Wikihood/arc/P1

Summary

Welcome to Townindale - home of the Wikihood Manor. Watch the crazy shenanigans as The Wikihood Trio cleans up so they can prepare for new housemates!

Transcript

{Open to a large and bustling town. Various shots of the area can be seen. Included is various signs including a library and several stores. Fade back out to a sign the reads “Welcome to Townindale”.}

NARRATOR: Life is but peaceful for the ever-vigilant citizens of Townindale. For the true threat always lurks within the purest of areas.

{Zoom and pan to a large dark and weathered manor house.}

NARRATOR: This is the story of a great and unimaginable-

{Cut to a broom, as it taps on the ceiling a few times. Each few taps, it zooms out more and more, until a person can be seen holding it, dressed in a cardigan and wearing otherwise dark colors, with a pipe in his mouth. Another gentleman, a vaguely tall fellow dressed in red robe with dark hair and chiseled features intrudes.}

LEX: Is the house's inner narrator talking again?

CHAOS: That snarky son of a bitch.

LEX: Does it ever bother you that this house has vague and awkward powers?

CHAOS: That’s what the excessive alcohol is for. Wait… what’s the date?

LEX: Today is the 26th.

CHAOS: THE 26TH!?!

LEX: Did you forget about your interpretive dance classes?

CHAOS: I do not take interpretive dance classes!

{Chaos rips off his cardigan and his normal garb is on. He pulls the pipe out of his mouth, but is still holding it.}

CHAOS: No, my friend. Today is the day when our new roommates arrive!

LEX: Oh, of course!

{Lex removes his robe to reveal fashionable outerwear of various reds, greys, greens, and blacks.}

LEX: What am I, The Ghost of Christmas Present?

{His clothing is erased and replaced with a Crop top and short shorts, giving him a look of disdain.}

LEX: I’ll just meet you downstairs.

{Chaos walks to the staircase and slides down it, ending in a dashing pose with his pipe in his mouth.}

???????: Boo, I give it a 2/10.

CHAOS: Quiet, you.

{Cut to a man in a black labcoat dressed vaguely similar to Doc Brown, but with better hair. He is obviously holding two test tubes.}

NOXIGAR: It's not my fault you forgot to wake up early to feed the Narrator. I had to do the dishes, LIKE I ALWAYS DO.

CHAOS: It's not my fault you decided to do nothing when Lex and I made the house job chart. And today that chart only gets narrower!

NOIGAR: Are we hiring maids? ROBOTIC maids? ROBOTIC MAIDS WITH LASER-GUIDED VISION AND MODULAR BREASTS?

CHAOS: ...No...? No, we didn’t get enough money during the Technology Campaign. Something about a bunch of fat, old, sweaty nerds not wanting to walk 3 miles to raise money.

NOXIGAR Damn you, obesity epidemic! DAMN YOU!

CHAOS: But of course, we are getting new housemates!

NOXIGAR: Why didn’t you alert me of this sooner?

{Lex slides down the stairs in a Red and blue Bowling Shirt.}

LEX: Because you were kept up in your dumb lab all day!

NOXIGAR: Of course! {Noxigar takes a drink from one of the vials.}

CHAOS: Is that...healthy...?

NOXIGAR: You dare question my scientific prowess?

CHAOS: Yes. Yes I do, actually.

NOXIGAR: You have every right to.

{A noticeable hole appears in Noxigar’s chest.}

NOXIGAR: No biggie, I’ll just grab another stomach.

CHAOS: Good luck!

{Noxigar runs up the stairs.}

LEX: So, Chaos, my main man... are you sure you’re all prepared for the new roommates?

CHAOS: {Putting his hand on the doorknob} The only thing I have to do is clean the {opens door and looks outside} La-AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

{The lawn has various amounts of garbage strewn about.}

CHAOS: H-hh-hhhow-ow-ow did this happen?

LEX: Perhaps it has something to do with that…

{Cut to a sign that reads “Future site of: Townindale Dump”.}

CHAOS: The dump? They can’t do this to us, not now! Lex, grab my keys. I’m going to go straight to the town about this!

LEX: We don’t own a car. Besides, can’t you fly?

CHAOS: Well...

{Lex kicks Chaos out on his ass. Chaos stands up and begins to fly away, mumbling.}

LEX: Uh oh! The comedic foil is left all alone with the cloud cuckoolander! What wacky shenanigans will come of this?

{Lex is all alone in the room. Utter silence.}

LEX: I feel uncomfortable…

{Lex turns on the TV, which happens to be turned on to Boomerang.}

LEX: Aw, man; all my favorite shows are on here!

{Lex sits down in front of the TV, his eyes turning severely red and shriveling up. The view changes to a back shot of Lex.}

LEX: Now that I think about it, somebody’s going to have to usher in and welcome the new people.

{Lex turns around and has no eyes.}

LEX: I might have to put glasses on, first.

{Cut to Noxigar, in his lab. He is sitting down, mixing chemicals, still with a hole in his stomach.}

NOXIGAR: Now that I think about it, it probably wasn’t particularly fair or right to willingly volunteer the grounds of the manor to become the new dump, but now I can perform crazy experiments on trash AND the new housemates!

{Noxigar stands up and walks over to the window.}

NOXIGAR: I hope the jumble of trash isn’t going to scare the new housemates away.

{Cut to Town Hall. Chaos lands at the doors. Town Hall looks surprisingly like a giant evil, demented floating castle, with a long staircase connective to the ground.}

CHAOS: Get ready to have your house rocked, Establishment!

{Chaos walks inside the building to find out that it is not only vast, but filled with people in all areas. Cut to Chaos, with an astonished look on his face. He pulls a quarter out of his pocket and places it in the pay phone, which the scene pans to. He then picks up the phone and dials a number.}

LEX: Hey, Jude! Just kidding, Who the hell is this, YOU SEXY STRANGER!?

CHAOS: Pick up the garbage. I might be a while.

LEX: Sexy Stranger Garbage Dominatrix?

CHAOS: I’m going to kill you someday.

{Chaos hangs the phone up. Cut back to Lex.}

LEX: That was the worst erotic hotline ever. {short pause.} Also, I should probably lock the doors tonight.

{Cut to Lex’s room. Lex walks in and begins to suit up in a waste disposal outfit.}

LEX: Let’s bash some trash!

{Long awkward pause. Zoom out to show all of Lex’s room.}

LEX: That uh...sounded better on paper.

{Lex kicks the front door open and jumps outside. He begins to pick up the trash using a Grabbo Arm and dumping it into the waste bins.}

LEX: This trash surprisingly lacks a smell…and seems to have some sort of definite form to it! Awkward…

{Lex hears a noise. He turns around only to see a few trash bags in a pile. He pokes it with his Grabbo Arm, and the trash jumps up, revealing a trash golem.}

LEX: What!?! That doesn’t make sense! What kind of dark magic did this?

NOXIGAR: Not magic, my friend!

{Noxigar jumps out the window. He is wearing a t-shirt over his regular clothing.}

NOXIGAR: Science!

LEX: What's with the shirt?

NOXIGAR: My stomach is still growing back.

LEX: Right..So, is it safe to assume that these {cut to the golems} Things are your fault?

{Cut back to Noxigar.}

NOXIGAR: Don’t worry, they’re harml-{Noxigar gets punched by one of the trash golems.}

LEX: I was hoping it wouldn’t get this cliché, but let’s tussle!

{Lex hops between two Trash Golems and uses his Grabbo Arm to rip them asunder.}

NOXIGAR: I’ll beat them into a pulp! They’ll need trash bags to carry themselves home after I’m through with them!

LEX: Is that really necessary?

NOXIGAR: I’m not going to let this garbage sit on the lawn after it tried to beat the snot out of me.

{Noxigar pulls out his mace, Venomthorn.}

NOXIGAR: Let’s send this junk to the sewers!

{The two begin to go to town on the trash golems. Cut to Chaos, who is in a line, holding papers.}

CHAOS: OK, I’ve got the D3 and B6 files filled in septuplicate...and now I think I should be in the right line.

{Chaos moves up a person's amount of space ahead in line.}

CHAOS: My wrath is coming, you better believe it!

{Cut back. Lex and Noxigar are worse for wear, but there is plenty of trash lying in a state of inactivity. Some time has evidently passed.}

NOXIGAR: Be careful. I put a golem in here specifically to be the rising action to a typical story plot!

LEX: How unbelievably specific to our situation!

{The remains of trash are beginning to gather, and the ground shakes as a giant trash monster arises from the casualties.}

NOXIGAR: There it is!

LEX: Look at that thing…it’s…IT’S…

{Cut to the golem, which is surprisingly small.}

LEX: Kind of puny.

{The golem becomes enraged and charges.

NOXIGAR I built him on a scale, but I didn’t think it’d be this small.

LEX: We should just leave it out here. Like a quirky pet!

NOXIGAR: I’ll go grab a leash.

{Cut to Chaos, who is in a different line, with different-colored papers.}

CHAOS: Let’s see. I’ve got everything here, this is the second to last line I have to be in. Just gotta wait it out.

{An announcement comes on the overhead.}

ANNOUNCER: Attention! It is now 5:55 PM, and the Town Hall is closing in 5 minutes. Please exit in an orderly manner if you are not able to make it to a booth in time.

CHAOS: No problem, I’ll just come back tomo-

{Chaos drops the papers.}

CHAOS: THEY’RE GOING TO BE THERE BY 6:00!

{Chaos takes flight, breaking a hole through the ceiling of Town Hall. Cut to the lawn, where the Garbage Monster still is. Chaos lands on it, unleashing a torrent of trash from all the other deceased golems.}

CHAOS: Whoops.

{Noxigar and Lex walk out.}

NOXIGAR: I just got the leash!

LEX: Chaos, what the hell?

CHAOS: I wanted to make sure I got back in time for the new housemates to show up!

LEX: But now the trash is everywhere! How will we ever get it all picked up i-

{A brilliant idea overcomes Lex.}

LEX: Chaos, do you know how the trash got here?

CHAOS: Because the town is an ass?

LEX: Well yes, but it's all Noxigar's fault.

CHAOS: WHAT?!

LEX: He went to the hall and signed the papers for us. And then he used his science to turn all the junk into monsters that we had to fight through while YOU were waiting away in town hall.

CHAOS: {Voice getting gradually deeper and more satanic} SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT NOXIGAR SULLIED THE LAWN AND MADE MONSTERS, WHILE I HAD TO MISS A FIGHT AND STAND IN TOWN HALL FOR 5 1/2 HOURS!?!

LEX: Yep.

CHAOS: {deep, Demonic voice} WHEN I GET MY HANDS, BURNING RED FROM THE HATRED I HAVE MANIFESTED AS INTENSE INFERNO, I- I- I-

{Chaos covers the screen in fire. The trash is gone. Everyone is burnt to a crisp, but the house and the lawn are surprisingly in peak condition.}

LEX: Mission accomplished. Now, let's report inside for a wash.

CHAOS: Agreed. But first...

{Cut to the kitchen, where on the fridge is the chore chart. Chaos rips it off and replaces it with a new one, every chore in Noxigar's name.}

NOXIGAR: But all I wanted to do was make inventions that further benefitted the house!

CHAOS: Should've thought about that before you decided that it would be fun to make me new enemies. This will ensure that I don't have to babysit you all day because you'll be busy doing everything. Thus, I can go and fight my new nemesis.

{Chaos walks to the window, where Town Hall can be seen in the distance.}

CHAOS: Town Hall. Someday we will bring the establishment to our knees. When that day comes, the Town Hall will know what hit them!

NOXIGAR: Can we discuss how many problems you have first?

CHAOS: Now don't give me lip. That's the kind of jargon that gets you in further trouble with my undying wrath!

LEX: It's officially 6:00 on the dot; it's time to welcome the new 'mates!

{A doorbell is heard.}

CHAOS: That must be the first one! Let's get ready to-

{A growling and snarling can be heard from the door leading to the basement It bashes and bangs with intensity, almost breaking the door down.}

CHAOS: Crap, we woke him up.

LEX: Why do we even do that to him?

CHAOS: Because he's crazy for previously unestablished reasons.

{The doorbell rings again.}

CHAOS: Get the door and welcome them in, I'll be right there.

{Chaos grabs some food out of the fridge and readies it on a plate.}

CHAOS: Can't be as bad as the inner narrator.

{Chaos kicks the door and opens it up. He proceeds to walk down the stairs.}

LEX: Come on, 'ciggy! Let's go usher in the next era of Wikihood!

{Cut to the living room. The two open the door, with their eyes close, and open them at the sight of the new housemate. As the door swings open, cut to black.}

END.