: Well, what else am I supposed to do? I know it's the hardly the most moral of choices, but D'Arque has forced my hand here.
CHAOS: Townindale's our home too, damn it!
ROSENBERG: I'm aware of that. That's why I've already allowed you all permission to stay at my old resort home in Phoenixshire.
CHAOS: No, that won't do! You can throw as much money and material items as us as you can, in fact I highly encourage you to do so, but Townindale is our home, and we really don't want it any other way!
VENTIN: I wouldn't mind living-
CHAOS: Shut up, Ventin.
STEPHANIE: I'm sorry sir, but I have to take his side on this one. D'Arque is obviously trying to toy with you here, using the Townindale citizens as bait so that he can initiate an attack on us. He expects for us to take this plan of action, are we really going to let him win so easily like that?
ROSENBERG: Hm. You make a good argument. Alright, I'll give the rest of the citizens temporary clearance into this city for protection. Their safety is currently more important than the integrity of this city.
LEX: Thanks, man. That really means a lot.
ROSENBERG: You, however. If you do not mind, I have another task for you.
CHAOS: What is it?
DIRK: I could open up a portal to Bluehaven and-
CHAOS: If anything, that'd probably make this situation worse.
LEX: What is it with all you people wanting to go to Bluehaven?
{Dirk blinks.}
OCEANNA: {whispers to Dirk} Don't worry about them. Fort Knox says they're kind of stingy about Bluehaven.
{Dirk rolls his eyes.}
DIRK: Aight, whatever. We're still here to help.
FRITZ: YOU CAN HELP US BY OFFERING YOUR SERVICES TO ROSENBERG.
LANG: OR YOU CAN JUST LEAVE US ALONE IN THIS CONFLICT. I'D ACTUALLY ADVISE THAT, SINCE THERE'S THE WHOLE OVERPOPULATION BIT THAT'S NOT QUITE BEING UNDERSTOOD.
STEPHANIE: You guys would have good points if the conclusion wasn't already foregone.
{Stephanie pushes a button, which opens the speakers.}
STEPHANIE: Attention, Towningdale evacuees. This may be inconvenient for you considering your exodus here just began, but Rosenberg Industries is taking you all back to Towningdale with people who will confront Debonair D'Arque personally. We will cover any expenses to ensure your survival, as our economy has already overly boomed anyway and we will be needing to fund troops to deal with the threat without him using you guys as bait.
REMOLAY: That's gotta be heartwarming...
OIRACUL: Well surely he wouldn't send them into a killzone unless they were equipped to kill themselves.
ROSENBERG: I like this one, she's quite sharp. Indeed, I have a setup prepared that you may freely use my personal equipment. Stephanie?
{Stephanie nods and presses a button on a remote controller. The walls peel away with the aid of gears and wires to reveal an arsenal of weaponry of various degrees of technology.}
ROSENBERG: Not only does it contain some of my most finely worked and oldest pieces of hunting gear, it has plenty of new toys I've yet to try out, courtesy of my good friend, Mr. DuTempi's.
CHAOS: Jesus Christ, superstar!
LEX: There's gotta be enough to arm an entire civillian militia here!
ROSENBERG: Y-yes, that is what I just implied.
STEPHANIE: Hopefully your eyes are more sharp than your wits...
ROSENBERG: Personally I'd keep the whole "minuteman" thing a secret, like giving them some sort of Christmas gift.
REMOLAY Did you just equate not telling people that they might die in the line of battle and surprising them with weapons to the sensation of opening presents on Christmas day?
ROSENBERG: In a simpler time, that's all there was to life; Fighting and rejoicing.
CHAOS: It's just that kind of mentality we're about to go beat out of D'Arque and his shitty performing arts posse.
ROSENBERG: I'll hopefully be sending backup along afterwards, but I need you to be the front lines. I think the shock troop aspect of sending his entire town back at him will come more in the actual act of me doing it than in your work, but if you can deal considerable damage to his army then you'll be sitting pretty when I've sent my backup.
CHAOS: If this is the best we can do, then alright. We're going to have to take a hell of a chance to give a speech that'll motivate the entire town to come back with us.
LEX: Do you even have a speech in mind?
CHAOS: No, but I think I can wing it, considering the copious amount of cheesy action films I've seen.
LEX: And if not?
CHAOS: ...You do it.
{Cut to Midway's entrance, where a podium has already been prepared for Chaos to make a rousing speech. The Townindale citizens are all gathered around it. Chaos is standing at the podium, with Lex at his side.}
CHAOS: So.. um.. I understand you've all faced some issues in the past, and you all might not be in the best mindset right now, but-...
SARAH: I've been forced to attend two speeches in such a pathetically tiny amount of time, and I've been kicked out of my home. For what it's worth, excuse us if we're less than enthusiastic about what you have to say.
CHAOS: Yeah, I am totally with you here, but.. um.. we are in a state of panic, and um.. we're going to need to mobilize our troops, and um.. um...
TRACY: Say something!!
EDWARDO: Yeah! We're tired of such dillydallying! Just get to the point so we can be disappointed again!
{Chaos turns to Lex.}
CHAOS: Shit, I had this figured out so much better in my head.
LEX: Just motivate them, man.
CHAOS: Yeah, you do it. I'll follow you up afterwards. Come on.
{Lex grins and nods, and Chaos steps aside. Lex clears his throat before speaking into the mic.}
LEX: Troopers! I have just received new orders. Our superiors say the war is cancelled, and we can all go home. D'Arque is getting paid off for his crimes, and our friends will have died here... will have died for nothing. But... we can all go home. Meanwhile, ideals like these - freedom, and justice - they get packed up. But... we can all go home. Well... I'm not going home. I'm gonna get on my boat, and I'm going up-river, and I'm going to kick that son-of-a-bitch D'Arque's ass so HARD... that the next D'Arque wanna-be is gonna feel it. Now who wants to go home... and who wants to go with ME!
{The crowd of citizens begin to talk amongst each other, discussing what they just heard. Chaos looks at Lex.}
CHAOS: Where the hell did you get that speech from?
LEX: Street Fighter movie. Jean Claude Van-Damme said it, it was just the first thing to come to my mind.
CHAOS: But it makes no sense to the situation whatsoever, I mean, the crowd can't possibly be that stu-
{Chaos is interrupted by the sound of the cheering crowd, who begin enthusiastically rallying themselves into a civilian militia. Several of Rosenberg's droids come from the horizon, carrying boxes full of weapons which they place on the ground in front of the crowd. Immediately, the crowd all begin to arm themselves with the weaponry, cheering for Lex and Chaos while doing so.}
CHAOS: ...Forget what I said. This crowd is full of idiots, and I LOVE IT.
OIRACUL: This is great and all, but what about the miasma? It's great that we're leading these people to their certain deaths and all, but at the very least it can be civilized!
CHAOS: Oh, just leave that to me.
{Montage of the Wikihood leading the Civilian Militia down to Townindale, all to the tune of The Battle Hymn of the Republic. Meanwhile, in Towningdale, Noxigar and a crew of skeletons are heading to the post office.}
NOXIGAR: Alright, I just need to deliver this letter to the Genie and find an Excaliburger, make sure that my puny mortal stomach is sated, and then we find-
{Noxigar notices most of the cemeteries nearby are still full, while there are obvious holes to identify which ones are empty.}
NOXIGAR: The Excaliburger can wait. I think D'Arque's ignorance is starting to pay off more than it should.
{Noxigar approaches one of the cemeteries and starts reanimating more undead who follow him around to the post office. He takes out the letter, and puts it in the mailbox. Sighing, he then heads for other cemeteries and begins amassing a horde of undead that cover a chunk of Towningdale.}
BILLY BONES: So what's the plan?
NOXIGAR: We'll have to convert whatever Debonair D'Arque's reanimated, then throw him into an asylum.
BILLY BONES: Hm. Since D'Arque himself was responsible for a lot of our plights in the past, I'm a lot less conflicted about this.
NOXIGAR: Alright. We'll have to start taking down some behemoths he's got running about.
{Noxigar spots an undead behemoth, and then points at it.}
NOXIGAR: Like that one over there.
{Noxigar takes out his emerald morningstar, Venomthorn, and begins batting the undead behemoth. His horde of undead follows him and also attacks the behemoth.}
BILLY BONES: I do say, sticking one to Ol' Donovan's gonna be fun!
NOXIGAR: Heh. Donovan.
{Cut back to The Wikihood and the Civilian Militia, who are now standing at the entrance of Townindale, just outside where the aura of miasma lingers.}
LEX: Oh. Right. This stuff. How are we gonna get past this stuff again?
REMOLAY: Chaos, didn't you say you had a way?
CHAOS: Indeed. Just... gimme a moment.
{Chaos looks back at the militia behind him.}
CHAOS: You'd all do good to step back a bit. This is gonna be intense.
{Everyone steps back as Chaos pulls out his signature pipe. Loading it with his favorite brand of tobacco, he proceeds to light it and take a few puffs from it.}
REMOLAY: {To Oiracul} Is this what he had in mind? Beating toxic gas with more toxicity?
OIRACUL: Shh, just watch it. I wanna see how he does this.
{Chaos takes one more puff from his pipe, this one being more longer and drawn out from the rest. Breathing in all he can, he puts the pipe away.}
REMOLAY: No seriously, what on Earth is he-
{Suddenly, out from Chaos' mouth comes a huge flurry of flame that engulfs everything in a half-mile radius. Burning all the vegetation in the radius that's been producing the miasma, the flame manages to clear the air of that area of all harmful substances. Chaos turns back to the crowd and holds his arms out like a showman.}
CHAOS: So? What did you think?
LEX: Chaos?
CHAOS: Yeah?
LEX: ...How in god's name were you able to do that, and why in hell did you never tell us?
CHAOS: I'm a Chaos Mage, things like this are part and parcel with that kind of stuff.
LEX: Yeah, but why is it only now where you've shown this?
CHAOS: I don't like using my powers, potential to cause... chaos is too much. Plus, it makes things all the more spectacular when I actually do wreck shit up with it.
OIRACUL: I'm certainly glad you don't abuse your powers. I've heard Chaos Mages are a rare find nowadays.
CHAOS: Oh no, there are a fair lot of us about, just hidden in society. Really, it's for the best, most of us are complete dicks.
LEX: Well, that's okay, because at least you're not a dick, Chaos!
VENTIN: I think he's a total di-
OIRACUL: Shut up, Ventin.
{Cut to the Wikihood leading the militia throughout the town, with Chaos clearing the way with his fire attacks, while also setting a good portion of the town's flora on fire in the process. The town is seemingly empty, with no undead currently in sight.}
LEX: Man, this town is quiet.
{Zoom into his face.}
LEX: ...too quiet.
{Quick zoom out.}
REMOLAY: How long have you been waiting to say that?
LEX: Too long.
SIRRUS: I do not have understanding. Why is town so empty?
VENTIN: Heh, zombies probably saw us coming and got scared. Serves them right, ghoulish bastards.
CHAOS: This isn't right... this really shouldn't be happening.
{Fritz and Lang are at a bakery inside Towningdale. Lang steals a loaf of bread, much to Fritz's chagrin. Lang is then seen giving Ventin the loaf of bread, whilst Fritz groans in annoyance.}
LANG: I GOT YOU THIS LOAF OF BREAD.
{Ventin blinks, as she sees the loaf of bread. She then pats Lang on the head as roughly as possible, and eats the loaf of bread in gratitude. Fritz laughs while this happens. Cut to Noxigar and his undead army having taken down several behemoths and appropriated their individual loads of people into his army.}
NOXIGAR: I don't really know how this conscription stuff goes, but I'd like for us all to get along after I undo everything Debonair D'Arque's doing. Since my house has an underground mine in it, I could refurnish it into a shelter for all of you, or maybe an underground towne next to The Black Market. I get the feeling everyone in Towningdale's gonna hate our guts even if we save the day, so the most I can do is try to mitigate as much of the racial prejudice from these mortals as possible.
BILLY BONES: Y'ain't good at givin' speeches, are ye?
NOXIGAR: Not really.
BILLY BONES: Well, ye're fine at least. Donovan's caused a majority o' our deaths anyway, so the least we can do is not cause ye any more trouble than is already given.
NOXIGAR: Uh, thanks?
BILLY BONES: 'Tis me pleasure to 'elp a comrade in arms.
{The undead continue marching, this time heading towards the D'Arque Theatre.}
NOXIGAR: I assume the mortals'll get here a little later with some robotic friends from a neighboring towne of Midway. What's your guys' stance on Midway?
BILLY BONES: Midway? What's that?
NOXIGAR: Oh, I guess Midway wasn't built back in your day. Well, it's a neighboring city to Townindale, and it's pretty big. It's got a lot of... machines and stuff. Not a bad place, but I prefer this town instead. It's nice and quaint.
BILLY BONES: Not sure I'd call this quaint, but eh, what would I know?
NOXIGAR: Hm, so pray tell, you're from a different time. What used to be here?
BILLY BONES: Listless? Well, back in my day, there was this town. Now, it wasn't as big as it is now, in fact it was an old watering hole, fit with its own saloon and theater. Well, I told ya. I worked at the theatre for D'Arque. Was his top showman. Fell ill, and the guy threw me in a mine. Not even a proper burial.
NOXIGAR: Must've been before he found how to raise the dead.
BILLY BONES: And all the better for it. The folks around here don't seem to be enjoying an awful lot of autonomy, now. But yeah... there was this town.. um, Allentown, Cristóbal, which used to be a Spanish port town for Pirates... and... gee, that's it. A bunch of Irishmen from this town went off to found their own town after a night of heavy drinking, but I doubt they got anywhere.
NOXIGAR: Huh, really? What did they wanna call it?
BILLY BONES: Phoenixshire, believe it or not.
NOXIGAR: Wow. You really do have a lot of catching up to do.
BILLY BONES: Tell me about it. Hey.
{Billy Bones pulls a flask out of his trouser pocket. It's full of old whiskey.}
BILLY BONES: Now I think I should offer you this, as a token of thanks. For the whole bringing me back thing and all. It's a bit old, nearly two centuries, in fact. But I think you'll like it anyway.
NOXIGAR: Oh, thanks! Haven't had a good drink for a while.
{Billy Bones gives Noxigar the flask.}
NOXIGAR: Do you want some?
BILLY BONES: I wish! A lotta good it'll do for me now, though! Nah, go ahead. It's all yours.
{Noxigar takes a swig of the whiskey. It immediately gives him a buzz all over.}
NOXIGAR: Wow, good stuff.
BILLY BONES: I wouldn't be giving it to you if it weren't good now, would I?
{Cut to the Wikihood and the Militia, who have reached town hall. Still, no undead to be found.}
TRACY: This town's pretty empty. You guys sure D'Arque wasn't... like, pulling our leg or somethin'?
CHAOS: It's alarming, to say the least.
LEX: I don't know guys, maybe D'Arque made a mistake with this plan or something?
CHAOS: I don't think so, Lex. We saw the footage with our own eyes.
LEX: It's just, for a town that's apparently full to the brim with undead, it's pretty... unfull to the brim.
{Oiracul begins sniffing the air around her.}
OIRACUL: Hold up, guys. I smell something in the air. I don't think we're alone with this.
VENTIN: Oh come on, Oiracul! Don't be ridiculous! Like what, the zombies have been hiding from us? In the shadows? They're mindless shufflers, I doubt they could-...
{Oiracul puts her hand on Ventin's mouth. Ventin goes to bite it, but Oiracul pulls it away.}
OIRACUL: Wait a second.
{Oiracul looks around her, as everyone murmurs in confusion.}
OIRACUL: THERE!!!
{Oiracul points to a nearby rooftop, where an undead soldier can be seen observing them. As soon as he is spotted, more undead start appearing on the rooftop. Looking around them, everyone can see large numbers of them appearing on each rooftop, and then on the streets below them. Realizing that they've been ambushed, everyone huddles together, weapons at the ready.}
CHAOS: Oh shit.
{Suddenly, the undead on the rooftops start leaping down from the rooftops, towards the militia. Surrounding them all around. As the militia start shooting at them, more and more start coming at large numbers. Eventually, as the undead have made their way fully, war begins to break out between the mortals and the undead. The camera pans around, providing full view of the situation at hand. Cut to black.}
{End Episode.}
1. Here's to hoping this isn't a forced catchphrase or something.
2. The Sea Hitman's Underwater Coney Island Disco Palace are to show up before Rosenberg reacts to the mass exodus, so they can hear it and respond accordingly.
3. "Acid Chick" is an okay nickname. Nice job, Lex!
4. While it would be ironic for the Necromantic Armour garb to be duplicated at a place like Macy's, I'm not sure Noxigar would find it well unless it came with one of those Moonwalker fedoras for free or something that the original Necromantic Armour didn't have.
